History Funny / YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries

[[center:[[WMG:[-'''Main Index''' | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonOne Season One]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonTwo Season Two]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonThree Season Three]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonFour Season Four]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonFive Season Five]]-]]]]]

-->'''Tristan''': Hey, look, it's an Indian!\\

-->'''Yami''': My god! The flowers! They aren't flowers at all! They are actually really, really, really stupid-looking monsters that would only scare an idiot like Tristan!
-->'''Tristan''': I am an idiot like Tristan and I am scared of those monsters!

--->'''Mokuba''': Excellent! Soon, nothing will stop us from obtaining his most powerful cards and then I shall rule the world as Emperor Mokuba! Isn’t that right, Seto?
--->'''Kaiba''': Anything for you, Mokuba. You’re the best little brother a guy could have. I love you.
--->'''Mokuba''': Shut up, Seto.

--->'''Yami''': That...that wasn't very funny.
--->'''Kaiba''': Why would it be funny?

--->'''Bodyguard''': I summon my fist in attack mode. You lose 500 life points.
--->'''Yugi''': (Collapses in facedown position) But I was in face down position...

--->'''Yami''': [[Literature/TheShining Here's Johnny.]]

--->'''Yami''': Hey Kaiba! You took my grandfather's card, so in return [[DisproportionateRetribution I took your bodyguards' kidneys]]. I believe that's a fair trade. Now how about we play a little game.
--->'''Kaiba''': 'Kay...

--->'''Yami''': So, Kaiba, are you ready to enter a world of pain?
--->'''Kaiba''': Sounds delightful.
--->'''Yami''': A world where the only noise you hear is that of your haggard breath as you choke on your own entrails?
--->'''Kaiba''': Positively charming.
--->'''Yami''': Because I’m going to take you straight down to Hell, Kaiba. And believe me, your torture will never end until I’m satisfied.
--->'''Kaiba''': I always wanted to visit new places.
--->'''Yami''': Okay, cut that out.
--->'''Kaiba''': Cut what out?
--->'''Yami''': That whole “happy” thing. I’m not buying it.
--->'''Kaiba''': I really don't know what you mean.
--->'''Yami''': Everyone knows that Seto Kaiba is an obsessive egomaniacal scumbag. The only reason you’re playing this game, is to prove you’re the best.
--->'''Kaiba''': Actually, I'm just playing for fun.
--->'''Yami''': (disbelieving) Seriously?
--->'''Kaiba''': (absolutely sincere) I love playing games with my friends.
--->'''Yami''': (disturbed) O-okay stop that.
--->'''Kaiba''': Especially my closest friends.
--->'''Yami''': [[HorrifyingTheHorror You're freaking me out here]]!
--->'''Kaiba''': Like you, Yugi.
--->'''Yami''': Who the hell are you?
--->'''Kaiba''': I'm Seto Kaiba. The nicest guy on the face of the planet.

--->'''Kaiba''': (laughing) Oh, it feels so good to laugh.
--->'''Yami''': (laughing) I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

--->'''Kaiba''': You cannot defeat the PowerOfFriendship, Yugi! (EvilLaugh)

-->'''Jack''': YUGI MOTO? HE WAS THE GREATEST DUELIST WHO EVER LIVED!
-->'''Yusei''': It says here he died a virgin and his last words were; "Oh God, I wasted my life."
-->'''Jack''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint THE GREATEST DUELIST WHO EVER LIVED.]] [[HoYay I LOVE HIM.]]
-->'''Crow''': It also says Dragons appeared and destroyed Europe… [[FridgeLogic 10 years ago]]… [[FlatWhat what?]]

--> '''Yami:''' Oh yeah? Well I summon the Winged Dragon of- Wait, what are you, what are you doing?! No! Put down the fists! This isn't a card game, what is this?! Somebody disqualify this child!!

--> '''Yami:''' [[BoomHeadshot *shoots guard's head clean off*]] Boom! Mindcru- Oh. [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Went a little heavy on the mind crush that time]].

--> '''Yami:''' But you didn't have to kill my dad, punch him in the face until his skull broke into pieces. I don't even need your Vault, but you treat me like a stranger and it's all your fault. No you didn't have to stoop so low, have security beat me with nightsticks and cockroaches. Guess that I don't need that though, now you're just a vault dweller I used to know.

--> '''Marik:''' [[Creator/ChrisCrocker LEAVE SLENDERMAN ALONE! HE'S A HUMAN! WITH NO FACE!!]]

