History Funny / UrinatingTreeThisWeekInSportsball

-->'''UT''': D-did you just commit a felony?

* The Saints take a 31-28 lead with 1:25 left, but high-end talent appears poised to bail the Steelers out as Roethlisberger completes a pass to Antonio Brown for a 19-yard gain, followed by a 14-yard gain courtesy of a pass to [=JuJu=] Smith-Schuster. But when Roethlisberger passes to Smith-Schuster again, he fumbles the ball, and the Saints recover it and kneel out the clock to seal the win. Live Tree's dejected reaction is captioned '''YINZER MODE: DEACTIVATED]]'''.

'''Headline''': ''["BWONG"]'' '''A[-NTONIO-] B[-ROWN,-] J[-AMES-] H[-ARRISON TEASE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW MID--]M[-IKE-] T[-OMLIN PRESS CONFERENCE-]\\

'''Caption''': '''I[-N BEFORE-] L[-E-]GM [-TRADES EVERYONE ON THE-] L[-AKERS TO GET-] A[-NTONIO-]

'''Caption''': ''[as a tweet from Ray Fittipaldo appears asking what "rhythm and flow" even means]'' '''J[-UST SOAK THOSE COMMENTS IN...-]\\

''[as Boswell gives a locker room press conference]'' '''N[-OT SAYING IT ISN'T DESERVED, though-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''M[-IKE-] T[-OMLIN SUGGESTS-] B[-EN-] R[-OETHLISBERGER COULD HAVE RETURNED SOONER THAN HE DID-]\\

** With the Ravens, Texans, and Patriots respectively losing to the Chiefs, Colts, and Dolphins, the stage appears to be set for the Steelers moving toward a first round bye with an easy win over the 2-10 Raiders, but they haven't won in Oakland since 1995, and have a tenuous 14-10 lead entering the fourth quarter. As Tree declares "The Steelers are once again playing down to their competition," a caption appears reading '''[[DrinkingGame "T[-[[DrinkingGame HERE NEEDS TO BE A DRINKING METER EVERY TIME I SAY THAT PHRASE"]]-]'''.

'''Super''': '''T[-RADECEPTION!']'''\\

'''Super''': '''T[-RADECEPTION!']'''\\

* When the Chargers screw up their starting quarterback’s health (and possibly his career), Tree brings out an old favorite online of his:

'''Caption''': ''[as James Connor scores the first touchdown]'' '''I [-SMELL HEROICS IN THE AIR-]\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ORDAN-] M[-ATTHEWS ON-] B[-UFFALO BABY:-] 'N[-OTHING TO DO THERE EXCEPT EACH OTHER-]'''']]\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ORDAN-] M[-ATTHEWS ON-] B[-UFFALO BABY:-] 'N-[OTHING TO DO THERE EXCEPT EACH OTHER-]'''']]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' '''[[INeedAFreakingDrink B]][-[[INeedAFreakingDrink ARS ARE OPEN UNTIL 4AM]]'''\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[ding!]'' '''[[HopeSpot W[-[[HopeSpot HY DO I HAVE A HALF-CHUB?]]'''\\

'''Title Card''': '''"T[-HE D[-OLPHINS LOSE ECHOLOCATION-]"'''\\

'''How do you blow that?-]'''\\

'''S[-ERIOUSLY, WHY-] G[-RONK?-]-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''R[-EPORT: MULTIPLE-] D[-OLPHINS ASKED AGENTS TO DEMAND TRADE AFTER R[-AVENS' BLOWOUT LOSS-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''M[-IAMI-] D[-OLPHINS COACH B[-RIAN-] F[-LORES:-] 'I [-HAVE A GOOD TEAM'-]'''\\

--

'''Headline''': '''R[-EPORT:-] C[-HARGERS TEAM DOCTOR ACCIDENTALLY PUNCTURED-] T[-YROD-] T[-AYLOR’S LING ON-] S[-UNDAY-]'''\\

[[folder:2020 NFL season]]

----

'''Caption''': '''K[-INDA WANTED TO SEE THE-] G-M[-EN FALL APART MORE, THOUGH-]

'''Headline''': ''[over children cheering]'' '''G[-IANTS FIRE COACH-] B[-EN M[-C-]A[-DOO AND GENERAL MANAGER-] J[-ERRY-] R[-EESE-]'''\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Implying he's not a viewwhore. That's cute.]]

'''Caption''': [[AC:He should have called it '$14.5 Million']] ''[Le'Veon's tweet promoting the album's premiere appears]''\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:In before [=LeGM=] trades everyone on the Lakers to get Antonio]]

'''Headline''': ''[glass breaking]'' [[AC:NFL Week 1 Betting Preview: Steelers remain 6.5-point underdogs vs. Patriots]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[RecordNeedleScratch]'' [[AC:Antonio Brown Signs With Patriots Ahead of Season Opener]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Hell hath come to Yinzerland]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over footage of Brown running up and down his back garden in celebration]'' [[AC:I bet he's doing this to spite his old lover]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Antonio Brown Won't Be On The Sideline For Patriots-Steelers]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[as James Connor scores the first touchdown]'' [[AC:I Smell Heroics in the Air]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger (elbow) Out for the Year]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Questionable, eh?]]\\

-->'''Super''': [[AC:The Derick Brassard trade in 60 seconds]]\\

'''Super''': [[AC:Tradeception!]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Vegas Golden Knights acquire Ryan Reaves and a 2018 fourth round draft pick]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:George [=McPhee=] helped Pittsburgh land Derick Brassard so he didn't end up on a Western Conference team]]\\
'''Excerpt''': [[AC:When the dust settled, six players and four draft picks were on the move]]\\

