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    Star Control 2 
  • Sure, it's a pain in the ass that you won't get any Eluders anymore, but the moment you realize that the Spathi have vanished without a trace because they've slave-shielded themselves will probably make you laugh anywaynote .
    • The Safe Ones do not believe that the Captain can guarantee their safety if they join him against the Ur-Quan:
      Captain: We are strong enough! Look at our Precursor vessel! Is it not unique?
      Safe One: Yes, your vessel is unique, and here is the crux of the problem. A 'unique', meaning 'singular', starship is not equal to the task of destroying the entire Ur-Quan armada. If you had, say, ten thousand similar ships, we could take your boasts more seriously.
      Captain: Look, what do I have to do to prove this to you? Destroy your entire starfleet?
      Safe One: Well... that would probably work, but I have a better idea...
    • The Captain can ask Fwiffo to help with negotiations with the Safe Ones. This doesn't work:
      Captain: Fwiffo is with us! He will vouch for us.
      Safe One: If you held a weapon to Fwiffo's head, he would say anything you wanted him to say. In fact, if you held a vegetable to his head, he would probably say anything you wanted him to say.
  • The Ur-Quan Kzer-Za has several funny moments, despite their Evil Overlord status. Contrast with their Kohr-Ah cousins, who has little to no funny quips.
    "It is as though your species' brain is too small to hold a simple thought such as, WE WILL KILL YOU FOR DISOBEYING! This is not a complex idea."
    "You boldly enter our space! Approach this Dreadnought as though it were a recreation base and then play the dumb hominid? Who do you take us for, Captain... Spathi!?"
  • Speaking of the Kohr-Ah, this exchange is one of the rare times they might get a chuckle out of the player:
    The Captain: You have attacked us before, and we survived! You cannot defeat us. Submit!
    Kohr-Ah: We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
  • The Supox can be quite funny when you talk about their being Plant Aliens:
    Captain: C'mon, plants can't be intelligent! Our top scientists and science fiction writers have proved it!
    Supox: Yes. This has been confirmed by our people as well. Strange, is it not? Many of our people regard this inconsistency as proof of our divine origin.
    • The fact that the Universal Translator results in both the Supox and the Humans claiming to be from Earth, which in either language basically means "dirt." Note that the Supox Earth is on the opposite corner of the map from the human Earth.
  • The Zoq-Fot-Pik and "Frungy".
    Zoq: AUGH! Will you just SHUT UP ABOUT FRUNGY?! If you say another word about that STUPID GAME I'm going to lose control and blow a cloud of spores at you!
    (less than a minute later)
    Pik: FRUNGY! FRUNGY! FRUNGY!
    • Also, talking about their leaders: "They are wiser, more powerful beings." "They look just like us though."
    • The Captain wondering if the one in the back ever talks: "Nope." "Not a word."
    • If you declare your intention to attack their scouts:
      Pik: [to the Zoq] So what does all your nicey-nice to the alien get us? Nothing! That's what! You should have done what I said and told him we were the Precursors!
    • You can ask them which one of them is the Fot. The Zoq and Pik will start arguing which one of the two of them it is. Word of God has confirmed that the guy in the back who never says anything (see above) is in fact the Fot.
  • Most of the conversations with the Slylandro:
    Captain: So what are those glowy bits inside you?
    Content to Hover: OH MY! From your question I infer that you creatures perceive in a different spectral range and can see our... well our, er... well, WE can't see them. Ehhh... Ahem... What I mean to say is... they are... well we use them for when the male and the female... ahem. Look, I'd prefer you didn't ask about them, okay? (especially not in front of Sullen Plummet... she's shy.)
    • What happens if you continue asking questions about this is even funnier.
    • Saying goodbye:
      Captain: Goodbye, Slylandro gasbags!
      Content to Hover: Goodbye, human fluid-sack!
  • Converse with the Ilwrath enough about how totally evil they are and you get to Logic Bomb them:
    Captain: Do you really consider yourselves Evil?
    Ilwrath: Ha! Evil! Of Course We're Evil! Dogar And Kazon Would Never Reward A Less-Than-Hideously Evil Species With Their Baleful Grace. Why We Are The Very Definition Of Evil! Everything About Us, Within And Without, Reeks Of Heinous Deeds, Deceit And Treachery! Even Our House Pets Are Rather Evil.
    Captain: But 'evil' is that which is morally bad or wrong. And if your actions are judged by your society as correct, aren't you, in fact, good?