--> '''Marik:''' Man, I've been in the bathroom for about 5 hours now. What am I, a woman? *Laughs* Isn't that right, Bakura? They take ages in the bathroom don't they?
--> '''Bakura:''' Marik, you always wake up at 5 in the morning to apply your make-up.
--> '''Marik:''' THAT'S IMPORTANT!! How do you expect me to look evil and intimidating if I haven't at least applied my foundation?
--> '''Bakura:''' Yes, it certainly makes you look "the part".

--> '''Marik:''' Give me an F! Give me an R! Give me an I! Give me a G! Give me a N! Give me an O! What does that spell? Frig no, you friggin frig!!
--> '''Slender Man:''' [=ByE gUyS=]!

--> '''Marik:''' Thank you, Mr. Tree-Planter. Dick!

--> '''Marik:''' (shouting outside the house window) Party at Slender Man's house!
--> *Few seconds later*
--> '''Marik:''' (shouts outside the window again) If you're coming to the party, then bring Cheetos!

--> '''Marik:''' Oh hey, a piano. I can show off my pianist skills!\\

--> '''Marik:''' You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why: Slender Man is coming to town. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows when you've collected 5 of 8 pages so be good for goodness sake.

--> '''Marik:''' My head is not a balloon- Oh my god what if it is?! Oh no! Somebody! Somebody inflate my head! [[DoubleEntendre Bakura, blow into me!]]\\

--> '''Marik:''' Well, that was a fairly uneventful trip. I suppose I'll take this and go then. Nothing's happening.\\

--> '''Slendy:''' [=Do YoU gUyS wAnNa HaNg OuT wItH mE? I hAvE a CaNoOoE=]!\\

--> Looks like somebody's having a party. I'll tell you one thing, it's not Mokuba! Heheh, heheh! This is what I see when I watch a [=3D=] movie. Bear. ''[opening ends]'' Okay, short game. Good job Yugi, that wasn't even a... ''[sees main page]'' Oh. Right.

--> '''Kaiba:''' Mokuba! Answer the phone! Mokuba! Do as I say! MOKUBA YOU'RE FIRED! Oh, it's in the video game. MOKUBA YOU'RE STILL FIRED!
--> '''Mokuba:''' I'm not even employed by you!
--> '''Kaiba:''' Now you're just double fired! And you look stupid!

-->'''Kaiba:''' Yeah, shut up, buddy, I'm gonna run this place in a week.

-->'''Phone Guy:'''...the working theory is that the robots were never given a proper night mode.
-->'''Kaiba:''' Well then, ''fire'' the guy who was supposed to do that. And then fire yourself because you're annoying me. In fact, I'm fired, too. We're all fired. You get fired! And you get fired! Everybody gets fired!

-->'''Kaiba:''' *puts on Freddy mask* Whoa. I '''am''' the bear. Seto Kaiba is: ''Film/GrizzlyMan''. I would have totally nailed that role. And I wouldn't have let the bears eat me, either. I would have punched them in the face! ''Grizzly Man 2: [[OddlyNamedSequel2ElectricBoogaloo The Revengening]].''

-->'''Kaiba:''' I'm sorry, but I personally believe that [[FantasticRacism bunny rabbits have no place in the music industry]]. [[LampshadeHanging And I know that sounds racist]].
-->'''Mokuba:'''...But?
-->'''Kaiba:''' No. No "but".

-->'''Kaiba:''' I'm being double-teamed by cartoon animals! This is Pegasus's wildest fantasy come true.

-->'''Joey:''' Okay, here's how you deal with those guys. Ya gotta take the mouse, and [[AssShove shove it straight up your butt.]]
-->'''Kaiba:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I don't believe that's how you beat this game.]]
-->'''Joey:''' Well it is!
-->'''Kaiba:''' OK, so just who the hell are you supposed to be exactly?
-->'''Joey:''' Woody Allen!
-->'''Kaiba:''' Oh yeah, Woody Allen? Go fuck yourse-
-->'''[[spoiler:Toy Chica]]:''' '''[[spoiler:REEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH]]'''
-->'''Kaiba:''' [[spoiler: AAAAAAH! I was killed by a duck! Just like in my nightmares. Damn you, Woody Allen! I mean Wheeler. Damn you, Yugi. I'm gonna beat this game if it's the last thing I do.]]

--->'''Tristan''': ''(The Pokémon theme plays)'' I don't even know what that is!

---> '''Téa:''' ''Kill him!'' Slaughter him like a ''dog!''

