History Quotes / HorribleHollywood

-->--'''[[https://lebeauleblog.com/2019/07/12/what-the-hell-happened-to-megan-fox/ LeBeau]]''', "What the Helll Happened to Creator/MeganFox]]?"

->"...there's a strange dichotomy of encouraging us to be fiscally responsible, but then upper management allows [[Creator/AdamSandler certain talent and filmmakers]] to bleed us dry with their outlandish requests for private jets, wardrobe and grooming stylists -- and are surprised when they are asked to work more than 5 hours to promote their film."
-->--[[http://gawker.com/sony-hack-reveals-25-page-list-of-reasons-it-sucks-to-w-1666264634 Anonymous]] employee at Sony Entertainment

->''Everyone in L.A. is either dead of COVID or can’t get an audition right now. I know a lot of depressed people in L.A. Know why? Because L.A. treats everyone like disposable chum and then has the balls to say they should be happy because the weather is nice and there are beaches locals never go to. These new logos should be fucking dead gray. The uniforms should be too, but instead you got new threads “Inspired by the color of a ram horn and the sands of L.A…” That shit looks like a new Butterfinger wrapper.''
-->--'''[[https://defector.com/why-your-team-sucks-2020-los-angeles-rams/ Drew Magary]]''', "Why Your Team Sucks 2020: Los Angeles Rams"

->''Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that [[http://joshreads.com/images/14/11/i141124spidey.jpg panel two’s]] depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.''
-->--'''''Blog/TheComicsCurmudgeon'''''

->''All around, people looking half dead
Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head''

-->--'''Creator/JackBlack''', 87th UsefulNotes/{{Academy Awards|Ceremonies}} (shortly before AnnaKendrick throws a shoe at him)

->"You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if ''Ishtar'' is a big bomb, {{Creator/Warren|Beatty}}, {{Creator/Dustin|Hoffman}}, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]

-''>Movies have a long and storied tradition of biting the hand that feeds them, lashing out at the callus, cold-bloodedness of Hollywood and the soul-selling 'artists' who reside there. However, the Coen Brother's ''Barton Fink'' may be the first to depict Hollywood both literally and metaphorically as hell, going as far as [[ANaziByAnyOtherName to compare the studio system to the Nazis.]]''

->I'm a fucking talk show host, okay? I'm all fucked up.

->The usual crowd. The traveling compliment show. Everyone thrilled with everyone's success; positively orgasmic at anyone's failure. Envy so thick, you can cut it with the knife lodged in every other back. The script's going along pretty well. Some interesting changes I sort of like. At any rate, Buddy does, therefore, I do.

->Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that [[http://joshreads.com/images/14/11/i141124spidey.jpg panel two’s]] depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.

->Movies have a long and storied tradition of biting the hand that feeds them, lashing out at the callus, cold-bloodedness of Hollywood and the soul-selling 'artists' who reside there. However, the Coen Brother's ''Barton Fink'' may be the first to depict Hollywood both literally and metaphorically as hell, going as far as [[ANaziByAnyOtherName to compare the studio system to the Nazis.]]

->James Garner's marvelous detective series ''Series/TheRockfordFiles'' (1974-1980) met a sudden and ignominious end twelve episodes into its sixth season. The series had been moderately successful during its network run on NBC, but a huge hit in syndication, grossing some $52 million by mid-1979. Nonetheless, the studio producing the series, {{Creator/Universal}}, in a notorious and flagrant example of 'creative bookkeeping,' insisted the show was actually $9 million dollars in the red, and Garner, who worked hard to keep the series on schedule and on budget, watched helplessly as [[DudeWheresMyReward his profit participation evaporated.]]
-->--'''[[http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/64829/bret-maverick-the-complete-series/ Stuart Galbraith IV]]'''

->I know, BREAKING NEWS, a creepy grown Hollywood director [[CastingCouch tried to get on a pretty, barely legal]] girl. The real news is that Woody tried to get with Mariel when she was already legal. But WTF at her parents... ''“Iss okay, honey, juss share a room with him. [[StageMom He’ll make you faymish!]]“''

->Because ''Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey is a sex movie,'' Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have routinely been asked about sex. Because Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan seem to dislike at least this ''specific'' sort of sex ([[IdealizedSex fake sex]], with [[TroubledProduction a person they hate]], in a movie they made for [[CreatorBacklash a job they regret]]), they routinely display discomfort (ranging from wide-eyed confusion to intense aversion) when talking about sex, in general.
-->--'''[[http://defamer.gawker.com/50-shades-of-sigh-the-disastrous-50-shades-of-grey-p-1683492446 Kelly Conaboy]]''', "50 Shades of Sigh"

->Now it's Britney Jean's turn to tell us her story. Britney sits down with the camera and says 'DEAR GOD HELP ME GET OUT OF HERE. I CAN NO LONGER FEEL MYSELF IN MY OWN SKIN. I CAN ONLY SUBMERSE MYSELF DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO MY OWN PAIN. PLEASE SOMEONE, ANYONE SAVE ME FROM THIS.' And then the interviewer says ''[[CassandraTruth hahahhah]] Britney you are the best OMG tell us how you stay so fit, girl!''

