History Quotes / AlternateHistory

->''"It's such a useless exercise," Kirana reflected. "What if this had happened, what if that had happened, what if the [[HordesFromTheEast Golden Horde]] had forced the Gansu Corridor at the start of the [[ForeverWar Long War]], what if the Japanese had attacked China after retaking Japan, what if [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing the Ming]] had kept their treasure fleet, what if [[MiddleEasternCoalition we]] had discovered and conquered [[DifferentStatesOfAmerica Yingzhou]], what if UsefulNotes/AlexanderTheGreat had not died young, on and on, and they all would have made enormous differences and yet it's always entirely useless. These historians who talk about employing counterfactuals to bolster their theories, [[SelfDeprecation they're ridiculous.]] Because no one knows why things happen, you see? Anything could follow from anything. Even real history tells us nothing at all. Because we don't know if history is sensitive, and [[ForWantOfANail for want of a nail]] a civilization was lost, or if our mightiest acts are [[InSpiteOfANail as petals on a flood]], or something in between, or both at once. We just don't know, and the [[WhatIf what-ifs]] don't help us figure it out."''

-->--'''Anon'''[[note]]Though see [[https://books.wwnorton.com/books/detail.aspx?id=8097 this book by economic historian Robert Ransom]][[/note]]

->''"Where were you when you heard the Mayans had [[NukeEm The Bomb?]]"''

-->-- '''Cecil Gershwin Palmer''', ''Welcome to Night Vale'', "If He Had Lived"

-> "Thank you for joining us on this celebration of Alternate History Week. We’ve heard some exciting ones, like 'What if Germany had Won World War II,' 'What if the South Had Won the Civil War,' 'What if Bath Mats Were Never Invented,' and 'What if--Somehow--Germany had Won the Civil War?'"
-- '''Cecil Gershwin Palmer''', ''Welcome to Night Vale'', "If He Had Lived"

->''"The year is 1914. Archduke Franz Ferdinand has just been assassinated, and Europe is on the brink of [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI war]]. But put your history books away, [[AlternateTechline this]] [[SteamPunk is]] [[TankGoodness not]] [[HumongousMecha the]] [[ZeppelinsFromAnotherWorld war]] [[BioPunk you]] [[OrganicTechnology remember]]"''.

->"Imagine a world where the future as we know it never happened. Plagued by crime, terrorism, pollution, racial conflict, religious fundamentalism, public apathy, failure of government, an increasing gap between rich and poor, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking science fiction produced by]] Creator/IrwinAllen."

->''The first rule of time travel is that any and all modifications made to the timeline result in [[GodwinsLawOfTimeTravel Hitler winning World War II]]. Run over a hippy in 1968? Hitler wins.''

-->--'''Anon'''

->''[[TakeThatMe "It's such a useless exercise,"]] Kirana reflected. "What if this had happened, what if that had happened, what if the [[HordesFromTheEast Golden Horde]] had forced the Gansu Corridor at the start of the [[ForeverWar Long War]], what if the Japanese had attacked China after retaking Japan, what if [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing the Ming]] had kept their treasure fleet, what if [[MiddleEasternCoalition we]] had discovered and conquered [[DifferentStatesOfAmerica Yingzhou]], what if UsefulNotes/AlexanderTheGreat had not died young, on and on, and they all would have made enormous differences and yet it's always entirely useless. These historians who talk about employing counterfactuals to bolster their theories, they're ridiculous. Because no one knows why things happen, you see? Anything could follow from anything. Even real history tells us nothing at all. Because we don't know if history is sensitive, and [[ForWantOfANail for want of a nail]] a civilization was lost, or if our mightiest acts are [[InSpiteOfANail as petals on a flood]], or something in between, or both at once. We just don't know, and the [[WhatIf what-ifs]] don't help us figure it out."''

