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--> "Even if nine out of 10 threatened Internet suicides are trolls or attention-getters, I don't care about looking stupid nine times to save one person's life."
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-tiny-things-that-stopped-suicides/ 8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides]] is by far one of the best articles on Cracked, and the entire reason Christina Hsu wasn't completely dismissed in spite of all the hate she otherwise got. Many, many, ''many'' tears of happiness.
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** The last two bullet points in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/ 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying]]. As [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped (rightly)]] angry and cynical as most of that article is, the conclusion ends it on a surprisingly heartwarming message: even if you get rich, powerful and charismatic enough to change the world, you can ''never'' do it all alone; society doesn't progress because of the efforts of a handful of super-rich men, it takes all of humanity working together; accepting help from others doesn't make you weak -- it's the only thing that's made modern civilization possible.
to:
** The last two bullet points in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/ 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying]]. As [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped (rightly)]] (rightly) angry and cynical as most of that article is, the conclusion ends it on a surprisingly heartwarming message: even if you get rich, powerful and charismatic enough to change the world, you can ''never'' do it all alone; society doesn't progress because of the efforts of a handful of super-rich men, it takes all of humanity working together; accepting help from others doesn't make you weak -- it's the only thing that's made modern civilization possible.
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!! Moment pages are Administrivia/SpoilersOff by default, so all entries have been folderized as a security measure. Proceed with caution. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-andrew-wks-twitter-taught-me-about-life/ What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life]]. [[spoiler:Daniel O'Brien is going to be the party.]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-andrew-wks-twitter-taught-me-about-life/ What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life]]. [[spoiler:Daniel Daniel O'Brien is going to be the party.]]
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* The very worst thing about [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19007_6-reasons-kittens-suck-learned-while-raising-them.html raising kittens]] until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: [[TearJerker Having to give them up]].]]
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* The very worst thing about [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19007_6-reasons-kittens-suck-learned-while-raising-them.html raising kittens]] until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? [[spoiler: [[TearJerker Having to give them up]].]]
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* David Wong gets one for [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17061_5-things-you-think-will-make-you-happy-but-wont.html 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't)]], what are those five things? [[spoiler: Wealth, Beauty, Genius, Fame, and Power]]. The best TakeThat, ever.
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* David Wong gets one for [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17061_5-things-you-think-will-make-you-happy-but-wont.html 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't)]], what are those five things? [[spoiler: Wealth, Beauty, Genius, Fame, and Power]].Power. The best TakeThat, ever.
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*** They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy ([[spoiler:friendship, altruism, and religious practices]]), and the second tells you tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
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*** They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy ([[spoiler:friendship, (friendship, altruism, and religious practices]]), practices), and the second tells you tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
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* [[https://www.cracked.com/image-pictofact-6108-14-inspiring-responses-to-tragedy/ 14 Inspiring Responses To Tragedy]].
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* [[https://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2585-when-life-in-new-york-was-real-life-dystopian-action-movie.html When Life In New York Was A Real-Life Dystopian Action Movie]] describes [[TheBigRottenApple the nightmare that was New York during its nadir in the 1970s and 1980s]], through the eyes of a former subway work. But then it explains how the city eventually cleaned itself up, with the lesson being that misery and crime aren't permanent states of being, [[AWorldHalfFull and that things can turn around]].
--> "These days, those subways are in need of repair again, triggering a bitter public argument over funding. And the national mood seems to be that society, in general, is in the process of falling apart and can never be put back together. But historically, that's simply not true. Where there exists enough will (and cash), things can be cleaned up and repaired, restored to their former glory. Problems are, in fact, solvable."
--> "These days, those subways are in need of repair again, triggering a bitter public argument over funding. And the national mood seems to be that society, in general, is in the process of falling apart and can never be put back together. But historically, that's simply not true. Where there exists enough will (and cash), things can be cleaned up and repaired, restored to their former glory. Problems are, in fact, solvable."
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* The May 2000 issue opened to a cartoon by Mike Ricigliano, showing former ''Magazine/{{Mad}}'' artist Don Martin (who jumped ship to ''Cracked'' in the early 1990s) being told by St. Peter that "It's an honor to meet you. You've always been one of His favorite cartoonists. We consider you one of the truly great artists of the 20th century. Frankly, we could use a few laughs around here." Cue Don squirting St. Peter with a squirt flower.
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* The May 2000 issue opened to a cartoon by Mike Ricigliano, showing former ''Magazine/{{Mad}}'' artist Don Martin (who jumped ship to ''Cracked'' in the early 1990s) being told by St. Peter that "It's an honor to meet you. You've always been one of His favorite cartoonists. We consider you one of the truly great artists of the 20th century. Frankly, we could use a few laughs around here." Cue Don squirting St. Peter with a squirt flower.flower.
----
----
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* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to ''What They'll Mean'', expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?
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* I dunno why, but at #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16670_10-people-from-your-past-who-will-haunt-you-facebook.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Tech&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback10 html People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook]], I gave an is bound to give audible "aww~" when I read to "aww~"s on the ''What They'll Mean'', Mean'' part, expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?"
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ This article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
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* [[http://www.[[http://web.archive.org/web/20140927004039/http://www.cracked.com/funny-2732-kristen-bell/ This article]] about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19317_7-pieces-good-news-nobody-reporting.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The world is getting better.]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide.]] What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide.]] What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19317_7-pieces-good-news-nobody-reporting.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The html 7 Pieces of Good News Nobody Is Reporting]], a.k.a. "The world is getting better.]]
better".