->Here's what I learned in two years of mostly answering phones, typing reports, making coffee and periodically having to run up to the Oscar-lined executive floors: Entertainment is a fabulous business to go into if you enjoy being a nervous, groveling toady, a petulant tantrum thrower and a crafty manipulator--all at the same time.

->Everything I’ve heard about Hollywood has never been good. You know, they make these movies, they’re supposed to make you feel really good, and make you escape the pains of your real life, but when you go to Hollywood, the pain is there. It’s always there and Hollywood never lets you forget that.

->In Hollywood, you can seduce a man's wife, rape his daughter and wipe your hands on his canary, but if you don't like his movie, [[SkewedPriorities you're dead.]]

->It's about two percent movie-making and ninety-eight percent hustling. It's no way to spend a life.

->The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. [[FromBadToWorse There's also a negative side.]]

->You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if ''Ishtar'' is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]
-->--'''Paul Williams''', composer for ''{{Film/Ishtar}}''

->...there's a strange dichotomy of encouraging us to be fiscally responsible, but then upper management allows [[Creator/AdamSandler certain talent and filmmakers]] to bleed us dry with their outlandish requests for [[ThePrimaDonna private jets, wardrobe and grooming stylists]] - and are surprised when they are asked to work more than 5 hours to promote their film.

->I can't even go to the movies; when I'm there I think about the fact that I have to learn my lines when I get home. And if I go to a late movie, I fall asleep. It's a real thrilling life, I tell you...I've spent many times driving home from my auditions crying, because I put everything into it and the person I auditioned for was eating salad and talking on the phone while I was reading for them.
-->--'''Sarah Buxton''' (actor, [[NamesTheSame not the singer]])

-> The intensity of the scenes we’ve been shooting and the amount of emotional work and concentration that is needed to get through the day are so mentally and physically exhausting that I’m sure I will need to be institutionalised when it’s over. I understand now why most actors are [[HookersAndBlow alcoholics, drug addicts]], or [[TakeThat Scientologists]].
-->--'''[[Music/{{Madonna}} Madonna]]''', [[http://allaboutmadonna.com/page/2 referring to]] the musical film ''[[Music/{{Evita}} Evita]]''

[[folder:films - live action]]

[[folder:live-action tv]]

[[folder:theatre]]

[[folder:web original]]

[[folder:web video]]

[[folder:western animation]]

[[folder:real life]]

-> The intensity of the scenes we’ve been shooting and the amount of emotional work and concentration that is needed to get through the day are so mentally and physically exhausting that I’m sure I will need to be institutionalised when it’s over. I understand now why most actors are alcoholics, drug addicts, or Scientologists.

Believe me [[Creator/NeilpatrickHarris Neil]], you're better off polishing your Tony''

-->--'''Josef Von Sternberg'''

->I know, BREAKING NEWS, a creepy grown Hollywood director [[CastingCouch tried to get on a pretty, barely legal]] girl. The real news is that Woody tried to get with Mariel when she was already legal. But WTF at her parents pushing her to go.... ''“Iss okay, honey, juss share a room with him. [[StageMom He’ll make you faymish!]]“''

->I know, BREAKING NEWS, [[CastingCouch a creepy grown Hollywood director tried to get on a pretty, barely legal girl]]. The real news is that Woody tried to get with Mariel when she was already legal. But WTF at her parents pushing her to go. Are Mariel Hemingway’s parents related to [[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1628504/ White Oprah]]? Because that is some shit White Oprah’s drunk ass would pull. ''“Iss okay, honey, juss share a room with him. [[StageMom He’ll make you faymish!]]“''

-->--'''Creator/JackBlack''', 87th {{Academy Award}}s (shortly before AnnaKendrick throws a shoe at him)

