History Funny / Turncoat

** Harry asks how the hell Morgan found out about it, and he explains the entire Seelie court have been laughing about it for months, making it an ''in-universe'' CrowningMomentOfFunny as well.

** It left the ''Gatekeeper'' in stitches too. Now ''that'' is a CrowningMomentOfFunny.

'''Harry:''' "[[CrowningMomentofAwesome Wile E. Coyote," I said wisely. "Suuuuuuper Genius."]]

'''Harry''': TheATeam?\\

-->"Because your balls are in a vise and I'm the only one who can pull them out. *{{Beat}}* [[HoYay Okay. That came out a little more homoerotic than I intended.]]"

* "Sufficiently advanced technology, my ass." How is it possible that the world existed for almost 50 years between ArthurCClarke and this joke?

-->'''Harry''': There are ''monsters'' who I'd expect better behavior from once they'd accepted my hospitality. What's more, ''I'd get it.''

* Murphy tries to convince Harry to carry a pistol, but Harry is [[CreatureOfHabit too set in his ways]] [[RevolversAreJustBetter to surrender his trusty revolver]] even he has never seen a new semi-automatic [[WalkingTechbane jam in his presence]] before. Then this happens:

** Doubles as a ShoutOut to [[Franchise/Tolkien's Legendarium Lord of the Rings,]] where Gandalf tries the same ploy and gets away with it-"you wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, surely?" Harry being the PopCulturedBadass he is, it's probable that this was intentional.

*** Alternatively, that was just part of his BadassBoast

* When Thomas beats up Madeline near the beginning he slams her by the ankle "smashing a 36-24-36 dent into the drywall".
** After Thomas has all but beaten Madeline senseless, and Justine has left her with some very nasty burns, Harry remarks that they may have gone too far. Comparing Madeline to Jessica Rabbit was just uncalled for.

* This exchange between Bob and Harry:
-->'''Harry''': I've got gender issues.\\
'''Bob''': Uh. Wow. I'd love to say something that would make that more embarrassing for you, boss, but I'm not sure how.\\
'''Harry''': Not my... ''ugh.'' With the skinwalker. Is it actually a male? [[PronounTrouble Do I call it a he?]]\\
'''Bob''': It's a semidivine immortal, Harry. It doesn't procreate. It has no need to recombine DNA. That means that gender simply doesn't apply. That's something only you meatsacks worry about.\\
'''Harry''': Then why is it that you stare at naked girls every chance you get, but not naked men?\\
'''Bob''': It's an aesthetic choice. As a gender, women exist on a plane far beyond men when it comes to the artistic appreciation of their external beauty.\\
'''Harry''': And they have boobs.\\
'''Bob''': And they have ''boobs''!
** This whole discussion becomes HilariousInHindsight after Skin Game shows us [[spoiler:the son of a Naagloshii. Apparently they are male, as Goodman Grey refers to his "father".]]

* Lara bitchslapping Harry and then winking at him during her tirade.

*** Later in the book:
---->"[[spoiler:Peabody]] may not have seen the man [[VoluntaryShapeshifting turn into]] [[BearsAreBadNews a grizzly]], but he was bright enough to know that Injun Joe was getting set to adjust another relative ass-to-ears ratio."

-->''I tried to push myself to my feet, but someone had set the hallway on tumble dry, and I fell down again. I kept trying. Whoever had made the hall start acting like a Laundromat dryer had to run out of quarters eventually.''\\

---

*** Alternatively, that was just part of hi BadassBoast

----

* The Gatekeeper wonders aloud whether Dresden is some sort of magnificent mastermind, or really is just that unlucky and clueless. Harry looks at him, points at the bandage wrapped around his own noggin, and says, simply, "Dude."

* Murphy tries to convince Harry to carry a pistol, but Harry is [[CreatureOfHabit too set in his ways]] [[RevolversAreJustBetter to surrender his trusty revolver]] even he has never seen a new semi-automatic [[WalkingTechbane jam in his presence]]. Then this happens:

* "Sufficiently advanced technology, my ass." How is it possible that the world existed for almost 50 years between ArthurCClarke and this joke?
* The Gatekeeper wonders aloud whether Dresden is some sort of magnificent mastermind, or really is just that unlucky and clueless. Harry looks at him, points at the bandage wrapped around his own noggin, and says, simply, "Dude."
** It left the ''Gatekeeper'' in stitches too. Now ''that'' is a CrowningMomentOfFunny.
* This exchange between Bob and Harry:
-->'''Harry''': I've got gender issues.\\
'''Bob''': Uh. Wow. I'd love to say something that would make that more embarrassing for you, boss, but I'm not sure how.\\
'''Harry''': Not my... ''ugh.'' With the skinwalker. Is it actually a male? [[PronounTrouble Do I call it a he?]]\\
'''Bob''': It's a semidivine immortal, Harry. It doesn't procreate. It has no need to recombine DNA. That means that gender simply doesn't apply. That's something only you meatsacks worry about.\\
'''Harry''': Then why is it that you stare at naked girls every chance you get, but not naked men?\\
'''Bob''': It's an aesthetic choice. As a gender, women exist on a plane far beyond men when it comes to the artistic appreciation of their external beauty.\\
'''Harry''': And they have boobs.\\
'''Bob''': And they have ''boobs''!
** This whole discussion becomes HilariousInHindsight after Skin Game shows us [[spoiler:the son of a Naagloshii. Apparently they are male, as Goodman Grey refers to his "father".]]

