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* The entirety of the ''Paper & I'' short shown at the ''House on Haunted Hill'' live riff. The guys turn a harmless short about paper production into a story of a young boy's descent into madness at the hand of his paper bag.
-->''"We'll blot out the moon, Billy! We'll be '''GODS!'''"''
-->''"We'll blot out the moon, Billy! We'll be '''GODS!'''"''
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Changed line(s) 78 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Kevin''': But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean about to enter him...]]\\
to:
-->'''Kevin''': But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean about to enter headed into him...]]\\
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Changed line(s) 31 (click to see context) from:
* "Jesus, kid! You were outside for five minutes! How'd you get so dirty?!"
to:
* "Jesus, kid! "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for for, like, five minutes! How'd you get so dirty?!"minutes!"
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* "Jesus, kid! You were outside for five minutes! How'd you get so dirty?!"
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Seriously, that was the only example from The Room?
Changed line(s) 258 (click to see context) from:
to:
* Their various interpretations of what the English-challenged Johnny is saying.
--> Johnny: Hello Michelle, I hert (heard) you.
--> Bill: I hurt you by showing you my face.
* Johnny: Cheep cheep cheep cheeeep! Kevin: [[ArrestedDevelopment Ko-ka-ko ko-ka-ko!]]
* This bit during one of the MANY unneeded scenes.
--> Bill: We have fully descended into madness gentlemen and we're not even at the one hour mark.
--> Kevin: [[GoMadFromTheRevelation I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!]]
--> Mike: Really? Cheep cheep cheep Chicken Kevin.
--> Johnny: Hello Michelle, I hert (heard) you.
--> Bill: I hurt you by showing you my face.
* Johnny: Cheep cheep cheep cheeeep! Kevin: [[ArrestedDevelopment Ko-ka-ko ko-ka-ko!]]
* This bit during one of the MANY unneeded scenes.
--> Bill: We have fully descended into madness gentlemen and we're not even at the one hour mark.
--> Kevin: [[GoMadFromTheRevelation I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!]]
--> Mike: Really? Cheep cheep cheep Chicken Kevin.
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** Doubles as a ShoutOut to The Critic's review of BatmanAndRobin.
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Changed line(s) 884 (click to see context) from:
to:
* The endless round of applause that closes the film is taken to its logical conclusion: [[{{InferredHolocaust}} the whole hall has been cursed to applaud for eternity, or at least until their deaths.]]
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Changed line(s) 835 (click to see context) from:
to:
* When [=McGonagall=] turns from cat to human in the classroom:
--> '''Mike:''' ''Mrowr''ning, class!
--> '''Mike:''' ''Mrowr''ning, class!
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* "Tommy Lee Jones ''IS'' Billy Dee Williams ''IN'' the role Aaron Eckhardt made famous!"
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Changed line(s) 76 (click to see context) from:
* "Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean about to enter him...]]
to:
-->'''Kevin''': But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean about to enter him...
''(The spear clips his face, making him bleed, and sticking in the back of his throne)''\\
'''Bill''': ''(as Xerxes covers his face)'' How tacky!
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Changed line(s) 485 (click to see context) from:
* "We melt down ''{{Terminator}}s to make our mirrors.
to:
* "We melt down ''{{Terminator}}s {{Terminator}}s to make our mirrors.
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* When Mr. Anderson is being admonished by his boss:
-->'''Boss''': You have a problem with authority--\\
'''Bill''': [[HypocriticalHumor No I don't! Go to hell]]!
* When he's fleeing the Agents for the first time:
-->'''Mr. Anderson''': This is insane...!\\
'''Kevin''': No no, [[{{Sequelitis}} the next two movies are insane]]; this one was somewhat rational.
* When Mr. Anderson gets his mouth sealed shut:
-->'''Mike''': Amazing it doesn't [[DullSurprise impair his acting talent]].\\
'''Bill''': Oh, no! I have more to shave!
* "We melt down ''{{Terminator}}s to make our mirrors.
-->'''Boss''': You have a problem with authority--\\
'''Bill''': [[HypocriticalHumor No I don't! Go to hell]]!
* When he's fleeing the Agents for the first time:
-->'''Mr. Anderson''': This is insane...!\\
'''Kevin''': No no, [[{{Sequelitis}} the next two movies are insane]]; this one was somewhat rational.
