History Funny / StevenUniverseSeason2

** Amethyst ends up eating Pizza Steve, and the episode ends with a dedication to him saying "In loving memory of Pizza Steve", with the same bad drawing of the slice that Pizza Steve had made earlier.

* Flashback Amethyst's antics are hilariously dog-like. When Greg [[AndYourRewardIsEdible pays her for playing the drums in food]], she holds it in her mouth and worries it like a dog with a toy, and Garnet later manages to get some time to talk seriously to Greg without her by ''[[GoLookAtTheDistraction throwing a stick for her to fetch]]''. Worth noting is that this is ''thousands of years'' after the Crystal Gems adopted her.

* Amethyst pretending that she's Peridot, come back to kidnap Steven, then asks [[TooSoon to confirm that its been long enough to joke about it, to which Steven replies that it's only been an hour]].

* "Hey there, Steven! [[SuddenlyShouting Why're you standing there all sad like that?!]]"

* After insulting one of the most powerful people in the universe to her face, Peridot hurriedly gives what's presumably the entirely normal sign-off of "Peridot, out."

'''Pearl:''' Oh. ''[the Gems sit back down]'' \\
'''Garnet:''' We'll pass.\\

'''Pearl:''' Oh. ''[the Gems sit back down]]''\\

'''Pearl:''' Oh. ''[the Gems sit back down]]'' \\

* When Steven decides to get to the "challenge authority" thing Connie mentioned, he conjures three guards to stop them and lists his crimes as "selling without a permit" and "not old enough to drive a cart". Each one is accompanied by a scroll covered in nothing but "blah", only the second ends with "They're pretty serious, guys."

* After Peridot [[NeverSpeakIllOfTheDead insults Rose Quartz]], pissing off the Crystal Gems, Steven tries to break up the tension by awkwardly singing. It doesn't work.

'''Pearl:''' Oh. ''[the Gems sit back down]]''\\

-->'''Steven:''' Triple 550 Deluxe with No Cheese! ''[crash!]'' [[BlatantLies ...Yep, perfect landing...]]

* When Peridot escapes the Temple and into Steven's house, she shouts out "DontCelebrateJustYet Freedom is mine!]]"... [[RightBehindMe while the Gems are sitting at the dinner table]]. When the Gems burst into action, Amethyst stuffs an entire pizza (and box) into her mouth first.

* When Peridot escapes the Temple, she turns around and shouts out "Freedom is mine!"... while the Gems are sitting at the table. When the Gems burst into action, Amethyst stuffs an entire pizza (and box) into her mouth.
** Just the way each party stares at each other.
** Peridot blithely jogs right over the Warp Pad in her escape attempt.

[[center: [-[[Funny/StevenUniverse Main Funny Index]] | [[Funny/StevenUniverseSeason1A Season 1A]] | [[Funny/StevenUniverseSeason1B Season 1B]] | '''Season 2''' | [[Funny/StevenUniverseSeason3 Season 3]] | [[Funny/StevenUniverseSeason4 Season 4]] | [[Funny/StevenUniverseSeason5 Season 5]] | [[Funny/StevenUniverseTheMovie The Movie]] | ''Funny/KeepBeachCityWeird''-]]]

'''Pearl:''' (With HypnoticEyes) [[FreakOut ARE THE SHIRTS DESTROYING THE WEARERS WILL TO CONTINUE ON IN THIS MORTAL COIL THEREBY DESTROYING BEACH CITY?!]]\\

'''Pearl:''' Oh.\\
'''Garnet:''' We'll pass.

* Poor [[ButtMonkey Greg]] having to [[RealityEnsues pay for the damage]] Ruby causes at the diner... and then [[BrickJoke at the end of the episode]] commenting that they can't go back to that diner again.

--->Steven, you're right. [''cue OcularGushers''] [[InelegantBlubbering HOW CAN I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND?! I'M SORRYYYYYYYYY!!!!]]

--->Steven, you're right. [[''cue OcularGushers'']] [[InelegantBlubbering HOW CAN I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND?! I'M SORRYYYYYYYYY!!!!]]

