History JustForFun / TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVowsCellblockC

# I will never ever try to take over the world by playing a '''[[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries children's card game]]'''.

# If I have other means to gain control of the kingdom than to force a princess to marry me, I'll go with this plan instead. Also, I'll make sure to remember that "princess" is not synonym to "first beauty in the country" or to "perfect wife for evil lord."

# Given a choice between killing a specific high-ranking enemy with a 30 megaton ICBM, and a gun, I'd choose the gun. It does put me in danger, but it's the only way to bypass his {{plot armor}}.

# If [[ArmorIsUseless body armor cannot protect my minions]], I won't issue it. What's the point?

# I will refrain from using the [[StockPhrase standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "{{You fool}}!" lower minion self-esteem, and while they get the point across, are overused.

# Mooks will have their libido suppressed to nil while on duty, [[AllMenArePerverts regardless]] of [[AllWomenAreLustful gender]]. My armies are at war, and while we're at it, they cannot be distracted by trivial matters such as sex.

# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}. Marbe I should pick up something less obviously evil, like a trombone. [[OhWait Oh Wait.]]

# Unless I am sure that there's a [[LostAesop long lost moral to the story]], I will refrain from [[NotSoDifferent pointing out any contradictions]], [[WhatIsEvil grey areas]], [[HannibalLecture or other weaknesses in the hero's moral code]]. [[TheWarOnStraw Odds are that the author put more thought into rebutting my complaints than the complaints themselves]].

# If I have a genie's lamp, I won't let [[Disney/{{Aladdin}} the hero trick me into]] [[BecomingTheGenie becoming an "all-powerful" genie]], if it would cost me my freedom.

# I will also make sure the {{plucky comic relief}} cannot find the secret room by [[ShaggySearchTechnique stumbling around and tripping into it.]]

# I will also make sure the {{plucky comic relief}} cannot find the secret room by stumbling around and tripping into it.

# Just in case a hero has someone to take the bullet for them, I will always have an extra bullet more than I need to execute heroes. Furthermore, I will capitalize on the time it takes the hero to hear the rescuer's last words to line up my next shot and kill him.

# I will refrain from using the [[StockPhrase standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "{{You fool}}!" lower minion self-esteem, and while they get the point across, are cliche.

# I will not deny or undermine the effectiveness of [[ThoseLackingSpines cake-based cooking songs]] as [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment a form of torture]].

# The corridor leading to my {{artifact of doom}} will be full of highly visible and sweeping laser beams, that will distract intruders from the grid of invisible laser beams; as well as the sound, heat, and motion detectors.

# If I rise to power by [[DragonAscendant replacing my boss]], I will not lash out if my former leader returns, odds are whatever helped him cheat death could turn me into a puddle of molten flesh in an instant. Instead, I'll return to serving him until I find what his weakness is, and then direct the heroes to it so I can take him out when I get the chance.

# If I beat the heroes to any sort of [[McGuffin magic artifact]] that doesn't involve my own plans, I'll destroy the thing on the spot, not throw it into my dungeon in an easily accessed spot, the only exception will be if destroying the artifact will remove my powers.

# If I manage to capture one of the heroes, I'll figure out what kind of weakness allowed me to capture this one at first. Then perform other methods like psychic interrogation, DNA scanning and computer simulations for further discovery on their weaknesses and abilities. This data will then be present at the next advisers meeting for analysis and exploiting it.

# I will refrain from using the [[StockPhrase standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "{{You fool}}", lower minion self-esteem, and while they get the point across, are cliche.

# All weaponry that can overheat and explode in my face will have a temperature-operated failsafe, that will render the weapon completely inoperable if removed or tampered with, except for repairs and upgrades.

# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}.

