History Funny / XWingSeries

** The PR Squadron claims that they are Rogue Squadron, and the real Rogues are simple a ''rogue'' squadron.

* Wedge is quietly alarmed when it turns out Baron Soontir Fel is fighting for Zsinj's forces. Fel defected to the Rebels and actually flew with Rogue Squadron for a while, and not many know it, but Fel married Wedge's sister Syal, who he hasn't seen or heard from in years. So while Wedge is flying undercover as one of Zsinj's mercenaries, [[http://azurish.tumblr.com/post/141409782272/anonymousblueberry-that-awkward-moment-where he finds himself fighting alongside his brother-in-law and tries to surreptitiously learn anything about the whereabouts of his sister.]] What makes the whole situation ludicrous is related to the above Funny Moment - Wedge is undercover as "Lieutenant Kettch," so he has to ask his questions in YouNoTakeCandle form, and Fel is responding in the same syntax with his [[EvilBrit sophisticated Imperial accent]]: "My name Fel. Fel want to fly with Kettch."

'''Fel''': Fel doesn't need Kettch to teach. [[NotSoDifferent Fel is best human pilot.]]\\

* A diplomatic mission to Ryloth leads to Wedge learning about Twi'lek naming conventions. His squadmate Nawara Ven is referred to as such instead of Nawara'ven, because the former could be translated as "silver-tongued" and the latter as "tarnished silver." In Wedge's case, "Wedgan'tilles" comes out as "slayer of stars," while "Wedge Antilles" can be generously translated as "one so foul he could induce vomiting in a rancor."

* Gavin, who is inserted into Courscant as Outer Rim grifter Vin Leiger, has the unwelcome realization that his cover identity has a more detailed and colorful history than he does.

-->'''Wes:''' [[InnocentDoubleEntendre Did you get what you wanted?]]

'''[[ManChild Wes]]''': [[ARareSentence Wedge, stop acting like a little kid. You're embarrassing me.]]

'''Wedge:''' [[ExplainExplainOhCrap I - oh, Sithspit.]]

* Zsinj calls Han to offer him begrudging congratulations on his victory. Han offers to let him kiss his Wookiee as consolation, causing Zsinj to go off on [[[ClusterFBomb a long swear-filled rant in several languages]] before signing off.

'''Wedge:''' I - [[OhCrap oh, Sithspit.]]

* "Lt. Kettch" becomes a BrickJoke at the end of the book, when Lara (or Gara or Kirney depending on her mental state), while escaping from Zsinj's flagship, ''finds'' an actual Ewok who had been genetically modified and trained to become a pilot. Her first, stressed-out reaction is to shout that she's heard this one already. She then explains to the uncomprehending Ewok that "we're both [[BecomingTheMask lies that became the truth]]."
* Zsinj calls Han to offer him congratulations on his victory. Han offers to let him kiss his Wookie as consolation, causing Zsinj to go on a several minute rant, swearing in several languages before signing off.

** Also gets credit for two details: One, they made the clothes look worn... by marching in unison over them. Two: The captain of their ship is FROM the planet they're parodying... and was consulted to make them fit the stereotype PERFECTLY.

** Even better, while listening to the explanation, Zsinj and his NumberTwo both hold an AsideGlance with each other. It turns out they were running ''exactly'' that sort of enhancement and training program on board the Iron Fist, and were [[OhCrap freaking out]] about a potential escaped test subject from its early phases.
* Shalla, undercover, explains why as close-combat specialist she's carrying a datapad. "Standard scans won't show this edge is reinforced. If I decide someone needs additional information in his head, I can insert it manually." She later demonstrates.

'''Janson:''' Wedge, you don't speak Wookie.\\

'''Fel''': (''burst out laughin'') Antilles? Oh, he's luck incarnate, to be certain, but he can't really fly worth a damn.\\

** During a scene where the pilots are all trying to figure out how to track down Zsinj, Elassar prefaces his ideas with a few remarks about their commander Han Solo (namely that he's "running scared" from Zsinj)... [[RightBehindMe without knowing Han was in the room]] [[ChairReveal in a turned-away chair]]. Despite the fact Han accepts the criticism and thinks they have some good ideas, Elassar is convinced he is doomed for this and wants the other pilots to kill him. This becomes a RunningGag for a good part of the book.
** Gets even funnier when Elassar starts suggesting ways that specific pilots could use their unique skills and abilities to kill him. Like how Corran Horn could use his experience as a detective to kill Elassar and [[ThePerfectCrime leave no evidence]]. Or how Runt could use his [[SuperStrength Super Strength]] to [[AnArmAndALeg rip Elassar's arm off]] and [[CutHimselfShaving claim it was a handshaking accident]].