''[Pearl gives a frustrated grunt as Amethyst skateboards up the stairs]\\

-->'''Ronaldo:''' ''[cryptically]'' Unbelieva– ''[suddenly whiny]'' I MISSED IIIIT!

* Steven, [[RunningGag once again]], making another giant leap only to FacePlant to the ground.

-->'''Peridot''': ''(Gasps)'' [[BigNo NO!! No!]] How could you do this to me, ''the great and lovable Peridot?'' I thought we were finally friends like you wanteeeed!!

--->'''Peridot''': Your invisible rotary shield was no match for me once I applied logic!\\

* Amethyst shape shifting into a HELICOPTER to pursue the escaping Giant Robot-riding Peridot
-->'''Amethyst''': ''Get in.''
* Pearl tries to comfort Steven by [[InnocentlyInsensitive telling him he can feel horrible all he wants back at the temple.]] Steven's reaction just sells it.

** Just the fact that this particular Pearl seems to be acting like she's Yellow Diamond's secretary/receptionist, which she is- or even one of those telephone switchboard peoples they used to have before it became automated (and cell phones forced landlines into a headlock).

* Peridot finally snaps and calls Yellow Diamond a clod. And the ''reactions.'' Given the looks on everyone's faces, it's evident that on Homeworld "[[FantasticSlurs clod]]" is something ''seriously'' [[PrecisionFStrike offensive]]. [[NotSoStoic Yellow Diamond's]] is especially cartoonish and unexpected out of a character that received so much hype for an awesome villain.
** Clod has a double meaning: it means a foolish person but it also means a clump of dirt or clay, so it also implies that the person being offended is a poorly made gem.

--->'''Pearl''': Aah! How do we stop it?!\\
'''Garnet''': Just get rid of it!\\
'''Pearl''': Eh, here, Amethyst! ''(Tosses the communicator to her.)''\\
'''Amethyst''': '''''What am I supposed to do with it?!''''' ''(Tosses it to Steven, who places it in a bubble, which Garnet then punches into the sky, where it makes a huge explosion.)''

'''Peridot:''' ''(Grinning from ear to ear)'' [[BluntYes No!]]

--->'''Peridot:''' I'm a traitor! A rebel! ([[WingdingEyes eyes turn into stars]]) A ''Crystal Gemmmmmmmmmmm!''
--->''(Still with [[WingdingEyes star eyes]] and a deranged CatSmile, Peridot giggles and rapid-fires the recording.)''
--->'''Peridot (Recording):''' Clod! Clod! Clod!
** Peridot tries to throw her tape recorder away after she declares it a "chronicle of her descent into madness." Garnet comes it at that exact moment and catches it after it bounces of her face ([[TheStoic Garnet doesn't even flinch, of course]]). It all happens in a humorously rapid fashion.

'''Peridot:''' (Hisses at Steven)\\

'''Steven:''' (Holds finger to Peridot's lips in a shush gesture) Rude.\\
'''Peridot (Recording):''' (''Begrudgingly'') I guess I'll call him...''Steven''.

'''Greg:''' ''(Defensive)'' Hey, it's not like a six-pack can save you from ''that'' height.\\

* While on chore duty, Peridot tries to mop the floor of the barn with the wrong end of the mop. Then she finds a trunk of clothes, among which is a pair of [[GoofyPrintUnderwear boxer shorts with aliens on them]] she misidentifies as a shirt. She slips them on, even admiring herself momentarily... Before realizing that Garnet has caught her. Garnet merely gives a supportive thumbs up and comments "Nice shorts", resulting in Peridot ripping them off while yelling "How did those get there?"

--->'''Peridot''': Why yes, Pearl, I did get taller. How correct of you to notice. Of course Amethyst, I will acquire you those Cheesy Chaaps for you off of that very high shelf.
** She proceeds to do a hop, and stumbles backward, admiring how they even work in reverse... Until she trips over a rock.

