History Funny / StarControl

** The game also allows you to impersonate their gods, and while there is a serious use for this ability, it also allows you to mess around with them, like making them rename their species the "Dill-rats" or replace the word "you" with "yuubuu". The resulting quotes are a laugh riot.

-->'''Captain''': But `evil' is that which is morally bad or wrong. And if your actions are judged by your society as correct, aren't you, in fact, good?

** On occasion, when you go to speak with him, he'll also share with you some interesting tidbits about the thoughts of your crew, including which female crewmembers have a crush on you.

--->'''Safe One''': If you held a weapon to Fwiffo's head, he would say anything you wanted him to say.
In fact, if you held a vegetable to his head, he would probably say anything you wanted him to say.

--->'''Safe One''': If you held a gun to Fwiffo's head, he'd say anything you wanted him to. In fact, if you held a vegetable to Fwiffo's head, he'd probably still say anything you wanted him to.

** When you confront him with the Taalo shield and defeat the death squad of Umgah he sends after you, he weaves a hilariously fake story about how the fight somehow knocked the evil out of him and conveniently removed his psychic powers, which he claims he didn't even want, so there's no need to pursue him or even keep the mental shield up. The Captain doesn't even bother to say anything, but just glares at him.

* The Dnyarri are TheDreaded, and rightfully so, but they do have their moments.

--->'''Dnyarri''': Alright, I'm sure you're busy with plenty of things. Goodbye!

--->'''Safe One''': Yes, your vessel is unique, and here is the crux of the problem. A 'unique', meaning 'singular', starship is equal to the task of destroying the entire Ur-Quan armada. If you had, say, ten thousand similar ships, we could take your boasts more seriously.

-->"Are you lonely, Captain? Are you misunderstood by everyone else on the ship? Is that why you KEEP CALLING ME WHEN I AM RESTING!?"

--->'''Captain''': Come on. You can see my ship, right? Is it not uniquely powerful?
--->'''Safe One''': Yes, indeed. And therein lies the problem: your ship is "unique", ie, "singular", and thus not an effective weapon against an entire armada of Ur-Quan Dreadnoughts.
--->'''Captain''': What do I have to do to prove our strength? Destroy your entire planetary defense fleet!?
--->'''Safe One''': Well... yes, that would probably do it, but I have a better idea...

** The Spathi in general are hilarious. Fwiffo in particular is a riot.

* "I'M BEING MOLESTIFIED!". Said by surrendering K'tang king.

* The Pkunk are a race of space-hippies who are unafraid of death because they believe in reincarnation. [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve Much to the irritation of all rational-minded beings]], the Pkunk appear to be correct in this belief, and there is a 50/50 chance that any given destroyed Pkunk ship will respawn in battle, with an obligatory [[StandardSnippet Hallelujah Chorus]]. If the RandomNumberGod is feeling particularly mischievous, it's possible for a OneSidedBattle between a Pkunk ship and a much stronger opponent to become ridiculously drawn out due to the Pkunk ship being repeatedly destroyed and respawned in a single match. With that chorus playing every time.

* The Pkunk are a race of space-hippies who are unafraid of death because they believe in reincarnation. [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve Much to the irritation of all rational-minded beings]], the Pkunk appear to be correct in this belief, and there is a 50/50 chance that any given destroyed Pkunk ship will respawn in battle, with an obligatory [[StandardSnippet Hallelujah Chorus]]. If the RandomNumberGod is feeling particularly mischeveious, it's posible for a OneSidedBattle between a Pkunk ship and a much stronger opponent to become rediculously drawn out due to the Pkunk ship being repeatedly destroyed and respawned in a single match. With that chorus playing every time.

* The Pkunk are a race of space-hippies who are unafraid of death because they believe in reincarnation. [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve Much to the irritation of all rational-minded beings]], the Pkunk appear to be correct in this belief, and there is a 50/50 chance that any given destroyed Pkunk ship will respawn in battle, with an obligatory [[StandardSnippet Hallelujah Chorus]]. If the RandomNumberGod is feeling particularly mischeveious, it's posible for a OneSidedBattle between a Pkunk ship and a much stronger opponent to become rediculously drawn out due to the Pkunk ship being repeatedly destroyed and respawned in a single match.

* Even the insane, rambling Mycon can get a good quip in before battle: "Juffo-Wup is eternal and immaterial. It cannot be destroyed by mere energy blasts. You however, are not immaterial. You ''can'' be destroyed by energy blasts. We will now demonstrate."

-->'''Ilwrath''': Hmmm... We ARE All Evil. We All Behave In A Mutually Agreed-Upon Fashion Of Murder, Torture, Deceit And So Forth. Our Uniform Acceptance Of This Heinous Credo Creates An Orderly And Cooperative Society. Which Hardly Seems Evil. Evil Is Doing Things That Make Others Hurt Or Fear. We ALL Do That, Of Course. But Since We ALL Do Such Things, As Sanctioned By Our Culture, It Would Be `Bad' To Do Otherwise. Which Means... Er... Puny Hu-Man, Do Not Play With Words! You Anger Both Dogar And Kazon! Now You Must Die!

* Saying goodbye:

-->'''Content to Hover''': Goodbye, human fluid-sack!

-->'''Captain''': But intelligent plant life is impossible! Our scientists have confirmed this.
-->'''Supox''': Indeed. Our scientists have too. Curious, is it not? Many among our people take this as proof of our divine origin.

-->'''Zoq''': Will you cut it out? The Captain ''does not'' want to hear about the Interstellar Frungy finals!

** Also, talking about their leaders: "You can find them on our homeworld." "They look just like us though."
** The Captain wondering if the red one in the back ever talks: "Nope." "Never."

-->'''Captain''': So what are those glowy things inside you?
-->'''Slylandro''': Ah... um, your species must see in a different color spectrum. We can't see those. As for what they are, well... um, they're used for... uh, [[TheTalk when a male and a female...]] uh, hey look, can we talk about something else?

-->'''Slylandro''': Goodbye, human fluid-sack!

* The Zoq-Fot-Pik and "Frungi".
-->'''Zoq''': Will you cut it out? The Captain ''does not'' want to hear about the national Interstellar Frungi finals!
-->'''Pik''': FRUNGI! FRUNGI! FRUNGI!

-->'''Supox''': Indeed. Our scientists have too. Curious, is it not? Many among our people take this as proof of our divine origin.

--> "It is as though your species' brain is too small to hold a simple thought such as, WE WILL KILL YOU FOR DISOBEYING! This is not a complex idea."

* If you go to the enslaved Umgah homeword without the Taalo Shield, you'll be psychically compelled to fly to Ur-Quan space. [[TooDumbToLive If you go to the Umgah Homeword without the Taalo Shield AGAIN,]] you'll be sent back to Ur-Quan space. The Ur-Quan are not amused by this.

* If you go to the enslaved Umgah homeword without the Taalo Shield, you'll be psychically compelled to fly to Ur-Quan space. When it happens the Ur-Quan let you go. [[TooDumbToLive If you go to the Umgah Homeword without the Taalo Shield AGAIN,]] you'll be sent back to Ur-Quan space. The Ur-Quan are not amused by this.

** The Spathi in general are hilarious. Fwiffo in particular is a riot

--> "It is as though your species' brain is too small to hold a simple thought such as, WE WILL KILL YOU FOR DISOBEYING! This is not a complex idea.

* Sure, it's a pain in the ass that you won't get any Eluders anymore, but the moment you realize that the Spathi have vanished without a trace because they've ''slave-shielded themselves'' will probably make you laugh anyway.