History Quotes / ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy

->''“Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.”''
-->--'''WinstonChurchill'''

->''I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on these helmets...''
-->-- ''Website/CollegeHumor''

->''The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun.''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''', describing the "Principle of Evil Marksmanship"

->''"Excellent shot, [[WebVideo/TheAngryJoeShow Mister Joe]], except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!"''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]''', ''WebVideo/{{Kickassia}}''

->''"[[SarcasmMode Remember, these are the Emperor's 'best' troops.]]"''
-->-- '''[[{{Rifftrax}} Mike Nelson]]''', watching ''Film/ReturnOfTheJedi''

->'''Cleveland:''' They're shooting at us!
->'''Peter:''' Good thing bad guys have such terrible shots!
->'''Guard:''' Man, these guys are elusive!
-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Cool Hand Peter"

->"Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP BUT HIS SHIP!"

->''The villains in thrillers are such bad shots they'd suck at video games.''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''', [[http://twitter.com/ebertchicago/statuses/27056312572 October 11, 2010 twitter]]

->''When has an action hero ever, even once, been killed by machinegun fire, no matter how many hundreds of rounds? The hit men should simply reject them and say, "No can do, Boss. [[GenreSavvy They never work in this kind of movie.]]"''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''' [[http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081111/REVIEWS/811129989 reviewing]] ''Film/QuantumOfSolace''

->"Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP BUT HIS SHIP!"
-->-- '''[[RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''' on ''Film/AttackOfTheClones''

->"And now we partake in the best part of any [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Arnold]] movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!!"
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' on ''Film/{{Commando}}''

->'''Mike:''' You know, they shouldn't have set their [[Franchise/StarTrek phasers]] to "miss".\\
'''Servo:''' Why is he so impossible to hit? Why do they keep missing the slow, giant, white thing?\\
'''Crow:''' Here's some free advice for the mutineers: STOP AND AIM, YOU '''IDIOTS!'''
-->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 '', riffing on ''Film/SpaceMutiny''

->''Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective and noted that the gun battles on board the spaceships go on a bit too long; it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen [[PlotArmor never hit anyone important.]]''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''', again, reviewing the Special Edition of ''Film/ANewHope''.

->''They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.''
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}''' on the ''Film/ResidentEvil'' movies' [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18781_umbrella-most-wasteful-movie-corporation-ever.html Umbrella operatives]].

->'''Cop:''' Man, these guys are elusive!

-->-- [[http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0878/ X-Entertainment's article]] on a ''WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse'' coloring book

->''Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP BUT HIS SHIP!''

->''And now we partake in the best part of any [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Arnold]] movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!!''

->''When has an action hero ever, even once, been killed by machinegun fire, no matter how many hundreds of rounds? The hit men should simply reject them and say, "No can do, Boss. [[GenreSavvy They never work in this kind of movie.]]''
-->-- '''RogerEbert''', [[http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081111/REVIEWS/811129989 reviewing]] ''Film/QuantumOfSolace''

->"Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP BUT HIS SHIP!"
-->-- '''[[RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''' on ''AttackOfTheClones''

->My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
-->-- '''EvilOverlordList''', Item no. 56

->And now we partake in the best part of any [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Arnold]] movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!!

->'''Mike:''' You know, they shouldn't have set their [[Franchise/StarTrek phasers]] to "miss."
->'''Servo:''' Why is he so impossible to hit? Why do they keep missing the slow, giant, white thing?
->'''Crow:''' Here's some free advice for the mutineers: STOP AND AIM, YOU '''IDIOTS!'''
-->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 '', riffing on ''SpaceMutiny''

->[[LampshadeHanging You can shoot them all day and not hit with aim like that!]]

-->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', ''The Invasion''

->I don't know what all the fuss is about. [[TemptingFate Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy]].

->Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!
-->-- '''Lloyd Christmas''', ''DumbAndDumber''

->Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe.
-->-- [[http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0878/ X-Entertainment's article]] on a ''HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse'' coloring book

->I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses.
-->-- '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Aang]]''', ''AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

->The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target.
-->-- '''James May''', ''TopGear''

->'''Stormtrooper 1:''' Have we ever hit anyone with these guns?
->'''Stormtrooper 2:''' I hit a bird once.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy: Something Something Something Dark Side''

->I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on these helmets...

->The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun.
-->-- '''RogerEbert''', describing the "Principle of Evil Marksmanship"

->A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something.

->'''Lister:''' Why don't we meet anyone nice?
->'''Cat:''' Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?

->Excellent shot, [[WebVideo/TheAngryJoeShow Mister Joe]], except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]''', ''{{Kickassia}}''

->You missed! How could you miss?! He was '''three feet''' in front of you!
-->-- '''Mushu''' to '''{{Mulan}}''', [[spoiler:who hit [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt exactly what she aimed at]].]]

->'''Lucky Luke:''' ''(a shot misses him and hits a cow)'' It's a shame to be such a lousy shot.\\

-->-- ''ComicBook/LuckyLuke, The Rivals of Painful Gulch''

->Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective and noted that the gun battles on board the spaceships go on a bit too long; it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen [[PlotArmor never hit anyone important.]]
-->-- '''RogerEbert''', again, reviewing the Special Edition of ''ANewHope''.

