History Funny / SpaceMarineBattles

All of Givenar and Antinas' banter, LikeAnOldMarriedCouple.
Lysander pondering his part in the theatre play that Shalhadar is putting up. He's especially happy that his character has very few lines, as he's never been a born actor.

* All of Givenar and Antinas' banter in ''Malodrax'', LikeAnOldMarriedCouple.
* Lysander pondering his part in the theatre play that Shalhadar is putting up. He's especially happy that his character has very few lines, as he's never been a born actor.
* Lysander appears to be a firm follower of "WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer" method of dealing with obstacles:
--> '''Lycaon''': What do you know of Shalhadar?\\
'''Lysander''': Lord of this city, absolute tyrant of his people. Disloyal thoughts are a crime.\\
'''Lycaon''': Do you know how to kill him?\\
'''Lysander''': Cut him into pieces and burn them.\\
'''Lycaon''': Is that what the people of Malodrax say?\\
'''Lysander''': No, but that works on everything.
* Likewise a techmarine in ''World Engine'':
-->'''Captain''': What would be the best way to kill [Necrons]?\\
'''Techmarine''': Sufficient physical damage.\\
[{{Beat}} as others stare incredulously]\\
'''Captain''': They take your sense of humour away on Mars?
* Another from ''World Engine'': the easy banter between Kodoulos and the rest of the Chapter, even as they're dying in droves. Kodoulos would've been the king of their homeworld if he wasn't drafted into Astral Knights, and the rest don't let him forget about it.
-->'''Captain''': Good luck, ''prince''.\\
'''Kodoulos''': Thanks, ''peasant''.\\
\\
'''Captain''': The prince lives! Peasants rejoice!
* ''Rynn's World'':
** The Arch-Arsonist of Charadon (the Ork warlord attacking the planet) continually broadcasts his speeches of triumph and terror to the populace...failing to realize that his intended audience doesn't speak Orkish.
** Following a murderous duel with an Ork giant, Kantor wants Cortez to quit the fight and recuperate. Cortez refuses, and following exchange occurs:

* ''Helsreach'':
** After Grimaldus gives a RousingSpeech at the start of Helsreach, people keep on asking him to give them another one. He always refuses.
** Andrej, the BornLucky stormtrooper. When about to be faced with an Ork mob, he invites his squadmates to his marriage. When asked who's his would-be wife, he says she's easy to recognize, as she's the "most beautiful woman. You can't miss her!". And at the end, when chatting with Grimaldus...

** Made even funnier in the short story Blood and Fire, where Andrej shows up alive again, after Grimaldus has already carved his name into a massive memorial to the dead of the battle of Mannheim Gap. He demands Grimaldus cross his name out, and also that he tell the Munitorum he isn't dead so he can collect his wages again. Grimaldus's protege Cyneric finds the whole thing hilarious.

** Even earlier, when Andrej was given command of a squad of dockworkers who were handed weapons and pressed into an impromptu militia unit. The men ask Andrej if he'd do something like give a speech.

** Grimaldus is so socially inept, it can be idiotically funny at times, such as his LiteralMinded attitude to the above comment of Andrej's, or taking seriously his vow to tell the man's commander about a rescue he had performed so that the man could impress his girlfriend.
** Jenisas, having "blasphemed" against the [[AveMachina Omnissiah]] by taking the [[http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ordinatus Ordinatus]] [[{{BFG}} Armageddon]] (giant overpowered cannon of "[[WaveMotionGun Fuck Everything In That General Direction]]") out of its resting spot without using the proper rites, encounters a bunch of Imperial Titans exiting the titular city of Helsreach, which he was bringing it to in order to aid the defenders. Being devout followers of the Machine God they're ''furious'' with him and as we cut away from the scene, [[WeAreStrugglingTogether they prepare to destroy him for his blasphemy]]...cue GilliganCut and the Titans escorting Jenisas into the city they'd just left.
** Before the battle of Helsreach proper, Grimaldus' first action is to go through list upon list of all the logistical preparations and the resulting bureaucratic squabbling that has to be taken into consideration for the upcoming battle and siege. It takes over a week to go through it all, with two whole days taken up just by [[WeHaveReserves listing every one of the millions of Imperial Guard soldiers on duty]]. By the end of it all, the tough-as-nails veteran Astartes sounds like he's about to break from frustration due to the inanity and tedium.