'''Super''': [[AC:Tradeception!]]\\

[[AC: This is also how a legacy of failure is born. Just saying.]][[note]]Give it a year Tree...[[/note]]

''[Caption under the above clip: [[AC:Everybody laugh at the Knicks!]]]''\\

''[Black and white clip from "The Haters Guide to the 2019 NBA Finals", as a caption reads [[AC:May 2019]]]''\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Windhorst: Lakers Feel 'They Got Played' in Kawhi Leonard Free-Agency Pursuit]]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:You hate to see it]]\\

'''Headline''': '''MLB [=RUMORS: FORMER-] A[-'S RELIEVER-] F[-ERNANDO-] R[-ODNEY SIGNING WITH-] N[-ATIONALS-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''L[-AUGHS IN-] F[-LYING-] J''']]

'''Caption''': ''[over a replay of the missed kick]'' [[AC:Sadly, he will probably be the only one punished for this loss]]\\
''[as Boswell gives a locker room press conference]'' [[AC:Not saying it isn't deserved, though]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:It's obviously fixed with cliches, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment obviously]]]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Benedict Tomlin handing over West Point to the British, 2018]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Mike Tomlin suggests Ben Roethlisberger could have returned sooner than he did]]\\
'''Caption''': ''[as a tweet from Ray Fittipaldo appears asking what "rhythm and flow" even means]'' [[AC:Just soak those comments in...]]\\
'''UT''': You have got to be ''fucking'' shitting me. '''What the FUCK kind of reasoning is that!?''' "Rhythm and flow", WHAT GODDAMN FLOW?! I saw a lot of "terrible" and "dogshit" if you can call that a "flow"! That offence had about as much rhythm as a yinzer after fifteen I.C. Lights! This shit is grounds for being fired!\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:My bowels have more flow.]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:"We're going to look at the tape of the implosion. Also the standard is the standard."]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over an interview with Ryan Switzer, the player who had the wrong cleats]'' [[AC:This unprepared at a professional level?]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:Mike Tomlin blames Raiders X-ray machine for the delay in getting Ben Roethlisberger back on the field]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[as the screen shakes and turns red while a siren goes off]'' [[AC:YINZER MODE ACTIVATED]]\\

* The Steelers and their fanbase don't have much time to enjoy their win against New England. With the Ravens and Titans winning and the Colts coming back against "the Derp", the Steelers will only remain in control of their own destiny with a win in the Superdome. [=SeatGeek=], the sometime sponsors of Tree's videos, even send him to the game in person. The footage recorded live on his phone is captioned "[[AC:Yinzervision 5.7]]". True to form, the game features ridiculous calls by the referees, which does not go uncommented on by either Live Tree or Recording Tree...

'''Caption''': [[AC:It has to be the angle from which the ref was looking. Coverage must've looked more aggressive from there.]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Running with Rosie Nix. Okay.]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Fucking LOL they're celebrating failure.]]

'''Caption''': ''[RecordNeedleScratch]'' [[AC:Holy shit they did it]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:LOL Nope]]
* The Saints take a 31-28 lead with 1:25 left, but high-end talent appears poised to bail the Steelers out as Roethlisberger completes a pass to Antonio Brown for a 19-yard gain, followed by a 14-yard gain courtesy of a pass to [=JuJu=] Smith-Schuster. But when Roethlisberger passes to Smith-Schuster again, he fumbles the ball, and the Saints recover it and kneel out the clock to seal the win. Live Tree's dejected reaction is captioned [[AC:Yinzer Mode: Deactivated]].

'''Caption''': ''[over a screenshot showing that the Steelers blocked Tree on Twitter]'' [[AC:I never directly tweeted at the Steelers]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[[[Film/{{Inception}} "BWONG"]]]'' [[AC:Antonio Brown requests trade from Steelers as relationship with team is strained, per report]]\\

'''Headline''': ''["BWONG"]'' [[AC:Antonio Brown, James Harrison tease exclusive interview mid-Mike Tomlin press conference]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Pittsburgh surprisingly didn't start this]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Laughs in [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilot_Flying_J Flying J]]]]

[[AC:Tennessee Titans: Playoff bound!]] ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

[[AC:Tennessee Titans: 9-7!]] ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

[[AC:Dallas Cowboys: Eliminated!]] ''[a StockScream can be heard over black spit being thrown on the team logo, as UT laughs hysterically over the whole thing and he can also be heard mockingly letting out a "HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS!" in the background]''\\

'''Caption''': ''[over a replay of the collision]'' [[AC:Head-hunting: Not even once]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Because Zone D has worked so well for this team in these situations...]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:"But he wasn't offsides" ~Steelers fans]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over a replay of the offside]'' [[AC:They're trying to force a game glitch. I've seen this too many times.]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over a replay of the field goal as Burns throws himself onto the ground in front of Badgley before he even gets the ball]'' [[AC:How to fail at imitating "In the Line of Fire"]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over a replay of Burns failing utterly to stop Rivers passing to Gates for a 2-point conversion]'' [[AC:First round pick]]

'''Caption''': ''[as Ben Roethlisberger is sacked for a 10-yard loss while trying to line up a pass]'' [[AC:BRB need to attempt fifty more passes]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Call more unnecessary challenges you'll lose, Mike]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:"But muh block in the back" ~Steelers fans]]\\

'''Headlines''': ''[SickeningCrunch]'' [[AC:James Conner injury update: Steelers RB (ankle) ruled out vs. Raiders]]\\
[[AC:Rookie RB Jaylen Samuels Expects to Start Against Raiders]]\\

** With the Ravens, Texans, and Patriots respectively losing to the Chiefs, Colts, and Dolphins, the stage appears to be set for the Steelers moving toward a first round bye with an easy win over the 2-10 Raiders, but they haven't won in Oakland since 1995, and have a tenuous 14-10 lead entering the fourth quarter. As Tree declares "The Steelers are once again playing down to their competition," a caption appears reading [[AC:[[DrinkingGame "There needs to be a drinking meter every time I say that phrase"]]]].

