History Main / SafeSaneAndConsensual

* In more hardcore Dominance and Submission, the kink can be about very deep submission and the giving up of nearly all freedom, the submissive wishing to please their Dominant to levels that risk personal harm. In complete contrast, the submission can even be about a fight for control — where the Dominant takes control of the submissive and the submissive only allows that control after a struggle or the Dominant needing to earn it in some way (e.g. the Dominant needs to force complete restriction on the submissive before they will submit to their will, or there might even be a real physical struggle where the sub will only submit if overcome). In this instance, the Dominant and the Submissive consent to the scenario, but the fight for control has an element of risk, sometimes even foregoing safe words (which is generally a really stupid idea unless you have absolute trust in your partner that they won't push you past your hard-line boundaries, or you have a Dungeon Master standing by to intervene if things go too far).

But how do we really know what's going on? A mutual game, or abuse? Sometimes it can be hard to see the difference between the two.

This pattern can also be used to describe, for example, the difference between a honest boxing match and simply beating someone up. There are many variations of the pattern: Consenting Adults, Informed Consent, [[FunWithAcronyms Risk Aware Consensual Kink]], and so on. But while nuances may differ and may be important in specific contexts, the basic concept is the same: Everyone involved does not merely give lip-service consent, they know what they are getting into and are capable of deciding for themselves what they want and don't want. For more on the fine nuances of the difference between these phrases, see the [[UsefulNotes/{{Consent}} Useful Notes entry on Consent]].

* But no matter the situation or combination of Bondage and Dominance, Dominance and Submission, or Sadism and Masochism, the key point is that the Dominant becomes responsible for what happens to the submissive and should ''never'' break the submissive or push them past boundaries that they can't tolerate. The roles are complementary and depend upon willingness to enter into a given scene or relationship under certain conditions. When the control is forced upon the submissive unwillingly and they are treated in ways that they are unwilling to tolerate or don't want to submit to, or even if they ''do'' like it, if the Dominant pushes them to breaking point or causes permanent harm, that is when the entire nature of the relationship changes and it becomes abuser and abused, or more like the relationship found in torture. Also, if the Dominant neglects the aftercare and needs of the sub outside of the scene or sex, or forces too strict rules or punishment onto the sub, this can also be abuse, although the risk there is that both Dominant and submissive can be completely unaware that it is happening if they become too immersed.

This trope is about discussing and defining the limits of proper behavior, [[Administrivia/InternalSubtrope or]] simply waving a Consent Flag. People simply ''doing'' [=BDSM=] in a SSC way is not this trope: It is either CasualKink or BrainsAndBondage, while people doing [=BDSM=] in an anti-SSC way falls under BondageIsBad unless this trope comes into play in some form; for example, the victim or another character pointing out that it's not the proper way to do [=BDSM=].

* ''Manga/{{Evangelion 303}}'': In chapter 17, twenty-years-old Shinji and Asuka explore their relationship's sexual dynamics further. Asuka wants to try bondage games. When Shinji asks if she is REALLY, ABSOLUTELY sure that she wants to get tied up and spanked by him, she retorts that she is and he better do so now. Later, when he says he is surprised at her being a sub, she explains THAT is the point of fantasy. During the chapter, Shinji reflects that Asuka had probably fantasized about it for a long time, but before him she had never met someone she trusted enough to try it, and she wanted to be sure she could share her secret fantasies with him before [[spoiler:their wedding]].

* While engaging in bondage in ''[[http://archiveofourown.org/works/7466109/chapters/23880495 Slippery When Wet]]'' (NSFW fic), Max breaks character twice to remind Chloe to let her know if things get too much, and makes sure she remembers their safe word before they begin proper.

* In ''Fanfic/ThePowerOfSeven'', Harry's dynamic with Demelza in particular depends on them both acknowledging the limits of their interaction, as Demelza has a definite interest in tales of experienced men protecting/seducing lower-class women. This prompts Harry to approach their relationship in the manner of a team captain giving her guidance, to the point that Demelza refers to him as 'Captain' during their encounters and has even been told she has a safe word (although she's never used it to date, expressing complete faith that Harry will protect and reward her).