--> '''Morgan''': [[ContinuityNod I admit, it's no donut.]]

* A little bit of black humour:
-->"Bill, it's Dresden."\\
"Harry," he said politely. Bill was always polite with me. He saw me do [[ColdBloodedTorture something scary once]].
* Lara bitchslapping Harry and then winking at him during her tirade.
* Harry's DefeatMeansFriendship moment, if only because he punches something in the snout to establish dominance.
* Harry's just revealed to [[spoiler:Lara Raith, her sisters, Injun Joe, Ebenezar, and Ancient Mai that he called the [[BigBad skinwalker]] earlier to meet him there, without warning anyone else, in order to force a fight and thereby a temporary alliance between the White Court and the White Council. It should be arriving in anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes.]]
-->Ebenezar blinked. Then he turned his face to me, his expression clearly asking whether or not I was out of my damned mind.\\
"[[WesternAnimation/WileECoyoteAndTheRoadrunner Wile E. Coyote]]," I said to him soberly. "Suuuuuuper Genius."
** Later, Harry reveals that [[spoiler:the entire fight was [[ThePlan so that he could get pictures of the traitor]].]]
--->'''Molly:''' [[spoiler:"Then...that entire scenario on the island...the meeting, the fight...the entire thing was a ploy?"]]\\
'''Harry:''' "[[CrowningMomentofAwesome Wile E. Coyote," I said wisely. "Suuuuuuper Genius."]]

--> "...whose name was Beorg, or Yorg, or Bjorn -definitely Scandinavian-..."
--> "'Ancient Mai,' rumbled Warden Bjork..."
--> "'Ancient Mai,' Warden Yorgi repeated."
--> "I saw Mai calmly lift a hand to Warden [[RefugeInAudacity Berserkergang]]"
--> "Bjorn Bjorngunnarson"

--> "I don't know if you know this man, but I do... [[BlackComedy If he'd been accused of lopping off the heads of baby bunny rabbits because someone accused them of being warlocks, I could buy that.]]"
* Even Listens-to-Wind gets his funny on in this book. After meeting [[EldritchAbomination Shagnasty]], the skinwalker seems to know it's in for a fight. The old man simply scoops up a handful of dirt, and says "Mother says that you have no place here." There's a flash of lighting without the boom of thunder. Listens-to-Wind looks to the sky, looks to the skinwalker, and reports "Father says you are ugly."
** Gets better. Shagnasty claims that since Injun Joe isn't a holy man and doesn't follow the Blessing Way he has no power over it. Joe simply says "I don't plan on binding or banishing you, old ghost, [[PreAsskickingOneLiner I'm just gonna kick your ass up between your ears."]]
*** Later in the book:
---->"[[spoiler:Peabody]] may not have seen the man [[VoluntaryShapeshifting turn into]] [[BearsAreBadNews a grizzly]], but he was bright enough to know that Injun Joe was getting set to adjust another relative ass-to-ears ratio."
* Morgan's reaction when he thinks Molly is going to use magic to get into the mind of a PI watching Harry's apartment (a big no-no in the Dresdenverse), but then she uses a totally different kind of [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey "magic"]] to get information. Even funnier when Morgan is appreciative of the show she puts on, but Harry, who has known her since she was eight, is slightly {{Squick}}ed.
* Harry on why the Merlin should accept his help proving Morgan innocent:
-->"Because your balls are in a vise and I'm the only one who can pull them out. *{{Beat}}* [[HoYay Okay. That came out a little more homoerotic than I intended.]]"
* Harry goes to visit an attorney on the 24th floor of a building, and his initial interaction with the office's secretary is simply ''priceless''.
-->She looked up at me with a polite smile, her dark hair long and appealing, her shirt cut just low enough to make you notice, but not so low as to make you think less of her. I liked the smile. Maybe I didn't look like a beaten-up bum. Maybe on me it just looked ruggedly determined.\\
"I'm sorry, sir, but the addiction-counseling center is on twenty-six."\\
Sigh.
* Harry has just formed the sanctum invocation and is trying to work out the details of his new intellectus. When he tries to explain that he had walked out of the GeniusLoci's range and cannot access it right then and there, he puts it...less than eloquently.
-->I tapped my finger against my forehead. "I've got nothing going on up here at the moment."\\
I realized what I had said just as the last word left my mouth, and glanced at Morgan.\\
He lay on the bunk with his eyes closed. His mouth was turned up in small smile. "Too easy."
** The fact that Molly actually [[ActuallyPrettyFunny giggles]] at Morgan's comment is what makes the moment
* Harry talks Butters into tending Morgan's leg wound. Butters tells Harry to wash up and put on some gloves, since Butters needs an extra pair of hands. Harry balks, and we get this:
-->"Oh bite me, wizard boy," Butters said, his tone annoyed.
* When Thomas beats up Madeline near the beginning he slams her by the ankle "smashing a 36-24-36 dent into the drywall".
* Binder has Harry trapped in a circle surrounded by his demonic mooks, and is threatening to break it unless they tell him where Morgan is.
-->'''Harry:''' Okay. He's right behind you.\\
'''Binder:''' Dresden. We have a bit of banter going between us. We're both here in a moment where neither of us wants to act rashly. And that's all good fun. It's one of the little things that makes a day more enjoyable. But don't do me the incredibly insulting disservice of assuming that I'm a bloody moron.\\
'''Harry:''' I'm not. He's about forty feet behind you. In a wheelchair.\\
Binder gave me a gimlet stare, then he rolled his eyes and shot a brief glance over his shoulder--then did a double take as his mouth dropped open.\\
Morgan sat in his wheelchair about forty feet away from Binder, my shotgun in his hands.
* Harry greeting the woman who sent a PI to spy on him (on the [[spoiler:White Court's]] orders) with "Hi, cuddles."

