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He added this bit at the end.
Changed line(s) 35,36 (click to see context) from:
->"I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a 'proper present'."
to:
->"I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a 'proper present'."
present.' Happy birthday, Mum!"
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Some edits.
Changed line(s) 58 (click to see context) from:
'''David Mitchell:''' Society just got a tiny bit worse.\\
to:
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Changed line(s) 53,54 (click to see context) from:
->"They say they're safety in numbers; tell ''that'' to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust 6 million Jews]]."
to:
->"They say they're there's safety in numbers; tell ''that'' to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust 6 million Jews]]."
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Added DiffLines:
->'''Jimmy Carr:''' It's just so stupid, isn't it, beating your wife. It's ''your'' wife. It's like keying your own car.\\
'''David Mitchell:''' Society just got a tiny bit worse.\\
'''Jimmy Carr:''' I like to think I've helped.
-->-- ''Series/{{QI}}''
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Added DiffLines:
->"If you want my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mum's teeth."
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Changed line(s) 22,23 (click to see context) from:
->"If a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. Whereas, if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called [[YourMom your mum]].
to:
->"If a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. Whereas, if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called [[YourMom your mum]].
mum]]."
Changed line(s) 31,32 (click to see context) from:
->"I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud, 'I've already got one!'"
to:
->"I like to go into the Body Shop body shop and shout out really loud, 'I've already got one!'"
Added DiffLines:
->"They say dolphins are intelligent. Only compared to the retarded kids they've gone swimming with."
->"They say they're safety in numbers; tell ''that'' to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust 6 million Jews]]."
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Added DiffLines:
->"If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?"
->"There's a very easy way to tell if your house is haunted: it isn't. Grow up."
->"The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet."
->"A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true."
->"I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh."
->"As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing."
->"I hate those emails where they try to send you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt."
->"When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church."
->'''Creator/StephenFry''': What is three times more dangerous than war?\\
'''Jimmy Carr''': Three wars.
->"When I see an emo, I don't see one person. I see two disappointed parents."
->"If a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. Whereas, if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called [[YourMom your mum]].
->"'Send a salami to your boy in the army.' I think some ammunition would be more useful."
->"Wouldn't a better sign to show apathy just to be not to bother?"
-->--On the iconic "put your hands in the air like you just don't care" phrase
->"I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat."
->"I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud, 'I've already got one!'"
->"Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die."
->"I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a 'proper present'."
->"In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza."
->"A big girl once came up to me after a show and said, 'I think you're fatist.' I said, 'No. I think ''you're'' fattest.'"
->"A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'Alright, but we're not going to get much done.'"
->"I saw that show, ''50 Things to Do Before You Die''. I would have thought the obvious one was, 'shout for help.'"
->"The American police have said they will never forget 9/11. Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number."
->"Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? Because they don't fancy each other."
->"If [my grandma]'s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead."
----
->"There's a very easy way to tell if your house is haunted: it isn't. Grow up."
->"The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet."
->"A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true."
->"I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh."
->"As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing."
->"I hate those emails where they try to send you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt."
->"When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me, and that I could talk to him and that he could hear me, and that he could grant me wishes and stuff. And then I grew up, and I stopped going to church."
->'''Creator/StephenFry''': What is three times more dangerous than war?\\
'''Jimmy Carr''': Three wars.
->"When I see an emo, I don't see one person. I see two disappointed parents."
->"If a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. Whereas, if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called [[YourMom your mum]].
->"'Send a salami to your boy in the army.' I think some ammunition would be more useful."
->"Wouldn't a better sign to show apathy just to be not to bother?"
-->--On the iconic "put your hands in the air like you just don't care" phrase
->"I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat."
->"I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud, 'I've already got one!'"
->"Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die."
->"I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a 'proper present'."
->"In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza."
->"A big girl once came up to me after a show and said, 'I think you're fatist.' I said, 'No. I think ''you're'' fattest.'"
->"A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'Alright, but we're not going to get much done.'"
->"I saw that show, ''50 Things to Do Before You Die''. I would have thought the obvious one was, 'shout for help.'"
->"The American police have said they will never forget 9/11. Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number."
->"Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? Because they don't fancy each other."
->"If [my grandma]'s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead."
----