# Self-preservation will always come before the plan, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I ''will not'' let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately.
# I will never underestimate the advantages of good intel and high power sniper rifles. It may not be chivalrous or fair to shoot the hero in the back from miles away but I am more likely to succeed this way. If it does not work I will carry on trying at random intervals.
# I will never, ever create technology that can [[Webcomic/AGirlAndHerFed bypass all security and lay bare the secrets of everyone, and drive the users insane so they can be controlled more easily]]. That shit not only gets you nowhere, it usually ends with rebellions and your creations being used against you.
# I will endeavor to use reason to combat enemy tactics. For example, if a book must be banned because it is enemy propaganda, I will explain why to the public and point out passages that directly oppose the empire's values, or explain the possible consequences of people reading the novel.
# I will give all possible military aid to allied nations, so that the hero will have trouble finding allies there who oppose me.
# If I must kill someone and I know that the public will inevitably hear about it, I will explain why I did it and why it was unavoidable, placing emphasis on any treason, rebellion, or other detrimental aspects of the victim's life.
# I will not live in my fortress, instead, I will hide in my grandmother's basement and have my fortress presided over by a robotic replica of someone I hate. This robot will do all the dirty work and, with luck, get killed by the heroes while I am safe to watch them hack it up.
# I'll watch out for any [[DecoyProtagonist fake heroes]], if someone threatening my regime dies quickly enough that I say "That was too easy", I'm probably right. I'll investigate the family ties related to the person I just killed, and deduce which one will most likely grow up to be the revenge-seeking hero.
# I'll also watch out for any [[SupportingProtagonist sidekicks]], if my spies reveal the leader of the [[FiveManBand band of heroes]] coming for me doesn't have a reason for wanting my death besides my generic villainy, I'll direct my resources away from him to the others and try to find out who the real {{hero}} or {{chosen one}} among them is.
# I will always assume that my evil plans can fail at any given point, whether it be anywhere from before it begins to moments before its completion, and plan accordingly. Also, I will keep Murphy's law in mind.
# I will do my research and ensure that my opponent does not [[Literature/WarriorCats believe in an entity that grants him multiple lives]]. If so, I will find a way to get rid of his additional lives '''before''' facing him. After all, finding out only during a battle usually leads to [[CurbStompBattle unpleasant surprises]] and death.
# If I steal something of value from the hero, I won't [[StolenGoodReturnedBetter upgrade it for my own personal use]], eventually the hero will wind up taking it back, and he will have an upgraded item made with my resources.
# If the entire [[FiveManBand party of heroes]] has been captured and imprisoned, they will be locked up separately, [[TeamPet their pet]] who could help them escape will be isolated, and the smartest guards (or at least ones with some common sense) will be assigned to watch them.
# [[InfantImmortality I won't try to kill infants]], especially that [[ChosenOne one prophesied to defeat me]]. [[SelfFulfillingProphecy I won't fall into the trap of trying to kill a kid who otherwise wouldn't be a threat until I make him one]]. Instead I will raise the child as my heir, and I'll fulfill the letter of the prophesy by having him beat me at a kid's game or sport.
# In the event that the hero enters my lair, I will [[DisguisedHostageGambit disguise myself as a butler, have my butler disguised as me,]] and once he kills the butler, and has his moment of triumph, I will kill him with a simple shot to the back of the head.
# I will remember that my [[EliteMooks special forces]] who have never lost a battle, can still be defeated. Too many Evil Overlords have relied too heavily on them and are soon left with no elite warriors after the Hero eventually kills them.
# I will not underestimate an enemy army just because we have outnumbered them. They may still have a chance of prevailing.
# If I'm draining life energy from people, harvesting organs, or extracting bodily fluids from corpses, then I will make sure to do the grisly work in a clean environment out of sight. While it may be useful to have corpses laying around to instill an air of fear... I should at least be able to keep things neat and tidy when necessary.
# Guards will always carry a list with names and descriptions of people who are allowed entrance. Allowing in anyone who's not on the list will result in execution. Anyone who refuses to believe their names aren't on the list, and insists "there must be some kind of mistake", will be interrogated outside the premises.
# If I ever find myself in a situation where me and my enemy are standing at opposite ends of a room with guns aimed at each other, I will skip over the dialogue and just shoot him in the head before he causes any more trouble.
# If my demise is inevitable, and there's ''nothing'' I can do to save myself, I'll attempt to {{face death with dignity}} (or at least hide the shame). Nothing's more humiliating than revealing oneself to be a [[DirtyCoward pathetic coward]] or a {{sore loser}} in their final moments.
# Although I will make [[StayingAlive backup plans]] [[BackFromTheDead for my possible death]], I will '''not''' [[MyDeathIsJustTheBeginning design this part of the plan]] [[ThanatosGambit to be a core element]].
# My retirement plan will have enough challenges to keep me occupied. Too many accomplished villains grow [[VictoryIsBoring bored with victory]], and go back to fighting battles they've already won out of nostalgia.
# I will make sure that I have one person in my evil council whose job it is to [[CommanderContrarian argue against anything suggested]]. He will not be punished for disagreeing with me, so as long as he has reasonable arguments.
# Before I {{curse}} anyone, I'll make sure it isn't broken by [[TrueLovesKiss true love's kiss]] or something easy like that. I'll either use one that can't be broken or, better yet, one that can only be broken by having me willingly kiss them.
# If I must use {{mind control}}, I'll ensure only I can remove it of my own free will, and that killing me will cause all the affected to die horribly.