--> '''Yusei:''' One night we were set to preform in front of the entire world, but then, we experienced some... technical difficulties...
-->''([[{{Flashback}} Two Years Ago, A Cityscape is seen]])''
--> '''Yusei:''' [[IsThisThingOn Okay! Mic Check!]] Testing, testing, one two three! Jack, you wanna check your mic?
--> '''Jack Atlas''': [[NoIndoorVoice OKAY!]] TESTING TESTING ONE TWO ''(Massive PillarOfLight destroys city)'' [[StuffBlowingUp THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE]] ''(PillarOfLight is now shooting off into space)''
-->''(Present Day)''
--> '''Yusei:''' The strange part was that [[UpToEleven his microphone wasn't even plugged in.]] It was the worst night of our lives.\\

--> Kaiba [thinking]: Hmm. Perhaps I should consider keeping him on a leash.

-->'''Gendo''': (''to Shinji''): Who the devil are you?
-->'''Shinji''': I want a robot!
-->'''Gendo''': Smithers! Release the hounds!
-->'''Fuyutsuki/Smithers''': Sir! This is your ''son''!
-->'''Gendo''': Oh, of course it is! How foolish of me...ha ha I must be getting old! Now where was I? Ah yes...Smithers! Release the hounds!

-->'''Gendo:''' Shinji! There's only one surefire way to defeat that monster: ''You have to pretend that it's [[AbusiveParents ME]]!''\\

-->'''SEELE Members:''' Harumph! Harumph! Harumph!\\

-->'''Téa''': Complete and total equality is way better than being superior to someone else! That's what friendship is all about! Being the exact same as each other and not having any differences!

-->'''Marik''': I am Marik Sebatian Ishtar! Guardian of the Pharaoh's tomb, then leader of an evil cult, followed by shamed ex-leader of an evil cult AND NOW I am the campaign manager for Donald Trump.
-->'''Bob''': Wait, like, the orange guy from Earth who just lost the presidential election last year? Wait, are you from Earth?
-->'''Marik''': You are correct, Burger Belcher! I could not stand that he did not win, so I put him here! I think we've got a real chance here!

--> '''Bakura:''' Yes, one thing I am personally very happy about in the finished piece is how we were able to take everything unique about Slender Man as a concept and make it look like every other [[SoundEffectBleep f***ing]] horror film you’ve ever seen.
--> '''Marik:''' It was a very bold decision we made to ''not'' use the POV camera effect that has essentially become synonymous with the character and that unsettling feeling of claustrophobia that comes with it, and instead just shoot it like a made-for-TV movie you’d watch at 7 pm on a Tuesday night before professional wrestling comes on.

--> '''Bakura:''' One thing I think longtime fans should really look out for is the Gay Elephant Noise!
--> '''Marik:''' Oh, I almost forgot about that!
--> '''Bakura:''' Yes, we were actually able to keep the character of Jonathan the Gay Elephant in the movie! They actually used a clip of him speaking in the trailer, which we were thrilled about!
--> '''Marik:''' Yes, if you go to 1:23 in the official trailer, you can hear the Gay Elephant Noise!
--> '''Bakura:''' You can actually hear the Gay Elephant Noise! It sounds exactly like an elephant of that persuasion! It’s very effective!
--> '''Marik:''' Yes, we were able to get famed sound designer [[Franchise/StarWars Ben Burtt]] to create the Gay Elephant Noise using a combination of sounds taken from [[ShapedLikeItself an elephant and a gay man]].

--> '''Marik:''' So, anyway, yeah, please go see our movie about a tall man in the woods [[JumpScare going up to girls and making “booga-booga” fingers,]] because holy crap, is ''that'' a terrifying concept in this day and age!
--> '''Bakura:''' [[SarcasmMode Yes, in the world in which we currently live, nothing is more unnerving and worrisome than a scary, faceless creature jumping out and going “boo!”]]
--> (...)
--> '''Marik:''' So, yeah, be sure to catch my directorial debut, ''Slender Man''!
--> '''Bakura:''' And my acting debut… in the deleted scenes… when the movie comes out on DVD…
--> '''Marik:''' [[BrutalHonesty Which will probably be about a month or so after the theatrical release due to a general lack of interest!]]
--> '''Bakura:''' Be sure to sign [[Film/JusticeLeague2017 the online petition for the movie to be restored in its original, uncut state]] as Concrete Giraffes, because [[TakeThat if history has proven anything, it’s that when a movie comes out and fans are upset about its content, Hollywood always pays attention to them and rectifies its mistakes!]]