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute SuicideGuide.]] Guide]]. What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15658_the-ten-minute-suicide-guide.html The Ten-Minute Suicide
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-dr.-who-became-my-religion_p2 How Dr. Who Became My Religion]]: Whovians, rejoice. Someone has put into very simple words a few of the more powerful reasons people love ''Series/DoctorWho''.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-dr.-who-became-my-religion_p2 -who-became-my-religion How Dr. Who Became My Religion]]: Whovians, rejoice. Someone has put into very simple words a few of the more powerful reasons people love ''Series/DoctorWho''.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of Music/AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] When Is It Too Soon To Make Fun of a Tragedy?]], a very moving piece about the death of Music/AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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** The last two bullet points in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying_p2/ 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying]]. As [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped (rightly)]] angry and cynical as most of that article is, the conclusion ends it on a surprisingly heartwarming message: even if you get rich, powerful and charismatic enough to change the world, you can ''never'' do it all alone; society doesn't progress because of the efforts of a handful of super-rich men, it takes all of humanity working together; accepting help from others doesn't make you weak -- it's the only thing that's made modern civilization possible.
to:
** The last two bullet points in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying_p2/ com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/ 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying]]. As [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped (rightly)]] angry and cynical as most of that article is, the conclusion ends it on a surprisingly heartwarming message: even if you get rich, powerful and charismatic enough to change the world, you can ''never'' do it all alone; society doesn't progress because of the efforts of a handful of super-rich men, it takes all of humanity working together; accepting help from others doesn't make you weak -- it's the only thing that's made modern civilization possible.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article...]]
** Again, you've got the comment section. Sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
** Again, you've got the comment section. Sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19389_the-8-most-badass-make-a-wish-foundation-wishes.html And this article...]]
**The 8 Most Badass Make-A-Wish Foundation Wishes]]. Again, you've got the comment section. Sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
**
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* From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19484_5-rulers-whose-idiot-siblings-nearly-screwed-world_p2.html 5 Rulers Whose Idiot Siblings Nearly Screwed The World:]] Albert Goering, brother of [[ThoseWackyNazis Hermann]]
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* From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19484_5-rulers-whose-idiot-siblings-nearly-screwed-world_p2.com/article_19484_5-rulers-whose-idiot-siblings-nearly-screwed-world.html 5 Rulers Whose Idiot Siblings Nearly Screwed The World:]] Albert Goering, brother of [[ThoseWackyNazis Hermann]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16929_5-drinking-myths-that-can-kill-you.html An article sternly debunking drinking myths and asking its readers to drive safely.]]
* I'm sure plenty of the (good, kind, unforceful) vegans or friends of vegans out there will give this [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-stupidest-things-people-love-getting-offended-about_p2/ article writer a hug.]]
* I'm sure plenty of the (good, kind, unforceful) vegans or friends of vegans out there will give this [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-stupidest-things-people-love-getting-offended-about_p2/ article writer a hug.]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16929_5-drinking-myths-that-can-kill-you.html 5 Drinking Myths That Can Kill You]]: An article sternly debunking drinking myths and asking its readers to drive safely.]]
safely.
*I'm sure plenty of the (good, kind, unforceful) vegans or friends of vegans out there will give this [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-stupidest-things-people-love-getting-offended-about_p2/ article writer com/blog/the-4-stupidest-things-people-love-getting-offended-about/ The 4 Stupidest Things People Love Getting Offended About]]: Plenty of the (good, kind, unforceful) vegans or friends of vegans out there will give Ian Fortey a hug.]]
*
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-great-love-stories-in-movies-guys_p2/ 4 Great Love Stories in Movies for Guys]] and its summation of the love between [[Film/{{Unforgiven}} William Munny and his late wife.]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-great-love-stories-in-movies-guys_p2/ com/blog/4-great-love-stories-in-movies-guys/ 4 Great Love Stories in Movies for Guys]] and its summation of the love between [[Film/{{Unforgiven}} William Munny and his late wife.]]
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* It couldn't have been planned this way, but on the same day that twenty-six people were gunned down in a Connecticut school, Dan O'Brien posted [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-videos-that-will-brighten-your-day/ this article.]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20157_the-6-most-aggressively-badass-things-done-by-pacifists.html// This]] article, which shows the absolute willingness of these people to protect others without hurting anyone, even in the middle of war.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20157_the-6-most-aggressively-badass-things-done-by-pacifists.html// This]] article, which shows the absolute willingness of these people to protect others without hurting anyone, even in the middle of war.
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* It couldn't have been planned this way, but on the same day that twenty-six people were gunned down in a Connecticut school, Dan O'Brien posted [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-videos-that-will-brighten-your-day/ this article.]]
5 Videos That Will Brighten Your Day]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20157_the-6-most-aggressively-badass-things-done-by-pacifists.html// This]] article, which html The 6 Most Aggressively Badass Things Done by Pacifists]] shows the absolute willingness of these people to protect others without hurting anyone, even in the middle of war.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20157_the-6-most-aggressively-badass-things-done-by-pacifists.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/13-awesome-photos-that-will-make-you-happy-to-be-alive/ This article]] shows some incredibly heartwarming photos.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20105_5-inspiring-true-stories-anyone-feeling-cynical-today.html This article]] is like a treatment for pessimism.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-moments-that-prove-mr.-rogers-was-greatest-american/ This]] tribute to [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mr. Rogers]].
** Moreover, the comments section from that article. It's the sweetest comment section Cracked and indeed most of the internet has ever seen.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20326_6-inspiring-ways-internet-mobs-have-come-to-rescue.html This article]] about the internet helping people.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20105_5-inspiring-true-stories-anyone-feeling-cynical-today.html This article]] is like a treatment for pessimism.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-moments-that-prove-mr.-rogers-was-greatest-american/ This]] tribute to [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mr. Rogers]].
** Moreover, the comments section from that article. It's the sweetest comment section Cracked and indeed most of the internet has ever seen.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20326_6-inspiring-ways-internet-mobs-have-come-to-rescue.html This article]] about the internet helping people.