* In the ''Literature/KushielsLegacy'' universe, things can get plenty kinky, but there are ''rules'' in place and violating them isn't just illegal, it's ''heresy''. Both law and custom ensures that even indentured sex servants only participate if they enjoy that kind of thing, and sometimes with a bodyguard waiting, just in case things go too far.
* ''Literature/PaladinOfShadows'': With an exception in the very first book involving an underage hooker, Mike goes out of his way to discuss the technical details of [=BDSM=] as far as consent and safety goes, including discussions about {{Safe Word}}s and limits for the other participant(s).

* The episode of ''Series/{{CSI}}'' that introduced Lady Heather also featured her schooling both Gil and Catherine on the difference between [=BDSM=] and abuse, with heavy emphasis on Safe Sane and Consensual, although she didn't use that phrase.
* In ''Series/JackOfAllTrades'', the episode located on De Sade's island has much of the [=BDSM=] exaggerated for comedy, so it's easy to forget that all the guests (except the protagonists, who are there under false pretenses) came there by their own free will. (Sanity may be questioned, since the austrian guy's wife ends up taking "acting like a dog" a bit far when she savages him. Again, comedy.)

* ''Series/{{Vikings}}'': Count Odo is a Frankish noble residing in Paris at the court of Emperor Charles. Odo has a BDSM dungeon in the palace and when he introduces the place to Teresa, a Frankish noblewoman who wants to be his mistress, he places great emphasis on consent and some emphasis on safety. Teresa agrees to participate, but doesn't seem to enjoy it the way Odo does. It's revealed later that she hates it and only agreed to it because she spies on the Count and she thinks he might confide more of his secrets to her as his mistress.

* ''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition'': If the Inquisitor pursues a relationship with The Iron Bull, the relationship takes on more than a few notes of BDSM, but all through this filter. Bull makes it clear from the start that the Inquisitor is in control, and he'll do nothing the Inquisitor doesn't want done — and if the Inquisitor says "no," then Bull just drops the arrangement with no grudges. If [[TheEmpath Cole]] is in the party, at some point, he may mention that, while Bull leads in the bedroom, the Inquisitor maintains the power in the proceedings.

* Renzei's second season of ''VisualNovel/VillainousNights'' includes an optional scene in which he and the player character engage in EroticAsphyxiation using Renzei's power over air and the heroine's telepathy, after a conversation very carefully establishing boundaries of consent and safety. Renzei instructs the heroine to choose a safeword which she can telepathically transmit to him to stop everything at a moment's notice, and confirms that if she ''stops'' sharing her thoughts with him or otherwise changes her mind in any way, that will also be a signal for him to stop.

* ''Webcomic/{{Collar6}}'' started off (seemingly) as little more than a comic set in a world where BDSM relationships (especially lesbian ones) were [[ConvenientlyCommonKink publicly expressed and accepted]]. Some aspects were PlayedForLaughs, others just [[AuthorAppeal raw titillation]], until the strip entered a particular storyline that [[MoralEventHorizon crossed a variety of lines no couple should]]. After a combination of a firestorm of fan responses and his own rethinking of the situation, the author spent the majority of the next chunk of story having the characters [[CharacterDevelopment coming to terms with the facts]] that secrets like the ones Mistress Sixx had kept, and some of the "play" she involved Laura in without first getting consent, were absolutely wrong. Since then, anyone who intentionally continues to violate the norm of SSC guidelines are explicitly evil, or at least deluded. Although it should be said that this is also a world where "dominant" and "submissive" spiritual-sexual energies are explicit MAGIC tends to make some of the definitions of "sane" get a bit wobbly.

* In the German Internet Cannibal case, the defense argued that the victim/"victim" had consented to being eaten. The court ruled that no one who is willing to consent to being cannibalized [[MortonsFork is mentally fit to give consent in the first place]]. In other words, not Safe enough to be considered Sane.

* ''Series/{{Vikings}}'': Count Odo is a Frankish noble residing in Paris at the court of Emperor Charles. Odo has a BDSM dungeon in the palace and when he introduces the place to Teresa, a Frankish noblewoman who wants to be his mistress, he places great emphasis on consent and some emphasis on safety. Teresa agrees to participate, but doesn't seem to enjoy it the way Odo does. Later episode reveals she hates it and only agreed to it because she spies on Odo and she thinks he might confide more of his secrets to her as his mistress.

