History Funny / SherlockHolmes2009

* "Wear a jacket." "''[[LameComeback You]]'' [[LameComeback wear a jacket]]!"

** And then Holmes tries throwing a punch at Dredger, only to miss, slip and fall on his back.

'''Watson:''' ''The rooms''. When do I complain that you experiment on-on my dog?!\\

* Holmes after Dredger escapes and the fight in the shipyard causes a giant ship under construction to be launched prematurely: "Watson...what ''have'' you done?"

--->'''Holmes:''' That's the Irene I knew.

** "Now we have a firm grasp...of the obvious."

'''Watson:''' Lace -- doilies? ''Holmes'', does your depravity know ''no'' bounds?\\
'''Holmes:''' No.

'''Holmes:''' (''pause'') Not available.\\

'''Holmes:''' Well, I may not have a choice, hm? After all, I may be paying the rent on my own, soon. ''[points his violin bow at Watson]'' Thanks to you.\\

'''Holmes:''' It's not in your face, it's in my hand.\\
'''Watson:''' Then get what's in your hand out of my face.

* A subtle, but still hilarious moment. When Watson asks Holmes if he knows where his rugby ball is, Holmes replies 'no, not a clue' in a tone of voice that indicates he knows exactly where it is and won't be telling, and indeed may have even hidden it himself.

* Holmes and Irene are about to disarm Blackwood's device when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one [[HatDamage hitting Dredger's hat]] before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?"[[note]]This one is a bit weird: in English it's a great {{Pun}} that plays on the double meaning of "miss," but in French Dredger just sounds like he's asking himself if he's missed Holmes' company, making it a sort of [[InvertedTrope inversion]] of the BilingualBonus trope[[/note]], taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."

'''Holmes:''' Yes! As you should. (''Watson stares and scoffs'') This is a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell whether a man is dead or not!

-->'''Dredger:''' (in French) Run, little rabbit, run.\\
'''Holmes:''' (in French) [[KnowWhenToFoldEm With pleasure]]. *takes off*

-->'''Watson:''' (with a "you have got to be kidding me" expression) What was that about saving bullets?

* '''Holmes:''' *to Blackwood in a very conversational tone* My, what a busy afterlife you're having.

'''Watson:''' ''[With furious determination]'' ''No he won't.''

-->'''Holmes:''' There is only one case which intrigues me at present - the curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, and they appear most...''sinister''.\\

'''Holmes:''' ''[seething with sarcasm]'' Is it poisoned? Nanny?!\\
'''Mrs. Hudson:''' There's enough of that in you already.\\

** From the same scene: "He's killed the dog...again."

'''Sherlock Holmes:''' ''[voiceover]'' [[DissonantSerenity This must not register on an emotional level.]] ''[In slow motion]'' [[WeNeedADistraction First, distract target.]] ''[Holmes flicks a handkerchief in front of his opponent's face]'' [[NoSell Then block his blind jab.]] ''[blocks an oncoming blow]'' Counter with cross to left cheek. ''[delivers a cut to that side of the face]'' Discombobulate. ''[claps his hands over his opponent's ears]'' Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. [[NoSell Employ elbow block,]] and body shot. ''[blocks with his elbow and delivers a body blow]'' [[NoSell Block feral left.]] [[SickeningCrunch Weaken right jaw. Now fracture]]. ''[a cross to the jaw fractures the bone]'' Break cracked ribs. Traumatize solar plexus. Dislocate jaw entirely. ''[two more body blows, and a right hook to the jaw hinge]'' Heel kick to diaphragm. ''[a heel kick to the opponent's chest sends him crashing out of the ring]'' [[AfterActionReport In summary:]] [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months.]] [[DisproportionateRetribution Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized.]] ''[Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then proceeds to do all of the foregoing in approximately six seconds, and kicks [=McMurdo=] out of the ring, before calmly walking away. A StunnedSilence falls on the crowd]''\\

-->'''Holmes:''' That's the Irene I knew.