* In ''Mortarion's Heart'': There's something funny about the way Mortarion gets exasperated by his own [[{{TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard}} titles]], before he "fights" Kaldor. And again a second time he shuts Kaldor Draigo up for referring to his new titles, as the newly promoted 'Supreme Grand Master'.
* ''The Siege Of Castellax''
** A first hand account of [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy an Ork's poor aiming]]. The Ork misses every shot, then throws his gun and a ''boot'' when he runs out of ammo. Both of which miss of course.
** It takes a second for an Ork whose been shot in the head to realize it. Pausing to notice he should be dead and hitting the ground.
** Earlier in the book as Uzraal, Rhodaan and a bunch of human auxiliaries/slaves are on their way to the warzone. The former starts giving the later [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech an Iron Warrior equivalent of a "peptalk"]] (i.e. calling them all maggots and ask why he shouldn't boot them from the ship right now) or rather would have if he actually got to finish the speech. [[PercussivePrevention Rhodaan punches him]] before he has the chance and orders him to focus on the upcoming fight.
*** Gets a CallBack a few pages later when said fight arrives. The after mentioned slaves tries to run for cover and [[ThrownFromTheZeppelin Uzraal in a fit of rage does throw one of them off the ship]]. This earns him an angry glance from Rhodaan and he tries too brush it off by claiming it was an accident and he simply threw the guy with [[{{Understatement}} "A bit too much force".]]
** Following a raid on a fuel depot, squad Kyrith finds themselves in desperate need of extraction and Rhodaan hatches an in theory clever plan: Steal an orc aircraft. There is just one little hurdle.

** Rhodann did come to regret said plan though when he actually got into the aircraft (with Gomorie having drawn the short straw). To put it simply: the Emperor might have declared that his Space Marines [[BadassBoast "shall know no fear!"]], but he was most likely never a passenger on an orc aircraft where [[DrivesLikeCrazy the original pilot had deliberately disabled the breaks!]]

* When Naaman cuts off an Ork's arm in ''The Purging of Kadillus'', the Ork [[DelayedReaction fails to notice until it tries to punch him with the missing arm]], at which point it stops to stare incredulously at its bloody stump.
* The TeethClenchedTeamwork between Azrael and Kaldor Draigo in ''Pandorax'' as neither can stand the other (Azrael even refuses to refer to the "Supreme Grand Master" by his full title, something which annoys Draigo to no end). It says something that the most stable alliance in the book is between [[BigBad Abaddon]] and [[TheStarscream Huron Blackheart.]]

-->"Be attentive for anything that looks like a pilot," Rhodaan said. "Whoever finds one [[AlienLunch better have a strong omophagea]]."[[note]]Astartes can [[EatBrainForMemories absorb knowledge by eating the brain of an opponent.]] The process is said to be weird and unpleasant under normal circumstances and doing it with aliens is often straight up revolting[[/note]]\\

** Made even funnier in the short story Blood and Fire, where Andrej shows up alive again, after Grimaldus has already carved his name into a massive memorial to the dead of the battle of Mannheim Gap. He demands Grimaldus cross his name out, and also that he tell the Munitorum he isn't dead so he can collect his wages again. Grimaldus's protege Cyranic finds the whole thing hilarious.

* ''Rynn's World'': Captain Cortez' deadpan response to an Apothecary's urgings to have him sit down for medical treatment: ''"I haven't 'lost' an arm, brother. It's right over there."''

* The TeethClenchedTeamwork between Azrael and Kaldor Draigo in ''Pandorax'' as neither can stand the other (Azrael even refuses to refer to the "Supreme Grand Master" by his full title, something which annoys of Draigo to no end). It says something that the most stable alliance in the book is between [[BigBad Abaddon]] and [[TheStarscream Huron Blackheart.]]

*** Gets a CallBack a few pages later when said fight arrives. The after mentioned slaves tries to run for cover and [[ThrownFromTheZeppelin Uzraal in a fit of rage does throw one of them off the ship. This earns him an angry glance from Rhodaan and he tries too brush it off by claiming it was an accident and he simply threw the guy with [[{{Understatement}} "A bit too much force".]]

*** Made even funnier in the short story Blood and Fire, where Andrej shows up alive again, after Grimaldus has already carved his name into a massive memorial to the dead of the battle of Mannheim Gap. He demands Grimaldus cross his name out, and also that he tell the Munitorum he isn't dead so he can collect his wages again. Grimaldus's protege Cyranic finds the whole thing hilarious.