'''Caption''': [[AC:They should do more team celebrations for unforced turnovers]][[note]]A poke at the Steelers doing exactly that near the end of the third quarter.[[/note]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:"Underrated defense"]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Reason for length of Roethlisberger absence still not entirely clear]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[as Carr passes to wide receiver Seth Roberts for a 39-yard gain]'' [[AC:At least he's not covered by a linebacker?]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Two plays. 1:25 off the clock. No timeouts used. Peak Tomlin.]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[after an incomplete pass from Carr to tight end Jared Cook]'' [[AC:Timeout used after incompletion. Inexcusable.]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:They're being beaten by players auto-generated in Madden. Christ.]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[as Roethlisberger passes to James Washington, who laterals to Smith-Schuster, who is run out of bounds in field goal range]'' [[AC:A random big play out of their ass. Predictable as hell.]]\\

** Then at around halftime, the drama continues...
--->'''BGM''': [[AC:[[StandardSnippet "In the Hall of the Mountain King"]]]]\\
'''Kelechi''': I went to an indepenent doctor for a second opinion. They said there's a serious issue and I need surgery.\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets in escalating feud with Kelechi Osemele over shoulder surgery]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Jets sent doctors MRIs of Kelechi Osemele's shoulder, but they were blank]]]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets fine Kelechi Osemele for not practicing through torn labrum, report says]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets injury report: CJ Mosley, Kelechi Osemele officially doubtful for Sunday vs. Eagles]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Source: Kelechi Osemele's trip for surgery is unexcused absense]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Kelechi Osemele to have season-ending surgery despite Jets' doubts]]\\

'''Independent Doctor''': The operation was a complete success, but the damage to his shoulder was far more sever than we first anticipated.\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Kelechi Osemele, NFLPA may take "action" against Jets' team doctor after surgery]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets cut Lelechi Osemele after dispute over whether he needed shoulder surgery]]\\

* As a concession to the Steelers' victory over the Broncos, Tree magnanimously allows noted Broncos fan Brandon Perna from That's Good Sports to recap the game instead. Perna does the recap from his own channel's set, with the TGS logo on the TV replaced with a graphic stating [[BlatantLies "I'm Totally Not Bitter."]]

'''Headline''': [[AC:Bullpen woes mar first two months of Nationals season]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:MLB Rumors: Former A's reliever Fernando Rodney signing with Nationals]]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:Behold the "Fix"]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Three days rest!]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Freedom of choice!]]\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Mike Vrabel: Ryan Tannehill won't replace Marcus Mariota despite Week 3 loss]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Gardner Minshew gets bizzare $1 million offer from porn site]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Time for the NFL world to overhype him to hell like every other young QB]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jalen Ramsey not practicing with Jaguars due to illness, as trade request still lingers]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Titans QB Marcus Mariota sacked nine times in loss to Jaguars]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[flashing, accompanied by the "win" bell from Series/ThePriceIsRight]'' [[AC:Free win!!!]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Luke Falk follows in footsteps of idol Tom Brady, goes to Titans with pick No. 199]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[as 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo misfires a pass straight to Steelers linebacker T.J. Watt]'' [[AC:Thanks for the free pick, sir.]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[Steelers WR Johnny Holton runs for a 9-yard gain]'' [[AC:This was the best offensive play of the first half. Yeah.]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[Garoppolo throws an incomplete pass to running back Jeff Wilson]'' [[AC:Error: Kyle Juszczyk's stiff arm footage not found]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[sure enough, Steelers running back James Conner loses control of the ball, and 49ers defensive tackle [=DeForest=] Buckner recovers it]'' [[AC:What the hell happened to the Steelers O-line?]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Steelers reportedly trade 2020 fifth round pick to Seahawks for tight end Nick Vennett]]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:Pictured: Desperate management]]\\

--> [[AC:Never change, Philly. Never change.]]

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:125%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:110%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:90%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:110%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:140%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:170%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:120%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:90%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:100%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:80%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:50%]]\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Bills' Josh Allen Suffers Head Injury vs. Patriots; Replaced by Matt Barkley]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:35%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:At least it's not Petermeme?]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:Where is Trent Edwards?]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:E.J. Manuel? Anyone?]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:Plz Barkley don't fuck up]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:Oh goddamnit]]\\
''[fart noise]'' [[AC:I only desire sweet, merciful death]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[at an angle in the top left]'' [[AC:Pure Agony 11/10 Pain]]\\

'''UT''': How the fuck is Dan Quinn still here? Dude's been choking more than Mia Khalifa and he somehow still has a job! You know what? Delete the franchise!\\

'''UT''': [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech Seriously, delete your fucking franchise! You've made the same fuckups year after year and you've learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I don't know how I'd even look at my family if I kept failing like this! You're all colossal wastes of life!]] ''[Film/BillyMadison yells "YOU BLEW IT!"]'' [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech All of you! Commit seppuku!]] ''[Series/DrPhil says "You had an opportunity, and you blew it."]''