* ''Series/TheVikings'': Count Odo is a Frankish noble residing in Paris at the court of Emperor Charles. Odo has a BDSM dungeon in the palace and when he introduces the place to Teresa, a Frankish noblewoman who wants to be his mistress, he places great emphasis on consent and some emphasis on safety. Teresa agrees to participate, but doesn't seem to enjoy it the way Odo does. Later episode reveals she hates it and only agreed to it because she spies on Odo and she thinks he might confide more of his secrets to her as his mistress.

* In ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11669575/34/For-Love-of-Magic For Love of Magic]]'', Harry enters a BDSM relationship with Professor Vector and notes that he's rather proud of himself for having a good enough feel for her limits that she's never used their safe words. When he gives her to his other lovers for the night, he makes a point of everyone knowing the safe words (yellow for "ease up" and red for "stop") and reminds Vector that she can stop it at any time.

* In hardcore Sadomasochism — Sadism and Masochism — the situation becomes even more involved, where the submissive as the masochist has boundaries that they can't go past — things they like, things they hate, things they tolerate, and things they can't stand — and the Dominant as the sadist can choose to ride those boundaries for punishment and pleasure, sometimes inflicting very high levels of pain or discomfort as severe as the sub can tolerate it (and the idea of "toleration" for pain and discomfort can be pushed to the absolute scary limit, and the greater the trust and understanding between Dominant and Submissive, the more the boundaries for consent, risk, control, submission, and sadomasochism can be pushed (on both sides)).

One notable subversion of this trope is pretending that abuse or exploitation is [=BDSM=] (and thus implied to be SSC). One notable aversion/way of darkly playing it for laughs is to highlight the need for Safe and Sane by sarcastically pretending that consent is all that's needed — [[QuestionableConsent and use an example where someone naively or stupidly agrees to something that they obviously can't handle]].

* ''VisualNovel/MagicalDiary'': After a running gag for a while that Professor Potsdam was going to teach sex ed, the eventual lecture pretty much boils down to: Enthusiastic consent, don't get too distracted from schoolwork, and don't get pregnant, beyond that anything goes. [[spoiler:Takes a dark turn in Damien's path where the lack of the 'safe and sane' part becomes painfully obvious, but still magical-world legal because you ''consented'' to what he did to you.]]
* ''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition'': If the Inquisitor pursues a relationship with The Iron Bull, the relationship takes on more than a few notes of BDSM, but all through this filter. Bull makes clear from the start that the Inquisitor is in control, and he'll do nothing the Inquisitor doesn't want done — and if the Inquisitor says "no," then Bull just drops the arrangement with no grudges. If [[TheEmpath Cole]] is in the party, at some point, he may mention that, while Bull leads in the bedroom, the Inquisitor maintains the power in the proceedings.
* The short independent VisualNovel ''Cute Demon Crashers!'' is all about this. HornyDevils have worked out that it's a lot easier to get fed if they approach people while they're awake and play nice, so they've taken to helping humans safely explore their sexuality. All of the games H-scenes have a button for the PlayerCharacter to say stop at any point, which ends the sex and has their parter immediately start calming them down.

* Is used as therapy in ''[[Literature/ChakonaSpace Forest Tales]]'', after an overdose of mating pheromones, Garrek becomes very aggressive during sex and he becomes afraid of accidentally hurting his mates. He hooks up with a female submissive and finds he can vent it in a controlled manner through [=BDSM=].

* ''Manga/{{Evangelion 303}}'': In chapter 17 twenty-years-old Shinji and Asuka explore their relationship's sexual dynamics further. Asuka wants to try bondage games. When Shinji asks if she is REALLY, ABSOLUTELY sure that she wants getting tied and spanked by him she retorts she is and he better does so now. Later, when he says he is surprised at her being a sub, she explains THAT is the point of fantasy. During the chapter Shinji reflects Asuka had probably fantasized about it for a long time but before him she had never met someone she trusted enough to try it, and she wanted to be sure she could share her secret fantasies with him before [[spoiler:their wedding]].

* The Time Warp from ''Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow'' is implied to be this for most, genuinely weird, Transylvanians. Contrast this with Frank-N-Furter's [[{{CorruptTheCutie}} "Experiments" with easily manipulated humans]].

* In ''Slave World'', this trope is sometimes played straight, but usually overtly Defied with a lot of LampshadeHanging that the plot is not SSC and thus not [=BDSM=] even thought it makes great [=BDSM=] appeal.