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/13-awesome-photos-that-will-make-you-happy-to-be-alive/ This article]] 13 Awesome Photos That Will Make You Happy to Be Alive]] shows some incredibly heartwarming photos.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20105_5-inspiring-true-stories-anyone-feeling-cynical-today.htmlThis article]] 5 Inspiring True Stories For Anyone Feeling Cynical Today]] is like a treatment for pessimism.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-moments-that-prove-mr.-rogers-was-greatest-american/This]] 5 Moments That Prove Mr. Rogers Was the Greatest American]], a tribute to [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mr. Rogers]].
**Rogers]]. Moreover, the comments section from that article. It's the sweetest comment section Cracked and indeed most of the internet has ever seen.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20326_6-inspiring-ways-internet-mobs-have-come-to-rescue.htmlThis article]] 6 Inspiring Ways Internet Mobs Have Come to the Rescue]], an article about the internet helping people.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20105_5-inspiring-true-stories-anyone-feeling-cynical-today.html
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-moments-that-prove-mr.-rogers-was-greatest-american/
**
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20326_6-inspiring-ways-internet-mobs-have-come-to-rescue.html
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_575_21-mind-blowing-facts-that-will-put-smile-your-face/?view=article 21 Mind-Blowing Facts That Will Put a Smile On Your Face]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_575_21-mind-blowing-facts-that-will-put-smile-your-face/?view=article 21 com/photoplasty_575_21-mind-blowing-facts-that-will-put-smile-your-face/ 20 Mind-Blowing Facts That Will Put a Smile On Your Face]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-damaging-relationships-you-cant-get-away-from/ This article]] about the destructive relationships people all too often end up in with family, work and themselves. It seems bleak and cynical at first but each ends with a statement saying that it doesn't have to be like that: We don't have to be trapped in our lives and feel like we're just enduring it all. The ending is almost a tearjerker:
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-damaging-relationships-you-cant-get-away-from/ This article]] 3 Damaging Relationships You Can't Get Away From]] is an article about the destructive relationships people all too often end up in with family, work and themselves. It seems bleak and cynical at first but each ends with a statement saying that it doesn't have to be like that: We don't have to be trapped in our lives and feel like we're just enduring it all. The ending is almost a tearjerker:TearJerker:
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* The end of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-2013-gave-us-reason-to-care-about-space-again/ this article]], and Soren's completely heartfelt case for why the Voyager spacecraft represents the best of humanity.
to:
* The end of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-2013-gave-us-reason-to-care-about-space-again/ this article]], Why 2013 Gave Us Reason to Care About Space Again]], and Soren's completely heartfelt case for why the Voyager spacecraft represents the best of humanity.
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* In a strange way, entry #1 in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-most-insane-acts-violence-in-kickboxing-history_p1/ "The 10 Most Insane Acts of Violence in Kickboxing History"]] is rather sweet. Seanbaby makes a kickboxing match sound like a beautiful love story.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21011_6-things-nobody-tells-you-about-working-at-disney-world_p2.html This article]] details what it's like to work at Disney. Even though it has plenty of plights, it's beautiful to see that all the employees believe that it is all worth it, which is what #1 is all about. This story the article's author tells is all sorts of heartwarming:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21011_6-things-nobody-tells-you-about-working-at-disney-world_p2.html This article]] details what it's like to work at Disney. Even though it has plenty of plights, it's beautiful to see that all the employees believe that it is all worth it, which is what #1 is all about. This story the article's author tells is all sorts of heartwarming:
to:
* In a strange way, entry #1 in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-most-insane-acts-violence-in-kickboxing-history_p1/ com/blog/the-10-most-insane-acts-violence-in-kickboxing-history/ "The 10 Most Insane Acts of Violence in Kickboxing History"]] is rather sweet. Seanbaby makes a kickboxing match sound like a beautiful love story.
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21011_6-things-nobody-tells-you-about-working-at-disney-world_p2.com/article_21011_6-things-nobody-tells-you-about-working-at-disney-world.html This article]] 6 Things Nobody Tells You About Working at Disney World]] details what it's like to work at Disney. Even though it has plenty of plights, it's beautiful to see that all the employees believe that it is all worth it, which is what #1 is all about. This story the article's author tells is all sorts of heartwarming:
* [[http://www.cracked.
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21914_6-hidden-sides-disneyland-only-employees-get-to-see.html A second article on Disney's parks]], written some time later by a different employee, has much the same format as the first article. A lot of it sucks for the people who don't get to be in costume, but when you get to the last entry, the employee says that Disney, as a company, [[BenevolentBoss really treats its employees well]].
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21914_6-hidden-sides-disneyland-only-employees-get-to-see.html A 6 Hidden Sides of Disneyland Only Employees Get to See]], a second article on Disney's parks]], parks written some time later by a different employee, has much the same format as the first article. A lot of it sucks for the people who don't get to be in costume, but when you get to the last entry, the employee says that Disney, as a company, [[BenevolentBoss really treats its employees well]].
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hated-groups-that-are-going-out-their-way-to-be-awesome/ 5 Hated Groups That Are Going Out Of Their Way To Be Awesome]] This article not only includes several heartwarming stories about people doing good for the world (as well as several comments about the same groups), it features a Pet The Dog moment to bronies talking about several charity efforts and saying that their connection to [=MRAs=] was overblown. It's nice to see Cracked.com cutting some slack to one of their most common targets.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hated-groups-that-are-going-out-their-way-to-be-awesome/ 5 Hated Groups That Are Going Out Of Their Way To Be Awesome]] Awesome]]: This article not only includes several heartwarming stories about people doing good for the world (as well as several comments about the same groups), it features a Pet The Dog moment to bronies talking about several charity efforts and saying that their connection to [=MRAs=] was overblown. It's nice to see Cracked.com Cracked cutting some slack to one of their most common targets.
