History Funny / UrinatingTreeThisWeekInSportsballNFL2

'''UT''': Guess what? The team that fumbled four times in one quarter is coming back on them! You wonder ''why'' they keep getting by the big boys in business and in life? It's because of bullshit like this! 'Now Tree,' you say, 'you're being too harsh. [[TemptingFate Atlanta won't blow this onside kick]].' ''[with less than two minutes remaining and only behind 39-37, Dallas attempts an onside kick. [[EpicFail No Atlanta player makes a dive for it]], making it a successful attempt by Dallas, musical stinger as [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehogSpinball Robotnik's laughter is heard]]]'' Oh, my gentle Jesus, just '''''[[SuddenlyShouting FALL ON THE FUCKING BALL, YOU USELESS LITTLE SHITS]]!''''' Oh, God. ''[the win probability chart appears, [[EpicFail with Atlanta having a 99.9% chance of winning with three minutes remaining]]]'' The Falcons blew another big lead. The Falcons choked again! ''[UT laughs as the Series/CurbYourEnthusiasm theme plays, a literal dumpster fire and SarcasticClapping appears, and Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!", the Cowboys score the game-winning field goal as the game ends]'' Good work, Atlanta, for this failure leads you to being our Lolcow of the Week! This team is a fucking joke!\\

-->'''UT''': ''[with the dumpster fire being superimposed over the Bears' game-winning touchdown]'' You know, I wanted you dead when you blew ''one'' 15-point lead in the 4th quarter, but to shit the bed in such a fashion '''[[SuddenlyShouting IN CONSECUTIVE WEEKS?!]]''' ''[Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!"; explosion sound as the superimposition changes into the Georgia Dome, the Falcons' old stadium, being imploded]'' What in the literal ''fuck?!'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, MARINE?!''''' Do you have a fetish for getting shit on or something? [[https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/odell-beckham-jr-jokes-about-his-alleged-poop-fetish-news.117447.html You trying to make OBJ into a prude]]? [''as yet another chart showing the Falcons' >99% chance of winning in the dying minutes appears''] Another game with an over 99% chance on winning AND YOU CHOKE ON THE AIR AGAIN?! The Falcons wanna make the same fuck-ups in the 4th quarter, well, they can be our Lolcow of the Week again! Every week this shit keeps going on is a failure on Arthur Blank! His refusal to make necessary changes when they need to be makes him look weak and afraid of change! And guess what happens when you don't change? The league eats you for fucking breakfast! Dan Quinn should've been fired last year! Dimitroff should've been fired years earlier!\\

** Tom Grossi had some words for Tree, after Tree had declared Packers fans "Lolcows of the Week" for issuing death threats to one of their receivers who had fumbled the ball in overtime of the previous week's game.
---> '''Grossi''': Oh, I see. You want- you want something from ''me'', Tree? Oh, funny. Funny. 'Cause, if I recall, last week, Packer fans were the, uh, how'd ya put it, the Lolcow of the Week? The Lolcow! Do you know how many mentions I got on Instagram? In the comments on my channel, that I was a Lolcow? You know I had to look that up on Urban Dictionary, and you know what it said? Nothing good, Tree! Nothing good! And now, you're asking me to do a recap here? Fine, fine. 'Cause I'm professional, I'm gonna do it.

* This time, Tree gives not one, but TWO Lolcows of the Week. One to the Washington Football Team ownership for giving a completely half-assed and hastily planned number retirement ceremony for Sean Taylor, especially as pressure from investigations ramped up. The other Lolcow was given to the Steelers fans for doing the wave while Seahawks defensive end Darrell Taylor was laying on the ground with a serious injury.

* Tree almost forgot to give out Lolcow of the Week and caught it at the last possible moment.
-->'''UT''': I just realized I forgot the double Lolcow of the Week this week. This one's easy for me, it's Philadelphia! [''as Jalen Hurts throws a bad Red Zone interception''] Fucking trash-ass franchise can't do anything right if it was a Red Zone opportunity for Jalen Hurts. [''over an unsuccessful fourth down Hail Mary as the Eagles trailed 7-13 with mere seconds left in the game''] This opportunity to roast them was ''wide open'' but I dropped it like [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jalen_Reagor Reagor]]. [[SelfDeprecation Imagine living in Pennsylvania, that sounds embarrassing]].

* As the Steelers and Ravens go into overtime with a critical win for a Wild Card spot at stake, Tree cuts to Jaguars vs. Colts where all the latter needs to do is win what should be an easy match to make it alongside one of the AFC West teams. Tree proceeds to berate the Colts the entire time for losing badly, while Jaguars fans have shown up with clown outfits in response to shoddy ownership and "March of the Gladiators" was being played in the background of the recap. No points for guessing as to what Tree gave Lolcow of the Week to.

