History Quotes / NoOSHACompliance

-->-- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/universal-soldier-the-return-1999-mic-rodgers/ on]] ''Film/UniversalSoldier: The Return''

-> '''Shepard:''' Not even a guard rail. I bet the Broker's agents love patrolling the hull.\\
'''Liara:''' At least the view is nice.
-->-- ''VideoGame/MassEffect2, Lair of the Shadow Broker''

--Actually, it hinged on David ''just happening'' to notice this note hanging on a bulletin board. This one, tiny, half-page, folded note from the janitor saying that the pool would be "closed". Not '''''DRAINED''''', closed.\\\

And the not wasn't for the entire school, by the way; it was addressed ''only'' to Craig, because [[IdiotPlot fuck the other students!]] They can go jump in an empty pool like fucking lemmings as far as the janitor is concerned! But what are the odds that Craig would've actually seen this? It was folded in half, and I'm sorry, but Craig [[DumbMuscle doesn't exactly seem like the bulletin board-checking type.]] Shouldn't the janitor have left this on the doors of the actual pool area where everyone going in could see it and ''not'' die? Can you even call this a "murder"?

->'''Builder''': Look, mate, if you [[BookcasePassage turn a wall with a burning fire in it, the "effect" you'll get is a room full of smoke. I can't rotate the chimney mate. It's down to health and safety. Look, if you want to rotate this wall, here's what you need to do: fireplace decommissioned; yellow and black edging around all moving sections; clear, well lit signage stating "Warning. This Wall May Revolve"...

->I don't know that I want to be going into the bowels of the earth, but then I don't see ''an emergency exit''.
-->--'''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->[[MalevolentArchitecture WHY IS THE BUILDING TRYING TO KILL ME?]]
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->Oh ''what'' is ''this?'' Why is this thing shooting fire every couple of seconds? What is this thing even ‘sposed to do?! The fire doesn’t ''go'' anywhere. It’s just here to hurt people! God ''dammit'' Black Mesa!
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife1 Corporal Adrian Shephard]]''', ''Shephard’s Mind''

[[folder:reviews]]
->For an historic mission, we sure got stuck with the crappiest ship possible. "Mr. Johnson I think you'll be pleased with our design for the ''[[TheAllegedCar U.N.N. Paper Mache]]''. We've filled it with [[IndianBurialGround those cursed ancient artifacts they've found in the blood of murdered children.]] Also the computer has less security than you'd use for a [[HackingMinigame 'Give a Penny, Take a Penny' tray]]. Oh and we've scheduled terrifying experiments on the ship [[HumanResources to give the crew something to do.]]"
-->--'''{{Website/SFDebris}}''' on ''VideoGame/SystemShock 2''

->'''Rich:''' This might be the first time in ''Star Wars'' that we've seen a railing.\\
'''Mike:''' Although Creator/CarrieFisher did lots of rails. ''(rimshot)''
-->-- ''WebVideo/BestOfTheWorst'' on ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial''

->So, you know, the lesson here is you should store your rocket fuel in good, sturdy containers. Did you really need us to tell you that?
-->--'''''Website/{{Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19727_6-tiny-mistakes-that-caused-apocalyptic-explosions.html "6 Tiny Mistakes That Caused Apocalyptic Explosions"]]

->Unlike other teams, the Bills don't simply hurt you emotionally. You really do get maimed or killed if you enter the stadium. They should have a yellow warning sign in the concourse that says DANGER: FALLING DRUNK PEOPLE.
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"]]

->Remember in the wonderful ''Star Trek'' parody ''Film/GalaxyQuest'' when Jason and Gwen are exploring the ship and they come across [[EternalEngine a massive set of chomper]]s in the heart of the craft that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever but to create some false jeopardy? ''Doctor Who'' has flirted with the idea before (the giant fans in [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E2TheEndOfTheWorld}} The End of World]] might have served a purpose…but boy they were ridicuously giant!) but never quite as obviously as the flagpoles that come shooting out of the wall in this story for no sensible purpose. Things were getting a little slow so it feels like they are there to toss another obstacle in the way, albeit one that has been given no thought as to its purpose.
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2012/09/series-seven.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS33E10JourneyToTheCentreOfTheTARDIS}} "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS"]]

->The epic steel factory fight is filled with deadly stunts. Jackie is attacked by glowing red-hot steel poles. Giant metal barrels are dropped centimeters from his dong, which may be confusing since that means 'Smith' in China. And then Jackie gets kicked onto a holy-shit-real pit of hot coals... Luckily, safety rails are for capitalists, so he only had to make a 10-inch jump to get to non-flaming land.
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-most-needlessly-dangerous-jackie-chan-stunts/#ixzz31Fq1IjOJ "The 6 Most Needlessly Dangerous Jackie Chan Stunts"]]