# If I [[MindControl brainwash]] someone into becoming my sleeper agent who forwards my evil plans without their knowledge, I will not have the brainwashing wear off when my sleeper agent finishes the last task I gave them. They'll simply return to an initial state where more instructions can be provided.
# If I capture and [[MindControl brainwash]] one of the heroes, I will not send them back to their companions with instructions to lead them into a trap, or backstab them. Instead, I will seize the opportunity to order my new slave to turn around, then execute them.
# I'll never [[BadIsGoodAndGoodIsBad outlaw smiling, hugs, flowers, or "being nice"]]. I might not like any of that stuff, but ruling a whole country of assholes and people forced to be assholes will just make everyone annoyed and miserable, cause rampant crime and vandalism, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking lower property values]].
# {{Professional butt kisser}}s will not be promoted, as they only give animosity to other henchmen. Butt kissing will only be used as a tie breaker if the butt kisser is as loyal, intelligent, and effective a leader as the other candidate.
# If I have a [[OneWingedAngel monstrous form]], I'll ensure the transformation lasts a fraction of a second so I won't be attacked while doing so. If I have more than one, I'll use the most powerful form and kill everyone before something bad happens.
# After [[Anime/DragonBallZ destroying the home planet of the only race that can possibly challenge me]], I will order the entire star system scanned for {{escape pod}}s before doing anything else. I will also kill the only survivors instead of letting them work for me.
# I will never casually assume the heroes won't employ some of their more morally questionable options because they're too good for it. If all goes according to plan, there's a good chance they'll treat [[TheBadGuyWins my decisive victory]] as [[GodzillaThreshold the final straw]].
# My Legions of Evil will not [[FacelessGoons conceal their faces]], [[FanFic/ACureForLove and they will all wear helpful "Hello, my name is..." nametags so I know who to punish if they step out of line]].
# If I decide to destroy a town, I will make sure that I've burned it completely, so that no one survives. I'm a villain, after all... I'm not supposed to be nice.
# If I see an {{escape pod}} leaving a vessel I have just commandeered, I will destroy the escape pod, even if there doesn't appear to be anyone on board.
# If I'm about to lose a civil war, I ''may'' negotiate with the rebels, allowing them to take over in exchange for [[KarmaHoudini granting me immunity to prosecution]], and living in a luxurious exile for the rest of my life. Hopefully there's always the chance that [[VetinariJobSecurity the rebels will run things so badly that loyalists will beg for my return]].
# I will read up on [[TheUniversalGenreSavvyGuide other useful guides]], and use their tactics when a situation occurs which makes the tactics contained in ''this'' list ineffective or counterproductive.
# I will not be focused on avenging petty injustices in my childhood, as this will make me appear to be rather pathetic instead of respectable.
# I won't invite private citizens into my fortress while executing the final stages of my plan.
# If a new employee, passing traveler, or guest I've invited bests me at a simple game I would normally win, I will interrogate and kill them immediately. That man ([[SamusIsAGirl or woman]], or teenager) is an enemy spy.
# All rooms in a base, including bathrooms and even my own personal bedroom, will be bugged with a vast surveillance network of hidden cameras and microphones.
# I will jam all wireless communications and radio frequencies in and around my fortress. Any outward communications will be done via direct, wired communications through monitored channels.
# If I intend for my nemesis to unwittingly activate my superweapon during a PR stunt, I will secretly be carrying a second remote trigger for the superweapon. If the crowd starts to panic over an exciting entrance by the hero, I will activate the weapon and hightail it out of there.
# Despite how impressive it may be, I won't keep my [[SharkPool shark in a giant glass tank]], particularly when I try to drop henchmen [[YouHaveFailedMe who failed me]] or visiting heroes in there. Six-inch-thick portholes can be just as dramatic.
# If my plan involves replacing powerful leaders with clones, I won't waste time by waiting for all my targets to be replaced before disposing all the originals at once. [[KillAndReplace Instead, I will kill each one as he/she is being replaced]].
# If my plan relies on the assistance of {{the gambling addict}}, [[YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness I will kill him when he's no longer useful]]. They are easy to control, but can become {{greed}}y quickly. And they tend to gamble with everything, especially with Evil Overlords and Death.
# I won't ever reveal my plans to the hero, ''especially'' when he plays a crucial role in it. If he asks me, I will lie all about it; or should I tell the truth, he will be killed immediately.
# If my men find an otherwise innocuous item that contains an advanced system or mechanism in a guest's or employee's room, I will confiscate ALL items from the room, regardless of how innocent they seem.
# I will resist any urge to taunt my enemy during my escape. For instance, if flying away via helicopter, I will not stop to wave goodbye at them.
# Despite any similarities they have, I will not keep an enemy alive because they resemble a lost family member or friend. As much as it would break my heart, it would be far better to just kill them immediately.
# If my plan involves derailing a high political figure, I will kill him once I am finished with him, not keep him drunken and embarrassed in the dilapidated building right next to my fortress.
# The keycard I use to activate my superweapon will be the swipe-and-withdraw kind, not the kind that has to be kept in the machine to keep it activated. I will take the keycard with me so nobody else can deactivate it.
# I will make it clear to my security precisely who I've invited to PR events. As such, if nobody I've invited is under the age of twenty, all teenagers and children are to be turned away at once regardless of whether or not they have a ticket.
# All trucks entering and leaving any of my secure installations will be searched top to bottom, on the inside AND on the outside.
# All sentries guarding my deathtrap obstacle course will check that all dead bodies really are dead. Preferably by stabbing the body in the back.