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* At the end of the article, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21908_6-things-i-learned-as-innocent-man-death-row_p2.html 6 Things I Learned as an Innocent Man on Death Row]], Yarris said this:
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* At the end of the article, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_21908_6-things-i-learned-as-innocent-man-death-row_p2.com/article_21908_6-things-i-learned-as-innocent-man-death-row.html 6 Things I Learned as an Innocent Man on Death Row]], Yarris said this:
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* This [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-lessons-from-1970s-female-programmer/ article]] which speaks of Christina's regard for her mother.
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* This [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-lessons-from-1970s-female-programmer/ article]] 5 Lessons From a 1970s Female Programmer]], an article which speaks of Christina's regard for her mother.
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* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-jokes-that-only-make-people-want-to-punch-you/ "5 Popular Jokes That Only Make People Want To Punch You,"]] John Cheese said that trading puns was the lowest form of humor. Trading puns is also a beloved practice in the [[WorldOfPun Cracked comments section]], championed by resident {{Pungeon Master}} [[http://www.cracked.com/members/darkstrolm/ darkstrolm]]. Darkstrolm's simple reply to this [[SeriousBusiness outrageous claim]] has, at the time of writing, gained 1397 upvotes (the highest legitimate amount in Cracked history) and stands as a true testament to the greatness of the Cracked commentors and the community that has formed there. Doubled as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
* In the third entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-news-stories-everybody-needs-to-stop-sharing-facebook_p2/ this article]], David Christopher Bell slams online [[ScareQuotes "news"]] websites for shaming random people caught committing embarrassing crimes, most of them ''minors'', and in the process ruining their lives forever by engaging in what is essentially corporate cyberbullying. The best part though is that in his screenshots of the websites he's mocking, he blurs out the faces and names of the people who are being made fun of, and then refuses to link to the original articles themselves, which he calls "mean-spirited horsepiss".
* In the third entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-news-stories-everybody-needs-to-stop-sharing-facebook_p2/ this article]], David Christopher Bell slams online [[ScareQuotes "news"]] websites for shaming random people caught committing embarrassing crimes, most of them ''minors'', and in the process ruining their lives forever by engaging in what is essentially corporate cyberbullying. The best part though is that in his screenshots of the websites he's mocking, he blurs out the faces and names of the people who are being made fun of, and then refuses to link to the original articles themselves, which he calls "mean-spirited horsepiss".
to:
* In the article [[http://www.[[http://web.archive.org/web/20180924190615/http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-jokes-that-only-make-people-want-to-punch-you/ "5 Popular Jokes That Only Make People Want To Punch You,"]] John Cheese said that trading puns was the lowest form of humor. Trading puns is also a beloved practice in the [[WorldOfPun Cracked comments section]], championed by resident {{Pungeon Master}} [[http://www.cracked.com/members/darkstrolm/ darkstrolm]]. Darkstrolm's simple reply to this [[SeriousBusiness outrageous claim]] has, at the time of writing, gained 1397 upvotes (the highest legitimate amount in Cracked history) and stands as a true testament to the greatness of the Cracked commentors and the community that has formed there. Doubled as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
* In the third entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-news-stories-everybody-needs-to-stop-sharing-facebook_p2/ com/blog/6-news-stories-everybody-needs-to-stop-sharing-facebook/ this article]], David Christopher Bell slams online [[ScareQuotes "news"]] websites for shaming random people caught committing embarrassing crimes, most of them ''minors'', and in the process ruining their lives forever by engaging in what is essentially corporate cyberbullying. The best part though is that in his screenshots of the websites he's mocking, he blurs out the faces and names of the people who are being made fun of, and then refuses to link to the original articles themselves, which he calls "mean-spirited horsepiss".
* In the third entry of [[http://www.cracked.
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* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-tv-shows-you-loved-that-were-nightmare-behind-scenes/ 4 TV Shows You Loved That Were Nightmares Behind the Scenes]], it discusses how David Yost, aka the original [[Series/{{Mighty Morphin Power Rangers}} Blue Power Ranger]], was mercilessly mocked on set for being gay and eventually led to him having a nervous breakdown after he quit the show. The author makes sure those homophobes understand how much of an inspiration the Blue Ranger was to him and other nerdy kids, and the comments section is filled with people echoing him, talking about how the Blue Ranger was their favorite and criticizing homophobes.
to:
* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-tv-shows-you-loved-that-were-nightmare-behind-scenes/ 4 TV Shows You Loved That Were Nightmares Behind the Scenes]], it discusses how David Yost, aka the original [[Series/{{Mighty Morphin Power Rangers}} [[Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers Blue Power Ranger]], was mercilessly mocked on set for being gay and eventually led to him having a nervous breakdown after he quit the show. The author makes sure those homophobes understand how much of an inspiration the Blue Ranger was to him and other nerdy kids, and the comments section is filled with people echoing him, talking about how the Blue Ranger was their favorite and criticizing homophobes.
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* Describing [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made_p2/ Raul Julia's role in Street Fighter]]
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.''
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.''
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.''
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.''
to:
* Describing [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made_p2/ Raul Julia's com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made/ The 4 Best Moments in the Worst Movies Ever Made]]: describing Creator/RaulJulia's role in Street Fighter]]
the ''Film/StreetFighter'' movie.
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.''
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.''"''
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.