'''Caption''': '''T[-HIS IS THE SOUND WHEN ALL HOPE DIES-]\\

-->'''Caption''': [[AC:Shitposting United Presents]]\\
[[AC: The Dolphin Killers of Maryland]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Report: Multiple Dolphins Asked Agents to Demand Trade After Ravens' Blowout Loss]]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:Fin]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Some fine bullshit you have down there]]\\
'''Headline''': [[AC: Miami Dolphins coach Brian Flores: 'I have a good team']]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets claim Kaare Vedvik, cut Taylor Bertolet in kicker shakeup]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jets sign new kicker after hosting tryout, waive Kaare Vedvik following two Week 1 misses]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch, stock groan of agony, and more shaking and beeping from the Buttfumble Detector]'' [[AC:After C.J. Mosley leaves with groin injury, Jets fall apart]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Pittsburgh Salt Level]]\\
''[ding!]'' [[AC:Potato Patch Fry Seasoning]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger (elbow) Out for the Year]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch]'' [[AC:Jets' C.J. Mosley, Quinnen Williams out vs. Browns with Groin, Ankle Injuries]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch]'' [[AC:Sam Darnold Out Indefinitely With Mono]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Former Broncos QB Trevor Siemian To Start For New York Jets In Week 2]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch, StockScream of pain]'' [[AC:Jets QB Trevor Siemian out for season with ankle injury]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[as the Buttfumble Detector goes off again]'' [[AC:Luke Falk Takes Over as Jets Starting Quarterback]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:They will play the Patriots twice, the Cowboys, and the Eagles]]\\

'''Headlines''': [[AC:Jets' Jamal Adams Confirms He Was Benched in Monday Night Blowout vs. Browns]]\\
[[AC:Jamal Adams unfollows Jets on Instagram]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Not a dynamic player, eh, Gregg Williams?]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' '''[[INeedAFreakingDrink B[-[[INeedAFreakingDrink ARS ARE OPEN UNTIL 4AM]]'''\\

'''Title Card''': '''"T[-HE-] H[-OUSTON-] T[-EXANS CRY IN THEIR SLEEP-]"''']] [[note]]At each of these intermissions, music from ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'' plays.[[/note]]\\

'''Title Card''': '''"T[-HE-] B[-EARS EXPERIENCE-] B[-ROCKTOBER-]"''']]\\

'''Title Card''': '''"T[-HE BEARS GET-] M[-C-]C[-ASKEY'D-]"''']]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch]'' [[AC:Report: AJ Green Won't Return for Bengals vs. Browns Due to Toe Injury]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch and yell of pain]'' [[AC:Bengals QB Andy Dalton suffers thumb injury in loss]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Baker Mayfield calls Hue Jackson 'fake' after being told to 'grow up']]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:Purely savage]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Hue Jackson could be next in line to be the Bengals' next head coach if Marvin Lewis exits]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:It's an extremely low percentage play. [[TemptingFate No way they pull it off.]]]]\\
'''UT''': There's no way Drake's gonna get past...''Gronk?''\\
'''Caption''': ''[accompanied by RecordNeedleScratch]'' [[AC:Seriously? Gronk?]]\\

''[UT begins to laugh his ass off as the following captions flash on the screen:''\\
[[AC:How do you blow that?]]\\
[[AC:Conglaturation!]]\\
[[AC:Those missed points!]]\\
[[AC:Bad kicking!]]\\
[[AC:Conglaturation!]]\\

[[AC:Fucking Gronk!]]\\
[[AC:Glorious Karma!]]\\
[[AC:Conglaturation!]]\\
[[AC:Seriously, why Gronk?]]\\
[[AC:Nobody has sympathy!]]\\
[[AC:Praise the football gods!]]\\
[[AC:Conglaturation!]])\\

[[AC:Los Angeles Chargers: Playoff bound!]] ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

'''Caption''': ''[over a shortened version of "Roundball Rock"]'' [[AC: TANK BOWL XIV: Raiders vs Bengals]]\\

[[AC: Cincinnati Bengals: Eliminated!]] ''[StockScream is used as a black spit is thrown on the team logo]''\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Jeff Fisher must be in the stands.]]\\

-->[[AC: AFC Sixth Battle Plan: Tennessee - Win and in / Indianapolis - Win and in / Pittsburgh - Ten/Ind tie and in]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC: This is the sound when all hope dies]]\\

[[AC: Tennessee Titans: Eliminated!]] ''[a throwing up sound can be heard over black spit being thrown on the team logo]''\\

[[AC: Pittsburgh Steelers: Eliminated!]] ''[A stock scream from one of the Mortal Kombat games is heard over the black spit being thrown on the team logo]''\\

[[AC: Indianapolis Colts: Playoff bound!]] ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

-->'''UT''': YOU DID IT, CLEVELAND! 0-16!!!!!!! ''(cue sounds of children cheering while fireworks and raining money play over footage of the end of ''Film/ReturnOfTheJedi'', all set to [[VideoGame/StreetFighterII Guile's theme]])'' It's your greatest accomplishment since returning to the league. I'm SoProudOfYou guys. ''[headline of the Browns keeping Hue Jackson in spite of the futility]'' Wait, you're ''keeping'' Hue Jackson? [[TemptingFate This can't get any more laughable]]... ''[[[VideoGame/SuperMario64 Thwomp sound]] accompanying headlines of the Browns' owner and their GM giving their votes of confidence, UT lets out riotous, derisive laughter]''

