History Funny / TheShawshankRedemption

'''Heywood''': By Alexandre... Dumbass... ''Dumbass.''\\

-->'''Floyd''': Heywood, that isn't soapstone. It ain't alabaster either.
--> '''Heywood''': What are you, a fuckin' geologist?
--> '''Snooze''': He's right, it ain't.
--> '''Heywood''': Well what the hell is it, then?
--> '''Red''': A [[RoadApples horse apple]].
--> '''Heywood''': ...Bullshit.
--> '''Red''': No, ''horse''shit. Petrified.
--> ''Heywood pulls the "rock" apart, revealing that's exactly what it is.''
--> '''Heywood''' ''(disgusted)'': Oh, Jesus Chr--
--> ''The other inmates crack up.''

-->'''[[ButtMonkey Heywood]]''': ''TreasureIsland''. Robert Louis—
-->'''Andy''': [[Creator/RobertLouisStevenson Stevenson]]. 'Fiction' > 'Adventure'. What's next?
-->'''Red''': I got here... ''Auto Repair'' and... ''Soap Carving''.
-->'''Andy''': 'Trade Skills and Hobbies'. Goes under 'Educational'. Stacked behind you.
-->'''Heywood''': ''[[Literature/TheCountOfMonteCristo Count of Monte Crisco]]''.
-->'''Floyd''': That's 'Cristo', you dumb ''shit''.
-->Red grins with laughter.
-->'''Heywood''': By Alexandre... Dumbass... ''Dumbass.''
-->Red finally bursts out laughing.
-->'''Andy''': ...dumbass?
-->''*Heywood shows the book as "proof"*''
-->'''Andy''': ''[[Creator/AlexandreDumas Dumas]]''. You know what it's about? You'll like it. It's about [[ShoutOut a prison break]].
-->'''Red''': Well we ought to file that under 'Educational' too, oughtn't we?

-->So I'm backin' out the door, right? Had the TV like this... ''[Mimes his grip]'' Big ol' thing. Couldn't see shit. Suddenly, there's this voice: "Freeze, kid! Hands in the air!" Well, I just stand there holdin' on to that TV, so the voice says, "You hear what I said, boy?" And I say, [[MortonsFork "Yes, sir; I sure did; but if I drop this fuckin' thing, you got me on 'Destruction of Property,' too!"]]

-->'''Red:''' I like to think the last thing that went through [the Warden's] head-- other than that bullet-- was to wonder how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.

--> '''Red''': A horse apple.

-->'''Floyd''': "That's 'Cristo', you dumb ''shit''."

-->'''[[ButtMonkey Heywood]]''': "''TreasureIsland''. Robert Louis—"
-->'''Andy''': "[[Creator/RobertLouisStevenson Stevenson]]. 'Fiction' > 'Adventure'. What's next?"
-->'''Red''': "I got here... ''Auto Repair'' and... ''Soap Carving''."
-->'''Andy''': "'Trade Skills and Hobbies'. Goes under 'Educational'. Stacked behind you."
-->'''Heywood''': "''[[Literature/TheCountOfMonteCristo Count of Monte Crisco]]''."

-->'''Heywood''': "By Alexandre... Dumbass... ''Dumbass.''"

-->'''Andy''': "...dumbass?"

-->'''Andy''': "''[[Creator/AlexandreDumas Dumas]]''. You know what it's about? You'll like it. It's about [[ShoutOut a prison break]].
-->'''Red''': "Well we ought to file that under 'Educational' too, oughtn't we?"

-->'''Redding :''' I like to think the last thing that went through the Warden's head (other than that bullet that is)

-->'''Andy''': "Stevenson. 'Fiction' > 'Adventure'. What's next?"

** Um.... [[HarsherInHindsight ouch.]]

* The day the prison receives a shipment of books, they come with a letter for Andy, who's been sending letters to libraries asking for funding. It closes with, "We now consider the matter closed; please stop sending us letters!" [[{{Determinator}} He doesn't listen.]]

-->'''Heywood''': "''[[TheCountOfMonteCristo Count of Monte Crisco]]''."

-->'''Andy''': "''[[AlexandreDumas Dumas]]''. You know what it's about? You'll like it. It's about [[ShoutOut a prison break]].

* The day the prison receives a shipment of books, they come with a letter for Andy, who's been sending letters to libraries asking for funding. It closes with, "We now consider the matter closed; please stop sending us letters!" [[Determinator He doesn't listen.]]

* While working in the field, the inmates try to find rocks for Andy's project to make chess pieces, and Heywood thinks he's found a good one until:

* The prisoners are helping Andy to set up the prison library, coming across :

--> '''Heywood''' ''(disgusted)'' Oh, Jesus Chr--

--> '''Skeets''': He's right, it ain't.

* The inmates are trying to find rocks for Andy's project for chess pieces while working in the field, and Heywood thinks he's found a good one until:

* That poor new inmate slaughtered by Hadley in the beginning? In the credits, he's credited as "Fat Ass".

-->*Red grins with laughter*

-->'''Heywood''': "By Alexandree... ''Dumbass''... ''Dumbass.''"

-->'''Heywood''': "[[TheCountOfMonteCristo Count of Monte Crisco]]."

-->'''Red''': "Well we ought to file that under "Educational" too, oughtn't we?"

* The prisoners are helping Andy set up the prison library, coming across :
-->'''[[ButtMonkey Heywood]]''': "The... the... Count of Monte Crisco—"
-->'''Floyd''': "It's 'Cristo', you dumb shit."
-->'''Heywood''': "—by Alexandree... ''Dumbass''."
-->'''Andy''': "''Dumas''. [...] You'll like that one. It's about [[ShoutOut a prison break]].
-->'''Red''': Maybe we should put that under "Educational" too!

* The prisoners are helping Andy set up the prison library, coming across "The... the... Count of Monte Crisco--" "It's 'Cristo', dumbshit." "--by Alexandree Dumbass."
-->'''Andy''': You'll like that one. It's about [[ShoutOut a prison break]].\\
'''Red''': Maybe we should put that under "Educational" too!

* The prisoners are helping Andy set up the prison library, coming across "The... the... Count of Monte Cristo... by Alexander Dumbass."