** Amethyst later demonstrates while yelling "I'm a chicken!". Funnily enough, this takes place after she's shapeshifted into Lion to surprise Peridot, then Peridot herself. Amethyst then refers to it as "Peri-phrasing."

-->'''Amethyst:''' "Ah, come on, P, I'm just trying to ''Lion'' the mood." ''({{Beat}}, then in exactly the same tone)'' "''Lion'' the mood."
** When Amethyst asks Peridot, if she has any request for what she should turn into, Peridot looks awkward to the side, but then...
--> '''Amethyst:''' Bok, bok! I'm a [[LargeHam CHICKEN, AHAHAHAHA]]!
--> '''Peridot:''' [[ChickenJoke I get the joke now!]]

-->'''Pearl:''' Hah, yes, well, at least she isn't ''Lion around'' anymore.
-->''{{Beat}}''
-->'''Peridot:''' ''(Awkward laugh)'' Ahahahahaha.
-->'''Peridot (Recording):''' Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that.

** Youtubers have managed to slow down the video and figure out what she is saying. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-p7JDjUz6E It's actually quite hilarious why she believes that Pierre and Percy are the best couple]].
** The best part is that, because there were multiple things which related the campers to the Gems, the Steven Universe fandom immediately began trying to figure out what the shipping chart might mean, resulting in quite an ironic spin on things.

** Peridot immediately tearing her pairing chart apart after she noticed Garnet on the couch in the midst of her ranting

* Garnet giving Peridot an explanation for Permafusion that she immediately gets: Garnet is like Peridot's soap opera OTP.
* Garnet's incredibly blunt offer to Fuse with Peridot. Doubly funny when you consider the many sensual/sexual undertones of Fusion between Gems. Garnet basically said "Let's bang."

'''Garnet:''' Let's Fuse.\\
'''Peridot:''' ''Oh My Stars!'' (Falls off her seat)

* Steven trying to keep Onion (with a stolen bag of chips) from escaping the temple. Steven blocks the door, but Onion resorts to dive-bombing through the screening window.

-->'''Vidalia:''' (''Showing Steven an old photo of herself and Amethyst'') Aren't we the spitting image of mischief?\\

* Amethyst's blink-and-you-miss-it impression of [[http://41.media.tumblr.com/663cf58035ed779a297bcad54d5831a2/tumblr_nrjxt1l0s71rph7uxo1_500.png Marty.]]

-->--Matt Burnett's Twitter.
* Vidalia cheerfully telling Amethyst not to worry about the Garnet and Pearl situation, because "it'll blow over. You're a rock!...That's what you are, right?"
--> '''Amethyst''': Eh, ''something'' like that.

-->''(Onion holds up a empty ball)''
-->'''Steven''': Cool, Invisible Guy!
* The end of the episode, when Steven finally is convinced that Onion is not as weird as he thinks he is...only for Onion to open his mouth and reveal ''the mouse Steven thought he fed to the snake'' earlier jump out. Steven's super freaked-out expression really sells it.

* [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent Steven's "accent"]].

-->'''Pearl:''' ''(Excitedly)'' There he is! Hi, Steven! You're soo talented!
* Jamie playing Pearl and Garnet in the play; Garnet was Jamie wearing [[ContinuityNod his "Movie Star" sunglasses from "Love Letters"]] and a cardboard box colored with black sharpie, while Pearl was him with slicked-back hair and a party-hat for a nose. Meanwhile, Amethyst was played by a ''mop'' with a piece of costume jewelry glued on.
** Jamie had Pearl ''pegged''.
--->'''Jamie (as Pearl):''' I am Pearl, and I come to you as a messenger of the brilliant...''[[InopportuneVoiceCracking (voice cracks)]]'' [[LargeHam ROSE QUARTZ!]]

