History Quotes / AwesomeButImpractical

->8. With a ship this size you will need thousands of people in service to cover all stations, this means every single person in your crew list will need their own cabin. For being on sea for pretty much all the time you can't really give them a tiny shared cabin as this will be causing all kinds of red flags to pop up. These need to have all basic needs to say the least if not have luxuries of their own. On top of that you need to work in groups, every group needs [its] own HQ so they can do their jobs properly and effectively. This all combined you could easily loose 2 decks for crew and work areas alone to make your crew happy.

'''Rory Swann:''' Classic? I suppose you could call 'em that. 'Course, most folks like a bike that don't [[StuffBlowingUp explode on them]] when the repeller seals freeze up, or the fuel cells start leaking radioactive waste — but hey, [[NostalgiaFilter who cares if it's a 'classic']], right?

->[[LampshadeHanging How has ANYTHING we've seen today been the least bit practical?!]]

->If your top-end robotic assault device can be defeated with a baseball bat ''every time''... well, that kinda says it all, doesn't it?

->It's not only impressive, it's irresponsible.

->That's smoke, yes yes, see? It's a proper supercar! It didn't just come to the track and do a lap like a robot and be boring, it came to the track and ''[[StuffBlowingUp exploded]]'', ''immediately''! That's what, it's what supercars ''do''! It's proper!

->Again Alfred, it's a STEALTH FIGHTER JET shaped like a BAT and I use it to fight common STREET CRIME. WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE?!

->Give me a gun that never fires! Give me a sword that is ever blunt! Give me a weapon that deals no wound, [[WeaponForIntimidation so long as it always strikes fear]]!

->That's not what TheEmpire would have done, Commander. What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal [[ScaryDogmaticAliens Yuuzhan Vong]]-killing battle machine. They would have called it the ''Nova Colossus'' or the ''Galaxy Destructor'' or the ''Nostril of Palpatine'' or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? [[LampshadeHanging It wouldn't have worked.]] [[AttackItsWeakPoint They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up.]] Now ''that's'' what the Empire would have done.

->You fight it, and the robot deploys arms with four ''buzzsaw'' blades. [[SarcasmMode Because why would you bother with boring old laser guns or missiles when you can put fucking]] ''[[SarcasmMode buzzsaws]]'' [[SarcasmMode on the end?!]] No, ''electro''-buzzsaws! Hey, you want Effective or you want Awesome, you can't have both, people.

->What, you've never seen a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTLKy4WWIQo Canadian Destroyer?]] [[CoolButStupid It's amazing, and the stupidest thing I've ever seen.]] It's pro wrestling.

->That feels like the dumbest, most impractical weapon ever, I hope I get it.
-->-- [[WebVideo/TwoBestFriendsPlay Pat's]] [[http://youtu.be/RCHognIiqLU?t=13m54s reaction]] on seeing Sundowner's pincer blades in their ''VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance'' LP

-> What's the point of having a fast car anyway? Is there some legal speed that they're trying to reach that they can't seem to do with normal cars? Even if your car can go more than 200 mph, you have to break the law (more often than not) to do so. Way to go dipshit, [[ShaggyDogStory you spent your life savings on something you can't use]]. Worthless.

->"[[InstantWinCondition When 3 Destiny Counters are on this card,]] [[TheEnemyGateIsDown you win the Duel.]]" ...And before three Counters are on it, you'll ''lose'' the duel.
-->-- '''[=Rank10YGO=]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYPetcd5rmA discussing]] [[TabletopGame/YuGiOh Gimmick Puppet of Leo]]

->[[HauntedCastle Harrenhal]] is a prize; a [[NighInvulnerable nigh-impregnable]] castle with enough land and income to make a man, at a stroke, [[{{Fiction500}} one of the greatest lords in Westeros]]. But you would not be entirely right, either. Say, [[StandardHeroReward by a king's grace]], Harrenhal became yours. Now you must garrison it. You must repair it and maintain it. Even stretched to the end of your means, [[BigLabyrinthineBuilding you cannot fill and manage the whole castle]]. So you would retreat your household to four of the five towers — then three, then two, then only the bottom thirds of those. You close the Hall of the Hundred Hearths and take your meals in your rooms. Even then you can't shake the feeling of desolation; that [[EldritchLocation Harrenhal and its vastness is devouring you]].
->In later years, as you bury a grandson or a great-grandson, the last of your line... '' '''[[{{Curse}} you will know it has]].''' ''

->There is no port in the [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe Kingdome]] that can harbour this shipp. The wild sea must bee her port, her anchors and cables her safety; if either fayle, the shipp must perish, the King lose his jewel, four or five hundred man must die, [[WhatMeasureIsAMook and perhaps some great and noble peer]]."