[[center:[[WMG:[-'''Main Index''' | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonOne Season One]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonTwo Season Two]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonThree Season Three]] | [[Funny/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeriesSeasonFour Season Four]] -]]]]]

-->'''Jack''': Yugi Moto, he was the greatest duelist who ever lived!

-->'''Jack''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint The greatest duelist who ever lived.]] [[HoYay I love him.]]

-->'''Jack:''' That guy stole your Stardust Dragon card! What a ''dick''! [[HypocriticalHumor I mean I know I did that in season one, but]]… ''he's a dick!''

--> '''Marik''': Silence! I command you all to shut the f[[SoundEffectBleep *eff*]]k up! We didn't come here to discuss Pegasus's ambiguous sexual orientation.

'''Dartz''': ''(legitimately confused)'' What the '''''[[SoundEffectBleep (EFF)]]''''' are you talking about, mayn?\\

'''Dartz:''' Now it’s crucial that you guys don’t '''''[[SoundEffectBleep (EFF)]]''''' this up. So I want you to cwose yoh eyes and imagine that yoh standing in front of Yuu-gay Mowtoe.\\

'''Dartz:''' And [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything pull it towards you]].\\

'''Dartz:''' Then I want you to cut his dayk into three pieces!\\

* '''Marik''': "There are no women in Yu-Gi-Oh! There are only extremely girly men! And I am the girliest of them all!"

* CARDGAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!

--->'''Tristan''': ''(The Pokemon theme plays)'' I don't even know what that is!

-->{Cut to Bakura and [[spoiler:Slendy]] in a dance club, while the song [[spoiler:Twenty Dollars]] plays}

--->'''Tristan''': (After Joey falls into another world) Oh no! Pocahontas got Joey too!\\

** Tristan and Joey's [[AndIMustScream reaction]] when they learn that their in flight movie is ''[[Film/HighSchoolMusical High School Musical 2]]'' during the [[Main/PreviouslyOn opening]].

* Pegasus shouting: "Hurry! Get to da choppah!" in his refined voice.

** Tea became a table dancer in New York. Her tips are enormous.

** Mokuba got kidnapped again.
** Grandpa Moto got a heart attack at age 87. Much to his annoyance, he survived.
** Pegasus became a regular cast member of ''Yu Gi Oh GX''. What was he thinking?!
** Mai Valentine appeared in an issue of ''Playboy'' to massive success.
** Rex and Wevil finally scored. It cost them a month's worth of pocket money.
** Bakura was committed to a mental asylum.
** Zorc had so much fun at Disneyworld he didn't want to destroy it. He destroyed Eurodisney instead.
** Yami became a huge Hollywood star. He will return in ''For Your Cards Only!''

'''Bakura:''' ''(calmly)'' [[Film/TheEvilDead It's a trick. Get an axe.]]\\

* The entirety of his newest video, [[https://youtu.be/S-oWsXfRPVM Neko Porno]]. It [[CrossesTheLineTwice crosses the line so many times that there isn't even a line anymore,]] but I'll be damned if it isn't one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Specifically though:

--> '''Yusei:''' The Strange Part was that [[UpToEleven his microphone wasn't even plugged in.]] It was the worst night of our lives.\\

'''Yusei''': [[SkewedPriorities Because none of us got laid! Nobody wanted to sleep with us because they were all too busy burning to death]]!

--> '''Bakura:''' Yes, and then [[ClumsyCopyrightCensorship they made us remove all the Toys R Us references at the last minute due to licensing issues,]] so the title wouldn’t have made much sense anyway.

--> '''Marik:''' Yes, we were able to get famed sound designer Ben Burch to create the Gay Elephant Noise using a combination of sounds taken from an elephant and a gay man.

--> '''Bakura:''' Be sure to sign the online petition for the movie to be restored in its original, uncut state as Concrete Giraffes, because [[TakeThat if history has proven anything, it’s that when a movie comes out and fans are upset about its content, Hollywood always pays attention to them and rectifies its mistakes!]]

-->'''Pirate Hitler''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice I vill send all zee Jews to Davy Jones' Locker, Heil Blackbeard!]]

* [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Pirate]] [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler Hitler]].

** "LOOK, YUSEI! [[DangerousRedSkies IT'S SNOWING!]] [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} NO SCHOOL FOR US TODAY!!!]]"

** "LOOK, YUSEI! [[RedSkiesTakeWarning IT'S SNOWING!]] [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} NO SCHOOL FOR US TODAY!!!]]"

-->'''Paradox''': Well, I was not actually there. But I heard that somebody played and a card game and then boom! End of the world. It totally happened! Just I said! Just card game; BOOM! Everyone dead.