*** Even earlier, when Andrej was given command of a squad of dockworkers who were handed weapons and pressed into an impromptu militia unit. The men ask Andrej if he'd do something like give a speech.

* All of Givenar and Antinas' banter in ''Malodrax'', LikeAnOldMarriedCouple.
* There's something funny about the way Mortarion gets exasperated by his own [[{{TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard}} titles]], before he "fights" Kaldor. And again a second time he shuts Kaldor Draigo up for referring to his new titles, as the newly promoted 'Supreme Grand Master'.
* A first hand account of [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy an Ork's poor aiming]]. The Ork misses every shot, then throws his gun and a ''boot'' when he runs out of ammo. Both of which miss of course.
* It takes a second for an Ork whose been shot in the head to realize it. Pausing to notice he should be dead and hitting the ground.

** Jenisas, having "blasphemed" against the [[AveMachina Omnissiah]] by taking the [[http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ordinatus Ordinatus]] [[BFG Armageddon]] (giant overpowered cannon of "Fuck Everything In That General Direction") out of its resting spot without using the proper rites, encounters a bunch of Imperial Titans exiting the titular city of Helsreach, which he was bringing it to in order to aid the defenders. Being devout followers of the Machine God they're ''furious'' with him and as we cut away from the scene, [[WeAreStrugglingTogether they prepare to destroy him for his blasphemy]]...cue GilliganCut and the Titans escorting Jenisas into the city they'd just left.

** Andrej, BornLucky stormtrooper and walking, talking, CrowningMomentOfFunny. When about to be faced with an Ork mob, he invites his squadmates to his marriage. When asked who's his would-be wife, he says she's easy to recognize, as she's the "most beautiful woman. You can't miss her!". And at the end, when chatting with Grimaldus...

* Following a murderous duel with an Ork giant, Kantor wants Cortez to quit the fight and recuperate. Cortez refuses, and following exchange occurs:

'''Cortez''': I didn't lose my hand. It's right there! [points at the ripped-off hand on the ground besides him]
* The Ork warlord in ''Rynn's World'' continues to broadcast his messages of triumph and terrorize the populace... but fails to realize that his intended audience doesn't speak Orkish.
* Andrej, a BornLucky stormtrooper in ''Helsreach''. When about to be faces with an Ork mob, he invites his squadmates to his marriage. When asked who's his would-be wife, he says she's easy to recognize, as she's the "most beautiful woman. You can't miss her!". And at the end, when chatting with Grimaldus...

** Made even funnier in the short story Blood and Fire, where Andrej shows up alive again, after Grimaldus has already carved his name into a massive memorial to the dead of the battle of Mannheim Gap. He demands Grimaldus cross his name out, and also that he tell the Munitorum he isn't dead so he can collect his wages again. Grimaldus's protege Cyranic finds the whole thing hilarious.

* Grimaldus is so socially inept, it can be idiotically funny at times, such as his LiteralMinded attitude to the above comment of Andrej's, or taking seriously his vow to tell the man's commander about a rescue he had performed so that the man could impress his girlfriend.
* After Grimaldus gives a RousingSpeech at the start of Helsreach, people keep on asking him to give them another one. He always refuses.
* Jenisas, having "blasphemed" by taking a giant overpowered cannon out of its resting spot, encounters a bunch of Titans to whom the cannon is sacred. They're furious with him and as we cut away from the scene, they prepare to destroy him for his blasphemy... cue GilliganCut and the Titans are escorting Jenisas into the city that's his destination.
* All of Givenar and Antinas' banter in ''Malodrax''. Like an old married couple.
* Lysander pondering his part in the theatre play that Shalhadar is putting up. He's especially happy that his character has very few lines, as he's never been a born actor.
* The easy banter between Kodoulos and the rest of the Chapter in ''World Engine'', even as they're dying in droves. Kodoulos would've been the king of their homeworld if he wasn't drafted into Astral Knights, and the rest doesn't let him forget about it.
-->'''Captain''': Good luck, ''prince''.\\
'''Kodoulos''': Thanks, ''peasant''.\\
\\
'''Captain''': The prince lives! Peasants rejoice!

-->'''Captain''': The prince lives! Peasants rejoice!

-->'''Kantor''': For Throne's sake, Alessio, you've lost a hand!