* When Mr. Anderson gets his mouth sealed shut:
-->'''Mike''': Amazing it doesn't [[DullSurprise impair his acting talent]].\\
'''Bill''': Oh, no! I have more to shave!
* "We melt down ''{{Terminator}}s to make our mirrors.
-->'''Morpheus''': How did I beat you?
-->'''Kevin''': Quite soundly, thank you.
-->'''Kevin''': Quite soundly, thank you.
Changed line(s) 480 (click to see context) from:
to:
* Trying to discuss what TheMatrix is...
-->'''Mike''': Okay, okay, so let me see if I understand The Matrix now...\\
'''Kevin''': Okay, give it a try.\\
'''Mike''': Uh...we all started shaved, and punctured, and immersed in pods full of KY...\\
'''Kevin''': Right.\\
'''Mike''': And we live in [[CrapsackWorld a bland, unsatisfying]] [[LotusEaterMachine dream world]]...[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking that's Linux-based]]...\\
'''Kevin''': Uh-huh...\\
'''Mike''': And [[LaurenceFishburne Larry Fishburne]] [[MushroomSamba offers us drugs]] and rids our body of shrimp...\\
'''Kevin''': Right.\\
'''Mike''': And we pull the tendril timer out of our skull, put on greasy clothes, and head right back into the dream world!\\
'''Kevin''': I think you got it!\\
'''Mike''': Hey~! I know "What is The Matrix?"!\\
'''Kevin''': ''That's'' TheMatrix!
* "Okay, so weaponry, travel, computers, they're still super-advanced...but [[TechMarchesOn pornography, of all things, is still stuck in]] TheFifties?
-->'''Mike''': Okay, okay, so let me see if I understand The Matrix now...\\
'''Kevin''': Okay, give it a try.\\
'''Mike''': Uh...we all started shaved, and punctured, and immersed in pods full of KY...\\
'''Kevin''': Right.\\
'''Mike''': And we live in [[CrapsackWorld a bland, unsatisfying]] [[LotusEaterMachine dream world]]...[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking that's Linux-based]]...\\
'''Kevin''': Uh-huh...\\
'''Mike''': And [[LaurenceFishburne Larry Fishburne]] [[MushroomSamba offers us drugs]] and rids our body of shrimp...\\
'''Kevin''': Right.\\
'''Mike''': And we pull the tendril timer out of our skull, put on greasy clothes, and head right back into the dream world!\\
'''Kevin''': I think you got it!\\
'''Mike''': Hey~! I know "What is The Matrix?"!\\
'''Kevin''': ''That's'' TheMatrix!
* "Okay, so weaponry, travel, computers, they're still super-advanced...but [[TechMarchesOn pornography, of all things, is still stuck in]] TheFifties?
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-->'''Kevin:''' (mimicking a typical dudey pizza delivery guy) You want what on your pizza?
to:
-->'''Kevin:''' (mimicking ''(mimicking a typical dudey pizza delivery guy) guy)'' You want what on your pizza?
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** '''ENGLISH GUY!'''
Changed line(s) 467,468 (click to see context) from:
** '''Bill:''' HEROIN! I mean HELP!
** '''Mike:''' I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
** '''Mike:''' I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
to:
** '''Kevin:''' I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Changed line(s) 471 (click to see context) from:
to:
* KeanuReeves monologue. Nuff said.
-->'''Trinity:''' (on the phone) I'm in.
-->'''Kevin:''' (mimicking a typical dudey pizza delivery guy) You want what on your pizza?
-->'''Kevin:''' (mimicking a typical dudey pizza delivery guy) You want what on your pizza?
Changed line(s) 528 (click to see context) from:
* "LaurenceFishburne [[IncrediblyCleverPun fires his agent]]!"
to:
* "LaurenceFishburne [[IncrediblyCleverPun fires his agent]]!"agent!"
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* (Random black man jumps towards to screen) HI MOM!
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Changed line(s) 102 (click to see context) from:
* During the [[spoiler:climatic scene where Vesper drowns]]:
to:
* During the [[spoiler:climatic [[spoiler:climactic scene where Vesper drowns]]:
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Changed line(s) 1035,1036 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Bill:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
to:
--> '''Bill:''' '''Kevin:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
* A boy does some ballet:
--> '''Kevin:''' [[{{Fame}} SHAME!]] I wanna look like a douche bag!
* A boy does some ballet:
--> '''Kevin:''' [[{{Fame}} SHAME!]] I wanna look like a douche bag!
