History Funny / Subnautica

'''Robin''': ...I waited my whole life to meet a spacefaring alien, and you're telling me your name is "Alan"!?

Assessment: find and maintain Hope.

** Shortly after they meet for the first time, AL-AN is honestly confused that Robin is objecting to him uploading himself into her brain, and decides to "allow you a moment to process" by not responding. Robin decides to cope in her own way.

** It's funny enough that it takes incredibly-advanced alien technology to build something to break down your old water storage lockers into their constituent titanium, then your PDA points out that the real miracle is that this recycling happens "without rinsing and sorting them into bins first."

'''AL-AN:''' Hopefully I will not have time to complete my study.\\

* The Cryptosuchus is a constantly roaring sea lizard that flies into a jaw-snapping frenzy whenever something comes close to it, and is likely to make players new to ''Below Zero'' keep their distance. And then, at some point, a player will be forced to defend themselves with a knife, and discover that [[PaperTiger Cryptosuchus are actually enormous pansies that flee at the slightest sign of resistance.]]

* Likewise, as much as Marguerit is deliberately ignoring you, she does notice if you decide to scan her.

* Multiple audio logs chronicle the travails of Fred Lachance, the seatruck driver whose constantly losing tools to Sea Monkeys or having to jetison cargo modules during Squidshark attacks so not to end up "pooped out of the back-end of a sea monster." There's also the struggle between a maintenance worker named Jeremiah and the Skyrays that keep messing up the satellite antennae with their droppings, which almost drives him to quit, were it not for the fact "that's what the birds ''want'' me to do."

** Your growbed is noted to be provide "flavorful options for evading scurvy."

** On Robin's introduction to a sentient alien species.

** AL-AN is unimpressed with [[PunyEarthlings the limitations of human bodies]] - though he will admit that "The opposable thumb is excellent" - since they're not just lacking compared to his old form, but will eventually wear out and die.

--->'''AL-AN:''' When you die, some quantity of knowledge is lost forever to the enxt generation. Isn't that-\\

** Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, referencing an Creator/EmilyDickinson poem that compares it to a bird. AL-AN [[ComicallyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]], and [[LiteralMinded adds an entry for Hope to the "Fauna" portion of your PDA databank.]]

** Upon building your first Scanner Room, it explains that you can use it to scan for various useful materials... "And titanium. ''[beat]'' If you need help finding it. ''[beat]'' For whatever reason."

* On Robin's first meeting with a sentient alien species.
-->'''AL-AN''': You may call me AL-AN.\\

* Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, referencing an Creator/EmilyDickinson poem that compares it to a bird. AL-AN [[ComicallyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]], and adds an entry for Hope to the "Fauna" portion of your PDA databank.
-->The presence of Hope seems to inspire humans to persevere in the face of adversity. Perhaps humans keep a Hope with them at all times.\\

* Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, referencing an Creator/EmilyDickinson poem that compares it to a bird. AL-AN [[ComicallyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]], and adds an entry for Hope to the "Fauna" portion of the PDA.

* The Cryptosuchus is a constantly roaring sea lizard that flies into a jaw-snapping frenzy whenever something comes close to it, and is likely to make players new to ''Sector Zero'' keep their distance. And then, at some point, a player will be forced to defend themselves with a knife, and discover that [[PaperTiger Cryptosuchus are actually enormous pansies that flee at the slightest sign of resistance.]]

* On Robin's first meeting with AL-AN:

* Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, using a poetic metaphor that compares the concept to a feathered creature. AL-AN [[ComicallyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]] and thinks she's describing an actual bird. He then adds an "entry" for it to the "Fauna" portion of the PDA.

* The fandom has evidently come up with [[https://i.redd.it/rrm2cadmjcj01.png names for every single leviathan in the game]] (spoiler warning). The one that most players encounter on their way into the ''Aurora'' is Sammy the Welcome Reaper, for example.

* Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, using a poetic metaphor that compares the concept to a feathered creature. AL-AN [[CompletelyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]] and thinks she's describing an actual bird. He then adds an "entry" for it to the "Fauna" portion of the PDA.

* Eventually Alterra HQ sends a message that includes the code to the captain's cabin, so you can download schematics for a rocket to get you home... except there's a guy in the background asking the speaker about his sandwich order, which [[HisNameIs nearly manages to cut the first speaker off when he gives you the code.]]

This is where you can find the best comedy under the alien seas of Subnautica.

[[folder:In-Game Stuff]]

** Upon picking up your first diamond, the PDA reminds you that the the planet is property of the Alterra Corporation, and that you are liable to reimburse the full market price of any materials you gather and use. It then goes on to inform you that your current bill stands at 3 million credits. Becomes a BrickJoke once you [[spoiler:leave the planet, as upon being welcomed back to Alterra space, you will be cleared to land once your outstanding bill of one ''trillion'' credits has been settled]].