'''Janson:''' And you asked him if Chewbacca would be interested in coming along as copilot and mechanic. He has all that experience keeping disintigrating junk together as it flies.\\

* Zsinj calls Han to offer him congratulations on his victory. Han offers to let him kiss his Wookie as consolations, causing Zsinj to go on a several minute rant, swearing in several languages before signing off.

* Whistler and Gate escape from captivity and hire passage on a ship evidently run by space rednecks, who kill time by sticking streamers on the astromechs and using them for low-powered target practice.

'''Tycho''': Don't let him have a new type of weapon! It'd be like giving a lightsaber to a two year old.

'''Pedetsen:''' Hey, it was your cousin who [[HistoricalHeroUpgrade was martyred by Darth Vader after he let Han Solo escape Hoth. After all, your cousin had Rebel sympathies that he only confided in you, which is why he let Solo escape.]] Your having been punished with this duty proves the Empire suspected him, bt could prove nothing.\\

'''Tycho:''' Remember that cruiser that took a piece out of the ''Corruptor?''\\

'''Wedge:''' (''sheepishly'') Let's not go too far - it ''was'' a good pair of shots.

* And while we're at it, Squeaky's backstory. He engineered a breakout from [[ContinuityNod the spice mines of Kessel]] with a bunch of other droids. Since most droids' programming prevents them from flying ships, he got around this by programming their ship to fly away from the port on autopilot, following the nap of the earth to avoid getting shot down. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck Directly through a large area of mountains and canyons.]] The result has come to be known as the Runaway Droid Ride.

* Wedge's payback for Wes betting against him ends with Wes naked, holding a stuffed Ewok in front of his jewels, in front of the entire squadron, ALL of which were in on it. The moral of the story is that when it comes to pranks, Wes has the talent and the will... but Wedge has the resources.

'''Wedge:''' That's good work. But on this pirate activity, I just with you all didn't look as though you'd enjoyed yourselves so much.\\

* A diplomatic mission to Ryloth leads to Wedge learning about Rylothean naming conventions. His squadmate Nawara Ven is referred to as such instead of Nawara'ven, because the former could be translated as "silver-tongued" and the latter as "tarnished silver." In Wedge's case, "Wedgan'tilles" comes out as "slayer of stars," while "Wedge Antilles" can be generously translated as "one so foul he could induce vomiting in a rancor."

''[[AC:Rogue Squadron]]''

'''Corran''': ''[blushing]'' First time I've heard it described as "soothing."
* Shortly after the second battle of Borleias, the squadron makes it back, having been forced to abandon Corran there due to fuel issues. They get treated to a recorded message where Corran tells them not to feel bad about leaving him behind on Borleias's moon. Wedge quickly realizes he's being pranked, since how would Corran have known in advance that he was left behind at Borleias's ''moon''? (Turns out Corran had been rescued by Mirax, and brought back aboard the ''Pulsar Skate'' ahead of the squadron.)

* Mirax and Horn have a bit of UnresolvedSexualTension in his quarters, and they briefly consider what [[DatingWhatDaddyHates their fathers would think]] (Corran's dad was a renowned SpacePolice officer, and Mirax's own father is a notorious smuggler, the both of them sworn enemies).

''[[AC:Wedge's Gamble]]''

** Related is when they unexpectedly bump into Mirax there, and she explains how she knew where to find them on a CityPlanet teeming with billions of people - they're snubfighter jockeys, and wouldn't be able to resist seeing what the enemy was saying about them or the battles they flew in.

''[[AC:The Bacta War]]''

-->'''Corran:''' How come that scared people at the bar, and this guy laughs?
-->'''Mirax:''' (''sheepish''') It worked on the people at the bar because they were afraid of my father.
-->'''Corran:''' And what's wrong with this clown?
-->'''Mirax:''' (''wince'') Well, Corran, he ''is'' my father.
-->'''Corran:''' Oh. I guess you take after your mother.
** And immediately afterword Booster vows to give Corran the beating he was never able to give Corran's father, Booster's nemesis. But Mirax jumps in to defuse the situation.
--->'''Booster''': You don't want me to take a round out of him. You even want me to like him, but there's no reason in the galaxy why I'd like him.\\

'''Mirax''': ''[holds Corran's hand]'' You heard me. Corran's saved my life, I've saved his, and we like each other. A lot. ''[squeezes Corran's hand]'' You can jump in any time, Corran.\\

-->'''Stormtrooper:''' Come with me so I can check you out.
-->'''Corran:''' I don't need to go with you.
-->'''Stormtrooper:''' You don't need to go with me?
-->'''Corran:''' (''Hey, it's working!'') I can go about my business.
-->'''Stormtrooper:''' You can go about your business? Your business is ''my'' business, void-brain.

