History Funny / TheNostalgiaCritic

-->'''Rob''': ''I'' should write shitty screenplays.

**

-->'''Doug''': THIS IS MY LIFE! ''(sobs loudly)''
-->'''Rob''': [[Film/JurassicPark1993 You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything, huh, Mr. Green?]]
-->'''Doug''': That happened. We, as a people, let that happen. Why didn't we stop him?
-->'''Rob''': [[ArmorPiercingQuestion I don't know. Why are watching it?]]
-->'''Doug''':...That sorta answers itself, doesn't it?

-->'''Doug''': ''(dryly)'' I thought this movie would be grosser.
-->'''Rob''': You know, some people eat the placenta.
-->'''Doug''': Well, we know ''he'' did.

-->'''Doug''': It's only a few a seconds, but you're right, it's ''terrifying''.\\

-->'''Rob''': It is a Zen Koan, it's like this shit about, like, what's the sound of one hand clapping or there's a duck trapped in a bottle and you can't break the bottle but you don't want the duck to die so what do you do? And you think on it for days and days and hours and hours like watching this for only an hour and a half feels like days and and days and hours and hours and weeks and weeks until at some point your brain '''''SNAPS!!!! IT JUST SNAPS!!!!''''' And all of a sudden, you're just like, "I am beyond good and evil. I am beyond all conceptions. I have achieved Nirvana. There is no evil, there is no good, there is only ''Freddy Got Fingered''." ''(laughs with Doug)'' And we thought we wouldn't get anything out of this movie. I have now become a Zen Buddhist.
-->'''Doug:''' ''(to the camera)'' Sorry about that, folks. We really needed a moment.
-->'''Rob''': ''(to the camera)'' You would run too if it happened to you!

-->'''Doug:''' I feel like I've given in to the madness. You know the Mouse from ''WesternAnimation/AliceInWonderland'', he's with the Mad Hatter and March Hare? He was probably a normal mouse at one point, then they grabbed him and kept him in that little jar and drove him insane and now he's like, "I'm one of you now!" That's what I feel like this movie has done. I've accepted it and I'm like, "I'm one of you! I'm one of you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Happy Unbirthday! Ha, ha, ha!"
-->'''Rob:''' It's called Stockholm Syndrome.
-->'''Doug:''' It is total Stockholm Syndrome!

-->'''Rob''': ...''AAAHHH!''

-->'''Deputy''': What the fuck?!
-->'''Rob''': You said it, buddy!

-->'''Doug!Sheriff''': Well, I can't say I expected ''this''!

-->Protect me, Chaplin. The movie's scary.

-->'''Rob''': I would like to say that Tchaikovsky would be rolling in his grave if you told him about this, but most likely he would go, "What's a movie?"

** "Well at least now that settles it - Portland is the source of all evil".

-->'''Doug:''' I feel like I've given in to the madness. You know the Mouse from Alice In Wonderland, he's with the Mad Hatter and March Hare? He was probably a normal mouse at one point, then they grabbed him and kept him in that little jar and drove him insane and now he's like, "I'm one of you now!" That's what I feel like this movie has done. I've accepted it and I'm like, "I'm one of you! I'm one of you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Happy Unbirthday! Ha, ha, ha!"

* He explains how everyone fell completely in love with ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory3'' and think it's the greatest movie ever. He thinks it's good. The response? "BOOO!"

* This line from Doug.

* From ''Film/GreenLantern'':

* For ''Film/DungeonsAndDragons'', Doug and Rob start off with dueling Profion impressions, then Rob soon drops it while Doug declares he's going to keep it up for the entire commentary. And that's just what he does, with Rob occasionally expressing disbelief that he's still doing it, and even though before it's halfway done he's completely run out of material and is just talking as himself with a weird voice. Then they recount the disagreement they had over whether there should be a ''Series/DoctorWho'' reference for Creator/TomBaker's appearance, and Rob can't believe he's having a serious discussion with that voice.

* Critic describes this game as "the worst thing to be associated with [[Film/TheBluesBrothers the movie]] since ''[[Film/TheBluesBrothers Blues Brothers 2000]]''." (It gets [[HarsherInHindsight harsher]] in hindsight, given how he reviews that movie, years later.)