->''"It's such a useless exercise," Kirana reflected. "What if this had happened, what if that had happened, what if the [[HordesFromTheEast Golden Horde]] had forced the Gansu Corridor at the start of the [[ForeverWar Long War]], what if the Japanese had attacked China after retaking Japan, what if [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing the Ming]] had kept their treasure fleet, what if [[MiddleEasternCoalition we]] had discovered and conquered [[DifferentStatesOfAmerica Yingzhou]], what if UsefulNotes/AlexanderTheGreat had not died young, on and on, and they all would have made enormous differences and yet it's always entirely useless. These historians who talk about employing counterfactuals to bolster their theories, they're ridiculous. Because no one knows why things happen, you see? Anything could follow from anything. Even real history tells us nothing at all. Because we don't know if history is sensitive, and [[ForWantOfANail for want of a nail]] a civilization was lost, or if our mightiest acts are [[InSpiteOfANail as petals on a flood]], or something in between, or both at once. We just don't know, and the [[WhatIf what-ifs]] don't help us figure it out."''

->''"It's such a useless exercise," Kirana reflected. "What if this had happened, what if that had happened, what if the [[HordesFromTheEast Golden Horde]] had forced the Gansu Corridor at the start of the [[ForeverWar Long War]], what if the Japanese had attacked China after retaking Japan, what if [[UsefulNotes/DynastiesFromShangToQing the Ming]] had kept their treasure fleet, what if [[MiddleEasternCoalition we]] had discovered and conquered [[DifferentStatesOfAmerica Yingzhou]], what if UsefulNotes/AlexanderTheGreat had not died young, on and on, and they all would have made enormous differences and yet it's always entirely useless. These historians who talk about employing counterfactuals to bolster their theories, they're ridiculous. Because no one knows why things happen, you see? Anything could follow from anything. Even real history tells us nothing at all. Because we don't know if history is sensitive, and [[ForWantOfANAil for want of a nail]] a civilization was lost, or if our mightiest acts are [[InSpiteOfANail as petals on a flood]], or something in between, or both at once. We just don't know, and the [[WhatIf what-ifs]] don't help us figure it out."''

-->--'''Eli Cash''', ''TheRoyalTenenbaums''

->''"The year is 1914. Archduke Franz Ferdinand has just been assassinated, and Europe is on the brink of [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI war]]. But put your history books away, [[AlternateTechline this]] [[SteamPunk is]] [[TankGoodness not]] [[HumongousMecha the]] [[ZeppelinsFromAnotherWorld war]] [[BioPunk you]] [[OrganicTechnology remember]"''].

->''"Where were you when you heard the Mayans had [[NukeEm The Bomb?]]''

->''"The year is 1914. Archduke Franz Ferdinand has just been assassinated, and Europe is on the brink of [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI war]]. But put your history books away, [[AlternateTechline this]] [[SteamPunk is]] [[TankGoodness not]] [[HumongousMecha the]] [[ZeppelinsFromAnotherWorld war]] [[BioPunk you]] [[OrganicTechnology remember]].

-->--'''Jack Donaghy''', ''30 Rock''

->''"The year is 1914. Archduke Franz Ferdinand has just been assassinated, and Europe is on the brink of [[WorldWarI war]]. But put your history books away, [[AlternateTechline this]] [[SteamPunk is]] [[TankGoodness not]] [[HumongousMecha the]] [[ZeppelinsFromAnotherWorld war]] [[BioPunk you]] [[OrganicTechnology remember]].

->''"The year is 1914. Archduke Franz Ferdinand has just been assassinated, and Europe is on the brink of [[WorldWarI war]]. But put your history books away, [[AlternateTechline this]] [[SteamPunk is]] [[TankGoodness not]] [[HumungousMecha the]] [[ZeppelinsFromAnotherWorld war]] [[BioPunk you]] [[OrganicTechnology remember]].
-->--[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYiw5vkQFPw Trailer]] for ''Literature/Leviathan''

-->--colonel_green of [=ScansDaily=]

->''Somehow stories about what the South would do if they won the Civil War don't focus on the potential socio-economic effects of an independent Confederacy, or on how politics and civil rights would evolve in those two nations, or even how the two could come to a amicable peace. It's always about war and slavery.''
-->--A random forum poster reduces AmericanCivilWar AlternateHistory to its base elements

->''"What if the Germans had won the war, Lemon?
-->--Jack Donaghy from ''30 Rock'' reduces it even more effectively.

->''Where were you when you heard the Mayans had [[NukeEm The Bomb?]]''

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