* [[spoiler: When the player returns to the Quarantine Enforcement Platform to deactivate it after he's been cured, the probe once more has to take a blood sample from his arm (which he tries to dodge). He then punches the device... and hurts his hand.]]
* [[spoiler: Also the reaction of the probe after you dodged it. It seems to look at you with the needle, extends and retracts it multiple times, as if it's saying: "''Really''? We're going to do this one way or another!" before taking the sample, striking much faster than before.]]

[[folder:Bizarre Glitches]]
* When it was in Early Access, ''Subnautica'' had a number of bugs that have since been fixed.
** When the Scanner was first implemented, it could glitch into... [[http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/subnautica/images/9/9e/Scanner_hand.png/revision/latest?cb=20160328175755 this abomination.]]
* Sometimes creatures clip into the terrain, then [[ToonPhysics remember how physics work]] and fly back out, getting launched into the void while spinning uncontrollably. Funny with smaller creatures, hilarious when a [[NightmareRetardant hostile Leviathan is subjected to it]].
* For reasons likely pertaining to Ryley and a door, if you were to exit out the Neptune Rocket, it can sometimes tilt into the ocean, looking as if it'll capsize, only for the rocket platform to ''slowly'' right itself. [[https://www.twitch.tv/sethorven/clip/MildShyDonkeyDBstyle As showcased by Sethorven]] ''[[https://www.twitch.tv/sethorven/clip/CalmFlaccidRadicchioLitFam twice in his endgame.]]''

* The constant animal impersonations on the game's wiki and official Discord, ranging from mundane things like Bonesharks and Crabsnakes to [[spoiler:A DESTROYED LIFEPOD.]]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-_53W_nHEk Which is faster, the Seamoth or the Prawn suit?]] [[spoiler: Using the propulsion cannon glitch to [[RefugeInAudacity fly a cave crawler across the map]], of course!]]

* The Return of the Ancients mod has a "cinematic mode" from the developers that allegedly makes the Gargantuan Leviathan passive so you can observe it without being eaten. As the players [[https://youtu.be/Y4bV9R0Y54s?t=279 IGP]] and [[https://youtu.be/agR5FTm-aBw?t=281 Anthomnia]] found out, [[spoiler: cinematic mode not only [[OhCrap doesn't make the Leviathan passive,]] but what it ''does'' is turn it into a giant [[{{Troll}} Trollface]] before it kills you. It also [[TalkingToHimself spouts voice clips (and screams) from both players right back at them.]] That's what you get for test driving a mod so soon after [[AprilFools April 1st]].]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Below Zero]]
* The PDA in this game is even snarkier than the one from the first:
** Upon building your first Scanner Room, it explains that you can use it to scan for various useful materials... "And titanium. ''[beat]'' If you need help finding it. ''[beat]'' For whatever reason."
** On building an air bladder: "If you are [[CriticalAnnoyance tired of hearing the word "oxygen"]], the Air Bladder provides a significant upward thrust..."
** Upon finding the wreck of the ''Mercury II'', the PDA identifies the ship and notes that it is "inoperative". Yes, the ship split into three parts and lying half-rotten on the seabed is inoperative, thanks PDA.
* On Robin's first meeting with AL-AN:
-->'''AL-AN''': You may call me AL-AN.\\
'''Robin''': ...I waited my whole life to meet a spacefaring alien, and you're telling me your name is "Alan"!?
* Robin describes the concept of "hope" to AL-AN, using a poetic metaphor that compares the concept to a feathered creature. AL-AN [[CompletelyMissingThePoint misses the point entirely]] and thinks she's describing an actual bird. He then adds an "entry" for it to the "Fauna" portion of the PDA.

** The famous quote when entering The Dunes: "Detecting [[OhCrap multiple leviathan-class lifeforms in the region.]] [[AreYouSureYouWantToDoThat Are you certain whatever you're doing is worth it?"]][[note]]Other than survival, ''nope.''[[/note]]

** When you find your first bit of Copper, allowing you to start making powered devices, your PDA helpfully informs you that "Your probability of survival has just increased to: unlikely, but plausible."

** Upon picking up your first diamond, the PDA reminds you that the the plant is property of the Alterra Corporation, and that you are liable to reimburse the full market price of any materials you gather and use. It then goes on to inform you that your current bill stands at 3 million credits. Becomes a BrickJoke once you [[spoiler:leave the planet, as upon being welcomed back to Alterra space, you will be cleared to land once your outstanding bill has been settled... which has jumped to 1 '''TRILLION''' credits]].