--> '''William:''' ''(After accidentally elbowing off the sail)'' Ah! I can't even turn a sail right! Why must I always struggle?!
** And what's Buck's reaction to his accidental-prone great grandfather?
---> '''Buck:''' Wow dad, what a loser.\\
''(Mayor Dewey slides off the chair in embarrassment)''

''(Jamie-as-Buddy rolls onto the stage on a skateboard, before quickly kicking it away)''\\

* Peridot's actions during this episode are hilarious, with her going full-on LargeHam 80s cartoon villain, complete with her crying her desire to 'get vengeance next time' as she flies into the air with her handcopter.

-->'''Steven:''' [[AllLovingHero Have a great weekend!]]\\
''The Gems stare at Steven disapprovingly.''\\

* One might not know if this scene should make a viewer [[AxCrazy scared]] or [[LaughablyEvil trying to restrain a grin]] but:
-->'''Peridot:''' '''"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE''' '''''DIIIIIIIE!!!"'''''

-->'''Garnet:''' [[TemptingFate We're fine]]! ''(Trap activates)''\\

* When Steven grabs onto Peridot's leg to stop her escaping, Peridot tries to get him off not with her ArmCannon, but by repeatedly ''flicking her finger in his face''

'''Steven:''' (''shrugs awkwardly'')

* Steven's Beachapalooza act two years prior led to the organizers instituting a rule that ''all performers [[NoodleIncident must be clothed.]]''

-->'''Jenny:''' The box, [[{{Cliche}} he's doing the box.]]

* Steven performing Sadie's routine in her place at the end of the episode... complete with [[BareYourMidriff a midriff-revealing outfit, makeup, and dance moves.]] And apparently Nanefua Pizza saw it coming: "That 'Mystery Guest' bit had Steven written all over it."

* When Peridot's arms and legs are left behind, Amethyst thinks she was blown to pieces instead of being poofed ("Ewwww, sick, [[BlackComedy there's bits of her all over!]]") Then she throws them all into the ocean [[ContrivedClumsiness and sarcastically pretends it was an accident]]. Steven later apologizes for that.

* When Amethyst asks why Steven has Peridot's foot, he asks her if she thinks it's lucky. She replies that it's wasn't for Peridot.

-->'''Steven:''' Triple 550 Deluxe with No Cheese! ''(Crash!)'' [[BlatantLies ...Yep, perfect landing...]]

* Steven flicking Peridot in the nose with the "what's on your shirt" trick, especially since she doesn't seem to know what a shirt ''is'', making it especially funny when she does it to him in an attempt to escape and gets it wrong, only saying "[[{{Malaproper}} What's your shirt]]".
** And Steven ''starts to answer the question.''

-->'''Steven''': She knows something; something that's made her scared.\\
'''Amethyst''': Duh, homegirl knows we're gonna beat her into a green pancake.

* While messing around in the bathroom, Peridot accidentally turns on the hot water, and Steven tells her that she had to turn the knob the other way to get cold water.

* It should be noted that during all the time Peridot spends frantically running around the bathroom looking to get out, there's a perfectly good window right next to the mirror.

-->'''Amethyst''': Just pee in the ocean bro, like a feeesh.\\
'''Steven''': What is it with you guys and making me pee outside?!\\
'''Amethyst''': Well I have fun doing it.

--->'''Steven''': Now do you mind moving [off of the toilet]? I have to use that.\\
'''Peridot''': ...For what?

--> '''Peridot''': What's granola?

-->'''Peridot''': I'm not harmless!
-->'''Pearl''': Oh hush up!

* The first two promos were harmless, with one falling solidly under Heartwarming. The third? [[FearOfThunder Peridot hears a thunderbolt,]] [[OpenSaysMe kicks open the bathroom door]], [[FearOfThunder and charges out so fast she bounces off the wall. Her wide-eyed expression does not help.]] [[VillainDecay This Gem was once feared.]]

* Peridot [[IResembleThatRemark repeatedly denying that she's gonna "crack".]] [[InopportuneVoiceCracking Her voice does.]]

-->'''Peridot''': ''(thinking)'' Like [[PrecisionFStrike hell]] I'll let "cavities" get me before the Cluster does.\\
'''Artist's note''': Hell is not an on-show term.

-->'''Steven:''' Let's run into this corner!
-->'''Peridot:''' Oh no! We're cornered!

