History Funny / Patton

--> '''Translator:''' The General wants to know if you would join him in a drink to the surrender of Germany!
--> '''Patton:''' My compliments to the General. Please inform him that I do not care to drink with him or any other Russian son of a bitch. *smiling*
--> '''Translator:''' Sir... I-I cannot tell the General that.
--> '''Patton:''' *still smiling* Tell him that. Tell him word for word.
--> '''Translator:''' *Tells the general what Patton told him. The general's smile changes to a disgusted look and he says something in Russian.*
--> '''Translator:''' The General says that he thinks that... *nervous smile* ''you'' are a son of a bitch, too!
--> '''Patton:''' [[[{{Beat}} beat]]] *laughs* Okay, I'll drink to that. [[NotSoDifferent One son of a bitch to another.]]

* Patton, taking command of the disorganized Army after the disaster at Kasserine Pass, literally stumbles across a soldier sleeping in the hallway. "Better get back to sleep, soldier. You're the only son of a bitch in this headquarters who knows what he's trying to do."

* The exchange between Patton, The Russian Translator and The Russian General.

--> '''Translator:''' [[OhCrap O_O]] Sir... I-I cannot tell the General that.

--> *Patton and the Russian General share a drink with their arms inter-locked, each keeping a very close eye on the other.*

-->([[GilliganCut German bombers immediately attack the building.]] The officers take cover under a table.'')

--> '''Bradley:''' [[TakeThat I don't know, but they oughta hang him]].

'''Field Marshal Montgomery''': DAMN!

* During Patton's race across France, two different Army divisions get stuck in a traffic jam. Patton ''himself'' works as the traffic cop to keep his Army moving.
* "Weather's perfect! Cod, get me that chaplain. He stands in good with the Lord and I want to decorate him."

* While under fire in Sicily, General Bradley loses his helmet and is forced to grab a random one, leaving him without rank insignia. Seconds later, he takes cover with a random soldier:
--> '''Soldier:''' What silly son of a bitch is in charge of this operation?
--> '''Bradley:''' [[TakeThat I don't know, but they oughta hang him]].
* Patton is discussing problems with air support with a Royal Air Force officer, who is dismissive of the American's claims of lack of air cover.
--> '''Air Vice Marshal Sir Arthur Coningham:''' I promise you one thing, General. [[TemptingFate You will see no more German planes.]]
-->([[GilliganCut German bombers immediately attack the building.]] The officers take cover under a table.'')
--> '''Patton:''' We were discussing air supremacy, Sir Arthur?
** Also after the planes left.
--> '''Bradley:''' How the devil did you manage to stage that?!
--> '''Patton:''' I don't know...[[NiceJobFixingItVillain but if I could find the sons of bitches flying those planes, I'd give them each a medal!]]

--> '''Bradley:''' [[SelfDeprecation I don't know, but they oughta hang him]].

--> '''Bradley:''' I don't know, but they oughta hang him.

--> '''Translator:''' He wants to know if you would like a drink with him.
--> '''Patton:''' Tell him, I do not wish to drink with him or any Russian son of a bitch.
--> '''Translator:''' [[OhCrap O_O]]
--> '''Patton:''' Go on tell him.
--> '''Translator:''' *Tells the general what Patton told him. The general looks disgusted and says something in Russian.*
--> '''Translator:''' He says "I don't want to drink with no son of a bitch either."
--> '''Patton:''' *laughs along with the general toasting him* [[NotSoDifferent Here's from one son of a bitch to another.]]

** Also after the plans left.

--> '''Air Vice Marshal Sir Arthur Coningham:''' I promise you one thing, General. You will see no more German planes.
-->([[GilliganCut German bombers attack the building.]] The officers take cover under a table.'')

--> '''Bradley:''' I don't know, bought they oughta hang him.

* ''[[GilliganCut German bombers attack the building.]] The officers take cover under a table.''*

* During Patton's race across France, two different Army divisions get stuck in a traffic jam. Patton ''himself'' works as the goddamn traffic cop to keep his Army moving.

--> '''Trnaslator:''' O_O

--> '''Patton:''' *laughs along with the general toasting him* [[NotSoDifferent Here's from one son of a bitch to another.]]

-->'''Steiger:''' "Sorry."

* In Berlin, the German high command are watching captured US army film of Patton landing in Sicily as Capt. Steiger informs them who is who. When Omar Bradley appears onscreen the generals comment that he looks like a "common soldier". Steiger says: "He is most capable yet unpretentious. Unusual for a general." Chief of Staff Col. General Jodl sitting in front of him gives him a look. Steiger: "Sorry."

* In Berlin, a group of high ranking German officers are watching captured US army film of Patton landing in Sicily as Capt. Steiger informs them who is who. When Omar Bradley appears onscreen the generals comment that he looks like a "common soldier". Steiger says: "He is most capable yet unpretentious. Unusual for a general." Chief of Staff Col. General Jodl sitting in front of him gives him a look. Steiger: "Sorry."

* In Berlin, a group of high ranking German officers are watching captured US army film of Patton landing in Sicily as Capt. Steiger informs them who is who. When Omar Bradley appears onscreen the generals comment that he looks like a "common soldier". Steiger says: "He is most capable yet unpretentious. Unusual for a general." Chief of Staff General Jodl sitting in front of him gives him a look. Steiger: "Sorry."

* A group of high ranking German officers are watching captured US army film of Patton landing in Sicily as Capt. Steiger informs them who is who. When Omar Bradley appears onscreen the generals comment that he looks like a "common soldier". Steiger says: "He is most capable yet unpretentious. Unusual for a general." Chief of Staff General Jodl sitting in front of him gives him a look. Steiger: "Sorry."

* A group of German generals are watching captured US army film of Patton landing in Sicily as Capt. Steiger informs them who is who. When Omar Bradley appears onscreen the generals comment that he looks like a "common soldier". Steiger says: "He is most capable yet unpretentious. Unusual for a general." Chief of Staff General Jodl sitting in front of him gives him a look. Steiger: "Sorry."

* "Weather's perfect! Cod, get me that chaplain. He stands in good with the Lord and I want to decorate him."

* During Patton's race across France, two different Army divisions get stuck in a traffic jam. Patton ''himself'' works as the goddamn traffic cop to keep his Army moving.