->In the year 2000, one of these laser turntables cost $20,500, but [[FromBadToWorse it didn't stop there]], as you'd also need a really good record cleaner to go along with it. They suggest one that costs another $13,500. Why the cleaner? Well, because laser turntables can't cope with any dust. Any specks of dirt get read by the laser and [[SensoryAbuse create a sound described in this review as sounding like "someone munching potato chips"]]. It says "you simply have to clean - preferably wet clean" - a record before playing it on a laser turntable. Although it says that "if a record has recently been wet-cleaned, vaccuumed dry, and properly stored, it is ''possible'' to play it [...] after thoroughly re-vaccumming it[s surface]". Does this still sound like a good idea to you?\\

So here's my final word on this. I won't be making a video about it; even if it was a tenth of the price, ''I still would not want one'', and if I had that kind of money lying around, I could think of much better ways to spend it.

-->--'''WebAnimation/JoCat''', ''Crap Guide to Monster Hunter''

->A skeletal steed. Impressive but impractical. I had one but the head fell off.

->Just because an idea is clever or cool doesn’t mean it’s useful or even good.

-> '''Total Tank Presenter''': I thought that was the whole point.

->But the system turned out to be totally impractical. [[RealityEnsues The wear and tear on the spines alone was too costly]], and the books were horribly disobedient. The librarian had imagined he could summon a given book to perch on his hand just by shouting out its call number, but in actuality they were just too willful, and [[BooksThatBite some were actively predatory]]. The librarian was swiftly deposed, and his successor set about domesticating the books again...

->Popular fiction has shown us [[ChainsawGood the awesome, brutal power of the chainsaw]]. Its lightning-quick rotating teeth can easily slice through flesh and bone, making the strength and skill required for manual weapons unnecessary. Its roar might also give the owner [[HellYesMoment a much-need psychological boost]] — empowerment in a situation where abject terror is a given. How many horror movies have you seen in which this industrial killing machine has spelled doom for anyone and anything it touched? [[JustForFun/TelevisionIsTryingToKillUs In reality, however, chainsaws and similar powered devices rank extremely low on the list of practical zombie-killing weapons]]. For starters, their fuel supply is finite. Once drained, [[JokeWeapon they provide as much protection as a hand-held stereo]]. Carrying extra fuel or power cells leads to the second inherent problem: weight. The average chainsaw weighs ten pounds, compared to a two-pound machete. Why increase the chances of exhaustion? Safety must also be considered. One slip, and the spinning teeth might be slicing through your skull just as easily as your enemy's. Like any machine, another problem is noise. A chainsaw's distinctive roar, even if running for just a few seconds, [[SoMuchForStealth will be enough to broadcast to every zombie within earshot "Dinner is served!"]]

-> '''Moth:''' '''IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING! THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF {{STEAMPUNK}}!''' '''''IT'S NOT PRACTICAL!'''''

-->-- '''Death''' in ''Discworld/ReaperMan''

--> '''Moth:''' Now face the wrath of my ''Steam Sword!''
--> '''Harvey:''' What does the steam do?!
--> '''Moth:''' '''IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING! THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF {{STEAMPUNK}}!''' '''''IT'S NOT PRACTICAL!'''''

-->--'''WesternAnimation/HarveyBeaks'''

-->--'''WebAnimation/HarveyBeaks'''-
---

----

-->--'''JoCat''', ''Crap Guide to Monster Hunter''

-->--''[[VideoGame/{{Wipeout}} WipEout 2048]]'', description of the Pir-hana Prototype

-->-- '''Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space'''

->In the year 2000, one of these laser turntables cost $20,500, but [[FromBadToWorse it didn't stop there]], as you'd also need a really good record cleaner to go along with it. They suggest one that costs another $13,500. Why the cleaner? Well, because laser turntables can't cope with any dust. Any specks of dirt get read by the laser and [[SensoryAbuse create a sound described in this review as sounding like "someone munching potato chips"]]. It says "you simply have to clean - preferably wet clean" - a record before playing it on a laser turntable. Although it says that "if a record has been wet-cleaned, vaccuumed dry, and properly stored, it is possible to play it [...] after thoroughly re-vaccumming it[s surface]". Does this still sound like a good idea to you?\\