-->'''Holmes:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor Doilies.]]\\

-->''[in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]''\\
'''Sherlock Holmes:''' That's it, big man. You've won, congratulations.\\
'''[=McMurdo=]:''' Oi, we ain't done yet! ''( [=McMurdo=] spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]''\\

'''Watson:''' *stammering with rage* '''''The dog!'''''\\

---> '''Holmes:''' (''points to Dredger'') Meat... (''points to the two other henchmen'') or potatoes?\\

** One of the two henchmen died simply by having Dredger thrown on top of him.

* Holmes and Irene are about to disarm Blackwood's device when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one hitting Dredger's hat before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?"[[note]]This one is a bit weird: in English it's a great {{Pun}} that plays on the double meaning of "miss," but in French Dredger just sounds like he's asking himself if he's missed Holmes' company, making it a sort of [[InvertedTrope inversion]] of the BilingualBonus trope[[/note]], taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."

* The scene in the slaughterhouse, where Holmes tells Watson to save his ammunition, then flips out and empties his gun in the direction of Blackwood's voice about two seconds later.

* [[spoiler:When Lord Coward is trying to find Holmes in the smoke, [[BondVillainStupidity talking about Blackwood's plans,]] and it turns out that Holmes has been sitting in a chair behind him, casually smoking his pipe.]]
* At the end, when Watson and Mary climb up the stairs and into Holmes' room to discover [[spoiler:him hanging from the ceiling from a noose. Mary has the decency to look shocked, but Watson simply drones, "Don't worry, dear. Suicide is not in his repertoire. He's far too fond of himself for that," then proceeds to poke him, whereupon it is revealed that Holmes got comfy enough in his harness to fall asleep]].

* Holmes and Irene are about to disarm [[spoiler:Blackwood's device]] when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one hitting Dredger's hat before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?"[[note]]This one is a bit weird: in English it's a great {{Pun}} that plays on the double meaning of "miss," but in French Dredger just sounds like he's asking himself if he's missed Holmes' company, making it a sort of [[InvertedTrope inversion]] of the BilingualBonus trope[[/note]], taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."

* The scene in the slaughterhouse, where Holmes tells Watson to save his ammunition, then flips out and empties his gun in the direction of [[spoiler:Blackwood's voice]] about two seconds later.

* During the fight scene near the end, when Holmes has a bit of trouble fighting a {{Mook}}, he shouts at Irene: "WOMAN! SHOOT HIM! NOW, PLEASE!"
** Oh, and he calls Irene "WOMAN!" again after she [[spoiler:makes off with a piece of Blackwood's device]].

'''Watson:''' No! Not you! Mary and I! You are not --\\

-->'''Watson:''' Holmes, what are you doing?\\

--> '''Holmes:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor Doilies.]]\\

-->'''Sir Thomas:''' Mr. Holmes, apologies for summoning you like this. I'm sure it's quite a mystery as to where you are, and who I am …
-->'''Holmes:''' [[SherlockScan As to where I am,]] I was, admittedly, lost for a moment, between Charing Cross and Holborn, but I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill. The only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves – a Brittany sage. After that, the carriage forked left, then right, and then the tell-tale bump at the Fleet Conduit. And as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience. The letters on your desk were addressed to a Sir Thomas Rotherham. Lord Chief Justice, that would be the official title. Who you really are is, of course, another matter entirely. Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the secret head of the Temple of the Four Orders in whose headquarters we now sit, located on the northwest corner of St. James Square, I think. As to the mystery, the only mystery is ''why'' you bothered to blindfold me at all.
-->'''Sir Thomas:''' Yes, well … standard procedure, I suppose.

-->'''Watson:''' Holmes, what is that?
-->'''Holmes:''' ''[subtitled French]'' I don't know.

--> '''Holmes:''' I see. At what stage of the process? Contemplative?

--> '''Watson:''' When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you ''steal my clothes''?!\\
'''Holmes:''' Er, we have a ''[[InsistentTerminology barter system]]''\\
'''Watson:''' When do I complain about you setting ''fire'' to my rooms?!\\
'''Holmes:''' ''Our'' rooms.\\
'''Watson:''' ''The rooms''. When do I complain that you experiment on-on my dog?!\\
'''Holmes:''' ''Our'' dog.\\
'''Watson:''' *stammering with rage* '''''The dog!'''''\\
'''Holmes:''' Gladstone is ''our'' dog.