* A core philosophy in ''Theatre/{{Hair}}'' -- see page quote

* ''VisualNovel/MagicalDiary'': After a running gag for a while that Professor Potsdam was going to teach sex ed, the eventual lecture pretty much boils down to: Enthusiastic consent, don't get too distracted from schoolwork, and don't get pregnant, beyond that anything goes. [[spoiler: Takes a dark turn in Damien's path where the lack of the 'safe and sane' part becomes painfully obvious, but still magical-world legal because you ''consented'' to what he did to you.]]
* ''VideoGame/DragonAgeInquisition'': If the Inquisitor pursues a relationship with The Iron Bull, the relationship takes on more than a few notes of BDSM, but all through this filter. Bull makes clear from the start that the Inquisitor is in control, and he'll do nothing the Inquisitor doesn't want done - and if the Inquisitor says "no," then Bull just drops the arrangement with no grudges. If [[TheEmpath Cole]] is in the party, at some point, he may mention that, while Bull leads in the bedroom, the Inquisitor maintains the power in the proceedings.

* ''Webcomic/{{Sunstone}}'' is in many ways an AuthorTract on the subject of SSC [=BDSM=] relationships -- covering both the way these relationships can be normal and healthy and the importance of ''being'' safe, sane, and consensual within them.

* Is used as therapy in ''[[Literature/ChakonaSpace Forest Tales]]'', after an overdose of mating pheromones Garrek becomes very aggressive during sex and he becomes afraid of accidentally hurting his mates. He hooks up with a female submissive and finds he can vent it in a controlled manner through [=BDSM=].

* This is the core philosophy of Mistress Matisse's and Creator/DanSavage's sex columns for The Seattle Stranger and Georgia Straight. Savage has specifically said in articles that the only things he considers completely unacceptable are rape, pedophilia, [[BestialityIsDepraved bestiality]], [[ILoveTheDead necrophilia]] and [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprophilia coprophilia.]] He also tends to caution against cheating except in very extreme cases (for example, an abusive partner), though he is an advocate for ''[[MyGirlIsASlut consensual]]'' [[MyGirlIsASlut non-monogamy]].

->''"You know kids, I wish every mother and father in this theater would go home tonight and make a speech to their teenagers and say, 'Kids, be free, no guilt, be whatever you are, do whatever you want to do, just so long as you don't hurt anybody.' "''

The difference between actual abuse and UsefulNotes/{{BDSM}}[=/=]similar activities (sexual and otherwise) is often described in the terms of [=BDSM=] being SSC -- Safe, Sane, And Consensual:

* '''Consensual''' means that everyone involved agree without coercion, and also has a sufficiently high intellectual capacity so they understand the risks and consequences of their actions. (Legally speaking, everyone who has reached a certain age is expected to have reached such capacity, outside of those with cognitive disabilities.) [[WhatDidIDoLastNight Those who are drugged down with high doses of alcohol or similar may not be able to give meaningful consent because of the effects of those substances on inhibitions and mental faculties.]]

Although [=SSC=] is the staple for much of the BDSM scene, requiring consent, able means to understand and "safe" circumstances, it is important to recognize that BDSM is also very complex and that these boundaries can be pushed in certain ways, for different kinks and relationships, and even for intense role-plays. Dominance and Submission is about one person exerting their dominance over another and the other person submitting willfully, ''allowing'' the dominance of the other. It is this willful submission that underlies all healthy [=D/s=] relationships, and in return for this giving up of control to another person, that person, the Dominant, takes responsibility for the restriction, freedom, pain and pleasure of the submissive.

* In more hardcore Dominance and Submission, the kink can be about very deep submission and the giving up of nearly all freedom, the submissive wishing to please their Dominant to levels that risk personal harm. In complete contrast, the submission can even be about a fight for control -- where the Dominant takes control of the submissive and the submissive only allows that control after a struggle or the Dominant needing to earn it in some way (e.g. the Dominant needs to force complete restriction on the submissive before they will submit to their will, or there might even be a real physical struggle where the sub will only submit if overcome). In this instance the Dominant and the Submissive consent to the scenario, but the fight for control has an element of risk, sometimes even foregoing safe words (which is generally a really stupid idea unless you have absolute trust in your partner that they won't push you past your hard-line boundaries, or you have a Dungeon Master standing by to intervene if things go too far).
* In hardcore Sadomasochism -- Sadism and Masochism -- the situation becomes even more involved, where the submissive as the masochist has boundaries that they can't go past -- things they like, things they hate, things they tolerate and things they can't stand -- and the Dominant as the sadist can choose to ride those boundaries for punishment and pleasure, sometimes inflicting very high levels of pain or discomfort as severe as the sub can tolerate it (and the idea of "toleration" for pain and discomfort can be pushed to the absolute scary limit, and the greater the trust and understanding between Dominant and Submissive the more the boundaries for consent, risk, control, submission and sadomasochism can be pushed (on both sides)).