-->''"
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1446-5-things-i-learned-as-neo-nazi.html This story about a former Neo-Nazi.]] It actually delves into why many of them are the way they are, so it feels great when the former Neo-Nazi telling the story finally pulls himself together and gets out.
to:
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* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-jokes-that-only-make-people-want-to-punch-you/ "5 Popular Jokes That Only Make People Want To Punch You,"]] John Cheese said that trading puns was the lowest form of humor. Trading puns is also a beloved practice in the [[WorldOfPun Cracked comments section]], championed by resident {{Pungeon Master}} [[http://www.cracked.com/members/darkstrolm/ darkstrolm]]. Darkstrolm's simple reply to this [[SeriousBusiness outrageous claim]] has, at the time of writing, gained 1397 upvotes (the highest legitimate amount in Cracked history) and stands as a true testament to the greatness of the Cracked commentors and the community that has formed there. Doubled as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome.
to:
* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-popular-jokes-that-only-make-people-want-to-punch-you/ "5 Popular Jokes That Only Make People Want To Punch You,"]] John Cheese said that trading puns was the lowest form of humor. Trading puns is also a beloved practice in the [[WorldOfPun Cracked comments section]], championed by resident {{Pungeon Master}} [[http://www.cracked.com/members/darkstrolm/ darkstrolm]]. Darkstrolm's simple reply to this [[SeriousBusiness outrageous claim]] has, at the time of writing, gained 1397 upvotes (the highest legitimate amount in Cracked history) and stands as a true testament to the greatness of the Cracked commentors and the community that has formed there. Doubled as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome.SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
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** Not to mention his arguments for better healthcare. Perhaps combined with CrowningMomentOfAwesome.
to:
** Not to mention his arguments for better healthcare. Perhaps combined with CrowningMomentOfAwesome.SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_26182_a-defense-ben-affleckE28099s-batman-seriously.html A Defense Of Ben Affleck's Batman (Seriously)]]. For a site that gets its jollies trashing superhero movies that aren't critical darlings, it's pleasantly surprising to see them publish an article where the writer actually makes sense out of what's on screen.
-->"Creator/MichaelKeaton was charming as [[Film/Batman1989 Bruce Wayne and kickass as the Dark Knight]], but his movies didn't call for a ton of nuance. Creator/ChristianBale got to play out an origin story from [[Film/TheDarkKnightTrilogy douchey yuppie to Tom-Waits-throated hero]]. But Affleck had to play [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice an older Batman who has been driven to the brink of insanity by unseen trauma]]. It's a tough way to sell one of the most iconic characters of all time, and he did a good job. Not bad for the fifth-billed lead of Film/{{Mallrats}}."
-->"Creator/MichaelKeaton was charming as [[Film/Batman1989 Bruce Wayne and kickass as the Dark Knight]], but his movies didn't call for a ton of nuance. Creator/ChristianBale got to play out an origin story from [[Film/TheDarkKnightTrilogy douchey yuppie to Tom-Waits-throated hero]]. But Affleck had to play [[Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice an older Batman who has been driven to the brink of insanity by unseen trauma]]. It's a tough way to sell one of the most iconic characters of all time, and he did a good job. Not bad for the fifth-billed lead of Film/{{Mallrats}}."
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Adding an example
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1446-5-things-i-learned-as-neo-nazi.html This story about a former Neo-Nazi.]] It actually delves into why many of them are the way they are, so it feels great when the former Neo-Nazi telling the story finally pulls himself together and gets out.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
John Cheese is a sexual predator and has been wiped from the site
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* John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Gets Better]].
** Which is also a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get... *[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Another thing that makes this article a major SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cynical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even ''thanking'' him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
** "Some people don't make it through. ''You fucking will.''"
** And then another John Cheese article, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bits-advice-that-dont-make-sense-until-its-too-late/ 5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late]]. This one is pretty normal advice until #2, Going to a Counselor Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. The best part is the caption under a picture, which says, [[YouAreNotAlone "Wanna know a secret? You are completely normal. It happens to all of us."]]
*** From the same article and section:
--->But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ 5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married.]] We can say his life has gone from full John to full Cheese.
*** [[spoiler: Emily, will you marry me?]]
*** [[spoiler: She said yes.]] Which is good, [[ItMakesSenseInContext because it means I don't have to fist-fight her now]].
*** [[spoiler: "Update 2: As of August 23, 2012, we are officially married."]]
** Any John Cheese's article about parenting. No doubt that his articles about parenting relates to his struggles to be a [[GoodParents good father]] and prepare his children for life.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hidden-land-mines-parenthood-that-can-blow-up-your-life_p1/ 5 Hidden Land Mines of Parenthood That Can Blow Up Your Life.]]
---->'''John Cheese''': Being a parent is seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn't take a second of it back for anything in the world. [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped But don't let the parenting books and bubbly family sitcoms paint an unrealistic picture for you.]]
*** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEimCQvsHEY&feature=c4-overview&list=UUE2aO2h43T3BMggSZdX0CBw This video]] shows how John is now and how much happier he is. He is a successful comedy writer, he has multiple book deal offers and how life is just better now.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-easiest-money-youll-ever-make-honestly/ This article,]] where John talks about how writing for Cracked changed his life for the better and encouraging readers to do the same because they have stories to tell and the guys who run the site want to hear them.
** Which is also a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get... *[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Another thing that makes this article a major SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cynical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even ''thanking'' him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
** "Some people don't make it through. ''You fucking will.''"
** And then another John Cheese article, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bits-advice-that-dont-make-sense-until-its-too-late/ 5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late]]. This one is pretty normal advice until #2, Going to a Counselor Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. The best part is the caption under a picture, which says, [[YouAreNotAlone "Wanna know a secret? You are completely normal. It happens to all of us."]]
*** From the same article and section:
--->But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ 5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married.]] We can say his life has gone from full John to full Cheese.
*** [[spoiler: Emily, will you marry me?]]
*** [[spoiler: She said yes.]] Which is good, [[ItMakesSenseInContext because it means I don't have to fist-fight her now]].
*** [[spoiler: "Update 2: As of August 23, 2012, we are officially married."]]
** Any John Cheese's article about parenting. No doubt that his articles about parenting relates to his struggles to be a [[GoodParents good father]] and prepare his children for life.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hidden-land-mines-parenthood-that-can-blow-up-your-life_p1/ 5 Hidden Land Mines of Parenthood That Can Blow Up Your Life.]]