* Harry's DefeatMeansFriendship moment, if only because he punches something in the snout to establish dominance. I'd really, ''really'' like to know if Butcher reads ''Webcomic/ProblemSleuth''.

* The Gatekeeper wonders aloud whether Dresden is some sort of magnificent mastermind, or really is just that unlucky and clueless. Harry looks at him, points at the bandage wrapped around his own noggin, and says, simply, "Dude." Left me in stitches.

* The Gatekeeper wonders aloud whether Dresden is some sort of criminal mastermind, or really is just that unlucky and clueless. Harry looks at him, points at the bandage wrapped around his own noggin, and says, simply, "Dude." Left me in stitches.

** This whole discussion becomes HilariousInHindsight after Skin Game shows us [[spoiler: the son of a Naagloshii. Apparently they are male, as Goodman Grey refers to his "father".]]
* Morgan gets a nice one when Harry realizes that he's [[spoiler: called in Titania's boon to throw off any attempts to magically trace him.]]
--> '''Morgan''': [[ContinuityNod I know it's no doughnut...]]

* "Received, one six foot traditional Ozark walking club from Mr. Smart-ass."
** "That's Doctor Smart-ass. [[AustinPowers I didn't go through 8 years of insult college to be called Mister]]."

-->"Bill, it’s Dresden."\\

* Every time Harry comes home, he finds some form of MexicanStandoff taking place between Morgan and Molly (and later Luccio), with Mouse being the only one keeping it from escalating into deadly violence each time. The first time he's surprised. The second time he's annoyed, and even goes over and gets a drink before sitting down and sorting things out.
-->'''Harry''': I can’t believe I’m about to say this... [[HypocriticalHumor So think real careful about where this is coming from.]] Have you people ever considered ''talking'' when you’ve got a problem?

--> "I don’t know if you know this man, but I do... [[BlackComedy If he’d been accused of lopping off the heads of baby bunny rabbits because someone accused them of being warlocks, I could buy that.]]"

* Harry greeting the woman who sent a PI to spy on him (on the [[spoiler: White Court's]] orders) with "Hi, cuddles."

** The fact that Molly actually [[ActuallyPrettyFunny giggles]] at Morgan's comment is what makes it a CrowningMomentOfFunny for me

* Harry's DefeatMeansFriendship moment, if only because he punches something in the snout to establish dominance. I'd really, ''really'' like to know if Butcher reads ProblemSleuth.

** Gets better. Shagnasty claims that Injun Joe doesn't have the knowledge or the power to bind or banish it. Joe simply says "I don't plan on binding or banishing you, old ghost, [[PreAsskickingOneLiner I'm just gonna kick your ass up between your ears."]]

---->"[[spoiler: Peabody]] may not have seen the man [[VoluntaryShapeshifting turn into]] [[BearsAreBadNews a grizzly]], but he was bright enough to know that Injun Joe was getting set to adjust another relative ass-to-ears ratio."