History Main / IDontWantToRuinOurFriendship

* Played with in typical ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}''. Elaine reveals to Jerry that she faked all her orgasms with him when they dated. Jerry is bothered by this and asks Elaine for one more bout of sex, but since they've already established they're BetterAsFriends, Elaine turns him down, name-dropping the trope. Jerry thinks she's just lording her non-orgasms over him and this makes them irritable to each other until they realize they have to subvert the trope to get past it and agree to one last non-romantic tryst. [[spoiler: However, Jerry still can't satisfy her in the end.]]

*** A future version of Odo says this himself after confessing to Kira that he has feelings for her, and has since well before the point in time she's currently at.

* ''Manga/BokuraGaIta'': This is basically [[spoiler: Takeuchi's]] response to [[spoiler: his best friend Yano]] when asked if the former planned to pursue the latter's [[spoiler: on-again-off-again girlfriend, Nanami Takahashi.]] Unfortunately, [[spoiler: things get [[HilarityEnsues much]] [[RuleOfDrama more complicated]] after their conversation since Takeuchi decides to ignore the risks and go after his best friend's sort-of-ex anyway, ''fully aware'' that he could end up losing his best friend in the process, since Takeuchi believes "he can make her happier." Thankfully, the boys' friendship stays intact by the end of it all.]]

* On ''Film/SoulFood'', Teri has spent years resisting her feelings for her best friend Brian due to fear of this trope. Sure enough, when they finally do attempt a relationship, it falls apart very quickly (aside from her myriad of personal issues, she isn't over her ex-fiance) and this trope plays out.

** Possibly one of the reasons why [[spoiler:Ron and Hermione]] don't get together [[spoiler:before the end of the first book]], though it's never explicitly stated. [[spoiler:Harry certainly worries how a break-up between Ron and Hermione would affect their group dynamics.]]

* In ''Manga/SasamekiKoto'', this is Sumika's attitude to her relationship with Ushio for a loooong time. And later [[spoiler:vice versa.]]
%%* The same for Fumi toward Akira in ''Manga/SweetBlueFlowers''.
%%* Part of the {{Gayngst}} in ''Manga/GirlFriends''.

* ''Anime/MobileSuitGundamWing'' has a self-inflicted example, where Relena's {{Image Song}}s have her admit that she's in love with Heero, but won't make a move because of this trope, and so is okay with her feelings staying "[[TitleDrop Always a Secret]]".
* Halloween of ''Manwha/WitchHunter'' doesn't confess her feelings for her contractor Tasha, because she has seen how he treats girls who are attracted to him, with complete and total respect and kindness, but a clear message he is not looking for a relationship. She is entirely happy being his supporter, as it means she is the closest person to Tasha and able to understand and see more of him than anyone else, including having a literal mental connection to him.

[[folder:{{Anime}} and {{Manga}}]]

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* ''Film/ZackAndMiriMakeAPorno'' is mostly this.

** At the end of the episode "[[Recap/DoctorWhoS31E11TheLodger The Lodger]]", Craig and Sophie decide to resolve their {{UST}} and ruin their friendship ''properly''. Cue the SexyDiscretionShot.
** Similarly, in a flashback, we see that Rory didn't act on his feelings for Amy because of this. He thought it was a mutual decision. [[MistakenForGay She thought he was gay.]]
* In ''Franchise/StarTrek'', this comes up several times.
** In ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', this is referenced when Shakaar asks Odo's advice about whether or not to pursue a relationship with Kira.
*** A future version of Odo says this himself after confessing to Kira that he has feelings for her, and has since well before the point in time she's currently at.
---->'''Kira:''' Why didn't you ever say anything?\\
'''Odo:''' I didn't think you could possibly care for me the way I care for you. I suppose I was afraid of ruining what we had. Our friendship meant everything to me. It still does.
*** Subverted with Ezri and Julian. They both tell each other this trope, then the next day they are making out in the Ops turbolift.
** Possibly happens for real in the ''[[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration Next Generation]]'' episode "Tapestry". Q zaps Picard back to his days as a young officer so that he can fix his past mistakes. Among other things, Picard sleeps with the girl whom he was JustFriends with originally. The next day, however, she awkwardly realizes that she didn't want the RelationshipUpgrade after all, likely destroying the friendship they had previously. However, it isn't shown what happened to her after this in the alternate timeline, so it's possible they managed to stay friends anyway. An ExpandedUniverse novel has her (and Picard's other friend from the Academy) show up again. She is an admiral in Starfleet Intelligence now, while the other guy is a Section 31 agent (as is her boyfriend). This is the original timeline, though, so she and Picard never slept together.
* Once on ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' both Frasier and Roz say it to each other.
* ''Series/{{The Office|US}}'':
** Jim and Pam have this conversation jokingly after they start dating.
--->'''Pam:''' ''[sarcastically]'' I now find you repulsive.
** After Jim confesses to being in love with Pam in Season 2, Pam tries telling him how important his friendship is to her, bringing Jim to tears.
-->'''Jim:''' Don't do that. I want to be more than that.
* In the ''Series/{{Fringe}}'' episode "White Tulip", [[spoiler: Peter has this conversation with Olivia when addressing their near-kiss. While a slight variation, he claims that he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize their family dynamic.]]