* [[spoiler: Also the reaction of the probe after you dodged it. It seemes to look at you with the needle, extends and retracts it multiple times, as if it's saying: 'You won't avoid it!' before taking the sample, striking much faster than before.]]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEDs5eJ8bUc Spider Exo!]]
* The famous PDA quote when entering The Dunes.
-->''Detecting [[OhCrap multiple leviathan class lifeforms in the region.]] Are you certain whatever you're doing is worth it?''[[note]]Other than survival, ''nope.''[[/note]]

* The new radio contact from the HQ telling you the code for the cabin of the captain has someone in the background ordering food and asking the speaker what he wants and the speaker keeps reacting to him, almost not managing to transmit the code to you.
* When you build the scanner room, you can use two remote-controlled cameras to check out the area for natural resources. This is not funny. What is, however, ''absolutely hilarious'', is that stalkers can and will take every available opportunity to steal your camera drones, leading to seeing a video feed of down a stalker's gullet as it swims off with your expensive equipment and stashes it somewhere, only to grab it again as soon as you try to escape.

* One of the possible suit designs is the Stillsuit, which can be extremely useful as it provides you with a regular source of water. Not only does this lead to some perfectly timed "water reclaimed" notifications during the scarier moments of the game, but whenever you load a save the PDA will offer you the choice of chemically neutralizing the taste--during the loading screen, for about two seconds before it accepts your "choice."
* Upon picking up your first diamond, the PDA reminds you that the the plant is property of the Alterra Corporation, and that you are liable to reimburse the full market price of any materials you gather and use. It then goes on to inform you that your current bill stands at 3 million credits. Becomes a BrickJoke once you [[spoiler:leave the planet, as upon being welcomed back to Alterra space, you will be cleared to land once your outstanding bill has been settled... which has jumped to 1 '''TRILLION''' credits]].
* [[spoiler: When the player returns to the Quarantine Enforcement Platform to deactivate it after he's been cured, the probe once more has to take a blood sample from his arm (which he tries to dodge). He then punches the device... and hurts his hand.]]
* [[spoiler: Also the reaction of the probe after you dodged it. It seemes to look at you with the needle, extends and retracts it multiple times, as if it's saying: 'You won't avoid it!' before taking the sample, striking much faster than before.]]

* Your PDA's [[DeadpanSnarker assessment of your condition]] after waking up in the lifepod: "''You have suffered minor head trauma. This is considered an optimal outcome.''"

* "Congratulations. You have exceeded your weekly exercise quotient by 500%. Data indicates swimming was your favorite activity."
* You can find and scan an "unusual doll" in one of the destroyed lifepods. It's a bobblehead of LetsPlay/{{Markiplier}}, which plays samples from his playthrough of Subnautica. That includes his [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl yelps of terror]].
* In a darkly funny example, the PDA-entry of each creature you scan ends with an assessment of said creature, summarizing what the player should do with it, whether it be eat it, ignore it, or avoid it. The assessment for the [[HypnoticEyes Mesmer]]? ''"[[MissionControlIsOffItsMeds Draw closer]]."''
* The 2nd crew log from Lifepod #6. In which a not too bright passenger lights what she thinks is a distress flare. Right next to the fuel line. The last thing the log records is a very loud explosion. If you know what happens to ''fuel'' when fire is around, you'll know what happened[[note]]They go boom, just in case you ''don't'' know.[[/note]]. You get three guesses as to what happened and, no, the first two don't count...

'''Robin''': ...I waited my whole live to meet a spacefaring alien, and you're telling me your name is "Alan"!?

* The 2nd crew log from Lifepod #6. In which a not too bright crewmember lights what she thinks is a distress flare. Right next to the fuel line. The last thing the log records is a very loud explosion. If you know what happens to ''fuel'' when fire is around, you'll know what happened[[note]]They go boom, just in case you ''don't'' know.[[/note]]. You get three guesses as to what happened and, no, the first two don't count...

** Upon gaining the Scanner Room blueprint, it explains that you can use it to scan for various useful materials... "And titanium. ''[beat]'' If you need help finding it. ''[beat]'' For whatever reason."

** Upon gaining the Scanner Room blueprint, it explains that you can use it to scan for various useful materials... "And titanium. ''[beat]'' If you need help finding it, for whatever reason."

** Upon gaining the Scanner Room blueprint, it explains that you can use it to scan for various useful materials... "And titanium. ''[beat]'' In case you ever need help finding it."

-->'''AL-AN''': My designation is AL-AN.\\
'''Robin''': ...are you kidding me? My first meeting with an actual extraterrestrial intelligence and his name is "Alan"!?