-->'''UT''': HOLY BUTT-FUCKING CHRIST! YOU FUCKING BLEW IT! You bungled this game so much that Marvin Lewis is cringing in disgust. Somewhere Art Modell's grave is being pissed on ''[Caption: REALLY? HOW DO YOU BLOW A 4TH AND 12 WITH PLAYOFFS ON THE LINE?]'' and Yinzers everywhere are jerking off to your failure. The Ravens were a shoo-in and they made Cincinnati's misery look like a bad day. This is where being in a division with Cleveland kills you. Baltimore has missed the playoffs via tie-breaker. ''[gunshot sound]'' Hey Mr. Harbaugh, perhaps instead of whining about the game time you can [[SkewedPriorities prepare your team to hold a fucking lead!]] Heads need to roll! The staff deserves the Gerard Gallant treatment, throw their asses under the street for this failure! It won't happen though, Baltimore is too "classy". [[PrecisionFStrike Go fuck yourselves!]] Elite QB, my black ass! So if Baltimore is out, that means...oh my god, it happened. ''(Footage of the Bills players celebrating)'' The Bills have made the playoffs. The walking mediocrity will be playing postseason football for the first time in this millennium. We have witnessed history once again. Buffalo will something to look forward to besides shit-loads of snow and broken tables. This is a special day. Bengals, you have done something good in this world for once. Now get yourselves a new coach and overhaul that- ''[RecordNeedleScratch accompanying a headline of Marvin Lewis being given a two-year contract extension]'' You extended Marvin Lewis. ''[cue the dumpster fire GIF and the Series/CurbYourEnthusiasm theme]'' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe You extended Marvin Lewis. I don't even need to mock this in any way, it does it to itself.]] THE BUNGLES EXTENDED MARVIN LEWIS!!! Can Mike Brown fucking die already?! Like, please, did he see the shitshow in Cleveland and get jealous of it? In what world does someone think that Marvin Lewis was doing a good job?! The Bungles got the last Bungle after all. Fuck this team!

'''Caption''': ''[flashing as children cheer]'' [[AC:Conglaturation!]] ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Green Bay's top searched video on Pornhub, Week of Sept. 23 2018]]\\

'''Headline''': [[AC:Jordan Matthews on Buffalo baby: 'Nothing to do there except each other']]\\
'''Caption''': [[AC:Condoms, Jordan...]]

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:10%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-20%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-80%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:[[INeedAFreakingDrink Bars are open until 4am]]]]\\

'''What is Optimism? Buffa[[CallBack lol]] Pegulas''': ''[LosingHorns]'' [[AC:[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scott_Norwood Scott Norwood]]]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-40%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-60%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-150%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[yell of agony]'' [[AC:Where's [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._P._Losman J.P. Losman's]] number?]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:[[HopeSpot Why do I have a half-chub?]]]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 3.0''': ''["Oh NO!"]'' [[AC:Full Petermeme]]\\
[[AC:Liquor drought in the region]]\\
''[explosion]'' [[AC:Optimism? Buffa[[RunningGag lol]]? A foolish proposition!]]\\
'''UT''': The more things change, the more they stay the same. ''[''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1'' "lose a life" jingle]'' Better luck next time, Buffalol!

-->'''Headline''': [[AC:Tannehill inactive, Osweiler starts for Dolphins]]\\

'''Title Card''': [[AC:"The Houston Texans Cry in Their Sleep"]] [[note]]At each of these intermissions, music from ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'' plays.[[/note]]\\

'''Title Card''': [[AC:"The Bears Experience Brocktober"]]\\

'''Title Card''': [[AC:"The Dolphins Lose Echolocation"]]\\

'''Title Card''': [[AC:"The Bears Get [=McCaskey=]'d"]]\\

'''Title Card''': [[AC:"Miami Keeps the Laces Out"]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Why the hell aren't the Bears 5-0 right now?]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[''Series/FamilyFeud'' buzzer]'' [[AC:Pistons feel Hornets' sting, drop third straight at home]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[''Series/FamilyFeud'' buzzer]'' [[AC:Red Wings keep sending mixed signals about rebuild]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[''Series/FamilyFeud'' buzzer]'' [[AC:Tigers remain committed to losing, will not sign big name free agents this offseason]]\\

''(Tannehill passes the ball to Kenny Stills, who laterals the ball to [=DeVante=] Parker. Parker then laterals it to Kenyan Drake, who takes off running. As he nears the endzone, the Patriot with the best chance to tackle him is tight end Rob Gronkowski, playing deep in anticipation of a Hail Mary pass)''\\

'''Caption''': ''(accompanied by RecordNeedleScratch)'' [[AC:Seriously? Gronk?]]\\
''(Gronkowski whiffs on the tackle as Drake runs the ball into the endzone, winning the game for Miami. After this happens, Series/ThePriceIsRight theme plays, fireworks go off and CONGLATURATION! flashes on the screen)''\\

''(Tree begins to laugh his ass off as the following captions flash on the screen:''\\

''(At this point, Film/BillyMadison screams "YOU BLEW IT!" repeatedly and [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyX Tidus' fake laugh]] is heard over the din. All the while, Tree continues to laugh his ass off)''\\

-->'''UT''': I feel like ''this'' is the time for glaring at the Jets. Despite their godawful off-season they have ''some'' optimism with the talent they've brought in. They're playing a fellow rebuilding compadre in the Bills which will be a good gauge of where they're at. I have purchased a Buttfumble Detector ''[a graphic of a smoke alarm with a Jets logo appears top left, accompanied by the "Perfect" Special Stage jingle from ''VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog3'']'' in the hopes that it will ''not'' flare up in this game. Checks and balances are a good thing. So far, it appears that New York is in control, but more because Josh Allen and Bills receivers can't stop turning over the damn ball. Despite the offence stalling, the new defence brings [=MetLife=] Stadium joy. Perhaps new kicker Kaare Vedvik will do the same.\\

'''Caption''': ''[flashing, accompanied by the "win" bell from ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'']'' [[AC:Free win!!!]]\\

-->'''UT''': Miami just has to...Dolphins, no, ''no''! Stop! STOP! Don't ruin this beautiful moment for us -- I swear to God if you (''RecordNeedleScratch as Dolphins win on field goal as time expires'') '''GOD ''FUCKING'' DAMMIT!''' YOU'VE RUINED THE GREATEST OUTCOME POSSIBLE! You guys can't even tank right -- you've ruined it, ''you've ruined it all!''