''[[AC:Wraith Squadron]]''
* The BrickJoke[=/=]RunningGag of "Yub yub, Commander." To elaborate: When going through the list of prospective candidates, Wes tells Wedge that one of them is an Ewok biologically augmented to fly, whose battle cry is "Yub, yub." (Which, incidentally, becomes a BrickJoke in ''Iron Fist.'') Wes then admits he's joking, and later on, that the penultimate candidate is an augmented Gamorrean. Wedge tells him to cut out the jokes and send in the pilot... who turns out to ''actually be an augmented Gamorrean.''
-->'''Wes''': Yub yub, Commander.

* After the first training run for Gray Squadron's recruits, several pilots go out to commiserate over drinks. Kell gets his forehead [[GreasySpoon stuck to the table]]. He also gets off on the wrong foot with [[RidiculouslyHumanRobots Squeaky]] by interrupting the droid--twice--while he's taking the pilots' drink orders. Squeaky advises him not to do so a third time, otherwise "You would do well not to drink what I bring you."
** And while we're at it, Squeaky's backstory. He engineered a breakout from [[ContinuityNod the spice mines of Kessel]] with a bunch of other droids. Since most droids' programming prevents them from flying ships, he got around this by programming their ship to fly away from the port on autopilot, following the nap of the earth to avoid getting shot down. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck Directly through a large area of mountains and canyons.]]

* Face successfully manages to distract Admiral Trigit, who was about to blow the Wraith's cover, by giving a quite realistic, nuanced, moving performance as SmallNameBigEgo Captain Darillian. Including referencing Ysanne Isard's perfume, and revealing a crush on her. When the communication ends, the whole ship (who was listening in) erupts into applause.
--> '''Face''': Thank you, thank you. Performances every hour, on the hour. Imperial madmen a speciality.

-->'''Donos''': Sir, permission to kill Face?
-->'''Wedge''': Granted. But keep the hat, like he says.

* Wedge's evil bit of revenge on Han when the latter makes a visit to Folor Base: Han has just finished complaining about all the boring diplomatic functions he's had to attend on Coruscant with Leia and asks what recreation is available.
-->'''Wedge''': (''with a completely straight face'') Nothing. There are no women assigned to Folor Base. Because of the general's philosophical beliefs, there's no alcohol, no gambling, and we can't watch broadcasts from Commenor. This has led to a rather high suicide rate, but there's no getting around that. We do have some holorecordings of Coruscant diplomatic functions, if you'd like to see them.
** Han's reaction to these claims is a thing of beauty, too.
-->''Han wore an expression of growing horror, then it became pure outrage. He pointed a finger at Wedge as though it were a blaster barrel. [[{{Angrish}} "You--you--"]]''\\
''Wedge grinned. "I had you going. You believed every painful word."''
** Han describing his visit as being officially to coordinate efforts against Zsinj, and unofficially to evaluate the quality of on-base gambling across the New Republic.
** In a nice ContinuityNod, the bar in Folor is introduced before this scene, so we know for a fact Wedge is lying. Besides, obviously, some of the Wraiths being female.

''[[AC:Iron Fist]]''
* Shalla, undercover, explains why as close-combat specialist she's carrying a datapad. "Standard scans won't show this edge is reinforced. If I decide someone needs additional information in his head, I can insert it manually." She later demonstrates.
* To infiltrate Zsing's organization, the Wraiths take up identities as a band of SpacePirates, and start raiding his holdings in an attempt to get Zsing's attention so that the ever-pragmatic warlord will make a job offer. They have a lot of fun customizing their fighters and running misisons, but Wedge worries that they're getting LostInCharacter.

''Kell and Phanan exchanged looks suggesting that this was news to them''\\

* The "Lieutenant Kettch" RunningGag. It starts with a toy Ewok in a flight suit turning up in odd places, then someone alters Wedge's comm to make him sound like an Ewok while playing pirate, Zsinj's forces overhear it so Face has to BS a story about the "Hawk-Bats" having an Ewok pilot, and by the end of the book Wedge is flying a TIE Interceptor into battle with a Ewok doll tied to his lap in order to maintain the disguise.