-->'''Peridot''' Hmm. Good, yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.
-->'''Pearl''': Um, what?
-->'''Peridot''': Hm? Um, that will be all? ''(Claps hands)''
-->''[[{{Beat}} (Short awkward pause)]]''
-->'''Peridot''': (Out of the corner of her mouth to Steven) How do you get her to leave?

* Peridot says that she should be in charge of the drill project due to her being a 'certified Kindergartener'. Granted, it means something different to her, but that doesn't stop it being funny.

** In one round, the robots play "Rock, Paper, Scissor". Pearl's robot at least has something like fingers, but Peridot's robot just has a big claw. We never find out who got the point for this.

-->'''Steven:''' (After his hand puppet "attacks" him) Aah, we're doomed!

-->'''Peridot:''' Wha--what did I say?
-->'''Steven (to Garnet):''' Did you really need to do that?
-->'''Garnet:''' Her having free reign of the place made ''me'' "incredibly uncomfortable".

-->"Woo!"
-->"Oh hell no girl!"
-->[[OhCrap "Oh shit."]]

--> '''Steven''': Oh man Peridot, You're killing me! ''(Slaps hand onto microwave)''\\
'''Peridot''': I am not! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint That would violate our truce agreement!]]\\
'''Amethyst''': No, no, no, you're funny!\\
'''Peridot''': (Utterly bemused) Funny?
* While at the Kindergarten, Peridot rips into Garnet about her maintained Fused state, much to Amethyst's delight. Peridot even goes into how she's not even fighting while she's Fused and more of... [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar something else]]. [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Peridot bumps the top sides of her fists together, making Amethyst burst out in laughter and Steven looking rather confused]]. Just check out [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0UHUlfWpAs&t=4m18s the reaction from when the episode was played at the New York Comic-Con.]]

** Which is a BrickJoke from the beginning of the episode where Garnet says she's "[[NoodleIncident Chased away those cows]]."

--->'''Garnet:''' ''(Off-screen)'' She's not going to the Kindergarten without a chaperone!\\

* Ruby's freak-out when Sapphire [[SuperSpeed drags her out of the arena.]]
-->'''Ruby:''' WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNG?! [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]

** It's even funnier that despite all, Rose still shows her manners and gives a quick good-bye handwave.

-->'''Garnet:''' I was ''back''. I was someone and I didn't know who. But, I felt like I was getting the hang of my strange new form... *Beat* and then I fell.

* A meta (and possibly unintentional) example, but when the fans learned that the three Rubies were going to fuse, they were stoked to see what a Fusion of multiple Gems of the same type would look like. [[BoringButPractical The end result literally just looks like a giant version of Ruby]].

* Connie's parents have become less strict since Nightmare Hospital, but still Connie says they wouldn't let her spend the weekend with Steven unless she was prepared for anything. This includes bringing a ''defibrillator''.

* Steven throws the top of his present box away...right on Lion's nose. And he doesn't even care, he just goes back to sleep.

-->'''Pearl:''' [[OhCrap OH NO NO! Don't give him to ME!]]

* The group riding on Lion's back to the moon is quite amusing thanks to a certain someone:
-->'''Steven:''' Pretty cool, right?
-->'''Peridot:''' WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
* In reaction to Peridot's character development, Steven says "[[BlackComedy It seems like only yesterday she was trying to kill us.]]" to which [[LiteralMinded Pearl]] replies that it was several weeks.

* When they get to the moon base, Amethyst walks up to a big door and opens it. It opens onto a lunar landscape with a spectacular view of the Earth... and the air starts venting out. She closes the door and tells the others "Yep, we on the moon!"
** In response Pearl lets out an exasperated "Amethyst, ''please'' don't blow us into space!"

-->'''Amethyst''': Hey! Why can't I be a moon boy?\\
'''Peridot''': We're Gems, we're a space-faring race designed to conquer other worlds. Our physical forms adjust automatically to the gravity of any planetoid.\\
'''Amethyst''': Ahhh, lame.

