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->''"He will blame you for his sin\\
The devil without, and the devil within\\
From his lair they call a church\\
He has the power to pervert\\
He has the right to rape and bugger\\
For God the Father, and Mary the Mother\\
In Christ's name he shall pervert\\
It takes a priest to unleash the beast"''
-->--'''Music/InkubusSukkubus''', "Preacher Man"
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->'''Dan:''' ''[narrating]'' My name is Clements. I used to be a priest. Not much use for those nowadays.\\
'''Ross:''' Not with all these little boys gone!
-->--''WebVideo/SteamTrain'''s playthrough of ''VideoGame/OrganTrail''

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[[AC:Video Game]]
->''"Correct me if I'm wrong, but is Saul's bedroom any place for a drugged, young altar boy? I think he's evidence enough for me to [[PayEvilUntoEvil send Saul back to Hell]]!"''
-->-- '''Vile''', ''[[VideoGame/Reincarnation2008 Reincarnation: The Clergy of Unholy]]''



-->-- '''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

to:

-->-- '''Alucard,''' '''Alucard''', ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1
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Correcting the lyrics.


Put my trust in god that day\\
Not the man that got his way\\

to:

Put my trust in god God that day\\
Not the man that got his taught His way\\

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'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?

to:

'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?you?\\
'''Nail:''' Sir, I think he means he wants you to release his hidden potential.\\
'''Gohan:''' Yeah, that.
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->''"I was eleven. And I was preyed upon by father David Holly in Wester. And I don't mean prayed for, I mean preyed upon."''
-->--'''Phil Saviano''', ''Film/{{Spotlight}}''
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->''"They say it's just physical abuse but it's more than that, this was spiritual abuse. You know why I went along with everything? Because priests are supposed to be the good guys."''
-->--'''Peter Canellos''', ''Film/{{Spotlight}}''
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->''And then the Christian Right stepped up in the form of [[TheFundamentalist Donny Benson, superconservative leader of the National Bible Truths Foundation]]. He'd battled with us before, but we thought Donny was too Christian to kick us while we were down. We were wrong. (My one consolation is that Donny got caught a few weeks later in a hotel room with a ball gag, a blindfold, an electrical-stimulation kit, and a teenage boy.)''
-->--''Literature/TheDayTheMusicDied''

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Sorting quotes into headers.


[[AC:Comedy]]
->''When Jesus said "[[Literature/TheFourGospels suffer the little children, come unto me,]]" that's ''not'' what he was talking about!''
-->-- '''Creator/GeorgeCarlin''', ''Back in Town''.

[[AC:Film]]



->Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]
-->--'''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->What do I do? What do I do? I could try seducing him... wait, I'm not an eight year-old boy, shit!
-->--'''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the Word of God. ''All over his back.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 3

->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?\\
'''Priest:''' Amongst...other things...\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!\\
'''Priest:''' [''stammers wordlessly'']\\
'''Maxwell:''' ''Wow.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4 Preview

->Hey there, padre, how's little Timmy? You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes? ''Holy water!!'' Did you miss me?!
-->--'''Alucard''', ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' Episode 8

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, ''monster''?\\
'''Alucard''': Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up in an hour.
-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 8

->'''Gohan:''' Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
->'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?
-->--''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''

to:

->Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]
-->--'''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->What do
[[AC:Live-Action TV]]
->''"When
I do? What do I do? I could try seducing him... wait, I'm not an eight year-old boy, shit!
-->--'''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained
was growin' up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread Ireland, if the Word priests ''weren't'' fiddlin' with you, you were one of God. ''All over his back.''
the ugly kids."''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 3

->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?\\
'''Priest:''' Amongst...other things...\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!\\
'''Priest:''' [''stammers wordlessly'']\\
'''Maxwell:''' ''Wow.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4 Preview

->Hey there, padre, how's little Timmy? You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes? ''Holy water!!'' Did you miss me?!
-->--'''Alucard''', ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' Episode 8

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, ''monster''?\\
'''Alucard''': Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up in an hour.
-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 8

->'''Gohan:''' Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
->'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?
-->--''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''
'''Nathan''', ''Series/{{Misfits}}''

[[AC:Music]]



->''"When I was growin' up in Ireland, if the priests ''weren't'' fiddlin' with you, you were one of the ugly kids."''
-->--'''Nathan''', ''Series/{{Misfits}}''

