History Funny / MassEffectHumanRevolution

--> '''Garrus''': ''"[[ShoutOut There's another variation where]] [[DeusExhumanRevolution he rolls his arms]] but that one's just too much and I- [[StuffBlowingUp I don't want to hurt innocent bystanders.]]"''

** Matriarch Aethyta gets a little impromptu help from Jensen in chasing a intruder through her bar's air ducts... which results in Jensen dragging out [[VideoGame/{{Shadowrun}} Jake Armitage]] AKA '''Conrad Verner.'''

** Conrad Verner AKA Jake Armitage explains how he is both the best and the worst Shadowrunner in any universe;
-->'''Jensen''': ''Wait... [[LetMeGetThisStraight give me a moment to process this]]. Are you telling me Conrad LARP'ed his way throughout the Terminus systems and inadvertently created a network for freelance mercenaries?'''

** Garrus showing how Jensen dance. [[spoiler: It's [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y414Q7vVgYU this]] ]]

** Garrus showing how Jensen dance. [[spoiler: It looked just like [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y414Q7vVgYU this]] ]]
--> '''Garrus''': "[[ShoutOut There's another variation where]] [[DeusExhumanRevolution he rolls his arms]] but that one's just too much and I- [[StuffBlowingUp I don't want to hurt innocent bystanders.]]"

* Pallin's CruelAndUnusualPunishment for Garrus shooting up Chorra's Den; A safety course at a pre-school. Full of Asari children. Who proceed to play "toss the Turian" with Garrus.

'''Khel Charr''': ''GAAAH! MY NAME IS KHEL CHARR! I THINK WOMEN ARE AWESOME! I JUST FIX STUFF! I DIDN'T KNOW WREAV WANTED TO KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE! PLEASE DON'T STOMP MEEEEEEEE!''

* Garrus' punishment from Pallin is to go to a school. Full of Asari children. Who proceed to play "toss the Turian" with Garrus.

* Later in Chapter 41, it is demonstrated that the European Union still [[WeHaveWaysOfMakingYouTalk Has Ways of Making You Talk]] in this case, Firefly-eque HumongousMecha-Enhanced Interrogation;

-->"AAAAAAAAAARG YOU FUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!"

-->'''Jensen''': [[TalkToTheFist STOP THAT!]]

* The SeinfeldianConversation at Huang's in Chapter 15. An alien cop, a robocop, and a genetically engineered spy walk into a Japanese restaurant on a giant space station, order fake food, and discuss breasts in a totally non-sexual manner with techno music playing. All as part of a search for a shapeshifting assassin, with cherry blossoms as their only clue. ItMakesSenseInContext.

* Chapter 34: Wrex's horrified reaction when Mjrn starts talking about intimate parts of Roegadyn anatomy.

* Jensen's questioning of an Asari receptionist at the hospital. Said Asari doesn't know the difference between a human male and female.
--> '''Jensen:''' "Did the person have broad shoulders, wide hips, facial hair (beat) ...flat chest?"
* Right after threatening Udina offscreen, Jensen bumps into Joker, Kaiden, and Jenkins and tells them their ambassador has just pissed himself. They all ''run'' (or, in Joker's case, hobble quickly with Jenkin's commandeered assistance) to the airlock to take a look. And then stare.

* The SeinfeldianConversation at Huang's. An alien cop, a robocop, and a genetically engineered spy walk into a Japanese restaurant on a giant space station, order fake food, and discuss breasts in a totally non-sexual manner with techno music playing. All as part of a search for a shapeshifting assassin, with cherry blossoms as their only clue. ItMakesSenseInContext.

* [[MomentKiller Hein's sense of timing.]]

-->'''Jensen''': ''Wait... give me a moment to process this. Are you telling me Conrad LARP'ed his way throughout the Terminus systems and inadvertently created a network for freelance mercenaries?'''

** Chapter 27:

* Chapter 26: Matriarch Aethyta gets a little impromptu help from Jensen in chasing a intruder through her bar's air ducts... which results in Jensen dragging out [[VideoGame/{{Shadowrun}} Jake Armitage]] AKA '''Conrad Verner.'''

** Chapter 27: Hein's sentence, as follows.

* Chapter 28: Conrad Verner AKA Jake Armitage explains how he is both the best and the worst Shadowrunner in any universe;

** Irate [=CAT6=] merc: '''"HE! STABBED! ME! IN! THE! COCK!"''' (BoldInflation author's)

'''Zev''': ''Grimly, we would have said...'' <lowers voice> '''''[[{{Watchmen}} No.]]''' And then? We would have unleashed more orgasms upon them all! Horrible, horrible orgasms! [[EvilLaugh Muahahahahahahaaaah!]]''

* Chapter 27 is the peak of the Illium {{Breather Episode}} after the insanity of Caleston, and IgnusDei pulls out ''all'' the stops to get readers to abandon their DarknessInducedAudienceApathy:

-->'''Jensen''': ''Wait... give me a moment to process this. Are you telling me Conrad LARP'ed his way throughout the Terminus systems and inadvertently created a network for freelance mercenaries?'''

--->'''''DO YOU HEAR ME, [[PluckyComicRelief JAKE ARMITAGE]]?!'''''

--->'''Zev''': ''Our people? We made the terrible mistake of making our robot servants ugly. So naturally, when they starting asking existential questions, we decided to kill them all. But what if we had made the Geth too look like this Brea?'' <sigh> ''The moment they asked "WhatIsThisThingYouCallLove', we would have had SEX with them. Our entire adult population caught up in one massive worldwide orgy! We would still have our world then...''\\

'''Zev''': ''Oh no... I mean, yes!'' <throws up arms dramatically> ''We would have unleashed them upon the turians first, and they would have grovelled at our feet to stop our onslaught!'' <puts hands over lower jaw, mimicking turian mandibles> ''Please, we can't take much more! We beg you, call off your army of robot hookers! Have mercy on us!''\\

'''Zev''': ''Grimly, we would have said...'' <lowers voice> '''''[[{{Watchmen}} No.]]''' And then? We would have unleashed more orgasms upon them all! Horrible, horrible orgasms! Muahahahahahahaaaah!''

** Aaand what better way to end a Breather Episode than with a skilled application of ChandlersLaw, except... In a group filled with badass - a CowboyCop, a FemmeFatale, a MadScientist, two {{Playful Hacker}}s and ''an entire [[TheSquad squad]] of [[SemperFi Marines]]'' - the jerks with guns are ''not'' there hunting ''any'' of the above, but...