* A retroactive one: The fact that RONALDO of all people correctly named the Diamond Authority and guessed their plans for earth.

* Pearl's dewey-eyed expression after Connie convinces her to train her in sword-fighting is hilariously over-the-top. [[https://38.media.tumblr.com/7f5ca7d293df0422b6ad1349534de4db/tumblr_inline_nsql9qvYH21sb4gcr_540.gif Here it is in full GIF form!]]

* The book Steven was reading called 'How to Talk to People' has two simple instructions:

* [[TheComicallySerious Garnet, Master of Comedy]]

-->'''Steven:''' She's the strawberry!
-->'''Connie:''' And he's the biscuit!
-->'''Both:''' And that makes us ''Jam-Buds''!
-->'''Pearl:''' [[FlatWhat Wha?]]

-->'''Ronaldo:''' (cryptically) Unbelivea--(suddenly whiny) I MISSED IIIIT!

** Sadie--Horror Movie Enthusiast
** Kiki--Pizza Heiress
** Jenny--Intimidating Teenage Girl
** Mayor Dewey--[[ShapedLikeItself Mayor Dewey]]
** Onion--?????
** Steven Universe--[[NiceGuy Gracious Host]]
** The Crystal Gems--Beach City [[DestructiveSavior would be way safer if they weren't here.]]

-->'''Ronaldo''': You can't keep quiet forever!

-->'''Ronaldo:''' ''(Voiceover)'' The answer may shock you.
-->'''Garnet:''' Okay.

-->'''Amethyst:''' ''(Gasps)'' Garnet! That mouth!

-->'''Greg:''' Look, these last few months have been great...
-->'''Rose Quartz (sultry voice):''' Oh, ''yes''...

** Even funnier is the fact that he refers to the three as [[Creator/MarxBrothers "Harpo, Groucho and Chico".]]

-->'''Rose Quartz''': What?! Why not? Oh, I'm so ''confused!''

** And then when Steven starts running out of air, Amethyst can't remember if the signal to haul him back up again is "one squirm or two."

* The entire conversation about the life jackets, especially Pearl's dislike of them and reference to them as "life diapers."
* When Steven tries to give Garnet a life jacket, she throws it overboard and shapeshifts a cooler-looking one in her colors instead.

''(Steven walks off the raft, Garnet catches him by grabbing his foot)''\\

-->'''Garnet:''' (''Stubbornly, through gritted teeth'') We look ''AWESOME''.

-->'''Garnet:''' ''(gritted teeth)'' Cause I'm ''always'' relaxed.

-->''Steven, put these Gems to bed. Don't stay up too late; there's snacks in the fridge. Bye. ''
* Steven's sitcom-like dream with Pearl as the mother, Amethyst as the rowdy sister, complete with a laugh track.

''(Amethyst skates past on a skateboard.)''\\

''(Pearl gives a frustrated grunt as Amethyst skateboards up the stairs.)\\

'''Pearl (Chasing Amethyst up the stairs):''' Amethyst, I'm gonna get you!
* And then Garnet shows up...and she's the equivalent of The Fonz or something because the audience starts cheering like crazy. Later on, sitcom Garnet appears in Steven's third dream as one of the things he labels as [[http://41.media.tumblr.com/c8590c7f08ae7de592c6c6f21f86e892/tumblr_inline_nqa19m1YLp1qkiump_250.png "not Lapis."]]

-->'''Rose Greg:''' Pearl. Thank you so much...'''FOR FIXING MY VAN!'''
-->'''Pearl:''' [screaming]
** Hell, the surf board they're riding is a pizza slice too!

-->'''Pearl:'''' Me?\\

'''Pearl:''' Well, if I must. So, in my dream I was-\\
''(Steven is deep asleep, snoring loudly)''\\

-->'''Pearl:''' Fffffffffun?

-->'''Pearl:''' Let me-- [[VerbalBackspace er,]] us help you! We're a team!
-->'''Garnet:''' No, right now you're a party. A slumber party.