->In the year 2000, one of these laser turntables cost $20,500, but [[FromBadToWorse it didn't stop there]], as you'd also need a really good record cleaner to go along with it. They suggest one that costs another $13,500. Why the cleaner? Well, because laser turntables can't cope with any dust. Any specks of dirt get read by the laser and [[SensoryAbuse create a sound described by this review as sounding like "someone munching potato chips"]]. It says "you simply have to clean - preferably wet clean" - a record before playing it on a laser turntable. Although it says that "if a record has been wet-cleaned, vaccuumed dry, and properly stored, it is possible to play it [...] after thoroughly re-vaccumming it[s surface]". Does this still sound like a good idea to you?\\

->In the year 2000, one of these laser turntables cost $20,500, but [[FromBadToWorse it didn't stop there]], as you'd also need a really good record cleaner to go along with it. They suggest one that costs another $13,500. Why the cleaner? Well, because laser turntables can't cope with any dust. Any specks of dirt get read by the laser and [[SensoryAbuse create a sound described by this review as sounding like "someone munching potato chips"]]. It says "you simply have to clean, preferably wet clean," a record before playing it on a laser turntable. Although it says that "if a record has been wet-cleaned, vaccuumed dry, and properly stored, it is possible to play it [...] after thoroughly re-vaccumming it[s surface]". Does this still sound like a good idea to you? Now, I recently saw a new machine on [=eBay=] for for the [[SarcasmMode bargain sum]] of 15 thousand US dollars, plus $600 postage. And to that, I'd also have to add on import duty and 20% VAT - that's tax, for people who don't know. Also, bear in mind that the laser turntable can only play black vinyl, so you'd need to keep a [[BoringButPractical separate stylus-equipped record player]] around if you've got anything else.\\

'''Rory Swann:''' Classic? I suppose you could call 'em that. 'Course, most folks like a bike that don't [[StuffBlowingUp explode on them]] when the repeller seals freeze up, or the fuel cells start leaking radioactive waste -- but hey, [[NostalgiaFilter who cares if it's a 'classic']], right?

->In order to gain extra speed, the chassis of this prototype has been thinned out to such an extreme that the pilot can barely breathe inside the cockpit. It is so thin, in fact that there isn't enough room for the standard steering rack, or acceleration module, requiring the pilot to rely solely on their airbrakes to steer and auto-accelerate. Any test pilot would be crazy to get anywhere near this thing.

->What, you've never seen a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTLKy4WWIQo Canadian Destroyer?]] It's amazing, and the stupidest thing I've ever seen. It's pro wrestling.

->"[[InstantWinCondition When 3 Destiny Counters are on this card]], [[TheEnemyGateIsDown you win the Duel]]." ...And before three Counters are on it, you'll ''lose'' the duel.

->Popular fiction has shown us [[ChainsawGood the awesome, brutal power of the chainsaw]]. It's lightning-quick rotating teeth can easily slice through flesh and bone, making the strength and skill required for manual weapons unnecessary. Its roar might also give the owner [[HellYesMoment a much-need psychological boost]] - empowerment in a situation where abject terror is a given. How many horror movies have you seen in which this industrial killing machine has spelled doom for anyone and anything it touched? [[JustForFun/TelevisionIsTryingToKillUs In reality, however, chainsaws and similar powered devices rank extremely low on the list of practical zombie-killing weapons]]. For starters, their fuel supply is finite. Once drained, they provide as much protection as a hand-held stereo. Carrying extra fuel or power cells leads to the second inherent problem: weight. The average chainsaw weighs ten pounds, compared to a two-pound machete. Why increase the chances of exhaustion? Safety must also be considered. One slip, and the spinning teeth might be slicing through your skull just as easily as your enemy's. Like any machine, another problem is noise. A chainsaw's distinctive roar, even if running for just a few seconds, [[SoMuchForStealth will be enough to broadcast to every zombie within earshot "Dinner is served!"]]

->[[HauntedCastle Harrenhal]] is a prize; a [[NighInvulnerable nigh-impregnable]] castle with enough land and income to make a man, at a stroke, [[{{Fiction500}} one of the greatest lords in Westeros]]. But you would not be entirely right, either. Say, [[StandardHeroReward by a king's grace]], Harrenhal became yours. Now you must garrison it. You must repair it and maintain it. Even stretched to the end of your means, [[BigLabyrinthineBuilding you cannot fill and manage the whole castle]]. So you would retreat your household to four of the five towers - then three, then two, then only the bottom thirds of those. You close the Hall of the Hundred Hearths and take your meals in your rooms. Even then you can't shake the feeling of desolation; that [[EldritchLocation Harrenhal and it's vastness is devouring you]].
->In later years, as you bury a grandson or a great-grandson, the last of you line... '' '''[[{{Curse}} you will know it has]].''' ''