History Quotes / TheOrderOfTheStick

->''"Three words: Sneak Attack, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch!]]"''
-->-- '''Haley Starshine'''

->''"I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is: "[[BorrowedCatchphrase Sneak Attack]], [[SophisticatedAsHell bitch]]"."''

->''"Who cares how many people I have to kill?! I can always make more in my tummy!"''
-->-- '''Kazumi Kato'''

->''"I tell you, nobody around here respects my schedule. Do you think crushing an entire civilization beneath our heels 'just happens'? It's all fun and games for them, but I'm the one who has to make the magical lightning-powered trains run on time."''
-->-- '''Redcloak'''

->''"'''not nale, not-nale. thog help nale nail not-nale, not nale. and thog knot not-nale while nale nail not-nale. nale, not not-nale, now nail not-nale by leaving not-nale, not nale, in jail.'''"''
-->-- '''Thog''', [[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0367.html #367]]

->''"Your broken corpses will taste '''delicious''' lightly seasoned with nutmeg!"''
-->-- '''Monster in the Darkness'''

->''"Humans... I've come to expect your lack of respect for the lives of MY people, but I am still continually amazed at how little you value those of your own.\\
You're nothing but savages, amoral savages."''
-->-- '''Redcloak'''

->''"I am somewhat preoccupied with telling the laws of physics to sit down and shut up."''
-->-- '''Vaarsuvius'''

->''"As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."''
-->-- '''Vaarsuvius'''

->''"Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. '''Teach''' a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime!"''
-->-- '''Belkar Bitterleaf'''

->''"Disintegrate. Gust of wind. Now can we ''please'' resume saving the world?"''
-->-- '''Vaarsuvius'''

->'''Vaarsuvius:''' Fascinating. Durkon, I have just now formulated a theory that encompasses both Nale's most likely method of engagement and the most suitable response on our part.\\
'''Durkon:''' ...THA TREES BE ATTACKIN'!! RUN FER YER LIVES!!!\\
'''Vaarsuvius:''' Ah, I see you have already grasped the core principles of my theory.

->'''Elan:''' (''being chased by Tarquin's guards'') Man! [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder Is having someone who points out the clichés in all your plans always this annoying?]]\\
'''Haley:''' I love you, so I'm not going to answer that.

->''"Beating heart... breathing lungs... positive hit point total... I'M BACK IN THE GAME!"''
-->-- '''Roy Greenhilt'''

->'''Durkon:''' ...So that explains why ye just Charmed a muskrat inta humpin' Belkar's bare feet.\\
'''Vaarsuvius:''' Hmm? [[ItAmusedMe Oh no, that is merely for my own personal amusement.]]\\
'''Belkar:''' What the-- Arrgh! Get off! Wild Empathy Check! WILD EMPATHY CHECK!!!

->'''O-Chul:''' (''in prisoner's underwear, having been imprisoned and tortured for months and put through death traps for Xykon's amusement, hit by ''Disintegrate'' and ''Meteor Swarm'' and entirely unarmed, facing an Epic-leveled Lich Sorcerer'') FOR AZURE CITY!!\\
'''Xykon:''' Wow. [[VillainRespect You've got some +5 Holy Cojones on you, paladin, I'll give you that]].

->'''[[RunningGag Pretty much anybody:]]''' You call it your [[ICallHimMisterHappy Trouser Titan]]?\\
'''Roy:''' Not the point!

->''"The truth is, we don't really know '''what''' is going on anymore."''
-->-- '''Roy''' [[GambitPileup speaks for both]] [[WhamEpisode/TheOrderOfTheStick his team and the audience]]

->''"The phrase is Smite Evil, not [[EntendreFailure Bump Uglies]]."''
-->--'''Miko'''

->''"I take back 80% of the bad things I've said about you in the last hour."''
-->--'''Belkar'''

->'''Vaarsuvius:''' I see. When the halfling eschews logic and makes decisions emotionally, it is problematic. But when ''you'' do it, it is valid. \\
'''Roy:''' ''NO!'' Maybe. My gut is smarter than his gut!

->''"That's '''you'''. You said those words. You can hang there and pretend you're so much nobler than I am, but for that one moment? You felt exactly how I feel. You are who you are on your very worst day, Durkon. Anything less is a comforting lie you tell yourself to numb the pain.'''
-->--'''The High Priest of Hel'''

->''"You're not Good, at least not any definition of Good that I would want to follow. You follow the letter of the alignment description while ignoring its intent. Sure, you fight Evil, but when was the last time you showed a "concern for the dignity of sentient beings"? You're just a mean socially inept bully who hides behind a badge and her holier-than-thou morality as excuses to treat other people like crap."''
-->--'''Roy Greenhilt''', giving Miko a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech

->''"Everyone who can't fly, get on the dinosaur. We're punching through."''
-->--'''Roy'''

->''"It always seemed weird to me to get mad about things going wrong, as if everything turning out ok was promised to anyone, ever. There wouldn't need to be paladins if the world was, like, '''fair'''."''
-->--'''Lien'''

->''"I think I just had an evilgasm."''
-->--'''Xykon'''

-> ''"We're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained quasi-professionals, at any rate."''
-->--'''Roy'''

->''"I have had quite enough of this, young man. Defending Greenhilt was misguided, but understandable -- but then you go and hide behind that washed up buffoon? Trying to steer the whole story in another direction? Unacceptable! [...] It has become clear to me that the only way you will accept your proper role is for me to utterly crush you here and now. So I am going to murder your lowlife girlfriend, burn this ship and everyone on it to ash, and chop off your hand. BECAUSE '''THAT''' IS HOW THESE THINGS ARE '''DONE'''! And when you are off brooding and healing for our inevitable final duel, I want you to remember one thing: that you '''forced''' me to do this. Just like [[spoiler: Nale]] did."''
-->--'''General Tarquin''' neatly sums up his worldview.