    Ilwrath: Hmmm... We ARE All Evil. We All Behave In A Mutually Agreed-Upon Fashion Of Murder, Torture, Deceit And So Forth. Our Uniform Acceptance Of This Heinous Credo Creates An Orderly And Cooperative Society. Which Hardly Seems Evil. Evil Is Doing Things That Make Others Hurt Or Fear. We ALL Do That, Of Course. But Since We ALL Do Such Things, As Sanctioned By Our Culture, It Would Be `Bad' To Do Otherwise. Which Means... Er... Puny Hu-Man, Do Not Play With Words! You Anger Both Dogar And Kazon! Now You Must Die!
    • The game also allows you to impersonate their gods, and while there is a serious use for this ability, it also allows you to mess around with them, like making them rename their species the "Dill-rats" or replace the word "you" with "yuubuu". The resulting quotes are a laugh riot. It's too bad they don't stack.
  • Even the insane, rambling Mycon can get a good quip in before battle: "Juffo-Wup is eternal and immaterial. It cannot be destroyed by mere energy blasts. You however, are not immaterial. You can be destroyed by energy blasts. We will now demonstrate."
  • The Pkunk are a race of space-hippies who are unafraid of death because they believe in reincarnation. Much to the irritation of all rational-minded beings, the Pkunk appear to be correct in this belief, and there is a 50/50 chance that any given destroyed Pkunk ship will respawn in battle, with an obligatory Hallelujah Chorus. If the Random Number God is feeling particularly mischievous, it's possible for a One Sided Battle between a Pkunk ship and a much stronger opponent to become ridiculously drawn out due to the Pkunk ship being repeatedly destroyed and respawned in a single match. With that chorus playing every time.
  • The Dnyarri are The Dreaded, and rightfully so, but they do have their moments. The one you meet is very gruff and sarcastic and talks like a con man, leading to some hilarious moments.
    "Oh gosh, gee! I don't know. Let's just sit here and talk a while AND IGNORE THOSE THOUSAND DREADNOUGHTS THAT ARE GOING TO CREAM US IN A FEW SECONDS!"
    "Are you lonely, Captain? Are you misunderstood by everyone else on the ship? Is that why you KEEP CALLING ME WHEN I AM RESTING!?"
    "And in case you're wondering, I'm not going with you, Captain. I'm staying on board with the bomb. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I'M LOCKED IN HERE — THAT'S WHY! HELP!!!"
    • Apparently the Taalo shield is not 100% effective at blocking the Dnyarri's abilities:
      Dnyarri: You want to know about my psychic powers? Didn't you mean you wanted to ask about FLOWERS!?"
      Captain: Yes - I - want - to - talk - about - flowers.
      Dnyarri: Yes, flowers are nice, and smell very good. Now, Leave me alone!
      Captain: Yes - I - will - go - now.
      Dnyarri: Alright, I'm sure you're busy with plenty of things. Goodbye!
    • When you confront him with the Taalo shield and defeat the death squad of Umgah he sends after you, he weaves a hilariously fake story about how the fight somehow knocked the evil out of him and conveniently removed his psychic powers, which he claims he didn't even want, so there's no need to pursue him or even keep the mental shield up. The Captain doesn't even bother to say anything, but just glares at him.
    • On occasion, when you go to speak with him, he'll also share with you some interesting tidbits about the thoughts of your crew, including which female crewmembers have a crush on you.
    • He also makes numerous demands for his comfort, like changing out the Mozart and Iggy Pop on loop in the hold, thermal blankets and pillows, fresh meat and vegetables, and crew members to play with.
  • Combined with Heartwarming Moments and Tear Jerker: The Yehat gush over the young Shofixti you send them like a proud parent over a baby.
    Yehat: Look at that furred muzzle, those shining black eyes, the sweet claws! Our children have returned from oblivion!
  • Discussing your battle plan with the Chmmr.
    Captain: We'll fire this weapon at the Sa-Matra, right? It's not going to hurt my ship, is it?
    Chmmr: YOUR VESSEL WILL BE TOTALLY ANNIHILATED.
    Captain: Whoa. Gee, that's bad. I don't suppose there's anything we can do to change that, is there?
    Chmmr: NOnote .
  • The Zoq-Fot-Pik's frantic call for help is not all that funny ("Worse than Zebranky" aside). Hayes reading "HELP! HELP!" completely deadpan, however...
  • Some wonder why the VUX are popular, despite being hypocritical bigots. Might be due to their... unorthodox greetings when they're about to kill you.
    Welcome to the end of your life, courtesy of VUX technology.
    Our infinite supply of Intruder vessels is even now locking their vaporizers onto your position
    and we shall end your painful, grotesque existence for you as soon as possible.
    In the meantime, here is a little music...