->''When Jesus said "[[Literature/TheFourGospels suffer the little children, come unto me,]]" that's ''not'' what he was talking about!''
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin''', ''Back in Town''.

to:

->''"When [[AC:Web Original]]
->''"Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]"''
-->-- '''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->''"What do
I was growin' do? What do I do? I could try seducing him... wait, I'm not an eight year-old boy, shit!"''
-->-- '''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1

->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained
up in Ireland, if your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the priests ''weren't'' fiddlin' with you, you were one Word of God. ''All over his back.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 3

->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, who could resist
the ugly kids."''
-->--'''Nathan''', ''Series/{{Misfits}}''

->''When Jesus said "[[Literature/TheFourGospels suffer the
temptation of immortality?\\
'''Priest:''' Amongst...other things...\\
'''Maxwell:''' Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!\\
'''Priest:''' ''[stammers wordlessly]''\\
'''Maxwell:''' ''Wow.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4 Preview

->''"Hey there, padre, how's
little children, come unto me,]]" that's ''not'' what he was talking about!''
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin''', ''Back
Timmy? You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes? ''Holy water!!'' Did you miss me?!"''
-->-- '''Alucard''', ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' Episode 8

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, ''monster''?\\
'''Alucard''': Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up
in Town''.an hour.
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 8

->'''Gohan:''' Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.\\
'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?
-->-- ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''
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-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin, ''Back in Town''.

to:

-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin, -->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin''', ''Back in Town''.
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->''When Jesus said "[[Literature/TheFourGospels suffer the little children, come unto me,]]" that's ''not'' what he was talking about!''
-->--'''Creator/GeorgeCarlin, ''Back in Town''.
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None

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->'''Gohan:''' Mr. Guru, sir? My friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
->'''Guru:''' Do I look Catholic to you?
-->--''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''
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->''"When I was growin' up in Ireland, if the priests ''weren't'' fiddlin' with you, you were one of the ugly kids."''
-->--'''Nathan''', ''Series/{{Misfits}}''

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->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!
->'''Maxwell:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
->'''Priest:''' Amongst...other things...
->'''Maxwell:''' Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!
->'''Priest:''' [''stammers wordlessly'']
->'''Maxwell:''' ''Wow.''

to:

->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!
->'''Maxwell:'''
no!\\
'''Maxwell:'''
Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
->'''Priest:'''
immortality?\\
'''Priest:'''
Amongst...other things...
->'''Maxwell:'''
things...\\
'''Maxwell:'''
Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!
->'''Priest:'''
house?!\\
'''Priest:'''
[''stammers wordlessly'']
->'''Maxwell:'''
wordlessly'']\\
'''Maxwell:'''
''Wow.''



->'''Anderson''': Any last words, ''monster''?
->'''Alucard''': Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up in an hour.

to:

->Hey there, padre, how's little Timmy? You know what's good for getting cum stains out of altar boy robes? ''Holy water!!'' Did you miss me?!
-->--'''Alucard''', ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'' Episode 8

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, ''monster''?
->'''Alucard''':
''monster''?\\
'''Alucard''':
Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up in an hour.
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-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4

to:

-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4
3
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-->--'''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

to:

-->--'''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1



-->--'''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

to:

-->--'''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 1



-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

to:

-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4



-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, vampire?

to:

-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 4 Preview

->'''Anderson''': Any last words, vampire?''monster''?



-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

to:

-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged'', Episode 8
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->What do I do? What do I do? I could try seducing him... wait, I'm not an eight year-old boy, shit!
-->--'''Seras''', regarding [[BadassPreacher Anderson]], ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
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Red Links


-->-- '''Creator/BillyTalent''', "Devil In a Midnight Mass"

to:

-->-- '''Creator/BillyTalent''', '''Music/BillyTalent''', "Devil In a Midnight Mass"



-->-- '''Creator/{{Epica}}''', "Cry for the Moon"

to:

-->-- '''Creator/{{Epica}}''', '''Music/{{Epica}}''', "Cry for the Moon"
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->'''Anderson''': Any last words, vampire?
->'''Alucard''': Have you ever thought about carbonating the blood of Christ? You know, give the kids something fizzy to drink, before they wake up in an hour.
-->--''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
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->''Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]''

to:

->''Suddenly ->Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]''Progress!]]