->[[SarcasmMode Remember, these are the Emperor's "best" troops.]]
-->-- '''[[{{Rifftrax}} Mike Nelson]]''', watching ''ReturnOfTheJedi''

->Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.

->'''C-3PO''': Oh no! Chewie, they're behind you!
->'''Bill Corbet''': And if you give them [[MoreDakka several hundred unimpeded shots]] they might, ''might'', just get lucky and [[PinballProjectile bounce one off a wall]] that might, and let me stress again '''might''', actually do some damage... [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption possibly]].

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}''' on the ''Film/ResidentEvil'' movies' [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18781_umbrella-most-wasteful-movie-corporation-ever.html Umbrella operatives]].

-->-- ''((Cracked}} on the ''Film/ResidentEvil'' movies' [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18781_umbrella-most-wasteful-movie-corporation-ever.html Umbrella operatives]].

->The villains in thrillers are such bad shots they'd suck at video games.

->Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP '''BUT''' HIS SHIP!!

->When has an action hero ever, even once, been killed by machinegun fire, no matter how many hundreds of rounds? The hit men should simply reject them and say, "No can do, Boss. [[GenreSavvy They never work in this kind of movie.]]"
-->-- '''RogerEbert''', [[http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081111/REVIEWS/811129989 reviewing]] ''Film/QuantumOfSolace''

-->-- '''RogerEbert'''

-->-- ''CollegeHumor''

->''"The villains in thrillers are such bad shots they'd suck at video games."''
-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert''', [[http://twitter.com/ebertchicago/statuses/27056312572 October 11, 2010 twitter]]

->"Obi-Wan is flying his little ship around, and Boba Fett is firing at him with some kind of [[MoreDakka Super Rapid-Fire laser]]. He's got [[NoKillLikeOverkill targeting sensors and scanners and can fire, like, 30 shots every second]], and he seems to be ''right on the mark''... but he can't hit him! Why can't he hit Obi-Wan's ship?! HE HITS EVERY SINGLE MOLECULE AROUND HIS SHIP '''BUT''' HIS SHIP!!"

--> -- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' on ''Film/{{Commando}}''

->'''Mike:''' You know, they shouldn't have set their [[Franchise/StarTrek phasers]] to "miss".

-->-- '''Aang''', ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

-->-- '''James May''' on Jeremy Clarkson's aim, ''TopGear''

-->-- Series/RedDwarf, Quarantine

->'''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]''': Excellent shot, [[WebVideo/TheAngryJoeShow Mister Joe]], except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!
-->-- ''{{Kickassia}}''

->You missed! How could you miss?! He was '''three feet''' infront of you!
-->-- ''Mushu'', {{Mulan}} [[spoiler:who didn't miss - [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt she just wasn't aiming at what Mushu thought she was aiming for]].]]

->''Seeing the film the first time, I was swept away, and have remained swept ever since. Seeing this restored version, I tried to be more objective and noted that the gun battles on board the spaceships go on a bit too long; it is remarkable that the Empire marksmen [[PlotArmor never hit anyone important.]]''
-->--'''Ebert, again''', reviewing the Special Edition of ''ANewHope''.

->''"[[SarcasmMode Remember, these are the Emperor's "best" troops.]]"''
-->-- [[{{Rifftrax}} Mike Nelson]], on ReturnOfTheJedi

->''Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.''
-->--'''Little Bill Daggett''', ''Film/{{Unforgiven}}''

->'''[[{{Rifftrax}} Bill Corbet]]''': And if you give them [[MoreDakka several hundred unimpeded shots]] they might, ''might'', just get lucky and [[PinballProjectile bounce one off a wall]] that might, and let me stress again '''might''', actually do some damage... [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption possibly]].
-->-- {{Rifftrax}}, ''Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack''

->'''Lucky Luke''': [A shot misses him and hits a cow] It's a shame to be such a lousy shot.
->'''Jolly Jumper''': You'll not hear me complain.
-->-- ''LuckyLuke, The Rivals of Painful Gulch''

-->-- ''Mushu'', {{Mulan}} [[spoiler: who didn't miss - she just wasn't aiming at what Mushu thought she was aiming for.]]

-->-- ''MysteryScienceTheater3000 '', riffing on ''SpaceMutiny''

-->--'''Little Bill Daggett''', ''{{Unforgiven}}''

->'''[[{{Rifftrax}} Bill Corbet]]''': And if you give them [[MoreDakka several hundred unimpeded shots]] they might, ''might'', just get lucky and [[PinballProjectile bounce one off a wall]] that might, and let me stress again '''might''', actually do some damage...[[FailureIsTheOnlyOption possibly]].

->And now we partake in the best part of any [[ArnoldSchwarzenegger Arnold]] movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!!

->'''Servo:''' Why is he so impossible to hit? Why do they keep missing the slow, giant, white thing?

-->-- {{Rifftrax}}, ''Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack''

->'''Mike:''' You know, they shouldn't have set their [[StarTrek phasers]] to "miss".

-->-- '''RogerEbert''', [[http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081111/REVIEWS/811129989 reviewing]] ''QuantumOfSolace''

-->-- {{Rifftrax}}, TheEmpireStrikesBack

->Poor fools! Don't you know us comic book characters are always missed when we run at the guns?
-->-- [[strike:[[Comicbook/{{Batman}} Robin]]]] '''[[ParodyNames Rubin]]''', ''MADMagazine''