-->'''KTO''': Y'know what, I'm an optimistic fan. I think the state of Ohio is gonna see some good football in the coming years. Even though the season ended on a disappointing note, I thought they fought hard- Oh wait, [[BaitAndSwitch I thought you wanted me to talk about Ohio State]]. The Battle of Ohio? The only thing this shit show of a game ever tells us is who is closer to being fired. This time, Cleveland received the honor. We finally got rid of Freddie Kitchens! [''a headline appears'']\\

'''KTO''': Now we can get a real head coach as long as Dorsey doesn't hire another- [''breaking glass, a headline of GM John Dorsey getting fired after only two seasons''] [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Wait, Dorsey's gone too]]? What the [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]]! Dammit John, why'd you have to be an egotistical prick? Fuck you, Jimmy Haslam, sell the goddamn team!\\

-->'''UT''': So the Eagles won, eh? [''starts to crack up''] You know what your punishment is for '''colossal failure'''?\\

-->'''UT''': Even then, it's not like Atlanta doesn't have a reputation for choking and Mike [=McCarthy=] gets carried by elite talent whenever he fucks up royally as a coach... [''ominous stinger''] [[EveryYearTheyFizzleOut but they do]]. Don't tell me this is going to happen, is it? Dan Quinn, the defensive genius is going back into his comfortable staple of Soft Zone as Dallas is predictably picking it apart. Atlanta, the team that still thinks [[NeverLiveItDown/SuperBowl twenty-eight to three was a bad dream]], the team that runs everything like a fucking mom-and-pop instead of a sports franchise.\\
'''Caption''': [''as Dak Prescott makes a touchdown pass''] '''L[-EADING BY FIFTEEN WITH FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME-]'''\\
'''UT''': Guess what? The team that fumbled four times in one quarter is coming back on them! You wonder ''why'' they keep getting by the big boys in business and in life? It's because of bullshit like this! 'Now Tree,' you say, 'you're being too harsh. [[TemptingFate Atlanta won't blow this onside kick]].' [''with less than two minutes remaining and only behind 37-39, Dallas made their onside kick and no Atlanta player made a dive for it, making it a successful attempt by Dallas, musical stinger as [[VideoGame/SonicSpinball Robotnik's laughter is heard]]''] Oh my gentle Jesus just [[SuddenlyShouting FOLLOW THE FUCKING BALL, YOU USELESS LITTLE SHITS]]! Oh god. [''the win probability chart appears, [[EpicFail with Atlanta having a 99.9% chance of winning with two minutes remaining]]''] The Falcons blew another big lead. The Falcons choked again! [''UT laughs as a literal dumpster fire and SarcasticClapping appears, Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!", the Cowboys score the game-winning field goal as the game ends''] Good work, Atlanta, for this failure leads you to being our Lolcow of the Week! This team is a fucking joke!\\
'''Caption''': [''below a headline stating Quinn says that the Falcons know the onside kick rules''] '''I [-CALL BULLSHIT FOR $500, -] A[-LEX-]'''\\

'''Caption''': [''accompanying the headline where Arthur Blank contradicted Dan Quinn''] '''E[-VEN THE TEAM OWNER IS CALLING BULLSHIT,-] D[-AN-]'''\\
'''UT''': [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech Seriously, delete your fucking franchise! You've made the same fuckups year after year and you've learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I don't know how I'd even look at my family if I kept failing like this! You're all colossal wastes of life!]] ''[Film/BillyMadison yells "YOU BLEW IT!"]'' [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech All of you! Commit seppuku!]] [''Series/DrPhil says "You had an opportunity, and you blew it."'']

-->''(Steelers are leading, 17-10. Tom Brady throws an incomplete pass on 4th and 15, Steelers take over on downs. "Hallelujah" starts playing in the background)''\\
'''UT''': ''(gradually more excited)'' Oh my God... they beat New England. They beat New England. They beat the Patriots. Holy shit, they did it! They beat New England! They beat New England! They did it! They fucking beat New England! They did it!\\
''(Steelers QB takes a knee, Steelers win)''\\

--> '''UT''': So who the hell thought this match would be against winless teams at the start of the year? Whose magic will allow them to fuck up more? The unmitigated disaster of the home game-less Chargers, or a Giants team that doesn't have enough liquor in the world to ail their woes? Let's see who fate decides to take a shit on today. [''headlines of Odell Beckham Jr., Brandon Marshall, Dwayne Marshall and Sterling Shepard being injured, the former three out for the season''] Holy fuck, football gods! I know OBJ pissed you off, but to take out the Giants' ENTIRE receiving core?! Isn't losing to the Chargers ''enough'' suffering?! It's been in typical Giants style as of late to rip their fans' hearts out in ridiculous fashion; and this game just upped the goddamn ante ten-fold. FUCK YOU, Spanos.

