History Main / PrivateEyeMonologue

* While a bit short on metaphor, The Tale Of X9 episode from SamuraiJack is almost wholly done in this style to great effect.
** "Lulu...sweet thing."

** FrankMiller [[SignatureStyle is addicted to this trope]]. It shows up in almost everything he's written, including ''ComicBook/BatmanYearOne'', ''TheDarkKnightReturns'', and the ''[[ComicBook/FrankMillersWolverine Wolverine]]'' limited series (co-written with ChrisClaremont).

* ''KamenRiderDouble'', itself a {{Homage}} to Western detective drama, does this regularly.

* Played straight in the FilmNoir ShowWithinAShow in the musical ''CityOfAngels''.

-->'''Phineas''': For an average Joe, he gave us an above-average clue. Our next step was clear.\\

* An entire episode of ''CodenameKidsNextDoor'' has Hoagie playing the part of a grade school Private Eye with an office in the janitor's closet. Not only does he use the PI dialogue, the entire episode is a parody of the film noir genre with school hallways becoming fog-shrouded streets, the hallway monitor acting like a hard-nosed police detective, and everyone using bad 30's slang. Which is appropriate for the series, seeing as most all of the episodes are either parodies of movies, or movie genres.

-->'''Phineas''': The sun beat down on the city like a hammer, a relentless hot beating hammer hammering down like a big metaphor that was... hot, for some reason.

* Lampshaded and averted in ''KilnPeople'' by DavidBrin. The protagonist is a private eye who uses ''dittos'' (avatar golems you upload yourself into) with a built-in recorder and a compulsion to narrate everything that happens. But the results are precise and dry.

* ''{{Animaniacs}}'' spoofed this in their parody of ''TheMalteseFalcon''. The episode opens with Yakko narrating. When we see him in his office, he's casually reading from the episode's script.

* ''[[BlackJackJustice]]'' has an interesting variation: there are two main character [=PIs,=] and they ''both'' have this type of monologue. Occasionally parodied by having the two begin arguing through monologues.

* ''[[http://www.decoderringtheatre.com Black Jack Justice]]'' has an interesting variation: there are two main character [=PIs,=] and they ''both'' have this type of monologue. Occasionally parodied by having the two begin arguing through monologues.

* ''Literature/TheChroniclesOfAmber'' uses the style sparingly.

* Lampshaded and averted in ''Kiln People'' by DavidBrin. The protagonist is a private eye who uses ''dittos'' (avatar golems you upload yourself into) with a built-in recorder and a compulsion to narrate everything that happens. But the results are precise and dry.

** [Asking a female audience member her name] "'Diana,' she said in a voice so husky it could pull a dog sled . . . 'Diana,' she breathed. She was my kinda dame: breathing."

* {{SFDebris}} parodied this in his intro to his "[[StarTrekVoyaager Ex Post Facto]]" review.
--->"Into my office walked a dame with million-latinum legs and a swing to her hips that could unphase a tacheon beam. She had trouble stuck to her like stink on Klingon, but the way she set my phaser to stun, I knew I'd be taking the case..."

->''"The rain was comin' down like all the angels in heaven decided to take a piss at the same time. When you're in a situation like mine, you can only think in metaphors."''
-->-- '''Dick Justice''', protagonist of a show within ''MaxPayne2'' which is an AffectionateParody of the monologues of its predecessor, and also one of the many literary-style parallelisms in the game.

* The ''MassEffect'' fanfic [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin "Noir Tali Is Noir"]] got its start as one of these from the perspective of the eponymous engineer, before being developed into an actual story.

* ''Series/MarriedWithChildren'' had an episode where Al became a private eye and they spoofed the usual monologues, especially by having him monologue while other characters are talking so that he misses important information.

* RedditNoir: [[http://www.reddit.com/user/RedditNoir]], a novelty account on reddit posts all of his comments in the style of a private detective in the city of reddit.

The PrivateEyeMonologue is characterized by certain pronunciation and speech patterns that make it immediately recognizable and utterly [[RuleOfCool cool]]. The most basic rule to remember is that it is a ''monologue'', so it is ''spoken'' (not written), preferably in a deep chain-smoker baritone. The last (or second last) word in the sentence is emphasized, to make clear where it ends. Short, choppy sentences in past tense with little conjunction (buts, howevers, and therefores) between them are preferred, and the lexicon mainly consists of [[BeigeProse short, simple words]]; that's why such monologues are so super quotable. PurpleProse and BigWords are taboo.

The most important aspect is [[TalksLikeASimile thinking-in-metaphors]]. Creative metaphors and similes are the alpha and omega of a good PrivateEyeMonologue, in stark contrast to the simplicity of the vocabulary. They demonstrate the relatively good education of the speaker without estranging him from the audience by sounding {{geek}}y. References to popular culture and politics are pure win. [[WeatherReportNarration Mentioning the climate and the current weather is often a must.]] Even more impressive are [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotSymbolic religious (Judeo-Christian) symbolism]] and mythology, just don't overdo it. Repeating a metaphor or simile is a faux pas.

* Roger Smith of the film noir-esque ''Anime/TheBigO'' is a "negotiator" who often ends up investigating the cases of his clients in a manner similar to a Private Eye. He does the PrivateEyeMonologue frequently, especially during the first season.

* In the ''Sailor Moon Expanded'' FanVerse, Magnesite lives to embody this trope. While a mid-ranking baron in the Dark Kingdom, he had his agents bring him earth video equipment so that he could watch old videos of Humphrey Bogart, to whom [[RuleOfFunny he bears a remarkable resemblance]]. He was eventually trapped in a crystal prison by the Sailor Senshi and his former subordinate Calcite, and the only way for him to pass the time for the next 800 years was to replay every Bogart movie he's ever seen. Line by line, scene by scene, from memory. After he is released and placed on parole by Neo-Queen Serenity, he seeks employment in his idol's footsteps as a seedy detective. Unfortunately, Crystal Tokyo is a utopia, which clashes with his desired dingy atmosphere. In addition, because of his prolonged confinement and means of passing the time, he constantly thinks to himself in terms of the PrivateEyeMonologue. Sometimes, though, in accordance with the RuleOfFunny, he will accidentally monologue out loud; usually when the "dizzy dame with legs that could wrap around my waist with room to spare" standing in front of him is a Senshi looking for a reason to inflict harm.

* "The Girl Hunt" in ''TheBandWagon'' is half PrivateEyeMonologue, half ballet. (It should be noted here that the monologue's writer was Alan Jay Lerner.)

* ''TheElementOfCrime'', a film both homaging and deconstructing FilmNoir, offers an interesting variation: the whole movie is a hypnosis induced flashback, and the PrivateEyeMonologue actually consists of a dialogue between the detective undergoing the hypnosis and his therapist. It is also done is the present tense, instead of the past tense.

* Lazlo Woodbine, from Robert Rankin's books, as a character is a parody of the PrivateEyeMonologue, and he only works in the first person even when he appeared in ''The Suburban Book of the Dead'', where everything else was simple third person, and when the characters met, the story ended up ''mixing'' third person prose and first person monologue.

* Calvin of ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' delivers dead-on parodies of the PrivateEyeMonologue as Tracer Bullet, one of his alter egos.

* The ''WesternAnimation/CountDuckula'' episode "All In A Fog" had the Count playing at being a film noir private eye, and a RunningGag involving other characters asking him how he did the PrivateEyeMonologue without moving his lips.

* Spoofed in a ''PinkyAndTheBrain'' episode parodying FilmNoir: Brain would do a SpockSpeak monologue, and Pinky would suggest the standard PrivateEyeMonologue alternative.