---->'''John Cheese''': Being a parent is seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn't take a second of it back for anything in the world. [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped But don't let the parenting books and bubbly family sitcoms paint an unrealistic picture for you.]]
*** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEimCQvsHEY&feature=c4-overview&list=UUE2aO2h43T3BMggSZdX0CBw This video]] shows how John is now and how much happier he is. He is a successful comedy writer, he has multiple book deal offers and how life is just better now.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-easiest-money-youll-ever-make-honestly/ This article,]] where John talks about how writing for Cracked changed his life for the better and encouraging readers to do the same because they have stories to tell and the guys who run the site want to hear them.
to:
** Which is also a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? ''They are based on his life experience.'' He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get... *[[ManlyTears sniffs]]*
** Another thing that makes this article a major SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cynical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even ''thanking'' him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
** "Some people don't make it through. ''You fucking will.''"
** And then another John Cheese article, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bits-advice-that-dont-make-sense-until-its-too-late/ 5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late]]. This one is pretty normal advice until #2, Going to a Counselor Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. The best part is the caption under a picture, which says, [[YouAreNotAlone "Wanna know a secret? You are completely normal. It happens to all of us."]]
*** From the same article and section:
--->But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ 5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married.]] We can say his life has gone from full John to full Cheese.
*** [[spoiler: Emily, will you marry me?]]
*** [[spoiler: She said yes.]] Which is good, [[ItMakesSenseInContext because it means I don't have to fist-fight her now]].
*** [[spoiler: "Update 2: As of August 23, 2012, we are officially married."]]
** Any John Cheese's article about parenting. No doubt that his articles about parenting relates to his struggles to be a [[GoodParents good father]] and prepare his children for life.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-hidden-land-mines-parenthood-that-can-blow-up-your-life_p1/ 5 Hidden Land Mines of Parenthood That Can Blow Up Your Life.]]
---->'''John Cheese''': Being a parent is seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn't take a second of it back for anything in the world. [[SomeAnvilsNeedToBeDropped But don't let the parenting books and bubbly family sitcoms paint an unrealistic picture for you.]]
*** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEimCQvsHEY&feature=c4-overview&list=UUE2aO2h43T3BMggSZdX0CBw This video]] shows how John is now and how much happier he is. He is a successful comedy writer, he has multiple book deal offers and how life is just better now.
*** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-easiest-money-youll-ever-make-honestly/ This article,]] where John talks about how writing for Cracked changed his life for the better and encouraging readers to do the same because they have stories to tell and the guys who run the site want to hear them.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1456-5-shocking-realities-working-with-disturbed-children.html 5 Shocking Realities of Working With Disturbed Children]] is chock-full of NightmareFuel, but the ending does present a silver lining.
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1456-5-shocking-realities-working-with-disturbed-children.html 5 Shocking Realities of Working With Disturbed Children]] is chock-full of NightmareFuel, but the ending it does present end on a silver lining.good note.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_25034_5-heartwarming-stories-from-history-among-all-horror.html 5 Heartwarming Stories From History Among All The Horror]]
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Changed line(s) 109 (click to see context) from:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_22094_5-surprising-things-you-learn-as-son-billy-mays.html 5 Strange Realities of Life With a Famous Dad]], written by BillyMays' son. This comments sums it up pretty nicely:
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_22094_5-surprising-things-you-learn-as-son-billy-mays.html 5 Strange Realities of Life With a Famous Dad]], written by BillyMays' Creator/BillyMays' son. This comments sums it up pretty nicely:
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* David Wong's "6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person" starts out slightly jerkish, but becomes this towards the end when he tells people how they can make the world a better place, and not to worry about critics because they are simply too afraid to do things for themselves so they like to tear down others.
to:
* David Wong's "6 "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/ 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person" Person]]" starts out slightly jerkish, but becomes this towards the end when he tells people how they can make the world a better place, and not to worry about critics because they are simply too afraid to do things for themselves so they like to tear down others.
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*[[http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1456-5-shocking-realities-working-with-disturbed-children.html 5 Shocking Realities of Working With Disturbed Children]] is chock-full of NightmareFuel, but the ending does present a silver lining.
--> B, at the center for disturbed teens, once spent more than an hour restraining a young man who writhed and wrestled and threatened to "defile" B's pets until the kid finally broke down in the kind of physical and emotional exhaustion that only comes from trying earnestly to claw someone's goddamn eyes out.
--> "Then something incredible happened: he started to cry. He began talking about his biological mother and how his earliest memory was standing beside her as a 3-year-old when she was killed in a drive-by shooting. It was information no one, not even his psychiatrist, knew. We ended up covering more positive psychological ground with him in the 10 minutes that followed than we had in the previous two years with him."
** Special mention goes to this comment by Khannkabibble
--> "I go to a university in Cleveland whose tulpa is a crossing guard named Mark. He's a really awesome guy--stands at the intersection of the two busiest streets every weekday morning (when everyone is going to class and hating their lives), waving people across and smiling and talking with everyone. He's the sweetest guy there and I personally know of a few young adults who have gone to him before anyone else in the university police department if they'd been raped, stuck in domestic violence, attacked, etc. Seriously, every student there, regardless of whether they're tired from pulling an all-nighter or hungover, has a smile on their face after crossing the street.
--> "Anyway, the campus paper interviewed him recently and he revealed that he spend his first fifteen years out of college working as a correctional officer in a Cleveland facility for severely disturbed kids, developmentally disabled and juvenile delinquents alike. He talked about how hard it was at first to get spit, bled, ejactulated, and s**t on at every turn, but then he learned empathy--and that was his greatest tool. When he put himself in the kids' shoes, he learned to only use enough force to restrain and turned from a security guard that some of the teens considered evil to a guy that they could turn to if they were in a tight spot. He handled drug felonies, sexual assaults, and violent outbursts with kindness and understanding instead of anger. He found out that helped the kids more than anything--they just needed an authority figure that was willing to listen.