* Tree was having a relentless laugh at the expense of Nathaniel Hackett's playcalling for the Broncos, where they blew eleven straight opportunities to get a leading touchdown against the lethargic Seahawks. And then the Broncos only used their first timeout after burning enough clock while at the opposing 46 and deciding to kick a 64-yard field goal with 20 seconds left in the game (when Brandon [=McManus=] never made a single kick above 60). For all this, and also using the remaining timeouts to stall the Seahawks' kneeling, Hackett got the dubious honor of being 2022's first Lolcow of the Week.

* For Lolcow of the Week, Tree had plenty of good candidates, including the Dolphins' Butt Punt and Jimmy Garoppolo pulling a Dan Orlovsky. He instead turned to college football where Appalachian State played James Madison and pulled themselves into a lead of... 28-3. They wind up losing as James Madison proceeded to score an unanswered 29 points.
-->'''UT:''' A truly stark warning to all those that ignore the prophecy of the choking falcon, and a worthy recipient of Lolcow of the Week. Butt Punt and Jimmy G were very close though.

* Tree didn't see the need to elaborate on Colts-Broncos, giving it Lolcow of the Week on the spot. He pointed out that Amazon spent a lot of money on Thursday Night Football, and that this game proves Brady's statement - that the football being played is terrible - correct.

* The Packers losing to the Lions gets them declared Lolcow of the Week.

* Tree, growing frustrated by the Raiders losing to Jeff Saturday led Colts (especially since he declared Saturday's hiring to be just a YesMan to Rob Irsay), states the franchise should be contracted if they lost. Naturally, they do, leading to Tree to silently declare the Raiders to be LOLCow of the Week as he begins laughing in obvious derision, with a tweet by Saturday from earlier in the season (when he was still an analyst for ESPN) declaring the Raiders to be horrible fades in.

* Tree is so dumbfounded by the Vikings vs Colts game that he gives it Lolcow of the Week and has to split it off into its own video.

** This failure of a play gets the Patriots labeled the second Lolcow of the Week.

* For the first time, Tree granted not one, not two, but '''three''' Lolcow of the Week dishonors:

'''UT:''' Good going dumbass, you just cost your team the game again! And he's more than earned a co-share of Lolcow of the Week. Do you know how hard that was to do in this stretch? Patrick Mahomes wants heads delivered to him on a spike! Spoiler alert: it's not the refs he should be after.\\

** And for the third... well, to set this up, there were two Monday Night Football games, Packers-Giants and Titans-Dolphins. Tree went back and forth between the two games, first watching the former two teams being inept, then cutting off at halftime brought up the other shitshow. The Dolphins lost a good deal of their starting offensive linemen, as well as wide receiver Tyreek Hill to injuries. Even then the Dolphins got themselves into a comfortable two-score lead with five minutes remaining that it might as well be over, prompting Tree to switch back to the Packers-Giants game where the Packers fell apart against a team they should have beaten. Tree then sees the rest of the latter game, seeing the Dolphins not only lose that lead, but wind up losing. Given that not a single team had won with a 14 point deficit with under three minutes to go (in a staggering '''''767''''' times) since 2016, the Dolphins earned the distinction as the third Lolcow of the Week.

** The second was given to Kadarius Toney during the Chiefs' home game against the Bills in a state of freefall on and off the field leading up to this. With less than a minute and a half to go and only needing to score to at least force a draw, Patrick Mahomes landed a successful pass to Travis Kelce, who then lateraled it to Toney to bring it to the end zone. It was all for naught, since at the snap, Toney's foot was past the line of scrimmage.

'''UT:''' Good going, dumbass you just cost your team the game again! And he's more than earned a co-share of Lolcow of the Week. Do you know how hard that was to do in this stretch? Patrick Mahomes wants heads delivered to him on a spike! Spoiler alert: it's not the refs he should be after.\\

--->'''Random [=YouTuber=]:''' Aerith-zona getting eliminated by SFeroth was poetic.

* Eliminations are expressed with execution scenes from various video games, television series and movies:

** Arizona Cardinals (Week 15): Aerith being murdered in the original ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII''

* The Chargers-Raiders recap is simply Brandon Staley[[note]]Who would be fired by the Chargers ''the very next day''[[/note]]giving a rather apologetic post-game interview, interspersed with the Raiders laying on [[CurbStompBattle a 63-21 clinic]]. And for the match-up intro, the Chargers had been referred to as [[AC:[[RunningGag Fuck you, Spanos]]]].

* The Chargers-Raiders recap is simply Brandon Staley giving a rather apologetic post-game interview, interspersed with the Raiders laying on [[CurbStompBattle a 63-21 clinic]]. And for the match-up intro, the Chargers had been referred to as [[AC:[[RunningGag Fuck you, Spanos]]]].

** New Orleans Saints (Week 18): Someone getting backstabbed by an assassin (representing the NFL) in ''VideoGame/Medieval2TotalWar''.

** Jacksonville Jaguars (Week 18): Someone getting backstabbed by an assassin (representing the NFL) in ''VideoGame/Medieval2TotalWar''.