# If the hero escapes from me, I will order a full investigation on him. As a part of that, I will interview everyone in my organization to see if they know him; this includes the trained assassin I've hired.
# If the trained assassin I've hired refuses to kill the hero, I will interrogate them. If the assassin fails to give a good excuse, they will be executed immediately.
# I will always try to [[BoomHeadshot aim for the head with every shot]]. If this is not possible, I will gun down the enemy first, [[DoubleTap and follow up every downed enemy with a head shot]].
# I will not fund any lengthy, high-budget, venture capitalist project, such as a hotel in space. Despite the boost in PR that I desperately need, it may well come back to bite me if it starts running over budget and starts to eat away at my vast funds.
# When I calibrate the controls for the superweapon to my handprint, I will immediately lock down the controls to ensure that nobody else can access the controls and disarm it or – even worse – detonate it where it will have no effect.
# I will always consider the best assassination techniques for every situation. For example, if I want to eliminate a vehicle near one of my installations while holding a New Year's Day PR event, the fireworks can easily disguise the flash and sound of a rocket launcher.
# I will not have the hero [[NiceJobBreakingItHero unwittingly set the final phase of my plan in motion]] if the only reason for doing so is [[ForTheEvulz my own personal amusement]].
# I will remember who has the bargaining power at all times. Even if the hero has the [[MacGuffin object]] I need to launch my evil plan and is threatening to destroy it, it won't matter as long as [[IHaveYourWife I have his girlfriend]].
# I will run an evil clandestine organization, and my identity will remain hidden. The hero can't stop who he doesn't know, and it's far more intimidating for the masses for the identity of the evil one terrorizing them to be a mystery.
# When me and the hero are fighting over a [[MacGuffin powerful object]], if for some reason, even though I've apparently beaten them, they stand up, with a badass look in their eye, and say something like "you want the MacGuffin, TAKE THE MACGUFFIN!!!", I will immediately jump into my escape pod, flee, and blow up the base post haste: I clearly don't understand the power I was dealing with, and me taking the hero up on their offer would have resulted in my death.
# Codewords - if my officers are captured, they will be instructed to say something like "everything is A-OK" or something similar, that sounds reasonable and normal. This will be the cue to send in the elite shock troops, shoot on sight, and flood the corridors with knockout gas, as said codewords will only be said in times of durress, and the actual "everything is ok" signal will be something like "Situation Normal, reporting back in 5".
# If, for any reason, I decide to employ ninjas, I will make sure that they, contrary to my normal Legions of Terror [[ConservationOfNinjutsu fight the Hero one on one.]] And by 'fight,' I mean use every dirty trick in the book and anything they can think up to kill the Hero before he even knows they are there and only fight as a last resort.
# I shall also only hire one of them at a time, all from the same clan, and maintain a professional relationship and respect for the traditions of said clan, even if their beliefs clash with your own. (As a side note, should relations with said clan sour, the clan's lair shall be firebombed and any survivors hunted down and executed.)
# Related to the firebombing issue, I will never ever EVER deliberately attack a ninja clan because I think they might be working with the hero. I will instead do everything possible and within reason to recruit them to my side instead. (Alternatively, I will frame the Hero for the firebombing.)
# In addition, I will make sure that any ninjas I employ are not possessed by any EldritchAbomination that they might lose control of in a tense situation.
# I will not be a [[EvilCannotComprehendGood sociopath or a social isolate]]. Being able to model my enemies' thoughts and feelings in my own mind is ''useful''. Thus, in my evenings, weekends and holidays I will maintain a healthy, reasonable social life with several friends and hobbies. Besides, it's always important to leave a [[VillainWithGoodPublicity good impression in the community]].
# I will never deploy an infantry invasion against an enemy replete with wizards, witches, arch-mages, ''mahou shoujo'', or any other form of magic-users. While in tech-heavy universes, [[SyntheticPlague specifically ethnocidal viruses]] are difficult to create, the equivalent [[HerdHittingAttack magical effect]] is dirt easy. More than one aspiring Overlord has found his/her-self magically thrown continents away from their target, their armies battered and maimed, due solely to the magical equivalent of a semi-permeable cell membrane.
# If it conveniently turns out that [[BarrierMaiden only one person is the specific key to the area-effect weaponry or defenses]], I will not drug, disable, or mind-control them in a complicated infiltration plot. I'll [[WhyDontYaJustShootHIm just kill them]] as soon as I get close.
# Rather than using my vast propaganda machines to teach the population at large, and thus my prospective enemies, to fear and loathe me, I will use it to teach them the values of pacifism and nonviolence. Idealistic nonviolent activists are far easier to kill than real heroes.
# If I have a four-part plan,I will [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Videogame/Portal2 make sure to have a fifth part.]]
# My bases will have extremely strict [[NoOSHACompliance safety requirements]] and I will have regular tests of [[FailsafeFailure failsafes]]. Keeping my mooks safe improves moral, makes sure I don't lose them needlessly, the Hero will not be able to [[DisneyDeath push them off ledges]], easily tamper with my machinery, and the destruction of my base would be more likely to leave more of my troops alive to fight another day.
# While factories spewing pollution add a wonderfully villainous ambiance, I will bear the cost of mitigating and preventing the environmental damage [[GaiasVengeance if there are any local nature spirits or guardians that can be persuaded by heroes to attack me]]. [[LordOfTheRings A few acres of land and unsustainably harvested timber are not worth an invasion by Ents]].