-->'''Paradox''': Look, I planned this!

-->'''Paradox''': All I had to do was invent time travel, then go back in time, and kill Pegasus. [[InsaneTrollLogic And then the future would be better!]]

-->'''Paradox''': And Yugi's grandpa! [[IMeantToDoThat I totally meant to do that too.]] My plan is great!

-->'''Paradox''': Yes, there was a little collateral damage. Probably not important. [[RuleOfThree My plan is great!]]

-->'''Paradox''': Well when you put it like that, not really but, uh…

-->'''Paradox''': Oh pwease! You may be the King of Games in your timeline but where I come from Duel Monsters have evolve far beyond your understanding. Compared to me you are just a learner.

-->'''Yami''': And where I come from Duel Monsters is still a broken exploitable mess of a game. And I'm about to exploit the Hell out of it!

-->'''Jaden''': WHOOOOOOA!… I thought you said you weren't going to let me ride it?

-->'''Jaden''': Check it out, dawgs! My Neos card came back! It must be because we went back in time!

-->'''Paradox''': No, none of those things happened. What destroyed the world was… ''caaaaarrrrdddd gaaaaammmmeeeessss''.

-->'''Paradox''': Well, I wasn't actually there, but I heard that someone played a card game and then BOOM! End of the world. It totally happened. Just like I said. Card Game— BOOM! Everyone dead.

-->'''Paradox''': It's either I destroy the card game, or the entire world destroys itself. It is as simple as that.

*** Yami [[LaughingMad laughing uncontrollably]] when he realises Kaiba was playing the game for fun. The the whole exchange that leads up to this realization is just lovely. The regular Kaiba would be disgusted by his Zero counterpart.

* Everything is {{Disney/Pocahontas}}' fault in Crapsule Monsters, such as Joey accusing her of kidnapping Yugi's Grandpa.

* Marik's cover of [[Disney/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame "Out There"]], which manages to also be a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} despite [[CrossesTheLineTwice crossing the line]] [[UpToEleven several times]]. Take this verse, which is [[LyricalDissonance complete with a sweeping crescendo]]:

** Zorc singing 'Destroy the World' to the tune of ''A Whole New World'' from ''Disney/{{Aladdin}}''.

*** [[EarWorm "WOULD YOU LIKE THIS BABY? (I'm Lanipator) WOULD YOU LIKE IT, OOOOH?"]]

'''Zombie Boy:''' Uh... is he saying deck or ''*BEEP*''?\\

--> '''Kaiba:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext Hey look! You shapeshifted into a dead guy!]]

--> '''Pegasus's Henchman (As Soldier):''' That was an amazing killing spree...''BY THE OTHER TEAM!!''
--> '''Pegasus (As Demoman):''' I'm drunk!

--->'''Announcer''': ''(on television)'' And now, [[EvenTheGuysWantHim ladies and gentlemen, I give you the man who ruined all other men for you]]...JACK ATLAS!\\

--> '''No moogles here man'''.

-->'''Jack''': YUSEI SAID YOU WERE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH DARKNESS.
-->'''Godwin''': Please, Jack, everybody knows darkness doesn't work, they tried that in season 4 of GX.
-->'''Jack''': THERE WAS A SEASON 4?

* Kemo's introductory statement for one episodes goes "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ1K2I7m60w Attention, Duelists! My hair is showing you what previously happened on Yu-Gi-Oh!]]"

* Marik's cover of [[Film/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame "Out There"]], which manages to also be a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} despite [[CrossesTheLineTwice crossing the line]] [[UpToEleven several times]]. Take this verse, which is [[LyricalDissonance complete with a sweeping crescendo]]:

--> '''Slender Man:''' [=ByE gUyS=!

** Slender Man calling out "Hey guys!" and trying to add into Marik and Bakura's conversations whenever they run into him.

--> '''Slender Man:''' Bye guys!

-->[[spoiler:Slender Man]]: Hey, Bakura, how's it hangin'?

-->[[spoiler:Slender Man]]: We were college roommates.

** [[spoiler: [[Franchise/TheSlenderManMythos Slendy]]'s]] cameo. ''"Excuse me, is this the Jesus residence?"''

* The [[https://youtu.be/h0GpeXAsIKY one-shot]] Creator/LittleKuriboh made for charity, spoofing Anime/NeonGenesisEvangelion. It may not be part of the actual series, but it starts being hilarious at about 10 seconds in, and stays that way for the rest of the video. Complete with [[spoiler: [[Franchise/TheSlendermanMythos Slender Man]] ]] as the Third Angel.