    Salutations, and may your sense of self-preservation always be so dim.
    As our Intruders surround your vessel, you may care to raise both hands into the air above you
    and practice the ancient chant of the prancing oowee master, ZEN DUX, which begins...
    `AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!'

    Welcome back to total annihilation, where, as they say
    once is silatious, twice is phlagrant melons
    but the third time is when it really hurts.
    Please stay seated until your vessel starts smoking
    then feel free to dash your head painfully against the floor.

    Congratulations for exhausting the VUX vocabulary of greetings to despicable life-forms.
    May we take this opportunity to lock our femoral scrapers onto your ship
    and to wish you an unpleasant afterlife.

    This is VUX Commander YAX. On behalf of the team here
    I would like to say how very much we have all enjoyed taunting you
    and to congratulate you on plumbing the limits of VUX courtesy
    which you have now exhausted. Therefore, let me just say
    Die, you two-eyed loathsome faceless slug!
  • The surviving Shofixti captain Tanaka is pretty amusing, screaming juvenile insults at you (his sensors are down and he mistakes you for Ur-Quan), and attacking despite the fact that his ship is without its Glory Device, he has only one crew member (himself), and his primary weapon is pathetic. Depending on how many crew pods your ship is equipped with, you could sit there for several minutes while he attacks you before he makes a dent. And the successful way to win him over is to repeatedly insult him and then flee his attacks; Ur-Quan are polite, so he'll finally realize you aren't them if you do it enough times.
    • His attempt to not seem too overjoyed by the mission you give him, instead stoically treating it as a matter of honor. Said mission is to repopulate his species with multiple nubile females.
  • The Orz's theme perfectly encapsulates just how confusing a conversation with one would be, incorporating a bubbly tune with various soundbites including a confused Scooby-Doo grunt. From a meta-perspective this is also likely the first bit of Star Control media that younger gamers came into contact with since from 2003 to 2008, it was re-used for Toys for Bob's intro logo.
  • The Zoq-Fot-Pik's origin story. After banding together to destroy their predators the Zebranky, they had the choice to develop civilization, but opted to spend the next five thousand years kicking back and enjoying themselves instead. Then one day a lightning bolt struck a rock, turned it into a disc, caused some grass stuck in the middle of it to catch fire, and sent it careening down a hill where it killed a Zoq. The Fot and Pik decided that the Zoq had gone to a better place (one without flaming discs), and thus accidentally discovered the wheel, fire, and religion all at once.
  • In a darker way, the window that shows the Earthling Cruiser's bridge when you fight with or against one, as well as the slides at the beginning and the end of the game, show crewmen dressing in red. Now remember that in this game, the ships' hit points, landers included, are represented by your crew.

    Star Control 3 
  • "I'M BEING MOLESTIFIED!". Said by surrendering K'tang king.
  • The simple-minded Doog are long frustrated by their "allies", the Daktaklakpak. One such Doog considers them arrogant because of how they communicate:
    Doog (about Daktaklakpak): "Saying one: You stoopid!
    Saying two: Us smart!
    Saying three: So derefore YOU STOOPID!"
  • The first encounter with the Spathi. Their representative complains about being woken due to his body not being used to the day/night cycle of their new colony and then suddenly reacts with abject terror when he sees what he believes to be a large green monster on screen. He immediately surrenders, offering up his colony's entire stock of resources and reveals what he believes to be The Captain's weakness until he realises that someone has fiddled with the colour and contrast settings on his monitor.
    • In a later encounter, the Niffwan talks about how when the Spathi first arrived on their "designated planet" it was full of terrifying monsters and the Spathi were too afraid to even approach them for ages the "monsters" turn out to have just been ordinary rabbits.