# If I ever [[WeCanRuleTogether try to convince the hero to join me]], I will have polished my debate skills enough to win the argument and [[HeroicBSOD leave the hero in doubt]], even if I cannot [[FaceHeelTurn turn him]] yet. I will ensure the hero is unable to return to his friends for moral support and [[HesBack strengthen]] [[HeroicResolve his resolve]]. Once the Hero has come over to my side, I will make it my first priority to kill him/her anyway possible. Whether his defection is genuine or [[FakeDefector not]], this is an ultimately better result than my situation before, or than it might become if the hero [[HeelFaceTurn betrays me]].
# I will not, repeat, ''will'' '''not''' install a [[WebVideo/DragonBallAbridged Muffin]][[DeusExMachina Button]] on any of my ships.
# I will never answer my own doorbell, I remember how that worked out for Gerald Bull. That's why I have minions.
# If I can revive fallen elites in my army, I will remember '''not''' to send them against the hero for revenge; instead they will resume their original mission while the hero is miles and miles away.
# Alternately, I will teach them to cover their weaknesses...as giving them new powers may provide an opportunity to be defeated again.
# If I am successful and get the chance to make a wish that can come true, I WILL be as specific as possible when doing so... {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or ArtifactsOfDoom I could use for this purpose could try to play the game of HijackedByGanon or JackassGenie. Ideally, I'll get a legal team.
# If I ever obtain powers over time, I will go to the past and either A.) Kill the hero as a baby, or B.) Go back to the time after the Dinosaurs went extinct, less chance of opposition (aside from Native Mammals), and therefore easier to take over.
# If I should end up holding the hero in my [[MagicFromTechnology tech-based telekinesis]], I will not just casually toss him in to a wall and leave with out bothering to check if he survives. I will instead [[NoKillLikeOverkill crush him with the aforementioned telekinesis until he resembles a smooth jelly]].
# While having a motif is nice, and many make for some badass armor designs, they also make it easier for the hero to identify where I have influence. Therefore, I will forgo having a motif and keep my operations as nondescript as possible.
# When designing my personal suit of armor, I will take note of actual body armor. I'll probably actually want to take some cues from SWAT teams in that regard, too.
# I will try to force the Good Guys to use Weapons of Mass Destruction, or use them first. The [[NuclearWeaponsTaboo stigma]] attached to such weaponry will turn otherwise-neutral parties to my side.
# [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Corollary to Rule #158]]: While the hero is likely to be surprised by the recipe for Grandma’s Potato Salad the first time, it also creates an uncertain situation. On the one hand, it could [[VillainWithGoodPublicity increase my standing among the masses]]. On the other, I could be boosting the morale of the hero and his allies.
# I will never torture anyone [[AndYourLittleDogToo just to demonstrate]] [[ForTheEvulz how evil I am]]. This is a BitchAlert waiting to happen.
# If all other security precautions fail and TheHero and his companions confront me, I will immediately rectify whatever it is that caused them to band together. [[YouKilledMyFather Any families that were killed]] [[ButForMeItWasTuesday as collateral damage in my expansion campaigns]] will be buried with high honors and [[DoomedHometown any razed towns, hamlets, cities, biodomes or whatever]] will be reconstructed. Either this will convince the heroes that I do have a heart [[CrocodileTears (pffffft!)]] or they will otherwise just back down at the attempt to make amends.
# When installing security systems in my fortress I will remember that fish eye lenses can imbue security cameras with fields of vision in excess of 180 degrees, thereby removing the possibility of an infiltrator sneaking by them when they're turned the other way.
# If I install radio jammers or any form of machine that interferes with communication, I will keep them inside my base, in a locked room, filled with poisonous gas and the odd booby trap. I will ensure that they cannot be destroyed by simply having their screens punched out. Rather, anyone who attempts to do that will be electrocuted.
# I will allow my mooks to have regular contact with their families, so they will not turn on me due to loneliness. In fact, if costs allow, I will house their families in the same building as my mooks, so that they can never be used against them by an Anti-Hero.
# The best way to avoid being killed by a Hero is to ensure that I'm not the bloke with a bullet in his head. Having an identical clone, a mind-controlled twin, or else a puppet that is my public face is insanely useful. Alternatively, having some sort of inverse-shield that actually strengthens me every time someone tries to shoot me may be considered.
# When it comes to my Legions of Terror, I will ensure that all the Head Mooks will have a friendly rivalry with each other. That way, they will compete for my attention but not get vicious enough to fight internally.
# Each and every person that works for me will have several microphones and GPS trackers on them, so that I can always know where they are and if they are plotting against me.
# Every mook entering my service will have a thorough background check to ensure that they have no hidden grudges against me, my staff, or my predecessors.
# I will believe in the spirit of emulation. If someone who works for me does well, they will be rewarded. This boosts morale and encourages them to work harder. Punishment should usually be death, unless it would severely harm PR to do so. Then it should merely be a reduction of salary or deprivation of privileges.
# Before imprisonment, any captives will be given a thorough and complete cavity search by someone who is not sexually attracted to them in any way. Any guard disgusted by this duty will be summarily executed and replaced with a more willing employee.
# If the heroes send someone utterly ridiculous but that is capable of defeating any powerful villain ''because'' of it, i will send my most pathetic, clumsy minion against him. After all, if the RuleOfFunny is what allows such a being to come on the top, nothing is fairer than to exploit the ridiculousness of the situation and gave him a taste of his own medicine, pitching him against someone that's more silly than he is, leading to his defeat since it's '''funny''' that way!
# If a technique can defeat me once, I will learn it.
# I will not trust any single point off any of the preceding lists alone to render me Genre Savvy.
# If my [[MadScientist Mad Scientist]] creates a new model of mech or robot armor [[UpgradevsPrototypeFight I will have a mook use the new model and have him fight my strongest and most trusted lieutenant in the next most recent model.]] If my lieutenant wins I shall order the scientist to improve the new model and I shall destroy the model my lieutenant was using.