->''"Ye told me b'fore tha ye are who ye are on tha worst day of yer life. An' tha's true. Tha's 100% true. But ye know who else ye are? Ye are who ye are on tha'' '''next''' ''day. Tha day ye wake up an' haf ta decide: are ye gonna make this tha'' '''new''' ''worst day of yer life, or na? An' ye are who ye are tha day after tha, which can also be yer worst day...or na. Ye are who ye are on'' '''all''' ''o' yer days. All o' 'em. Includin' tha best and worst ones. An' when ye haf a new worst day, ye can get stuck thar, lookin' back on it an' worryin'. An' tha's normal. But sooner or later, ye gotta take all tha pain an' do sumthin' wit it. Try ta make sumthin' '' '''better''' ''outta it.''
-->--'''Durkon Thundershield'''

-->--'''Durkon Thundershield''' rebuts the above BreakingSpeech.

-->--'''The High Priest of Hel''', in one of the best [[BreakingSpeech Breaking Speeches]] of all time.

-->--'''Durkon Thundershield''' rebukes the above BreakingSpeech.

'''Xykon:''' Wow. You've got some +5 Holy Cojones on you, paladin, I'll give you that.

'''Vaarsuvius:''' Hmm? Oh no, that is merely for my own personal amusement.\\

->''I used to think spells equalled power, too, back when I was alive. I've learned a lot since then.''

->''So, uncle Xykon, what's the moral of the story? A big pile of spells isn't enough when the other guy has a big pile of spells AND the power to crush your windpipe with his bare phlanges.''

->''"An' wha kinda dwarf would I be in'n I did tha? If'n I put me happiness ahead o' tha lives- tha very souls- o' five others? Sometimes, bein' a dwarf means takin' feelings like tha an' burying 'em inna deep dark part of yer soul- -an' ne'er talkin' aboot 'em again"''
-->--'''Sigdi Thundershield'''


->"''You. '''YOU!''' How '''dare''' you make me think about things, Durkon! '''How could you not think about how your selflessness would affect ME?!?'''"''
-->-- '''Belkar Bitterleaf'''

''"Ye told me b'fore tha ye are who ye are on tha worst day of yer life. An' tha's true. Tha's 100% true. But ye know who else ye are? Ye are who ye are on tha'' '''next''' ''day. Tha day ye wake up an' haf ta decide: are ye gonna make this tha'' '''new''' ''worst day of yer life, or na? An' ye are who ye are tha day after tha, which can also be yer worst day...or na. Ye are who ye are on'' '''all''' ''o' yer days. All o' 'em. Includin' tha best and worst ones. An' when ye haf a new worst day, ye can get stuck thar, lookin' back on it an' worryin'. An' tha's normal. But sooner or later, ye gotta take all tha pain an' do sumthin' wit it. Try ta make sumthin' '' '''better''' ''outta it.''

->''"You. '''YOU!''' How '''dare''' you make me think about things, Durkon! '''How could you not think about how your selflessness would affect ME?!?'''"''

->''"You. YOU! How dare you make me think about things, Durkon! '''How could you not think about how your selflessness would affect me?!?'''"''

-> ''We're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained quasi-professionals, at any rate.''

->''"I have had quite enough of this, young man. Defending Greenhilt has misguided, but understandable -- but then you go and hide behind that washed up buffoon? Trying to steer the whole story in another direction? Unacceptable! [...] It has become clear to me that the only way you will accept your proper role is for me to utterly crush you here and now. So I am going to murder your lowlife girlfriend, burn this ship and everyone on it to ash, and chop off your hand. BECAUSE '''THAT''' IS HOW THESE THINGS ARE '''DONE'''! And when you are off brooding and healing for our inevitable final duel, I want you to remember one thing: that you '''forced''' me to do this. Just like [[spoiler: Nale]] did."''

->'''O-Chul:''' (''in prisoner's underwear, having been imprisoned and tortured for months and put through death traps for Xykon's amusement, hit by ''Disintegrate'' and ''Meteor Swarm'' and entirely unarmed, facing an Epic-levelled Lich Sorcerer'') FOR AZURE CITY!!\\

->''"Three words: Sneak Attack, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bitch!]]"''

-> '''(To the tune of Danny Boy)\\

-> ''(To the tune of "Danny Boy")

->''O buddy Roy, the Lich, the Lich came calling\\

And though we have all found ourselves a'falling,\\

-->-- '''Elan''', "O Buddy Roy requiem"

->''"I tell you, nobody around here respects my schedule. Do you think crushing an entire civilization beneath our heels 'just happens'?
It's all fun and games for them, but I'm the one who has to make the magical lightning-powered trains run on time."''