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--> "Yes, I actually do find myself drifting to thoughts of Socrates...IN that I want to drink hemlock and die."
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to:
* Harry opening the snake door with Parseltongue:
--> '''Mike:''' For God--you just said "Door the open!" Your snake is terrible!
--> '''Kevin:''' You know, we had a screen door just like this at our cabin, my mom must have told me a hundred times, "Don't slam the ''(makes Parseltongue sounds)''!"
--> '''Mike:''' For God--you just said "Door the open!" Your snake is terrible!
--> '''Kevin:''' You know, we had a screen door just like this at our cabin, my mom must have told me a hundred times, "Don't slam the ''(makes Parseltongue sounds)''!"
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Changed line(s) 114 (click to see context) from:
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* (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):
--> '''Mike:''' We interrupt your movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift.
--> '''Mike:''' We interrupt your movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift.
Changed line(s) 219 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Aragon''': I know what hunts you.\\
to:
Changed line(s) 223,224 (click to see context) from:
'''Mike''': You dirty little man.\\
to:
'''Mike''': You dirty little man.man.
* Gandalf's arrival:
--> '''Frodo:''' You're late.\\
'''Mike:''' And you're short, but tomorrow I'll wake up and I won't be late anymore.
* Gandalf's arrival:
--> '''Frodo:''' You're late.\\
'''Mike:''' And you're short, but tomorrow I'll wake up and I won't be late anymore.
Changed line(s) 324,326 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike:''' Hello, and welcome t--\\
'''Bill:''' GO TEAM JACOB!\\
'''Mike:''' (disgruntled) WILL you please...?
'''Bill:''' GO TEAM JACOB!\\
'''Mike:''' (disgruntled) WILL you please...?
to:
-->'''Mike:''' Hello, and welcome t--\\
And we're ba--\\
'''Bill:'''GO TEAM JACOB!\\
'''Mike:''' (disgruntled)WILL COULD you please...?
'''Bill:'''
'''Mike:''' (disgruntled)
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to:
* During "Pure Imagination":
--> '''Wonka:''' If you want to view paradise...
--> '''Neil Patrick Harris:''' (finishing the lyric) Go and watch another movie!
--> '''Wonka:''' If you want to view paradise...
--> '''Neil Patrick Harris:''' (finishing the lyric) Go and watch another movie!
* At the auction:
--> '''Poison Ivy:''' Some lucky boy's about to hit the honeypot.
-->'''Bill:''' [[WinnieThePooh Oh bother!]]
--> '''Poison Ivy:''' Some lucky boy's about to hit the honeypot.
-->'''Bill:''' [[WinnieThePooh Oh bother!]]
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* When the title appears at the end, and the trio presumes the movie was filmed backwards, wondering what kind of crazy director would [[{{Memento}} film their movie backwards]]...
to:
* When the title appears at the end, and the trio presumes the movie was filmed backwards, wondering [[ChristopherNolan what kind of crazy director would would]] [[{{Memento}} film their movie backwards]]...
Changed line(s) 676 (click to see context) from:
* "No one's been here before! Permission to boldly go?"
to:
* "No one's been gone here before! Permission to boldly go?"
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* '''Mike:''' [[PinkFloyd WE DON'T NEED NO wizard EDUCATION!]]
* Upon meeting Hagrid:
--> '''Harry:''' Excuse me...
--> '''Bill:''' Could you please kill these terrible people?
* '''Bill:''' [[TrollTwo Gringotts spelled backwards is "Sttognirg"!]]
* The first Quidditch match:
--> '''Kevin:''' On my signal, untether Purgatory!
* Upon meeting Hagrid:
--> '''Harry:''' Excuse me...
--> '''Bill:''' Could you please kill these terrible people?
* '''Bill:''' [[TrollTwo Gringotts spelled backwards is "Sttognirg"!]]
* The first Quidditch match:
--> '''Kevin:''' On my signal, untether Purgatory!
--> '''Kevin:''' ''(falling out the window)'' Tell sausage I love iiiiiit!
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to:
* The truth comes out:
--> '''Hermione:''' ''(pointing at Lupin)'' He's a werewolf! That's why he's missing classes!
--> '''Mike:''' ''(as Lupin)'' Well, I'm a werewolf who smokes a ''lot'' of dope, and ''that's'' why I've been missing classes.
--> '''Hermione:''' ''(pointing at Lupin)'' He's a werewolf! That's why he's missing classes!