-->'''Wedge''': Yes. Fly with. You see Kettch best pilot.
-->'''Fel''': Well, best Ewok, certainly.
-->''A little later...''
-->'''Wedge''': Stick with Kettch. Kettch teach good.
-->'''Fel''': Fel doesn't need Kettch to teach. [[NotSoDifferent Fel is best human pilot.]]
-->'''Wedge''': No. Other humans say other name is best.
-->'''Fel''': Luke Skywalker, then. [[YouRebelScum Rebel scum,]] but [[WorthyOpponent a good flier.]]
-->'''Dia''': Actually, we've been telling him about Wedge Antilles and Rogue Squadron.
-->''An explosion of laughter from Fel''
-->'''Fel''': Antilles? Oh, he's luck incarnate, to be certain, but he can't really fly worth a damn.
-->''Despite himself, Wedge felt a wash of anger.''
* The disciplinary hearing for the soldiers that the Wraiths embroil in a BarBrawl.
-->'''Provost:''' Facts?
-->'''Wedge:''' Drunk and disorderly at Rojio's. Brawling with civilians.
-->'''Provost:''' They're all unconscious. They lost to civilians?
-->'''Wedge:''' Yes, sir.
-->'''Provost:''' How many?
-->'''Wedge:''' Two.
-->'''Provost:''' Five of them against two civilians and they're too drunk to make a good accounting of themselves. They'll pay for letting the unit down.

''[[AC:Solo Command]]''
* Wes and Hobbie show up to pester Wedge about his date, follow Wedge into the lift, and offer unwanted advice. Wedge selects the roof as the lift's destination, and while the others are puzzled about why he wants to go there calls out "about face, forward march". [[DamnYouMuscleMemory Obeying the drill on instinct,]] Wes and Hobbie promptly walk into the back of the lift while Wedge steps between the closing doors and watches as the elevator carries his chaperones up and out of his hair.
* The legendary Wraith Squadron motto is conceived here: "Pretty. What do we blow up first?" Bonus points for ''[[TheStoic Myn]] [[DefrostingIceQueen Donos]]'', of all people, coming up with it.
* Wedge's payback for Wes betting against him ends with Wes naked, holding a stuffed Ewok in front of his jewels, in front of the entire squadron, ALL of which were in on it. The moral of the story is that when it comes to pranks, Wes has the talent and the will... but Wedge has the resources.
* "Lt. Kettch" becomes a BrickJoke at the end of the book, when Lara (or Gara or Kirney depending on her mental state) ''found'' an actual Ewok who had been genetically modified and trained to become a pilot. Her first, stressed-out reaction is to shout that she's heard this one already. She then explains to the uncomprehending Ewok that "we're both [[BecomingTheMask lies that became the truth]]."

-->'''Face''': (''looking at her intently'') Gerwa Patunkin?
-->'''Lara''': No.
-->'''Face''': Totovia Lampray?
-->'''Lara''': No. Stop it.
-->'''Face''': Dipligonai Phreet?
-->'''Lara''': (''laughing'') Shut up.
-->'''Face''': Moploogy Starco?
-->'''Lara''': Face, I'm going to shoot you. (Ironically, [[{{Foreshadowing}} it's not her who ends up doing this]], but [[FriendlyFire Donos]].)
* Elassar Targon, [[LargeHam Master Of The Universe]]! ...For further context, Elassar is the first Wraith who comes straight out of the academy to the squad, rather than be taken in before being kicked out. Wes jokes that he wasn't nutty enough for the group. Elassar immediately adopts a swashbuckling pose and announces his mastery of the universe. Wes withdraws his objection. Wedge has to wonder if Elassar heard of Wraith's reputation and is playing along or if he's genuinely insane.

* At the end of the book, a communications officer sends Han and Wedge a message from Lara, in her new identity. When Han suggests the guy drop the issue, he's somewhat hesitant, since Lara is technically wanted and the voiceprint is an almost perfect match. Han offers to send Chewbacca up to discuss it with him. The issue is dropped.

''[[AC:Isard's Revenge]]''

''[[AC:Starfighters of Adumar]]''

-->'''Wedge''': We have the right tools to subvert our Imperial admiral.
-->'''Hobbie''': What tools?
-->'''Wedge''': Oh, [[ManChild Wes's maturity]], [[TheEeyore your]] optimism, and [[AssInAmbassador my]] diplomatic skills.