->This is like re-starting the [[{{Franchise/Terminator}} Skynet]] program and putting [[Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL 9000 in charge of it]]. I mean, does no one see even the possibility of a problem of [[AIIsACrapshoot letting an artificial intelligence run a group of unquestioning/nearly indestructible killing machines?]] To top it all off, the base is sitting on a store of biological weaponry. So if anything did go wrong, there was no chance to bomb the base from the air, stopping the soldiers from rebelling. [[IdiotPlot Too…stupid…for words…THE PAIN!!!]]
-->-- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/universal-soldier-the-return-1999-mic-rodgers/ on]] ''Film/UniversalSoldier: The Return''

->Obi-Wan seeks Yoda's help in finding Kamino 'cause it ain't in the records. He interrupts Yoda teachin' a class... it's like a crowded public school or somethin'. All the kids are wearing these stupid helmets and deflecting lasers shot at them by from a ball that Luke used in the original ''Star Wars''... But, like, they could easily ''cut one another'', right? I mean, why aren't you doing this in a really large gym where everyone can spread out? And aren't they a little young to be handling ''lightsabers''? I mean, look how clumsy the kids are holding them, when Yoda's standing like two feet away!
-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''', "[[AttackOfTheClones George Lucas Ruins the Force and the Lightsaber All in One Scene]]"

[[folder:fiction]]

-> My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
-->-- [[http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html Peter's Evil Overlord List]], #87

->Ah, a radioactive spill. Part of me wants to believe we're not ''this'' criminally incompetent, but I know better.
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->I don't know that I want to be going into the bowels of the earth, but then I don't see ''an emergency exit''.
-->--'''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->[[MalevolentArchitecture WHY IS THE BUILDING TRYING TO KILL ME?]]
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''Machinima/FreemansMind''

->Oh ''what'' is ''this?'' Why is this thing shooting fire every couple of seconds? What is this thing even ‘sposed to do?! The fire doesn’t ''go'' anywhere. It’s just here to hurt people! God ''dammit'' Black Mesa!
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife1 Corporal Adrian Shephard]]''', ''Shephard’s Mind''

->The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.
-->-- '''[=GLaDOS=]''', ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''

->Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out ''because you are fired!''
-->-- '''Cave Johnson''', ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}''

->To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
-->-- '''PA System''', ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}''

->[A stereotypical Bond Villain is discussing having a [[BookcasePassage rotating fireplace]] built for effect]\\
'''Builder''': [[RealityEnsues Look, mate, if you turn a wall with a burning fire in it, the "effect" you'll get is a room full of smoke. I can't rotate the chimney mate.]] It's down to health and safety.\\
'''Villain''': (laughing) Forgive my levity, Mr. Cooch, but when you come to know me better you will learn that neither health nor safety are among my primary concerns.\\
'''Builder''': Look, if you want to rotate this wall, here's what you need to do: [[DeconstructedTrope fireplace decommissioned; yellow and black edging around all moving sections; clear, well lit signage stating "Warning. This Wall May Revolve"...]]
-->--Series/ThatMitchellAndWebbLook

->"How come they never put safety rails around these bottomless pits?"\\
"Health & Safety studies showed that more people were injured leaping over the rails waving light sabers."
-->-- '''Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space'''

->''I'm gonna need a tetanus shot just looking at all this.''
-->-- '''Doug Moreau''', ''{{Literature/Parellity}}''

->'''Imperial #1''': So anyway, I says "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave, I just want a railing! You know? One railing! Right here!"
->'''Imperial #2''': I know. I've almost fallen over that thing so many times.

->You decide which is more contrived: that the Hirogen happen to know ''exactly'' where a hidden comm unit might be located, or the fact they have one built into '''a lunch counter.'''\\\
The answer is neither. The winning contrivance is that he "[[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs locks out Bridge control]]" so that Harry can't stop him. We have had ''many'' things lock out or steal control from the Bridge throughout the franchise, but this is the first time it's been done from '''''A FUCKING KITCHEN.'''''
-->--'''{{Website/SFDebris}}''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Flesh and Blood"

->For an historic mission, we sure got stuck with the crappiest ship possible. "Mr. Johnson I think you'll be pleased with our design for the ''[[WhatAPieceOfJunk U.N.N. Paper Mache]]''. We've filled it with [[IndianBurialGround those cursed ancient artifacts they've found in the blood of murdered children.]] Also the computer has less security than you'd use for a [[HackingMinigame 'Give a Penny, Take a Penny' tray]]. Oh and we've scheduled terrifying experiments on the ship [[HumanResources to give the crew something to do.]]"