# Should I have the hero tied, disarmed and at my mercy, I will not [[Literature/HarryPotter untie him, give him back his weapon, and engage him in a duel just to prove my superiority]]. I will instead simply chop his head off.
# If I have a fit of temporary insanity and [[ComeToGawk order the hero's execution in a forced brawl against several wild beasts]] [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim instead of just shooting him]], I will immediately have him shot if he overcomes the beasts.
# I don't care [[DramaticGunCock how cool it sounds]]. I will ''always'' have my gun cocked before going after the hero.
# After reading every item of the [[EvilOverlordList Evil Overlord List]] until they are etched into my memory, I will erase all traces of said lists, track down all parties who contributed to the list and eliminate them. [[ObfuscatingStupidity I will then wear a mask of stupidity]] and track down any aspiring Evil Overlords and if I deem them dumb enough to fall for my facade, but competent enough to achieve a measure of success and pose a threat to mankind, recruit them to be a part of ''MY'' Legion of Terror, while playing the role of ''THEIR'' minion. During this time, I will scout any prospective heroes and arrange it so that all heroes and Overlords-in-Training meet up for a death match and eliminate each other for me. I will not waste any time in letting survivors catch their breath, executing them on the spot. I will bring guns, dagger, dirks, swords and shuriken to every encounter, have all [[PoisonedWeapons weapons doused in poison]] and [[CombatPragmatist use any means at my disposal to ensure an advantage]] over allies and foes alike. After the dust settles, I will have my personal band play my theme song as I am declared Evilest of Evil Overlords.
# I will never, I repeat, ''NEVER,'' stop and make idle conversation, small talk, chit chat, gossip, etc. with the hero should I come across him. Should our paths cross, I will [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim shoot him,]] [[NoKillLikeOverkill stab him, poison him, choke him, drown him, decapitate him, flay and mutilate him, burn him, chop him up and use any and all supernatural powers I have to all around erase his existence]] from behind and ask questions later. Should we meet face to face, and [[TheChosenOne he/she is destined to stop me and kick my ass]] (be it in that order or no), I will avoid one-on-one confrontation and instead send all of my forces at him at once and then [[KickTheDog follow the above procedure while he/she is distracted or wounded or both.]]
# However, if I meet TheHero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, [[TheLegendOfKorra e.g. the Spirit Realm]], I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory. If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.
# [[BloodKnight Blood Knight]] though I may be, I will not attempt to best the Hero in single combat just to prove that I'm superior. If I have him at my mercy, I'll just kill him. He can't prove he's superior to me if his head is at my feet.
# My Legion of Terror will be equal opportunity employer but all applicant Mooks will have to pass a competency and physical aptitude test and will be placed in positions fit for their results. However, all of them will be given health benefits for them and their families, including life insurance so that low ranking mooks will have an incentive to go on suicide missions.
# I will build my fortress so that in the event that the alarm is raised, there will be a hall that my elite defense mooks are instructed to enter that has no windows, the entrance and exits automatically shutdown and no way to sabotage the hall. All Mooks will be instructed to shoot back to back and any mook that shoots facing one another deserves what he gets (if they don't die, they will not be killed but suffer a fatal accident).
# My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.
# Much to my disgust, I will acknowledge it's a valuable skill to KnowWhenToFoldEm.
# In the event I forget that holding the IdiotBall is a Bad Thing and decide to place the hero in a DeathTrap instead of [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim executing him cleanly and quickly]], I will watch the whole thing and have a squadron of my Legions of Terror on standby to gun down the hero if he escapes.
# When building my evil Fortress'O'Doom, I will make sure that the room holding all my weapons and/or explosives is a) always locked, guarded and watched and b) not right next to or under my main room of doom.
# If the land around my fortress is populated by giant worms, mutant insects or rabid zombies, I will put all my troops through a strict training course on how to avoid or kill them in event of a breach.
# When I have all the tunnels rigged with mines, pit-traps or swinging blade traps, I will make sure to inform my troops of the fact that there in the tunnels there are mines, pit-traps and swinging blade traps.
# I will remember that EvenEvilHasLovedOnes and plan accordingly. I will not give my minions any reason to resent me and will in fact encourage MinionShipping so that if the hero kills one or more of them, there is always someone with [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge a very good reason to want the hero dead]]. I will engage in [[VillainousFriendship Villainous Friendships]] with my minions and especially my [[TheDragon Dragon]] and [[QuirkyMinibossSquad lieutenants]]. I will engage in UnholyMatrimony rather than use a harem. Being able to call upon the PowerOfLove and the PowerOfFriendship is nothing to sneeze at.
# Before engaging in my Reign of Terror as a VillainWithGoodPublicity, I will hire an ObviouslyEvil [[EvilChancellor vizier/advisor/chancellor/prime minister]] who is also TheStarscream and about as competent as the TropeNamer. I will put him ostensibly in charge of the most unsavory parts of my Empire without actually giving him any real authority. He will make an excellent fall guy and I will endeavour to allow the Hero to "free" me from the influence of my EvilChancellor who has obviously been the cause of all this tragedy that has occurred behind my back.