-->'''Garnet:''' [[TheStoic That is a weird party.]]
-->'''Steven:''' Garnet! [[ItMakesSenseInContext Amethyst was on a skateboard and then Dogcopter meowed at me and was just not interested in what I had to say at all]] and I might have some issues I have to work out...

-->'''Steven''': But it's a really good one so far!\\
'''Garnet''': Not really.
* Although a [[GallowsHumor tad]] on the [[BlackComedy dark, sad side,]] Amethyst's remark at the end.
-->'''Amethyst''': [[{{Irony}} Why can't things work out the way they do in cartoons?]]

* The episode picks up shortly after the events of "Cry For Help", with Garnet still mad at Pearl and not talking to her. Then Greg [[MoodWhiplash bursts into the room with a big ol' smile on his face]].
-->'''Greg:''' Who wants to go on a ''road trip!'' (''beat'') Um, is this a bad time?

* Ruby telling Sapphire that's she's not 'above it' just as the blue Gem literally floats up off screen is hilarious.

-->'''Sapphire''': He's not going to like that, it's square.\\
'''Greg''': ''(closes door, sighs)'' [[SeenItAll Oh boy. Where's the other one?]]

''(slams the table)''\\

-->'''Amethyst:''' This time, let's build a moat! I can be...(''transforms [[PartialTransformation her head]] into a crocodile'') [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kir591fx-kc THE CROCODILE! ...Jazz hands!]]

--> '''Steven:''' ''(Still talking to himself)'' "Hey Connie, that message I left you? [[BlatantLies That was]] [[AllJustADream just a dream!]]" [[MirthlessLaughter Aha, heh...]] [[ImplausibleDeniability Nah, she's too smart for that.]]

* When Steven finished ''The Destiny's End.''
-->'''Connie:''' What did you think of the ending?
-->'''Steven:''' I thought it was on page 917.

* Connie's rant about why the ending to The Spirit Morph Saga was terrible is pretty hilarious, especially because of Steven off to the side barely following any of it.

-->'''Buck:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvnYmWpD_T8 I only wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rain...]]
-->'''Steven:''' ...Is that a reference to something?

-->'''Buck:''' You can't tell me what to do, I'm the mayor's--wait...

-->'''Sour Cream:''' I'd become a fisherman any day, if it meant not dealing with tha-aaAAAA''AAAAAAAAAA''?!

--->'''Sour Cream:''' Here come the rocks! ''(Drops large armful of rocks on the pod.)''

'''Uncle Grandpa:''' Don't worry bro, [[MediumAwareness none of this is]] [[CanonDiscontinuity canon.]]
* Uncle Grandpa ends up being... well, [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Uncle Grandpa]]. [[BreakingTheFourthWall Via being present in]] a flashback to "Gem Glow"--[[MediumAwareness he was in a promotional channel bug, so he could see the episode.]]

'''Garnet:''' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar That would explain a lot]].

-->'''Pearl:''' *''[[LaughingMad incoherent laughter before]] [[EmotionalFainting fainting]]''*\\

'''Garnet:''' *''[[NotSoStoic shivers]]''*

-->'''Pearl:''' ''(uneasily)'' Ahem. Um... Uncle Grandpa?\\

'''Pearl:''' Yes. We have decided to--\\
'''UG:''' ''(playing a [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Smash Bros]][[ShoutOut/StevenUniverse -esque game with Steven]])'' Play video games?\\
'''Pearl:''' ''(patiently)'' No. Uh...\\
'''UG:''' ''(running circles around Steven)'' Run around in circles?\\
'''Pearl:''' ''(less patiently)'' No...\\
'''UG:''' ''(eating a three-way sub with Steven and now Amethyst)'' Eat a three-way sub?\\
'''Amethyst:''' ''(to Pearl)'' Yo.\\
'''Pearl:''' ''(with [[WingdingEyes crazed spirals in her eyes]])'' '''AMETHYST!'''

-->'''Uncle Grandpa''': [[OhCrap Bad Mornin'!]]