-->'''Rob:''' We have just escaped [[WesternAnimation/TheSecretOfNIMH NIMH]]…

** "The cancer joke isn't even the most lowbrow scene in the movie. ''Think about that''".

* In the ''[[Film/JusticeLeague2017 Justice League]]'' viewing, Brad and Doug tell Rob (who hasn't seen the film) that Flash is one of the best parts of the movie. As every one of Flash's jokes fail to land, Rob just keeps glaring at them, occasionally motioning to the screen.

** When the music from the ballet plays over the opening credits, Rob quips, "Ah, Bethoven".

[[Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic2021Episodes 2021 Episodes]]

** Him pointing out the logical PlotHoles of the ending.

* When he talks about how overplayed the songs are from ''WesternAnimation/{{Frozen}}'', he concedes that he's one of the annoying ones who does it. He then tries to defend himself by saying he only does it in his car when nobody else is around... until it backfires when he realizes that also means he lacks the excuse that he can play it around his kids.

**

-->'''Critic''' (as Mickey: But I thought I was public domain!

-->'''Critic!Doctor''': [[Franchise/JamesBond No, mister Mouse, I expect you to squeak!]]

-->'''Rob''': It is a Zen Koan, it's like this shit about, like, what's the sound of one hand clapping or there's a duck trapped in a bottle and you can't break the bottle but you don't want the duck to die so what do you do? And you think on it for days and days and hours and hours like watching this for only an hour and a half feels like days and and days and hours and hours and weeks and weeks until at some point your brain '''''SNAPS!!!! IT JUST SNAPS!!!!''''' And all of a sudden, you're just like, "I am beyond good and evil. I am beyond all conceptions. I have achieved Nirvana. There is no evil, there is no good, there is only ''Freddy Got Fingered''." ''(laughs with Doug)'' And we thought we wouldn't get anything out of this movie. I am now become a Zen Buddhist.

-->'''Rob''': Next on cinema snob: The first porn to star cartoon dogs.

-->'''Rob''': '''You now belong to the Disney vault!'''
-->'''Critic''' (as Mickey: But I thought I was public domain?

-->'''Critic!Doctor''': [[Franchise/JamesBond No, mister maus, I expect you to scream!]]

**

-->'''Doug''': It's only a few a seconds, but you're right, it's ''terrifying''.
--->'''Rob''': When I die and finally go to Hell, ''that's'' what's gonnna greet me. That is the first thing I'm gonna see and I will know I am in Hell. The piano's like off-key, and it's like...it's Hell! That is the greeting in Hell!
*** Doug's face during that scene is ''priceless''.

* "[[WesternAnimation/{{Planes}} PLANES!!! GODDAMN PLANES!!!]]" Doug basically has an absolute breakdown due to this movie

--->'''Rob''': When I die and finally go to Hell, ''that's'' what's gonnna greet me. That is the first thing I'm gonna see and I will know I am in Hell.

-->'''Doug''': It's only a few a seconds, but you're right, it's ''terrifying''.

-->'''Rob''': It is a Zen Koan, it's like this shit about, like, what's the sound of one hand clapping or there's a duck trapped in a bottle and you can't break the bottle but you don't want the duck to die so what do you do? And you think on it for days and days and hours and hours like watching this for only an hour and a half feels like days and and days and hours and hours and weeks and weeks until at some point your brain '''''SNAPS!!!! IT JUST SNAPS!!!!''''' And all of a sudden, you're just like, "I am beyond good and evil. I am beyond all conceptions. I have achieved Nirvana. There is no evil, there is no good, there is only ''Freddy Got Fingered''." ''(laughs with Doug)'' And we thought we wouldn't get anything out of this movie. I have now become a Zen Buddhist.

-->'''Rob''': ...''(SCREAM!)''

** Their reactions to all the NightmareFuel in the film are just hilarious, with them often [[JawDrop open-mouthed]] StunnedSilence in manner not seen since ''Freddy Got Fingered'', with Doug in horror and Rob morbidly curious and/fascinated while blinking. Rob then wonders what it would be like having to work at the theatre the film played in and having to clean up all the mess from the children who [[BringMeMyBrownPants shat themselves]].

** Their reactions to all the NightmareFuel in the film are just hilarious, with them often [[JawDrop open-mouthed]] in shock in manner not seen since ''Freddy Got Fingered''. Rob wonders what it would be like having to work at the theatre the film played in and having to clean up all the mess from the children who [[BringMeMyBrownPants shat themselves]].

-->'''Rob:''' We have just escaped [[WesternAnimation/TheSecretOfNIMH NIMH]]…\\