--> '''Mike:''' ''(as Lupin)'' Well, I'm a werewolf who smokes a ''lot'' of dope, and ''that's'' why I've been missing classes.
Changed line(s) 878 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike:''' Demon~! I'll just leave 'im on the porch, okay?
to:
Changed line(s) 880 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike:''' ''(growly, demonic voice)'' ''''"COME WITH ME TO HELL!!!"'''
to:
Changed line(s) 884,885 (click to see context) from:
* The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shiah Leboufe is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
to:
* The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shiah Leboufe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
* '''Mike:''' So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is MichaelBay.
* '''Mike:''' So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is MichaelBay.
Changed line(s) 970,971 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Bill''' General Motors would like to remind its many former employees not to think about how much all the product placement cost.
to:
Deleted line(s) 974 (click to see context) :
Deleted line(s) 982 (click to see context) :
Deleted line(s) 985 (click to see context) :
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* Kelsi trips:
--> '''Bill:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
--> '''Bill:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
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Let me fix that...
Changed line(s) 869,870 (click to see context) from:
** "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
** Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
** Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
to:
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Changed line(s) 869 (click to see context) from:
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** "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
** Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
--> Terl: While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME...
--> *the guys start cracking up*
--> Terl: I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
--> Bill: Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh?
** Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
--> Terl: While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME...
--> *the guys start cracking up*
--> Terl: I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
--> Bill: Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh?
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Changed line(s) 1005 (click to see context) from:
!!''{{Film\Alien}}''
to:
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!!''{{Film\Alien}}''
* Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by RandyNewman instead:
--> "I've got a little alien in me."
--> "It's as busy as a little bee."
--> "It's gonna be my dinner guest,"
--> "When it busts out of my chest."
--> "Because I've got a little alien in me."
* Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by RandyNewman instead:
--> "I've got a little alien in me."
--> "It's as busy as a little bee."
--> "It's gonna be my dinner guest,"
--> "When it busts out of my chest."
--> "Because I've got a little alien in me."
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* Their introduction:
--> '''Mike''': Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "[[TheGodfather Godfather's]] Syndrome" and let you down with number ''three'' in the trilogy...
--> '''Bill''': ''{{Terminator}}''!
--> '''Kevin''': ''[[Film/XMen X-Men]]''!
--> '''Bill''': ''{{Shrek}}''!
--> '''Kevin''': ''[[Film/SpiderMan Spider-Man]]''!
--> '''Bill''': ''PiratesOfTheCaribbean''!
--> '''Mike''': ...''TheMatrix'' was there, boldly flaunting convention, ''[[{{Sequelitis}} and sucking in Part Two]]!''
--> '''Mike''': Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "[[TheGodfather Godfather's]] Syndrome" and let you down with number ''three'' in the trilogy...
--> '''Bill''': ''{{Terminator}}''!
--> '''Kevin''': ''[[Film/XMen X-Men]]''!
--> '''Bill''': ''{{Shrek}}''!
--> '''Kevin''': ''[[Film/SpiderMan Spider-Man]]''!
--> '''Bill''': ''PiratesOfTheCaribbean''!
--> '''Mike''': ...''TheMatrix'' was there, boldly flaunting convention, ''[[{{Sequelitis}} and sucking in Part Two]]!''
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* Pretty much every reaction to [[MisterExposition the Architect's]] long-winded [[{{Infodump}} speech]]:
--> '''Kevin''': [[MeaninglessMeaningfulWords Words wordswordswords words…words words words]].
--> '''Mike''': (whenever Neo asks a question) No, don't ask! Oh god, he's gonna go on for like ten minutes…''No, don't encourage him!''
--> '''Bill''': Well good, we're done, can we– (He starts talking again) ''Gah!'' The guy's like a [[PollyWantsAMicrophone parrot in a cracker factory.]]
--> '''Kevin''': That's right, folks, the '''''ACTION FLICK OF THE SUMMER!'''''
--> '''Kevin''': The instruction manual for my snow blower is ''gripping'' compared to this clown!
--> '''Mike''': Oh look, [[ShutUpHannibal bite my nuggets, Colonel Sanders]].
--> '''Kevin''': Look, Jack Perkins, could you sum up, my car's doubled-parked!
--> '''Kevin''': Our priority, the next film will be two solid hours of fighting robots.
--> '''Bill''': ''[[BeyondTheImpossible OH DEAR GOD, get off the screen]]!''
--> '''Kevin''': [[RunningGag Words words wordswordswords words words]].