---> '''Chandler:''' Well, I think it's safe to say that our [[TrueCompanions friendship]] is effectively ruined.
---> '''Monica:''' [[BlatantLies Eh, we weren't that close anyway]].

* On ''Series/{{Zoey 101}}'', this is Chase's reason for not telling Zoey that he's in love with her.
* On ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'', [[spoiler: Raj]] has this reply when [[spoiler: Penny]] says the line ... "You can't ruin friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles!"
* ''Series/{{Bones}}''[='=] Brennan does this to Booth, although it appears to have only been a temporary setback. She changes her mind after getting too involved in a case of another lonely woman who let a good guy get away. By that point, though, Booth has a girlfriend. After he breaks up with her (she refuses to marry him), he's disillusioned with women and insists that his and Brennan's relationship be strictly professional (and [[JustFriends friendly off-duty]]). Then things changed again sometime later and now the two have a baby together and are married.
* In ''Series/{{Smallville}}'', this is basically the reason why Chloe and Clark decide not to date, after going on a grand total of one date.
* ''Series/DowntonAbbey'' has Isobel Crawley, who manages to give this speech ''[[ObliviousToLove without knowing she's giving it]]'' to [[spoiler:Dr Clarkson]] in the 2012 Christmas special. That takes talent.
* ''Series/AustinAndAlly'' [[WillTheyOrWontThey has multiple episodes]] and an ''entire song'' [[StupidSexyFriend dedicated solely]] to this trope.

* ''Series/{{Scorpion}}'': In "Love Boat," Happy tells Toby that yes, she does like him the way he likes her, but she's [[NoSocialSkills never been]] best friends with someone before like she is with him and doesn't want to jeopardize that by getting romantically involved.
* On Series/{{Baywatch}}, as Matt and Summer discuss the burgeoning relationship between her mother and their boss. She prattles on about how friends shouldn't date, as it "complicates things". Matt gazes at her the whole time she's talking, slowly realizing his growing feelings for her. When he leans in to kiss her and she asks what he's doing, he declares, "I'm complicating things".
* On ''Film/SoulFood'', Teri has spent years resisting her feelings for her best friend Brian due to fear of this trope. Sure enough, when they finally do attempt a relationship, it falls apart very quickly (aside from her myriad of personal issues, she isn't over her ex-fiance) and this trope plays out.

* On ''Series/BabylonFive'', this turns out to have happened in the past between John Sheridan and Elizabeth Lockley. The two of them had fallen in love and gotten married, but both quickly realized the marriage was a mistake and got divorced just as quickly. [[AmicablyDivorced The divorce saved their friendship]].
* ''Series/TheFlash2014'': Barry Allen is very protective about those he loves after the death of his mother and losing his father. As a result, the biggest reason why he never told his best friend Iris West that he was in love with her was that he was terrified she wouldn't feel the same and he would lose her too. It was only after Iris got a steady boyfriend did Barry realize that he couldn't lie to her anymore, because even without telling her, he lost her anyway.
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. In the season one finale, Xander finally works up the nerve to ask Buffy out, only for Buffy to use this line. Xander's response is uncharacteristically bitter, feeling with some justification that it's just an excuse for rejecting him in favor of [[RomanticVampireBoy Angel]]. Buffy mentions the trope again when explaining to Faith why she's never had sex with Xander -- much to Faith's bewilderment, to whom sex and friendship are entirely unrelated. [[ButtMonkey Xander]] finds that out the hard way when he assumes his one-night stand with Faith means something to her.