--> "Long story short, the facility closed (because Cleveland, y'know), and he was out of a job. My university hired him as a crossing guard, and he was excited because he still got to work with older teens. Still handles himself like the coolest human being ever. Officer Mark, you da real MVP."
--> B, at the center for disturbed teens, once spent more than an hour restraining a young man who writhed and wrestled and threatened to "defile" B's pets until the kid finally broke down in the kind of physical and emotional exhaustion that only comes from trying earnestly to claw someone's goddamn eyes out.
--> "Then something incredible happened: he started to cry. He began talking about his biological mother and how his earliest memory was standing beside her as a 3-year-old when she was killed in a drive-by shooting. It was information no one, not even his psychiatrist, knew. We ended up covering more positive psychological ground with him in the 10 minutes that followed than we had in the previous two years with him."
** Special mention goes to this comment by Khannkabibble
--> "I go to a university in Cleveland whose tulpa is a crossing guard named Mark. He's a really awesome guy--stands at the intersection of the two busiest streets every weekday morning (when everyone is going to class and hating their lives), waving people across and smiling and talking with everyone. He's the sweetest guy there and I personally know of a few young adults who have gone to him before anyone else in the university police department if they'd been raped, stuck in domestic violence, attacked, etc. Seriously, every student there, regardless of whether they're tired from pulling an all-nighter or hungover, has a smile on their face after crossing the street.
--> "Anyway, the campus paper interviewed him recently and he revealed that he spend his first fifteen years out of college working as a correctional officer in a Cleveland facility for severely disturbed kids, developmentally disabled and juvenile delinquents alike. He talked about how hard it was at first to get spit, bled, ejactulated, and s**t on at every turn, but then he learned empathy--and that was his greatest tool. When he put himself in the kids' shoes, he learned to only use enough force to restrain and turned from a security guard that some of the teens considered evil to a guy that they could turn to if they were in a tight spot. He handled drug felonies, sexual assaults, and violent outbursts with kindness and understanding instead of anger. He found out that helped the kids more than anything--they just needed an authority figure that was willing to listen.
--> "Long story short, the facility closed (because Cleveland, y'know), and he was out of a job. My university hired him as a crossing guard, and he was excited because he still got to work with older teens. Still handles himself like the coolest human being ever. Officer Mark, you da real MVP."
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/real-answers-to-5-questions-you-didnt-even-know-you-had/ 5 Random Questions You Didn't Know You Wanted Answered]] is purely informative except for number 1 in which Luis Prada explains that Saran Wrap lost its cling because CEO Fisk Johnson removed PDCV (the chemical that made Saran Wrap cling) because of the toxic gas it produces when burnt in landfills.
to:
* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/real-answers-to-5-questions-you-didnt-even-know-you-had/ 5 Random Questions You Didn't Know You Wanted Answered]] is purely informative except for number 1 in which Luis Prada explains that Saran Wrap lost its cling because CEO Fisk Johnson removed PDCV (the chemical that made Saran Wrap cling) because of due to the toxic gas it produces when burnt in landfills.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_22710_5-sworn-enemies-who-formed-inspiring-friendships.html 5 Sworn Enemies Who Formed Inspiring Friendships]]
*[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20632_5-shocking-ways-enemies-worked-together-during-times-war.html 5 Shocking Ways Enemies Worked Together During Times of War]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19480_6-inspiring-tales-friendship-in-middle-brutal-wars.html 6 Inspiring Tales of Friendship in the Middle of Brutal Wars]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20441_6-people-saved-by-literally-last-person-they-expected.html 6 People Saved by Literally the Last Person They Expected]]
*[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20632_5-shocking-ways-enemies-worked-together-during-times-war.html 5 Shocking Ways Enemies Worked Together During Times of War]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19480_6-inspiring-tales-friendship-in-middle-brutal-wars.html 6 Inspiring Tales of Friendship in the Middle of Brutal Wars]]
* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20441_6-people-saved-by-literally-last-person-they-expected.html 6 People Saved by Literally the Last Person They Expected]]
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/real-answers-to-5-questions-you-didnt-even-know-you-had/ 5 Random Questions You Didn't Know You Wanted Answered]] is purely informative except for number 1 in which Luis Prada explains that Saran Wrap lost its cling because CEO Fisk Johnson removed PDCV (the chemical that made Saran Wrap cling) because of the toxic gas it produces when burnt in landfills.
--> Before the change, Saran Wrap's market share was an 18 percent. Today it's at 11 percent. Johnson removed PVDC for the betterment of the human race, knowing it would hurt sales, and he didn't give a shit, and now I want to make a clear plastic film for storing meatloaf our new flag so I can salute it. It's beautiful to hear a corporation do the ethical thing by playing their small part in making the world a cleaner place to live at the risk of profits. For all I know, SC Johnson is trying to turn us into screaming cancerous flesh blobs with plutonium-powered Glade Plug-Ins, but this one act is a nice gesture that corporate giants don't often do willingly. Is my kitchen floor absolutely caked with food that refused to be contained? Yes. But are my lungs Saran-Wrap-gas-free? '''Hell''' yes.