* Some standouts include their various Adumari outfits (with bonus points for Janson's chorus-line video on his cloak), and Janson's [[IShallTauntYou method of distracting his opponent]], one Thanaer ke Sekae, before a duel:
-->'''Announcer''': Honor or death.
-->'''Janson''': Wait! look at this.
-->''(Janson uses his blastsword, which leaves a glowing trail behind it when on, to doodle a bantha in midair.)''
-->'''Janson''': Look! A bantha! ''({{beat}})'' Not familiar with banthas? Try this.
-->''(He draws out a local riding animal.)''
-->'''Janson''': An Adumari ''farumme''! Here's another one. ''(He draws an Adumari starfighter.)'' A Blade Thirty-Two!
-->'''Thanaer''': ''(impatiently)'' Are you ready to die yet?
-->'''Janson''': One more! ''(He draws a stick figure with a tiny head.)'' It's Thanaer ke Sekae!

* Red Flight's first introduction to the blastsword:
-->'''Janson''': So it's like a blaster you have to hit people with? I ''have'' to get one!
-->'''Tycho''': Don't let him have a new type of weapon! It'd be like giving a lightsaber to a two year old.
* Another from ''Starfighters of Adumar'' -
--> '''Wedge''': We'll need a wheeled transport, one of the flatcam units our pursuers are carrying, and [[NoodleImplements four sets of women's clothing.]]
--> '''Hobbie''': Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.
--> '''Wedge''': Very well. [[BlatantLies I'm not putting us in women's clothing.]]
--> (''[[GilliganCut Scene Break]]'')
--> '''Hobbie''': You lied to me.
--> '''Wedge''': I did. With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession has come the realization that [[MotivationalLie lies can be powerful motivators]].
--> '''Hobbie''': My faith is shattered.
--> '''Wedge''': You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You ''knew''. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.
--> '''Hobbie''': I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me.
--> '''Janson''': So. [[{{Crossdresser}} Who's best-looking in women's dress?]] I vote for myself.

---> '''Hobbie''': Oh, I do it all the time. Whenever [[LethalChef a Corellian cooks for us]]. Whenever [[ManChild Wes]] plans our missions.
---> '''Wes and Wedge''': ''([[DeathGlare glare]])''
* And this:
--> '''Wedge''': Sithspit! What's that?
--> '''Wes''': That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn.
--> '''Wedge''': Well, it offends me. Turn it off.
--> '''Wes''': It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here.
--> '''Wedge''': Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me.
--> ''(conversation continues a bit from here)''
--> '''Wes''': Wedge, stop acting like a little kid. You're embarrassing me.
** (Mind you, this is coming from ''[[ManChild Wes Janson]]'', of all people.)
* ... and again...
--> '''Iella''': What's happening?
--> '''Wedge''': Oh, nothing. I think she (''Cheriss'') is finally starting to grow up a few years.
--> '''Iella''': Good.
--> '''Wedge''': Maybe we could make the process into a weapon and shoot Wes a few times with it.
--> '''Wes''': I heard that.
* The four pilots are introduced to their documentarian, a woman who wears a protocol droid head as a recording device. When the droid head malfunctions later, an [[IncrediblyLamePun Incredibly Lame]] HurricaneOfPuns commences. Even [[TheStoic Tycho]] can't resist, though Wedge is appalled. Eventually this leads to [[ItMakesSenseInContext the Cartann Minister for Crawling into Very Small Spaces]].

* Straddling the line with CMOA, Tomer Darpen is speaking to Wedge on a balcony and trying to convince Wedge he must stop his sim-weapon exercises and begin killing Adumari pilots in live-fire duels. Wedge, fed up, ends the conversation with this.
--> '''Wedge''': And now it's time for you to go.
--> '''Tomer''': No, we need to talk this through.
--> '''Wedge''': You can leave through the door or go flying over the rail, Tomer.

''[[AC:Mercy Kill]]''

-->'''Janson:''' You know, pretending to be an Ewok is a felony on some worlds.
-->'''Wedge:''' Wes.
-->'''Janson:''' And I think it's probably against regulations to fly starfighters while performing a puppet show.
-->'''Wedge:''' ''Wes.''
-->''(later, during the battle proper)''
-->'''Pirate''': An Ewok pilot! ''They've got an Ewok pilot!''
-->'''Wedge''': Bleed and die, yub yub!

-->'''Janson:''' You know, pretending to be an Ewok is a felony on some worlds."

-->'''Janson:''' "And I think it's probably against regulations to fly starfighters while performing a puppet show."

** Also gets credit for two details: One, they made the clothes look worn...by marching in unison over them. Two: The captain of their ship is FROM the planet they're parodying...and was consulted to make them fit the stereotype PERFECTLY.