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* In [[http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1845 this]] ''Webcomic/QuestionableContent'' strip, this is literally the first thing a newly-introduced character says.

[[folder: {{Anime}} and {{Manga}}]]

[[folder: Comic Books]]

[[folder: Fan Works]]

[[folder: VideoGames]]

[[folder:VisualNovels]]

[[folder: WebComics]]

[[folder: WebOriginal]]

[[folder: WesternAnimation]]

[[folder: Real Life]]

* In the ''Fanfic/ChildOfTheStorm'' universe, this is why Harry and Carol insist on staying JustFriends despite their intense amounts of {{UST}}. They are best friends, and both are aware that neither is psychologically in a good place for a RelationshipUpgrade (especially given Carol's past experience with guys pretending to be her friends just to try and get in her pants). Therefore, they decide to stay where they are in their relationship, the intensity of their feelings be damned. Later, after one SleepCute too many in the sequel, and Harry quoting a certain line from ''Film/ThePrincessBride,'' this morphs slowly into agreeing that they probably will date, but they're still in no hurry. [[spoiler: In chapter 46 of the sequel, they finally firmly ruin it with a kiss.]]

Note that in the first variant the friendship is usually already ruined -- or at least radically altered -- just by bringing this up. There's also the UnfortunateImplications that you shouldn't date your friends or get to know someone before dating them. Some guys (especially the [[EntitledToHaveYou so-called]] [[DoggedNiceGuy "Nice Guys"]]) tend to misinterpret this as AllGirlsWantBadBoys and start distancing themselves from their LoveInterest, [[TookALevelInJerkass and being jerks]], making the ruined friendship a SelfFulfillingProphecy.

Note that in the first variant the friendship is usually already ruined -- or at least radically altered -- just by bringing this up. There's also the UnfortunateImplications that you shouldn't date your friends or get to know someone before dating them. Some guys (especially the [[WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency so-called]] [[DoggedNiceGuy "Nice Guys"]]) tend to misinterpret this as AllGirlsWantBadBoys and start distancing themselves from their LoveInterest, [[TookALevelInJerkass and being jerks]], making the ruined friendship a SelfFulfillingProphecy.

* Halloween of ''Manwha/WitchHunter'' doesn't confess her feelings for her contracter Tasha, because she has seen how he treats girls who are attracted to him, with complete and total respect and kindness, but a clear message he is not looking for a relationship. She is entirely happy being his supporter, as it means she is the closest person to Tasha and able to understand and see more of him then anyone else, including having a literal mental connection to him.

'''Scott:''' (glaring) There is if I screw it up and it blows this team apart. There's a lot more to consider than how I feel. Besides, Jean has stated over and over again she's not interesting in a serious relationship. So it's better for us to stay friends.

* In the ''Fanfic/ChildOfTheStorm'' universe, this is why Harry and Carol insist on staying JustFriends despite their intense amounts of {{UST}}. They are best friends, and both are aware that neither is psychologically in a good place for a RelationshipUpgrade (especially given Carol's past experience with guys pretending to be her friends just to try and get in her pants). Therefore, they decide to stay where they are in their relationship, intensity of their feelings be damned. Later, after one SleepCute too many in the sequel, and Harry quoting a certain line from ''Film/ThePrincessBride,'' this morphs slowly into agreeing that they probably will date, but they're still in no hurry. [[spoiler: In chapter 46 of the sequel, they finally firmly ruin it with a kiss.]]