---> '''Watson:''' Not that it's any of my business, but I would advise you to leave. The case. Alone.\\

--> '''Watson:''' (with a "you have got to be kidding me" expression) What was that about saving bullets?

* When Clarkie comes by to get Holmes, Holmes asks, "What's Lestrade done now? Lose his way to Scotland Yard?"

-->'''John Watson''': Look at you. Why is the only woman you've ever cared about a world class criminal? Are you a masochist?
-->'''Sherlock Holmes''': Allow me to explain.
-->'''John Watson''': Allow me. She's the only adversary who ever outsmarted you … twice. Made a proper idiot out of you.
--> '''Sherlock Holmes''': Right, you've had your fun.
-->'''John Watson''': What's she after, anyway?
--> '''Sherlock Holmes''': It's time to press on.
-->'''John Watson''': What could she possibly need?
-->'''Sherlock Holmes''': ''[sighs]'' Doesn't matter.
-->'''John Watson''': Alibi? A beard. A human canoe. She could sit on your back and paddle you up the Thames.

-->'''John Watson:''' Holmes, what are you doing?
-->'''Sherlock Holmes:''' Nothing.
-->'''John Watson:''' Are you wearing a …
-->'''Sherlock Holmes:''' … false nose? [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial No.]]

-->'''Sherlock Holmes:''' That's the Irene I knew.

-->'''Sherlock Holmes:''' [[SherlockScan As to where I am,]] I was, admittedly, lost for a moment, between Charing Cross and Holborn, but I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill. The only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves – a Brittany sage. After that, the carriage forked left, then right, and then the tell-tale bump at the Fleet Conduit. And as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience. The letters on your desk were addressed to a Sir Thomas Rotherham. Lord Chief Justice, that would be the official title. Who you really are is, of course, another matter entirely. Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the secret head of the Temple of the Four Orders in whose headquarters we now sit, located on the northwest corner of St. James Square, I think. As to the mystery, the only mystery is ''why'' you bothered to blindfold me at all.

-->'''Holmes''': There is only one case which intrigues me at present - the curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, and they appear most...''sinister''.\\
'''Mrs. Hudson''': ''[long-suffering]'' Tea, Mr. Holmes?\\
'''Holmes''': ''[seething with sarcasm]'' Is it poisoned? Nanny?!\\
'''Mrs. Hudson''': There's enough of that in you already.\\
'''Holmes''': Don't touch! Everything is in its proper place, as per usual... ''Nnnnnanny''.

--->'''Watson''': Holmes, as your doctor…\\
'''Holmes''': [Gladstone]'ll be fit as a trivet in no time.\\
'''Watson''': '''''AS YOUR FRIEND!''''' You've been in this room for two weeks; I insist, you have to get out!\\
'''Holmes''': There's nothing of interest [[PunctuatedForEmphasis for me. Out there. On Earth. At all.]]\\
'''Watson''': So you're free this evening?\\
'''Holmes''': Absolutely.\\
'''Watson''': Dinner?\\
'''Holmes''': Wonderful.\\
'''Watson''': The Royale?\\
'''Holmes''': My favourite.\\
'''Watson''': Mary's coming.\\
'''Holmes''': (''pause'') Not available.\\
'''Watson''': You're meeting her, Holmes!

-->'''Watson''': Holmes, what is that?
-->'''Holmes''': ''[subtitled French]'' I don't know.

--> '''Holmes''': I see. At what stage of the process? Contemplative?

--> '''Watson''': When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you ''steal my clothes''?!\\
'''Holmes''': Er, we have a ''[[InsistentTerminology barter system]]''\\
'''Watson''': When do I complain about you setting ''fire'' to my rooms?!\\
'''Holmes''': ''Our'' rooms.\\
'''Watson''': ''The rooms''. When do I complain that you experiment on-on my dog?!\\
'''Holmes''': ''Our'' dog.\\
'''Watson''': *stammering with rage* '''''The dog!'''''\\
'''Holmes''': Gladstone is ''our'' dog.