->For an historic mission, we sure got stuck with the crappiest ship possible. "Mr. Johnson I think you'll be pleased with our design for the ''[[WhatAPieceOfJunk U.N.N. Paper Mache]]''. We've filled it with [[IndianBurialGround those cursed ancient artifacts they've found in the blood of murdered children.]] Also the computer [[HackingMinigame has less security than you'd use for a 'Give a Penny, Take a Penny' tray]]. Oh and we've scheduled terrifying experiments on the ship [[HumanResources to give the crew something to do.]]"

-->--'''''Deadspon''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"]]

->You decide which is more contrived: that the Hirogen happen to know ''exactly'' where a hidden COMM unit might be located, or the fact they have one built into '''a lunch counter.'''\\\

The answer is neither. The winning contrivance is that he "locks out Bridge control" so that Harry can't stop him. We have had ''many'' things lock out or steal control from the Bridge throughout the franchise, but this is the first time it's been done from '''''A FUCKING KITCHEN.'''''

->You a decide which is more contrived: that the Hirogen happen to know ''exactly'' where a hidden comm unit might be located, or the fact they have one built into '''a lunch counter.'''\\\

->'''Rich:''' This might be the first time in ''Star Wars'' that we've seen a railing.
->'''Mike:''' Although Creator/CarrieFisher did lots of rails. ''(rimshot)''

->''"So, you know, the lesson here is you should store your rocket fuel in good, sturdy containers. Did you really need us to tell you that?"''
-->--''Website/{{Cracked}}'', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19727_6-tiny-mistakes-that-caused-apocalyptic-explosions.html "6 Tiny Mistakes That Caused Apocalyptic Explosions"]]

->''"Unlike other teams, the Bills don't simply hurt you emotionally. You really do get maimed or killed if you enter the stadium. They should have a yellow warning sign in the concourse that says DANGER: FALLING DRUNK PEOPLE."''

->''"Remember in the wonderful ''Star Trek'' parody ''Film/GalaxyQuest'' when Jason and Gwen are exploring the ship and they come across [[EternalEngine a massive set of chomper]]s in the heart of the craft that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever but to create some false jeopardy? ''Doctor Who'' has flirted with the idea before (the giant fans in [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E2TheEndOfTheWorld}} The End of World]] might have served a purpose…but boy they were ridicuously giant!) but never quite as obviously as the flagpoles that come shooting out of the wall in this story for no sensible purpose. Things were getting a little slow so it feels like they are there to toss another obstacle in the way, albeit one that has been given no thought as to its purpose."''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2012/09/series-seven.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS33E10JourneyToTheCentreOfTheTARDIS}} "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS"]]

->''"The epic steel factory fight is filled with deadly stunts. Jackie is attacked by glowing red-hot steel poles. Giant metal barrels are dropped centimeters from his dong, which may be confusing since that means 'Smith' in China. And then Jackie gets kicked onto a holy-shit-real pit of hot coals... Luckily, safety rails are for capitalists, so he only had to make a 10-inch jump to get to non-flaming land."''

->''"This is like re-starting the [[{{Franchise/Terminator}} Skynet]] program and putting [[Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL 9000 in charge of it]]. I mean, does no one see even the possibility of a problem of [[AIIsACrapshoot letting an artificial intelligence run a group of unquestioning/nearly indestructible killing machines?]] To top it all off, the base is sitting on a store of biological weaponry. So if anything did go wrong, there was no chance to bomb the base from the air, stopping the soldiers from rebelling. [[IdiotPlot Too…stupid…for words…THE PAIN!!!]]"''

->''"Attention, maintenance and safety crews: you are fired. Before leaving, please make your workplace as unsafe as possible. With any luck, the trespasser will fall to his death... or be burned alive by flame jets... or crushed by giant pistons. Thank you for your understanding."''

->''"[[MalevolentArchitecture WHY IS THE BUILDING TRYING TO KILL ME?]]"''

-> '''Shepard:''' Not even a guard rail. I bet the Broker's agents love patrolling the hull.
-> '''Liara:''' At least the view is nice.

->'''Dr. Archer''': The first one is on a geth ship while the second is inside a lab in the middle of a lava river...
->'''Shepard''': You built a lab in the middle of a ''lava river?''
->'''Dr. Archer''': We thought, "what could possibly go wrong"?