--> Before the change, Saran Wrap's market share was an 18 percent. Today it's at 11 percent. Johnson removed PVDC for the betterment of the human race, knowing it would hurt sales, and he didn't give a shit, and now I want to make a clear plastic film for storing meatloaf our new flag so I can salute it. It's beautiful to hear a corporation do the ethical thing by playing their small part in making the world a cleaner place to live at the risk of profits. For all I know, SC Johnson is trying to turn us into screaming cancerous flesh blobs with plutonium-powered Glade Plug-Ins, but this one act is a nice gesture that corporate giants don't often do willingly. Is my kitchen floor absolutely caked with food that refused to be contained? Yes. But are my lungs Saran-Wrap-gas-free? '''Hell''' yes.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/article_24367_5-people-who-totally-destroyed-greedy-ceo-archetype.html 5 Totally CRAZY CEOs Who Valued Humanity Over Profits]]
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Changed line(s) 102 (click to see context) from:
--> Editor's Note: No, you really don't. The greatest responsibility we ever had as kindergartners was to watch Raphael, the class turtle. He escaped. The turtle. Escaped. That one was on us, because even as 5-year-olds, we probably could have caught that turtle. But that would have been the extent of our 5-year-old abilities. We could not have prevented a mass murder with our tiny, Popsicle-sticky fingers. You're totally in the clear on this one, Talia.
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--> Editor's Note: [[YouAreBetterThanYouThinkYouAre No, you really don't. don't.]] The greatest responsibility we ever had as kindergartners was to watch Raphael, the class turtle. He escaped. The turtle. Escaped. That one was on us, because even as 5-year-olds, we probably could have caught that turtle. But that would have been the extent of our 5-year-old abilities. We could not have prevented a mass murder with our tiny, Popsicle-sticky fingers. You're totally in the clear on this one, Talia.
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Changed line(s) 118,120 (click to see context) from:
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.
to:
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.
reason.''
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the worldtoday.
today.''
* While Felix Clay describes the {{Bathos}} of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-depressing-things-i-saw-at-my-local-small-town-comic-con/ 5 Depressing Things I Saw at My Local Small Town Comic Con]], including the lack of line for Alan Thicke and the lack of Kevin Sorbo (and the please-don't-hurt-me style of respect for Wrestling/KevinNash), he drops this line about cosplayers:
-->''"But whatever the case, a cosplayer is [[DareToBeBadass the kind of person who has the unmitigated balls, the cold as steel rocks, to get out in public dressed as some preposterously unrealistic being from pop culture and mingle with the straight crowd for a while, and that deserves your respect. These people are motivated by rabid nerdism or abject uncaring or straight-up ballsy not giving a fuck, and all three should make you give them at least a little nod of approval if you don't have that kind of motivation]]. I certainly don't. I wore a bowling shirt and a pair of snakeskin shoes. I cosplay as a degenerate 24/7."''
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world
* While Felix Clay describes the {{Bathos}} of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-depressing-things-i-saw-at-my-local-small-town-comic-con/ 5 Depressing Things I Saw at My Local Small Town Comic Con]], including the lack of line for Alan Thicke and the lack of Kevin Sorbo (and the please-don't-hurt-me style of respect for Wrestling/KevinNash), he drops this line about cosplayers:
-->''"But whatever the case, a cosplayer is [[DareToBeBadass the kind of person who has the unmitigated balls, the cold as steel rocks, to get out in public dressed as some preposterously unrealistic being from pop culture and mingle with the straight crowd for a while, and that deserves your respect. These people are motivated by rabid nerdism or abject uncaring or straight-up ballsy not giving a fuck, and all three should make you give them at least a little nod of approval if you don't have that kind of motivation]]. I certainly don't. I wore a bowling shirt and a pair of snakeskin shoes. I cosplay as a degenerate 24/7."''
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* Describing [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made_p2/ Raul Julia's role in Street Fighter]]
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.
-->''"He was only doing this movie for his children, and he leapt into it with all the energy and glory of a man leaping on a grenade for the same reason.
-->''" This is a man who knew he was dying and decided to make his own eulogy by levitating 2 meters off the ground and firing lightning into Jean-Claude Van Damme, just so that his kids could watch. He was such a brilliant beacon of intensity that he made a wish for children when he was the one who was dying, and the result still brightens the world today.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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* [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/when-it-too-soon-to-make-fun-tragedy/ This]] piece about the death of AmyWinehouse Music/AmyWinehouse is quite moving.
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Changed line(s) 116 (click to see context) from:
-->''"I propose that we take every awkward, geeky, and dorky kid who has ever felt inspired by Yost's Blue Ranger, put them in the same room with the allegedly homophobic producers of Power Rangers, then lock the doors and [[CurbStompBattle ignore the screams for the next 20 minutes.]]"''
to:
-->''"I propose that we take every awkward, geeky, and dorky kid who has ever felt inspired by Yost's Blue Ranger, put them in the same room with the allegedly homophobic producers of Power Rangers, then lock the doors and [[CurbStompBattle ignore the screams screams]] [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown for the next 20 minutes.]]"''
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* In the article [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-tv-shows-you-loved-that-were-nightmare-behind-scenes/ 4 TV Shows You Loved That Were Nightmares Behind the Scenes]], it discusses how David Yost, aka the original [[Series/{{Mighty Morphin Power Rangers}} Blue Power Ranger]], was mercilessly mocked on set for being gay and eventually led to him having a nervous breakdown after he quit the show. The author makes sure those homophobes understand how much of an inspiration the Blue Ranger was to him and other nerdy kids, and the comments section is filled with people echoing him, talking about how the Blue Ranger was their favorite and criticizing homophobes.
-->''"I propose that we take every awkward, geeky, and dorky kid who has ever felt inspired by Yost's Blue Ranger, put them in the same room with the allegedly homophobic producers of Power Rangers, then lock the doors and [[CurbStompBattle ignore the screams for the next 20 minutes.]]"''
-->''"I propose that we take every awkward, geeky, and dorky kid who has ever felt inspired by Yost's Blue Ranger, put them in the same room with the allegedly homophobic producers of Power Rangers, then lock the doors and [[CurbStompBattle ignore the screams for the next 20 minutes.]]"''