'''Watson:''' ''You're not human!''

---> '''Watson''': Not that it's any of my business, but I would advise you to leave. The case. Alone.\\
'''Holmes''': Well, I may not have a choice, hm? After all, I may be paying the rent on my own, soon. ''[points his violin bow at Watson]'' Thanks to you.\\
'''Watson''': Get that out of my face.\\
'''Holmes''': It's not in your face, it's in my hand.\\
'''Watson''': Then get what's in your hand out of my face.

---> '''Holmes''': (''points to Dredger'') Meat... (''points to the two other henchmen'') or potatoes?\\
'''Watson''': My ten minutes are up.

* Holmes and Irene are about to disarm [[spoiler:Blackwood's device]] when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one hitting Dredger's hat before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?"[[note]]This one is a bit weird: in English it's a great {{Pun}} that plays on the double meaning of "miss", but in French Dredger just sounds like he's asking himself if he's missed Holmes' company, making it a sort of [[InvertedTrope inversion]] of the BilingualBonus trope[[/note]], taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."

--->'''Watson''': You're not taking this seriously, are you, Holmes?!\\
'''Holmes''': Yes! As you should. (''Watson stares and scoffs'') This is a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell whether a man is dead or not!

* Clarkie trolling Sherlock on the way to Sir Thomas's manor. Especially the way Sherlock's always snarking the police; it's good to see that some have the wit to get one up on Sherlock.

** Gets funnier via FridgeBrilliance...there's only one meal served, indicating that Holmes expected that the encounter would end with him offending Watson and/or Mary, causing them both to walk out.

** Immediately before that, Holmes had been knocked out cold for a bit, so when the ship slid into the bay, he then came to and looked around quizzically as if to say "Um... I distinctly recall there being a large ship under construction here not a moment ago..."

* Holmes and Watson are investigating Luke Reardon's house after Watson agreed to help for just ten minutes when two of Blackwood's henchmen come in, about to set fire to the place. Holmes correctly deduces what the Mooks are there to do. One of the henchmen calls for Dredger. Cue heavy footsteps approaching. Then we cut to a shot of Holmes and Watson watching as Dredger enters the room. Seeing [[GiantMook Dredger]], Holmes' expression stays pretty much the same; Watson, [[OhCrap on the other hand]]...

---> '''Holmes''': (''points to Dredger'') Meat... (''points to the two other henchmen'') ...or potatoes?\\

** After using it to knock down Dredger, Sherlock frantically cranks up the electrode's charger, hastily snatches it up in preparation for Dredger's attack...then he has to wait a couple of minutes while Dredger stumbles out of the basement he got knocked into.

** After using it to knock down Dredger, Sherlock frantically cranks up the electrode's charger, then hastily snatches it up in preparation for Dredger's attack...then he has to wait while Dredger stumbles out of the basement he go knocked into.

* When Holmes sees Blackwood's cell covered in pentagrams and remarks [[DeadpanSnarker "Love what you've done with the place."]]

* When Holmes see Blackwood's cell covered in pentagrams and remarks [[DeadpanSnarker "Love what you've done with the place."]]

* Holmes having wine splashed into his face as [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6TGERgrXmA he incorrectly analyzes]] Mary's last relationship and remaining completely motionless in blank shock for about a minute afterward. ''And then nonchalantly resuming his meal when Mary and Watson depart''.

** At the end of it all, Holmes rams the carriage of Irene's mystery employer while disguised as a hobo with an eyepatch, soot-stained teeth (by chewing a piece of coal) and disheveled clothing.

'''Onlooker:''' Where did ''that'' come from?! ''[Everyone looks at their bets and realize that they've lost their money]''

'''Holmes''': Urm, we have a ''[[InsistentTerminology barter system]]''...\\

** The same scene, later, when Holmes suggests that they go away to his brother Mycroft's estate...making it clear that he means he and Watson.

** When the fight begins, the two henchmen immediately charge at Watson, while Dredger calmly walks in, taking off his hat and coat and then rolling up his sleeves as he goes.