* Vince and Camille from ''Literature/SuperPowereds''. Camille wanted to be sure that she could always be around to save Vince when he got hurt, and didn't want to take the risk of a stronger but less stable relationship. Vince, for his part, never realized how strongly Camille cared for him until she had already changed her mind.
* In first three books of ''Literature/DoraWilkSeries'', Dora gives it as an explanation as to why she's not with Miron. The ride's bumpy, but in the end they do manage to pull off RelationshipUpgrade.

* ''Series/{{Glee}}'': After Kurt confesses to Blaine that he has a crush, Blaine is [[ObliviousToLove shocked]]. He doesn't turn Kurt down completely, but tells him that he doesn't want to ruin their friendship by taking things too fast, so they'll remain friends. For now. A few episodes later though, Blaine gets his LoveEpiphany and they start dating.

* ''Series/TheFlash2014'': Barry Allen is very protective about those he loves after the death of his mother and losing his father. As a result, the biggest reason why he never told his best friend Iris West that he was in love with her was because he was terrified she wouldn't feel the same and he would lose her too. It was only after Iris got a steady boyfriend did Barry realize that he couldn't lie to her anymore, because even without telling her, he lost her anyway.

* In ''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'', both [[http://www.egscomics.com/index.php?id=1784 Elliot]] and [[http://www.egscomics.com/index.php?id=1588 Susan]] have listed this among the reasons that they aren't likely to become a couple any time soon. Beyond worrying about their own friendship though, they are also worried about general dynamics of their social group, particularly concerning Sarah, who is both Elliot's ex and Susan's best friend.

* Music/VictoriaJustice from ''Series/{{Victorious}}'' has been best friends with her co-star on the show, Avan Jogia, for a long time. If you're a big fan of her, you'd think they are meant for each other, given how close they are and that they spend so much time together. But she has stated that the reason he isn't her boyfriend is because she doesn't want to risk something going wrong and not seeing him again outside of on set.

* Creator/JoshHutcherson said in an interview that he doesn't want to ruin his [[LikeBrotherAndSister like brother and sister]] relationship with his ''Film/TheHungerGames'' co star Creator/JenniferLawrence.

Note that in the first variant the friendship is usually already ruined -- or at least radically altered -- just by bringing this up. There's also the UnfortunateImplications that you shouldn't date your friends or get to know someone before dating them. Some guys (especially the [[WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency so-called "Nice Guys"]]) tend to misinterpret this as AllGirlsWantBadBoys and start distancing themselves from their LoveInterest, [[TookALevelInJerkass and being jerks]], making the ruined friendship a SelfFulfillingProphecy.

* In the ''Fanfic/ChildOfTheStorm'' universe, this is why Harry and Carol insist on staying JustFriends despite their intense amounts of {{UST}}. They are best friends, and both are aware that neither is psychologically in a good place for a RelationshipUpgrade (especially given Carol's past experience with guys pretending to be her friends just to try and get in her pants). Therefore, they decide to stay where they are in their relationship, intensity of their feelings be damned.
** Later, after one SleepCute too many and Harry quoting a certain line from ''Film/ThePrincessBride,'' this morphs slowly into agreeing that they probably will date, but they're still in no hurry.

* The same for Fumi toward Akira in ''Manga/SweetBlueFlowers''.
* Part of the {{Gayngst}} in ''Manga/GirlFriends''.

* This ends up being a major plot point in ''Manga/KaguyaSamaLoveIsWar'', although with a slight twist. [[spoiler:The main reason why Kaguya tries to get Shirogane to confess to her rather than simply confess herself even after she admits to herself that she likes him is because she's afraid that all the signs that he likes her are just her misenterpreting his natural NiceGuy personality.]]
-->'''Kaguya:''' [[spoiler:If you were to reject my confession, there's no doubt that our friendship would be ruined. That's why [[TitleDrop I want to be confessed to]]. Because if I were to confess, I might fail. However, if you were to confess to me, your chance of success is 100%!]]

** Harry doesn't tell [[spoiler:Ginny]] of his feelings for her in ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince'' because [[spoiler:he doesn't want to risk his friendship with Ron.]] Probably justified, since [[spoiler:Ron is shown to be incredibly protective of her and going as far as accusing her of [[ReallyGetsAround getting around]].]]