->"How come they never put safety rails around these bottomless pits?"
->"Health & Safety studies showed that more people were injured leaping over the rails waving light sabers."
-->-- '''Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space''' by Odon

-->--''WebVideo/BestOfTheWorst'' on the ''StarWarsHolidaySpecial''

-->--'''Deadspon''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"]]

[[folder:real life]]
->'''Rich:''' This might be the first time in ''Star Wars'' that we've seen a railing.
->'''Mike:''' Although Creator/CarrieFisher did lots of rails. ''(rimshot)''
-->--''WebVideo/BestOfTheWorst'' on the ''StarWarsHolidaySpecial''

->''"So, you know, the lesson here is you should store your rocket fuel in good, sturdy containers. Did you really need us to tell you that?"''
-->--''Website/{{Cracked}}'', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19727_6-tiny-mistakes-that-caused-apocalyptic-explosions.html "6 Tiny Mistakes That Caused Apocalyptic Explosions"]]

->''"Unlike other teams, the Bills don't simply hurt you emotionally. You really do get maimed or killed if you enter the stadium. They should have a yellow warning sign in the concourse that says DANGER: FALLING DRUNK PEOPLE."''
-->--'''Deadspon''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"]]

->''"Remember in the wonderful ''Star Trek'' parody ''Film/GalaxyQuest'' when Jason and Gwen are exploring the ship and they come across [[EternalEngine a massive set of chomper]]s in the heart of the craft that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever but to create some false jeopardy? ''Doctor Who'' has flirted with the idea before (the giant fans in [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoNSS1E2TheEndOfTheWorld}} The End of World]] might have served a purpose…but boy they were ridicuously giant!) but never quite as obviously as the flagpoles that come shooting out of the wall in this story for no sensible purpose. Things were getting a little slow so it feels like they are there to toss another obstacle in the way, albeit one that has been given no thought as to its purpose."''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2012/09/series-seven.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS33E10JourneyToTheCentreOfTheTARDIS}} "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS"]]

->''"The epic steel factory fight is filled with deadly stunts. Jackie is attacked by glowing red-hot steel poles. Giant metal barrels are dropped centimeters from his dong, which may be confusing since that means 'Smith' in China. And then Jackie gets kicked onto a holy-shit-real pit of hot coals... Luckily, safety rails are for capitalists, so he only had to make a 10-inch jump to get to non-flaming land."''
-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-most-needlessly-dangerous-jackie-chan-stunts/#ixzz31Fq1IjOJ "The 6 Most Needlessly Dangerous Jackie Chan Stunts"]]

->''"This is like re-starting the [[{{Franchise/Terminator}} Skynet]] program and putting [[Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL 9000 in charge of it]]. I mean, does no one see even the possibility of a problem of [[AIIsACrapshoot letting an artificial intelligence run a group of unquestioning/nearly indestructible killing machines?]] To top it all off, the base is sitting on a store of biological weaponry. So if anything did go wrong, there was no chance to bomb the base from the air, stopping the soldiers from rebelling. [[IdiotPlot Too…stupid…for words…THE PAIN!!!]]"''
-->-- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/universal-soldier-the-return-1999-mic-rodgers/ on]] ''Film/UniversalSoldier: The Return''
[[/folder]]

-->--"'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 Why Your Team Sucks 2014]]: Buffalo Bills'''"

!!!Fiction

!!!RealLife

-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314 Why Your Team Sucks 2014]]: Buffalo Bills'''"

!!!On works

!!!Fiction

->''I've worked among the spinners, I've breathed in the oily smoke\\
I've shovelled up the gypsum and it nigh-on makes you choke\\
I've stood knee-deep in cyanide, gone sick with a caustic burn\\
Been working rough and seen enough to make your stomach turn''
-->--[[LampshadeHanging The Chemical Worker's Song]], Ron Angel

->''"The epic steel factory fight is filled with deadly stunts. Jackie is attacked by glowing red-hot steel poles. Giant metal barrels are dropped centimeters from his dong, which may be confusing since that means "Smith" in China. And then Jackie gets kicked onto a holy-shit-real pit of hot coals... Luckily, safety rails are for capitalists, so he only had to make a 10-inch jump to get to non-flaming land."''

->''"Again, my strength really lies in fixing computers, not in designing or managing needlessly nightmarish robots, but it just seems like a basic rule of computer-making that you should be able to turn it off at some point. I mean, my toaster has a plug in case something goes wrong, you know? And I haven't armed my toaster or given it access to my house's security system."''
-->--'''[[{{Terminator}} Cyberdyne's]] tech support engineer''', ''Website/{{Cracked}}.com''

->''"Attention, maintenance and safety crews: you are fired. Before leaving, please make your workplace as unsafe as possible. With any luck, the trespasser will fall to his death... or be burned alive by flame jets... or crushed by giant pistons. Thank you for your understanding."''
-->-- '''Hen Long''', ''VideoGame/MarlowBriggsAndTheMaskOfDeath''

--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-most-needlessly-dangerous-jackie-chan-stunts/#ixzz31Fq1IjOJ "The 6 Most Needlessly Dangerous Jackie Chan Stunts"]]