-->'''UT''': [The Eagles] claim the NFC East crown and have locked in a date for postseason football again. However this was PyrrhicVictory, as it comes at a staggering cost... [''SickeningCrunch accompanying a headling of QB Carson Wentz tearing his ACL and being out for the year''] of Carson Wentz. [''"Taps" plays; cut-in of Nancy Kerrigan being treated by paramedics and wailing out "WHY ME?!" in the wake of being assaulted by Tonya Harding with a tire iron''] It's official; there is no god. [''(A "'''P[-HILADELPHIA RIGHT NOW-]'''" caption appears next to the cut-in)'' His Messiah has fallen. We are all fucked.

'''Caption''': ''[as the screen shakes and turns red while a siren goes off]'' [[AC:YINZER MODE ACTIVATED]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[over slow-motion footage of the incomplete pass]'' [[AC:Technically it's the correct call, but it's a terrible rule. Get rid of it.]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Seriously, why didn't they go for the field goal?]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Another great game ruined by NFL regulations]]\\
[[AC:Hope you're proud of a catch changing from week to week]]\\
''[under an NFL logo]'' [[AC:Conglaturation!]]

'''Caption''': [[AC:[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Garoppolo Jimmy G]] looks promising, though]]

-->'''UT''': YOU DID IT, CLEVELAND! 0-16!!!!!!! ''(cue sounds of children cheering while fireworks and raining money play over footage of the end of ''Film/ReturnOfTheJedi'', all set to [[VideoGame/StreetFighterII Guile's theme]])'' It's your greatest accomplishment since returning to the league. I'm SoProudOfYou guys.\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Cleveland Browns keep Hue Jackson amidst worst season ever]]\\
'''UT''': ...wait, you're ''keeping'' Hue Jackson? [[TemptingFate This can't get any more laughable]]...\\
'''SFX''': ''([[VideoGame/SuperMario64 Thwomp hitting the ground]])''\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Jimmy Haslan sees Hue Jackson going from 0-16 goat to future hero]]\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Browns GM states that anything less than winning the AFC North next year is "unacceptable"]]\\
'''UT''': ''(riotous, derisive laughter)''

-->'''UT''': HOLY BUTT-FUCKING CHRIST! YOU FUCKING BLEW IT! You bungled this game so much that Marvin Lewis is cringing in disgust. Somewhere Art Modell's grave is being pissed on ''[Caption: REALLY? HOW DO YOU BLOW A 4TH AND 12 WITH PLAYOFFS ON THE LINE?]'' and Yinzers everywhere are jerking off to your failure. The Ravens were a shoo-in and they made Cincinnati's misery look like a bad day. This is where being in a division with Cleveland kills you. Baltimore has missed the playoffs via tie-breaker.
-->'''SFX''': ''(Gunshot sound)''
-->'''UT''': Hey Mr. Harbaugh, perhaps instead of whining about the game time you can [[SkewedPriorities prepare your team to hold a fucking lead!]] Heads need to roll! The staff deserves the Gerard Gallant treatment, throw their asses under the street for this failure! It won't happen though, Baltimore is too "classy". [[PrecisionFStrike Go fuck yourselves!]] Elite QB, my black ass! So if Baltimore is out, that means...oh my god, it happened. ''(Footage of the Bills players celebrating)'' The Bills have made the playoffs. The walking mediocrity will be playing postseason football for the first time in this millennium. We have witnessed history once again. Buffalo will something to look forward to besides shit-loads of snow and broken tables. This is a special day. Bengals, you have done something good in this world for once. Now get yourselves a new coach and overhaul that-
-->'''SFX''': ''(RecordNeedleScratch)''
-->'''Headline''': [[AC: Marvin Lewis Stays With Bengals On Two Year Contract]]
-->'''UT''': You extended Marvin Lewis. (''Cue the dumpster fire GIF and the Series/CurbYourEnthusiasm theme.'') [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe You extended Marvin Lewis. I don't even need to mock this in any way, it does it to itself.]] THE BUNGLES EXTENDED MARVIN LEWIS!!! Can Mike Brown fucking die already?! Like, please, did he see the shitshow in Cleveland and get jealous of it? In what world does someone think that Marvin Lewis was doing a good job?! The Bungles got the last Bungle after all. Fuck this team!

'''Caption''': ''[''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros1'' "Time's running out!" music]'' [[AC:Steve Sarkisian's Drunken Goalline Offense]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Play three - Getting repetitive, isn't it?]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Play four - When in doubt, bash your head against the wall]]\\

'''Caption''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:Play five - Pray Julio makes an impossible play]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:60%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:20%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-20%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter''': ''[fart noise]'' [[AC:-90%]]\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter''': ''[ding!]'' [[AC:-80%]]\\

'''Buffa[[TakeThat lol]] Optimism Meter''': ''[scream of horror]'' [[AC:[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Music_City_Miracle Music City Miracle]]]] ''[[[VideoGame/MortalKombat3 Shao Kahn laughs]]]''\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Several days earlier on NFL prediction stream...]]\\

* The original upload of Sportsball Week 1 got temporarily pulled for "inappropriate content" - Tree responded by reuploading the video with random censor bleeps and massive amounts of biting-the-hand humor!