# Once the Hero starts killing off large numbers of my {{Mooks}}, I will periodically hold [[DueToTheDead mass memorial services]] for them with open caskets and grieving relatives for all the world to see. I will deliver an eulogy and shed a SingleTear for my slain comrades. This will paint me as AFatherToHisMen and the Hero as a SociopathicHero. I will also provide bursaries for the education of surviving dependants, medals to honor the fallen and gratituities to feed their surviving parents and widows. If there are any orphans (especially if both parents worked for me), I will raise them in an OrphanageOfLove and see if I can convince some of them to become [[TykeBomb Tyke Bombs]]. I will use these in my elite guard and the Hero can explain to them why Daddy and Mommy had to die just for doing their jobs.
# If my {{Mooks}} are armed with deadly insta-death laser weaponry, I will design the guns to be so complicated that no person who isn't trained in the use of such a weapon can use them. That way, I can prevent my enemies from using the guns of my fallen {{Mooks}} in battle.
# If I hear the [[ThemeMusicPowerUp Hero's theme music]], and it's not a DarkReprise, I will not keep fighting. I will get the hell away, because the Narrative Gods have decided against me.
# I will not form a settlement atop a HellGate if [[VideoGame/FatalFrame the only way to appease said]] HellGate [[VideoGame/FatalFrame is to periodically force twins to murder each other]]. ''[[VideoGame/FatalFrame Someone]]'' [[VideoGame/FatalFrame will inevitably try to escape and send everything on a merry path to Hell]].
# If for any insane reason, I plan to [[Film/TheIncredibles stage a dramatic appearance and defeat a]] HumongousMecha, I will ''not'' spend months constantly perfecting the mecha before I send it out. This thing is supposed to be ''beatable'', isn't it?
# Absolutely none of this applies if I am the "villain" of VideoGame/{{Civilization}} or VideoGame/EmpireEarth. I can be as brutal as I want, and as long as I'm a competent leader who can keep my empire moderately happy I can be as brutal and genocidal as I see fit. NOTE: Only applies if I am facing enemies I would not normally see, for instance Americans as the leader of a tribe of Asians in the Stone Age..
# If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe, one of them a random miscellaneous object of absolutely no significance, and one of them the gravestone of TheHero's parents (heroes are ''always'' orphans, right?).
# [[WesternAnimation/TransformersPrime I will not pull the plug on a group of genetically-engineered super-soldiers just because the first one turned out smarter than I expected, especially if it means killing a batch that's already half-finished. The prototype likely won't appereciate me scrapping his bretheren just because I got cold feet, and could express his displeasure in some VERY counterproductive ways.]]
# If TheHero is ever dangling off the edge of some edifice over a pit of death or something similar, I will not waste time trying to stomp on his/her hands. I will shoot them. Better yet, I will shoot HIM.
# None of my Mooks will be wearing helmets in my presence. I will not hire a Mook that hides his/her face. Any Mook that refuses to take of their helmet will be shot immanently.
# If I find myself in the situation of [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Rule 154]], I will let the Hero rescue me. But then I will consider [[EvilOverlordList Rule 68]] before following up according to [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Rule 154]].
# Whenever I use magic, I will ensure that destroying the source of it will ''not'' [[NoOntologicalInertia completely reverse its effects]], and that only an opposite spell will undo the previous one.
# All jails and prisons will have maximum security, with every inmate locked alone in their own cells (almost) all the time.
# Any prisoner who is a skilled martial artist or possesses superpowers will be physically restrained as much as possible.
# If I find myself attempting to conquer an insignificant blue planet, [[Franchise/PowerRangers my first thoughts are not going to be firebomb the surface or send masses of mooks to harm the population; that is just asking for a team of pesky heroes to fight back.]] Instead, I will communicate with the leaders of this little world and see whether I can assimilate them into my empire peacefully. If it doesn't work, ''then'' I break out the army.
# While [[ZergRush launching all my forces at a 'defenseless' planet]] can be an effective means of conquering it, it can leave the inhabitants resorting to more [[GodzillaThreshold '''drastic''']] measures. Hence, if I am expanding my empire and come across a new inhabited planet, I will deploy small scale skirmishes to test the local defences, while simultaneously learning about the planet's culture and philosophies. I will also ensure that my navy is outfitted with defenses against potential weapons the natives may use against me.
# If the heroes command the power of the natural elements, I will devise an armor [[NoSell immune or resistant to those elements]] or be capable of absorbing the power for my own use. If said armor drains the power of the heroes in the process, even better. I will also ensure that I am the only one who can wear the armor, and that it won't [[ExplosiveOverclocking selfdestruct if it absorbs an excess of energy.]]
# If my minions are convicted criminals or prisoners, I will not free them all simultaneously to take out the heroes. Instead, I will see if the job can't be done with a simple sniper, and if not I will release the prisoners one at a time from the least likely to attack me to the most likely.
# If I end up kidnapped by pirates who hold me to ransom, and the pirates end up kidnapping the hero(es) as well, I will work together with them to escape captivity. I will not at any point attack them, except in self defense, in order to keep up the pretense of the EnemyMine. Once I am free, I will make an example of the pirates from the comfort of my Fortress of Doom, before I carry on with my evil plans.
# If I invite the hero to dinner, I will not attempt to kill them with poisoned food, drink or any other methods that could potentially be used against me. Instead, a trained (and loyal) sniper will have their crosshairs on the hero at all times; so if the need arises, they can be eliminated efficiently. After all, I invited the hero to dinner for a reason. If I wanted to kill them, they wouldn't have made the courtyard.
# If I serve [[BiggerBad a God]] in a realm with multiple Gods and multiple alignments, my efforts will go towards advancing my Lord's plans and goals. [[RuneScape If this means aiding the other Gods with their insignificant problems, but an outcome from it could benefit my own interests, I will help them.]] Doubly so if the aid undermines another Gods agenda. It will also mean they owe me a favor, which can be very beneficial when my Lord enacts his plan.