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->'''Alucard:''' Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]

to:

->'''Alucard:''' Suddenly ->''Suddenly it reeks of ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]Progress!]]''
-->--'''Alucard,''' ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the Word of God. ''All over his back.''



->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the Word of God. ''All over his back.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
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-->-- '''Creator/TimMinchin''', "The Pope Song"

to:

-->-- '''Creator/TimMinchin''', '''Music/TimMinchin''', "The Pope Song"
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-->-- '''Creator/{{Epica}}'', "Cry for the Moon"

to:

-->-- '''Creator/{{Epica}}'', '''Creator/{{Epica}}''', "Cry for the Moon"

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And if you don't like the swearing that this motherfucker forced from me\\

to:

And if you don't like the swearing [[ClusterFBomb swearing]] that this motherfucker forced from me\\



When one is fucking cross about fuckers fucking boys!

to:

When one is fucking cross about fuckers fucking boys!boys!''



\\

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->'''Alucard:''' Suddenly it reeks of hypocrisy in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic church. And what's this? No little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]

to:

\n->'''Alucard:''' Suddenly it reeks of hypocrisy ''hypocrisy'' in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic church. Church! And what's this? No little Little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]


Added DiffLines:

->'''Alucard:''' Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the [[TeenyWeenie world's cruelest handicap]]. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh, right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the Word of God. ''All over his back.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

->'''Priest:''' Oh, but I had no choice! They made it impossible to say no!
->'''Maxwell:''' Oh, who could resist the temptation of immortality?
->'''Priest:''' Amongst...other things...
->'''Maxwell:''' Oh, they didn't. What, did they just drive a truck of them up to your house?!
->'''Priest:''' [''stammers wordlessly'']
->'''Maxwell:''' ''Wow.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''

->''A devil in a midnight mass\\
Killed the boy inside the man\\
The holy water in his hands\\
Can never wash away his sins\\
Hold your breath and count to four\\
Pinky swears don't work no more\\
Put my trust in god that day\\
Not the man that got his way\\
I was alive but now I'm singing''
-->-- '''Creator/BillyTalent''', "Devil In a Midnight Mass"

->''Fuck the motherfucker, and fuck you, motherfucker\\
If you think that motherfucker is sacred.\\
If you cover for another motherfucker who's a kiddy fucker,\\
Fuck you, you're no better than the motherfucking rapist.\\
And if you don't like the swearing that this motherfucker forced from me\\
Or reckon it shows moral or intellectual paucity,\\
Then fuck you, motherfucker! This is language one employs\\
When one is fucking cross about fuckers fucking boys!
-->-- '''Creator/TimMinchin''', "The Pope Song"

->''Virginity has been stolen at very young ages\\
And the extinguisher loses its immunity\\
Morbid abuse of power in the Garden of Eden\\
Where the apple gets a youthful face, a youthful face\\
\\
Eternal silence cries out for justice\\
Forgiveness is not for sale\\
Nor is the will to forget''
-->-- '''Creator/{{Epica}}'', "Cry for the Moon"
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-->-- ''HellsingUltimateAbridged''

to:

-->-- ''HellsingUltimateAbridged''
''WebVideo/HellsingUltimateAbridged''
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->'''Alucard:''' Suddenly it reeks of hypocrisy in here. Oh, if it isn't the Catholic church. And what's this? No little Timmy glued to your crotch? [[DamnedByFaintPraise Progress!]]
-->-- ''HellsingUltimateAbridged''

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Changed: 20

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->'''Dana Scully''': And you think God hears your prayers?
->'''Father Joe''': You think he hears yours?
->'''Dana Scully''': I didn't bugger 37 altar boys.
-->--''TheXFilesIWantToBelieve''

to:

->'''Dana Scully''': Scully:''' And you think God hears your prayers?
->'''Father Joe''':
prayers?\\
'''Father Joe:'''
You think he hears yours?
->'''Dana Scully''':
yours?\\
'''Dana Scully:'''
I didn't bugger 37 altar boys.
-->--''TheXFilesIWantToBelieve''-->-- ''Film/TheXFilesIWantToBelieve''
----
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->'''Dana Scully''': And you think God hears your prayers?
->'''Father Joe''': You think he hears yours?
->'''Dana Scully''': I didn't bugger 37 altar boys.
-->--''TheXFilesIWantToBelieve''

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