--> '''Kevin''': [[MeaninglessMeaningfulWords Words wordswordswords words…words words words]].
--> '''Mike''': (whenever Neo asks a question) No, don't ask! Oh god, he's gonna go on for like ten minutes…''No, don't encourage him!''
--> '''Bill''': Well good, we're done, can we– (He starts talking again) ''Gah!'' The guy's like a [[PollyWantsAMicrophone parrot in a cracker factory.]]
--> '''Kevin''': That's right, folks, the '''''ACTION FLICK OF THE SUMMER!'''''
--> '''Kevin''': The instruction manual for my snow blower is ''gripping'' compared to this clown!
--> '''Mike''': Oh look, [[ShutUpHannibal bite my nuggets, Colonel Sanders]].
--> '''Kevin''': Look, Jack Perkins, could you sum up, my car's doubled-parked!
--> '''Kevin''': Our priority, the next film will be two solid hours of fighting robots.
--> '''Bill''': ''[[BeyondTheImpossible OH DEAR GOD, get off the screen]]!''
--> '''Kevin''': [[RunningGag Words words wordswordswords words words]].
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!!''[[{{Film/Transformers}} Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen]]''
-->'''Bill''' General Motors would like to remind its many former employees not to think about how much all the product placement cost.
* On the appearance of [[TheScrappy the twins]].
-->'''Mike''': Oh good; twin mechanical Jar Jars.
-->'''Mudflap''': That hurt, man.
-->'''Skids''': It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kickin'.
-->'''Mike''': I believe that was actually the movie poster tagline for Transformers 2.
-->'''Bill''' General Motors would like to remind its many former employees not to think about how much all the product placement cost.
* On the appearance of [[TheScrappy the twins]].
-->'''Mike''': Oh good; twin mechanical Jar Jars.
-->'''Mudflap''': That hurt, man.
-->'''Skids''': It's supposed to hurt. It's an ass-kickin'.
-->'''Mike''': I believe that was actually the movie poster tagline for Transformers 2.
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Changed line(s) 858 (click to see context) from:
--> "And, provided the thing; can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!"
to:
--> "And, provided the thing; thing can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!"
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Changed line(s) 542 (click to see context) from:
* "I'm Batman!" [[ImSpartacus "I'm Batman!" "I'm Batman!"]] [[MontyPythonsFlyingCircus "I'm Batman, and so's my wife!"]]
to:
* "I'm Batman!" [[ImSpartacus [[IAmSpartacus "I'm Batman!" "I'm Batman!"]] [[MontyPythonsFlyingCircus "I'm Batman, and so's my wife!"]]
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** "The ice-man cometh!" "The audience goeth!"
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--> '''Poison Ivy:''' I am Nature’s arm! Her spirit! *crash* Her will! *crash*
--> '''Bill:''' Her PMS!
--> '''Bill:''' Her PMS!
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Changed line(s) 978 (click to see context) from:
* From Beginning Responsibility-Taking Care of your Own Things"
to:
* From Beginning Responsibility-Taking "Beginning Responsibility--Taking Care of your Own Things"
Changed line(s) 985,986 (click to see context) from:
** The running gag involving the tree constantly referring itself as being "small and of no account", to the point that Mike, Kevin, and Bill keep referencing in the other Xmas shorts that they've riffed.
* From "The Night Before Christmas"
* From "The Night Before Christmas"
to:
** The running gag involving the tree constantly referring itself as being "small and of no account", to the point that Mike, Kevin, and Bill keep referencing it in the other Xmas shorts that they've riffed.
* From "The Night BeforeChristmas"Christmas":
* From "The Night Before
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Changed line(s) 31 (click to see context) from:
* "Uh, I don't like this new 'extreme' image for the Giving Tree--it was fine the way it was."
to:
* "Uh, I don't like this new 'extreme' image for the Giving Tree--it TheGivingTree --it was fine the way it was."
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Changed line(s) 1014,1015 (click to see context) from:
* From ''Shake Hands with Danger'', the final reprise of its theme song:
** "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
** "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
to:
* From ''Shake Hands with Danger'', the Danger'':
** The final reprise of its themesong:
**song: "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
** The final reprise of its theme
**
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Changed line(s) 1014 (click to see context) from:
----
to:
* From ''Shake Hands with Danger'', the final reprise of its theme song:
** "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
----
** "It's the 'Shake Hands with Danger' party mix!"
----