'''Headline''': ''[''Film/{{Inception}}'' "BWONG"]'' [[AC:Antonio Brown requests trade from Steelers as relationship with team is strained, per report]]\\

-->'''UT''': Couldn't this series be like [[Series/DaysOfOurLives the namesake it's ripping off]]? They at least [[https://tvline.com/2019/11/12/days-of-our-lives-cancelled-cast-fired-season-56/ had the decency to shut down]]. [''a headline appears suggesting the show is getting renewed for its 56th season after all''] [-They're back on the air again? Fucking hell, let's get this over with.-]

** This intro is later amended in Week 4, replacing Parkey's "double doink" with Matt Gay's missed field goal at the end of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' game against the New York Giants (captioned [[AC:You Happy, Chicago?]]) and adding the [[AC:No Sympathy For You, Patriots]] caption to the Miami Miracle.

!![[AC: NFL Week Three]]

--> '''UT:''' And the Giants are getting their shit kicked in by a divison rival with the same problem that plagued them in past weeks. Just get this game over with so you can call for [=McAdoo's=] head again! ''[cut to fourth quarter as the Giants score a touchdown...]'' ...So you're telling me that the Giants can actually score points on offense now? ''[...and then to them being down 14-7 before scoring another...]'' [[HopeSpot They've come back in the fourth quarter to take the lead?]] Sure, they blew that lead ''[...and then to the score tied at 24 with Jake Elliot about to attempt a 61-yard field goal with 1 second left in regulation.]'', but it's gonna take a ''miracle'' for this game not to go to OT!\\

'''UT:''' Holy fucking shit, what a finish. ''[Headline: Sterling Shepard calls out Giants-Eagles catch double standard]'' Maybe now we can actually figure out what the fuck a catch is in this godforsaken league! Sorry Giants, you got screwed.

!![[AC: NFL Week Four]]

--> '''UT:''' Look mommy, I'm a Falcon! ''[choking noises]''

!![[AC: NFL Week Five]]

--> '''UT:''' So who the hell thought this match would be against winless teams at the start of the year? Whose magic will allow them to fuck up more? The unmitigated disaster of the home game-less Chargers, or a Giants team that doesn't have enough liquor in the world to ail their woes? Let's see who fate decides to take a shit on today.\\
'''Headlines:''' [[AC:Odell Beckham Jr. to Undergo Season-Ending Surgery on Ankle Injury]]\\
[[AC:Brandon Marshall to have season-ending ankle surgery]]\\
[[AC:Giants lose return man Dwayne Harris for year with broken foot]]\\
[[AC:Sterling Shepard Suffers Ankle Injury vs. Chargers, Reportedly May Miss 2 Weeks]]\\
'''UT:''' Holy fuck, football gods! I know OBJ pissed you off, but to take out the Giants' ENTIRE receiving core?! Isn't losing to the Chargers ''enough'' suffering?! It's been in typical Giants style as of late to rip their fans' hearts out in ridiculous fashion; and this game just upped the goddamn ante ten-fold. FUCK YOU, Spanos.

!![[AC: NFL Week Six]]

--> '''UT:''' [ethereal music plays] Oh my god, they actually made a field goal at the end of a game. Everything I have known has been a lie. The Chargers didn't kick their six fans in the dick again. Fuck you, Spanos.

!![[AC: NFL Week Eleven]]

'''Headline''': [[AC:Bills bench Peterman for Tyrod Taylor after 5-INT half]]\\

!![[AC: NFL Week Twelve]]

'''Headline''': [[AC:Giants to bench Eli Manning, start Geno Smith against the Raiders]]\\

'''Headline''': ''[over children cheering]'' [[AC:Giants Fire Coach Ben [=McAdoo=] and General Manager Jerry Reese]]\\

'''Caption''': [[AC:Kinda wanted to see the G-Men fall apart more, though]]

-->'''UT''': [The Eagles] claim the NFC East crown and have locked in a date for postseason football again. However this was PyrrhicVictory, as it comes at a staggering cost...''(SickeningCrunch)''\\
'''Headline''': [[AC:Eagles QB Carson Wentz tore his ACL and is out for the year]]\\
'''UT''': ...of Carson Wentz.\\
'''BGM''': [[AC:"Taps"]]\\
''(Cut-in of Nancy Kerrigan being treated by paramedics and wailing out "WHY ME?!" in the wake of being assaulted by Tonya Harding with a tire iron)''\\
'''UT''': It's official; there is no god. ''(A [[AC:"Philadelphia Right Now"]] caption appears next to the cut-in)'' His Messiah has fallen. We are all fucked.

-->'''UT:''' '''[[GratuitousSpanish PUTA MADRE, SPANOS!]]'''

-->'''UT:''' You extended Marvin Lewis. (''Cue the dumpster fire GIF and the Series/CurbYourEnthusiasm theme.'') [[YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe You extended Marvin Lewis. I don't even need to mock this in any way, it does it to itself.]] THE BUNGLES EXTENDED MARVIN LEWIS!!! Can Mike Brown fucking die already?! Like, please, did he see the shitshow in Cleveland and get jealous of it? In what world does someone think that Marvin Lewis was doing a good job?! The Bungles got the last Bungle after all. Fuck this team!

'''Headline:''' [[AC:Jordan Matthews on Buffalo baby: 'Nothing to do there except each other']]\\
'''Caption:''' [[AC:Condoms, Jordan...]]

'''Tree:''' ''(gradually more excited)'' Oh my God... they beat New England. They beat New England. They beat the Patriots. Holy shit, they did it! They beat New England! They beat New England! They did it! They fucking beat New England! They did it!\\

'''Tree:''' [-THEY DID IT! THEY BEAT NEW ENGLAND! YEEEEAAAAAH!! OH MY GOD THEY DID IT, THEY BEAT FUCKING NEW ENGLAND! THEY TOOK OUT THOSE FUCKING PATRIOTS! YEEEEEAAAH!!-]