    Star Control Origins 
  • The Captain's reaction to being called "sexy" by Wymdoo.
    Dialogue Option A: "What?"
    Dialogue Option B: "What!?"
    Dialogue Option C: "What."
    • Wymdoo's response: "Oh... that's weird. Probably a translation error. That happens sometimes. Anytime we say something weird, that'll be a translation error."
  • The first time you turn on a Starbase:
    Starbase AI: Language calibration complete. Natural communication now possible with an accuracy of 95 ponkdonk... percent.
    • Most of their 'fun facts' are plain nonsensical, obscure trivia, or just flat-out Captain Obvious.
  • The Star Control Commander lists "all those disappearing giraffes" as evidence for alien interference early in the game. Later you encounter a Precursor Starbase that explains that giraffes evolve naturally on 45% of all life-bearing worlds, and generally all vanish without explanation when the dominant species reaches a certain level of development. It also points out that this is ridiculous.
  • Talking to the Tywom about the time they asked the Mu'Kay to create an artificial human "meat puppet".
    Tywom: Oh. That. It's... more innocent than it looks.
    Captain: This had better not be a sex thing, Tywom.
    Tywom: It's not! It's not a sex thing! ...okay, one guy... ONE GUY wanted to make it a sex thing! But we didn't listen to him!
  • The simple fact that the Mowlings' god is named "Jeff". Full name "Jefftopher".
    • After the first meeting, Jeff will always greet the Captain with some variation of "I'm still Jeff", as though that would have changed.
    • If you ask about his appearance, he comments that he is visible in the first 9 dimensions, skips the next 2, and then is visible again for the next 4. When asked why he skips those 2, he quips that they make him look fat. Looks like even an ancient space probe is not immune to body image issues.
    • The Mowlings tried to send a rocket ship to blow up an incoming asteroid... and crashed into it. Their second plan? Build a giant paddle and swat the asteroid away!
    • How the Mowlings got their cough:
      Jeff: There is a species in this area. A sentient bioweapon. I have seen one of their ships nearby recently. When I asked the Mowlings, they said they had met the bioweapons... and hugged them.
    • When you bring more Pinthi to the Mowlings to cure them, introduce them as sapient viruses. The Mowlings cheerfully greet the viruses. . . then ask who wants kisses.
    • Jeff notes that, while the Mowlings seem stupid, they aren't. They're just accident-prone. As a result, natural selection works in their favor, making them evolve and advance quickly. He feels bad for how many of them die in stupid accidents, yet admits they're one of the few races who could someday (and that day isn't that far off by his reckoning) pose a threat to him. When you ask if their quick advancement and evolution should mean that they also become less accident-prone, Jeff notes that, while you would think that, it doesn't seem to be the case. Essentially, he's saying the Mowlings have Beware the Silly Ones as their hat.
  • When it's revealed that the Ancient One has an egg, the Captain can ask the Greegrox what exactly you would call a young Ancient One.
    Greegrox: Do not mock us, metal vessel!
  • Talking to the Pinthi about their having infected the Mowlings can be very funny:
    Captain: Did you guys infect the Mowlings?
    Pinthi captain: maybe. sounds like something we might do.
    [...]
    Captain: Did you guys infect the Mowlings?
    Pinthi Supercolony: [Too quickly] NO! [very guilty] y-yeeeesssss... we... we have made a mistake...
  • The Menkmack can be annoying, but if you catch on to their sense of humor...
    Menkmack: You want to know about our history? Sure! We can tell you a whole lot about that! Unless you want it to be true. In which case, we will tell you significantly less.
    • Their homeworld is called "New New New Whatever Menkmack" because they've moved it around so much they just can't be bothered with the name anymore. Those travelling away from the homeworld will often admit they're not sure if it's even in the same place anymore.
    • Talking about the giant monster that keeps forcing them to relocate their homeworld:
      Menkmack: It's this whole big thing... and by that I don't mean "something we don't want to talk about", I mean it's literally a big thing. A moon-sized creature that eats planets! Well, technically, it only eats the atmosphere, but, technically, we need that to breathe, so...
      Captain: And why is this creature eating your homeworlds?
      Menkmack: It's this whole big thing. And this time I do mean it's something we don't want to talk about, so stop asking.
    • One Menkmack explaining the whole three ears situation with the Drenkend:
      Menkmack: I convinced the Drenkend that they all needed to have three ears. [very proudly] I did this using treachery! [...] So what happened is that my people suddenly found ourselves in possession of a huge cache of fake ears. Now, I know what your next question is going to be. Don't ask. It's a weird galaxy, we found an ear cache, it happens, shut up!
      • And at the end of the convoluted story about fake ears, impersonating a Scryve officer, fiddling around with an extremely literal species, and general mayhem...
      Menkmack: Anyways, ear-based genocide. It's bad, but, you know. We're getting paid.
    • The Menkmack supposedly not understanding the concept of "stealing" can be kinda funny. They'll freely admit to taking something, but when you call it stealing, they'll claim their translation software is having trouble with what you're saying.
  • One conversation option with your Commander at the Sol starbase is the Captain complaining that other aliens keep insulting your ship as being ugly. The Commander actually agrees with the aliens.
    Commander: Well, duh! Compared to them, we're way behind in Hyperspace technology. Our spacecraft probably look completely backwards to them.
  • Woe unto the player who runs out of fuel in or near Tywom space. They will send a ship to bring you back to the nearest starbase...but only if you let them share their fanfiction with you.
    Tywom: We have seen all of your shows and have a lot of great ideas about where to take them next!
    Option A: No.
    Option B: Please no.
  • The Drenkend explain how their cloning system works:
    Drenkend: We press the button and a new Drenkend comes out.
    Captain: Right, but how does it work?
    Drenkend: WE PRESS THE BUTTON AND A NEW DRENKEND COMES OUT.
  • On Miranda, a moon of Uranus, you can find a crashed Tesla roadster. Bonus points as we're talking about such planet.
    No idea how this got this far out here.

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