->'''Angel''': I mean, walking I get. But "Power Walking"? Why not just run for a shorter time? Weird. Plus, one of them hit him.\\
'''Cordelia''' ''(notices the shiner on Wes, gasps)'' A power walker did that?\\
'''Wesley''': Apparently she felt I disrespected the Haklar's culture [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad by killing it.]]\\
'''Cordelia''': This town sucks.
-->-- ''{{Series/Angel}}'', "Belonging"

[[folder:stand-up comedy]]
->You'll always meet this one guy out in L.A, this real smarmy guy. He always says this: ''"Yeah, I love calling back east January 1. 'What are all you doin'? Snowed in, huh? Bummer. Me?'' I'M OUT BY THE POOL!!'' '''''BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!'''''[='=]"'' What a ''dick'' this guy is.
-->--'''Creator/BillHicks''', ''Arizona Bay''
[[/folder]]

->'When you’re waiting in line at a Taco Bell drive-thru late at night, you pretty much expect to see a plastered, no-tooth-having, crackhead mess wandering around between cars. But in L.A., the drunken Taco Bell drive-thru trolls are famous!
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/07/16/so-how-is-charlie-sheen-doing/ Michael K.]]''', "So, How Is Creator/CharlieSheen Doing?"

->James Garner's marvelous detective series ''Series/TheRockfordFiles'' (1974-1980) met a sudden and ignominious end twelve episodes into its sixth season. The series had been moderately successful during its network run on NBC, but a huge hit in syndication, grossing some $52 million by mid-1979. Nonetheless, the studio producing the series, {{Creator/Universal}}, in a notorious and flagrant example of 'creative bookkeeping,' insisted the show was actually $9 million dollars in the red, and Garner, who worked hard to kept the series on schedule and on budget, watched helplessly as [[DudeWheresMyReward his profit participation evaporated.]]

[[folder:real life]]
->In Hollywood, you can seduce a man's wife, rape his daughter and wipe your hands on his canary, but if you don't like his movie, [[SkewedPriorities you're dead.]]
-->--'''Josef Von Sternberg'''

->It's about two percent movie-making and ninety-eight percent hustling. It's no way to spend a life.
-->-- '''Creator/OrsonWelles''', ''The Battle Over Film/CitizenKane''

->The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. [[FromBadToWorse There's also a negative side.]]
-->--'''Creator/HunterSThompson'''

->You must remember one thing about Hollywood. Even if ''Ishtar'' is a big bomb, Warren, Dustin, Elaine, and I will all work again … only next time [[KarmaHoudini at a higher fee!]]
-->--'''Paul Williams''', composer for ''{{Film/Ishtar}}''

->...there's a strange dichotomy of encouraging us to be fiscally responsible, but then upper management allows [[Creator/AdamSandler certain talent and filmmakers]] to bleed us dry with their outlandish requests for [[ThePrimaDonna private jets, wardrobe and grooming stylists]] - and are surprised when they are asked to work more than 5 hours to promote their film.
-->--[[http://gawker.com/sony-hack-reveals-25-page-list-of-reasons-it-sucks-to-w-1666264634 Anonymous]] employee at Sony Entertainment

->I can't even go to the movies; when I'm there I think about the fact that I have to learn my lines when I get home. And if I go to a late movie, I fall asleep. It's a real thrilling life, I tell you...I've spent many times driving home from my auditions crying, because I put everything into it and the person I auditioned for was eating salad and talking on the phone while I was reading for them.
-->--'''Sarah Buxton''' (actor, [[NamesTheSame not the singer]])
[[/folder]]

[[folder:web video]]
->Everything I’ve heard about Hollywood has never been good. You know, they make these movies, they’re supposed to make you feel really good, and make you escape the pains of your real life, but when you go to Hollywood, the pain is there. It’s always there and Hollywood never lets you forget that.
-->-- '''Donnie [=DuPre=]''', ''WebVideo/DemoReel''
[[/folder]]

It's all a big crock\\

[[folder:live-action tv]]
->'''Angel''': I mean, walking I get. But "Power Walking"? Why not just run for a shorter time? Weird. Plus, one of them hit him.\\
'''Cordelia''' ''(notices the shiner on Wes, gasps)'' A power walker did that?\\
'''Wesley''': Apparently she felt I disrespected the Haklar's culture [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad by killing it.]]\\
'''Cordelia''': This town sucks.
-->-- ''{{Series/Angel}}'', "Belonging"

[[folder:literature]]

[[/folder]]

[[folder:real life]]
->In Hollywood, you can seduce a man's wife, rape his daughter and wipe your hands on his canary, but if you don't like his movie, [[SkewedPriorities you're dead.]]
-->--'''Josef Von Sternberg'''