'''Pearl:''' ''(cartoonishly freaking out)'' '''[[IResembleThatRemark I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!]]''' ''(runs off screaming)''

*** This scene even provides ''this page's image''.

-->'''Pearl:''' THAT'S NOT MY BABY!

-->'''Garnet''': ''(After Steven used his shield to protect Uncle Grandpa)'' He must really care about [Uncle Grandpa].\\
'''Amethyst''': I hope he didn't care about that pizza.

-->'''Amethyst:''' [[VisualPun WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?]]
* [[FandomNod Mr. Gus shows Steven his "Gemsona"]].

-->'''Mr. Gus:''' Hey! Why didn't you draw that on a new layer?!

* The fact that the Crewniverse slipped in a clue about [[spoiler: Pink Diamond]] in this episode is just... from a meta point it's screwy enough to be hilarious [[spoiler: Specifically, Uncle Grandpa says that Steven needs to clean his gem twice a year. Rose Quartzes in real life don't need that... but real life diamonds ''do.'']]

-->'''Greg''': I didn't mean ''that'' comfy.

-->'''Rose:''' ''(Stage whisper to the other Gems)'' His gimmick is ''space.''

-->'''Steven:''' (In response to why his drawing has thunderbolts around the guitar) Well, those are supposed to show how much he rocks at the guitar!\\
'''Garnet:''' [[LiteralMinded Then there should be rocks falling out of it]].
* Buck entering the Big Donut, sees nothing but donuts on sale... and for reasons unknown, orders a salad; Lars is all too quick to comply, despite the fact that, as Sadie makes clear, ''they don't even have vegetables.''

** Not to mention that when Mayor Dewey's bodyguards see the "shooting," they both [[DirtyCoward panic and run away]].

-->'''Connie:''' I think he's asking you out... on a ''date!''
-->''({{Beat}})''
-->'''Steven:''' Well that ain't happening.
-->'''Garnet:''' Nope.
* The {{flashback}} to Jamie writing the letter to Garnet shows him in full Shakespearian get-up, writing with a huge quill, with the room he's in lit by candlelight. And then, his quill catches on fire and he spends the rest of the flashback trying to put it out.

'''Connie''': Okay. What's next?\\
'''Garnet''': Uh, the letter "O".\\
'''Connie''': Uh, okay. You can just say the whole word instead of spelling it out.\\
'''Garnet''': Period.\\
'''Connie''': So "N", "O", period? ''(realizing Garnet spelt "No.")'' Oh.\\
'''Steven''': I think we'll need more than that.\\
'''Garnet''': "The end. Forever. And even after that."\\
'''Steven''': "Yours truly, Garnet".\\
'''Connie''': At least it's honest and to the point.

-->'''Steven''': How can we give this letter to Jamie now? He might get upset.\\
'''Connie''': Hm... ''(Holds up a pencil)'' We can make adjustments. We can match Jamie's poetic language and let him down easy! ''(Starts erasing the words on the sheet with the pencil's eraser)'' I watched some episodes of a torrid soap opera once, so I'm confident that I get the gist of romance. ''(Rubs the eraser on the paper harder)'' Err... There! ''(Starts to write on the paper)'' "Dear Jamie. You, dear camellia, expectantly await the light of my moon, yet my light is more of a scorching, wilting, dry desert heat. And as for your metaphorical surgeon, it is with a heavy heart that I urge you to seek a second opinion. I return your heart to you-"\\
'''Steven''': "Also, your hair is nice."\\
'''Connie''': "Hair... is... nice. Yours, [[BrutalHonesty but not really]], Garnet."\\
'''Steven''': Perfect.

-->'''Jamie''': So what am I supposed to do now?\\
'''Garnet''': Start with local theater.\\
''(Garnet pats his back so hard he nearly falls over and then walks off.)''\\

* Pearl asking Greg about [[ShowWithinAShow "Crying Breakfast Friends".]]

-->'''Steven:''' "Is it weird I'm getting numb to this?"

-->'''Garnet''': [[SayMyName SLINKER!]]