One notable subversion of this trope is pretending that abuse or exploitation is [=BDSM=] (and thus implied to be SSC). One notable aversion/way of darkly playing it for laughs is to highlight the need for Safe and Sane by sarcastically pretending that consent is all that's needed -- [[QuestionableConsent and use an example where someone naively or stupidly agrees to something that they obviously can't handle]].

* In one ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'' strip ([[http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2010-08-28 28 August 2010]]), the PointyHairedBoss is trying to make people believe that slave labor is ok by pretending that "slave" really refers to the [=BDSM=] kind of slavery rather then economical exploitation of poor people. [[HilariousInHindsight Though given the Estonians']] HappinessInSlavery, he might be more accurate than he realizes.

* In one ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'' strip ([[http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2010-08-28 28 August 2010]]), the PointyHairedBoss is trying to make people believe that slave labor is ok by pretending that "slave" really refers to the [=BDSM=] kind of slavery rather then economical exploitation of poor people.

* In one story event in ''VisualNovel/IkemenSengoku'' titled "Surrender My Love", Masamune and the main character agreed to spend a "bondage day" together after the main character responded ''quite'' positively to Masamune's playful suggestion that he get her a collar. While there was very little actual bondage involved, there was a lot of (mostly) nonsexual dominant/submissive roleplay between Masamune and the MC with Masamune "punishing" the MC whenever she did something "naughty" like passionately kissing her after she talked to another man. It's made abundantly clear throughout this that the MC is completely on board with this and even established a safe word with Masamune beforehand in case he suggested doing something she didn't want to do.

* This is the core philosophy of Mistress Matisse's and Creator/DanSavage's sex columns for The Seattle Stranger and Georgia Straight. Savage has specifically said in articles that the only things he considers completely unacceptable are rape, pedophilia, [[BestialityIsDepraved bestiality]], [[ILoveTheDead necrophilia]] and [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprophilia coprophilia.]] He also tends to caution against cheating except in very extreme cases (for example, an abusive partner), though he is an advocate for ''consensual'' non-monogamy.

* In ''Slave World'', this trope is sometimes played straight, but usually overtly Defied with a lot of LampshadeHanging that the plot is not SSC and thus not [=BDSM=] even thought it makes great [=BDSM=] FetishFuel.

* This is the core philosophy of Mistress Matisse's and Creator/DanSavage's sex columns for The Seattle Stranger. Savage has specifically said in articles that the only things he considers completely unacceptable are rape, pedophilia, [[BestialityIsDepraved bestiality]], [[ILoveTheDead necrophilia]] and [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprophilia coprophilia.]] He also tends to caution against cheating except in very extreme cases (for example, an abusive partner), though he is an advocate for ''consensual'' non-monogamy.

* ''Series/NipTuck'': In one episode a dominatrix who's been hired by a guilt-ridden CEO PatientOfTheWeek makes a brief appearance. She actually tortured him with fish hooks while he's still recuperating, but took care to sterilize the wound.

->''"You know kids, I wish every mother and father in this theater would go home tonight and make a speech to their teenagers and say kids, be free, no guilt, be whatever you are, do whatever you want to do, just so long as you don't hurt anybody."''

* ''Manga/{{Evangelion 303}}'': In chapter 17 twenty-years-old Shinji and Asuka explore their relationship's sexual dynamics further. Asuka wants to try bondage games. When Shinji asks if she is REALLY, ABSOLUTELY sure that she wants getting tied and spanked by him she retorts she is and he better does so now. Later, when he says he is surprised at her being a sub, she explains THAT is the point of fantasy. During the chapter Shinji reflects Asuka had probably fantasized about it for a long time but before him she had never met someone she trusted enough to try it, and she wanted to be sure she could share her secret fantasies with him before their wedding.