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# Despite how impressive it may be, I won't keep my [[SharkTank shark in a giant glass tank]], particularly when I try to drop henchmen [[YouHaveFailedMe who failed me]] or visiting heroes in there. Six-inch-thick portholes can be just as dramatic.

## I shall also only hire one of them at a time, all from the same clan, and maintain a professional relationship and respect for the traditions of said clan, even if their beliefs clash with your own. (As a side note, should relations with said clan sour, the clan's lair shall be firebombed and any survivors hunted down and executed.)
### Related to the firebombing issue, I will never ever EVER deliberately attack a ninja clan because I think they might be working with the hero. I will instead do everything possible and within reason to recruit them to my side instead. (Alternatively, I will frame the Hero for the firebombing.)
### In addition, I will make sure that any ninjas I employ are not possessed by any EldritchAbomination that they might lose control of in a tense situation.

## If the President of the United States can do it, so can I!

## From someone who tried that: and if it conveniently turns out that [[BarrierMaiden only one person is the specific key to the area-effect weaponry or defenses]], I will not drug, disable, or mind-control him in a complicated infiltration plot. I'll [[WhyDontYaJustShootHIm just kill him]] as soon as I get close.

## Also, I will keep a tight lid on who knows the hero is dead. My trusted allies might be allowed to know, but if any of them seem [[EvenEvilHasStandards shocked or dismayed]], then I will execute them in secret. As for the [[OurHeroIsDead hero's friends]], I will only tell one of them at a time when we are alone. My goal will be to inspire raw feelings of [[RevengeBeforeReason vengeance]], that will be their downfall, rather than [[HeroicResolve resolve]], which would be mine.

## Alternately, I will teach them to cover their weaknesses...as giving them new powers may provide an opportunity to be defeated again.
# If I am successful and get the chance to make a wish that can come true, I WILL be as specific as possible when doing so... {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or ArtifactsOfDoom I could use for this purpose could try to play the game of HijackedByGanon or JackassGenie.
## Addenum, I will ensure that if at any time I can have a wish granted by such a being, I will have the wish in writing from my team of lawyers. Their job is to screw others over, and prevent me from being screwed, after all.

## Indeed, depending on how strong the Rule of Funny is tied to the very fabric of reality, I may conquer the world by simply sending my most idiotic mooks against the most competent heroes in the world.

## Also, anyone who's reading this in hopes of learning to be an Evil Overlord has a pistol to his skull. [[EvilGloating I am not gloating.]] Your brains just splattered your monitor.
## And any hero who's reading this in hopes of learning how to stop an Evil Overlord's plot has a pistol to his skull. [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch I am not gloating. Your brains just splattered the monitor. Bitch.]]
## [[NoKillLikeOverKill I'm going to flay, chop up in a meat grinder, and burn down the bodies and drop the ashes in a volcano of all prospective Overlords and Heroes too, just to ensure they aren't resurrected to take revenge.]]

## However, if I meet TheHero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, [[TheLegendOfKorra e.g. the Spirit Realm, I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory.]] If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.

## My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.

# If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe.
## Addendum: I will make sure that another piece is a part of a generic miscellaneous item and have it shipped out. It will be marked no more differently than any others. That way, it will be impossible for TheHero to find it.
## Also, if TheHero has any deceased family members or loved ones, imbue a piece of my soul into their gravestones. He won't have the heart to destroy something so dear to them.

# I will make sure that I have one person in my evil council whose job it is to argue against anything suggested. He will not be punished for disagreeing with me, so as long as he has reasonable arguments.