History Funny / IronFist2017

--->'''Danny Rand:''' Hey! What can I do for you?\\

-->'''Danny:''' ''[pointing at the building]'' That's my building!\\

'''Danny:''' Okay.\\

-->'''Joy:''' There's another thing. It's so strange.\\
'''Ward:''' What?\\
'''Joy:''' He...He stepped out onto the street. Right in front of a car. But then, he just sorta put his hand out and jumped over it, like it was nothing.\\
'''Ward:''' So? Great. He's an insane homeless acrobat, called "Cirque de Psychopath." ''[[[ActuallyPrettyFunny Joy laughs]]]''

--->'''Colleen:''' I haven't spoken Mandarin since I was a kid.

-->You were like a brother to me! A terrible jackass of a brother, but still!

-->'''Ward:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, maybe we should give him his dad's old office, while we're at it.]]\\
'''Harold:''' [[SarcasmBlind Yeah, great idea]]. Make it happen, Ward.

-->'''Joy:''' ''[to Danny]'' [[HeCleansUpNicely You clean up pretty good.]]\\
'''Ward:''' ''[walking past, without missing a beat]'' ...The tie might be a touch effeminate.[[note]]Danny is wearing a plum colored tie[[/note]]\\
'''Joy:''' I love it.

-->'''Danny:''' ''[reaching for a hug]'' Hey, J-Money!\\
'''Jeri:''' We don't do that.

-->'''Claire:''' My mother says I can't escape meeting people like you.

-->'''Ward:''' Monastery-boy drives an Aston Martin?\\
'''Danny:''' I had the fastest donkey cart in K'un L'un too.

-->'''Claire:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight You're saying I have more experience fighting the Hand than you do?]]\\
'''Danny:''' Well, if you want to get technical about it.

-->'''Danny:''' I am the Iron Fist.\\
'''Claire:''' ''[waves her arms exasperatedly]'' What the hell does that mean?

-->'''Danny:''' That's dishonorable!\\

-->'''Harold:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial I have no idea what an iron fist is.]] Sounds like a sex toy.

-->'''Colleen:''' And I can handle a few stitches. Oops!\\
'''Danny:''' What?\\
'''Colleen:''' ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Danny:''' [[DudeNotFunny Hey, that's not something I want to hear right now]].

-->'''Colleen Wing:''' Madame Gao. Not "Mrs. Gao" or "Linda Gao". Why "Madame"? What, does she run the best little whorehouse in The Hand or something?

-->'''Harold:''' ''[cheerfully]'' Oh, Ward! It's about time! ''[Ward grabs a wastepaper basket so he can retch, only to freeze up when he sees Harold's severed finger in there, leaving him reduced to dry-heaving]'' You okay, son? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint You look a little green]]. Hey, what happened to your hand?\\
'''Ward:''' ''[regards Harold's amputated finger]'' What happened to yours?\\
'''Harold:''' [[CutHimselfShaving Kitchen accident]].

--->'''Ward:''' We never went hunting.\\
'''Harold:''' ''[genuinely surprised]'' Oh. ''[{{Beat}} while Harold thinks]'' Oh, maybe it was your sister.

--->'''Danny:''' ''Yamade wa'' Buddha, please watch me and guide over my descent. This is probably gonna hurt.

-->'''Harold:''' But honestly, Ward, couldn't you have just gotten a mistress? Much simpler.

* Claire easily figures out that Danny and Colleen had sex.
-->'''Claire:''' You don't need to say anything. It's written all over your face. "Danny Rand got some".

-->'''Danny:''' ...that's fair.

-->'''Claire:''' [[SarcasmMode "Hey Claire, how was your trip to China?" "Oh you know... we committed arson and then... got killed by an evil ninja cult. It was great. What did you do this weekend?"]]

--->'''Harold:''' What would you do if you found out you could live forever?\\

'''Harold:''' No, be specific. What would you do?\\

'''Harold:''' Really?\\

'''Harold:''' [[SarcasmMode Amazing...]]\\

'''Harold:''' [[DontExplainTheJoke That wasn't a compliment.]]

-->'''Claire:''' Danny. You okay there?\\
'''Danny:''' ''[weakly]'' Yeah. I'm fine...''[passes out]''

-->'''Danny:''' Ow! That was two!\\

-->'''Claire:''' A friend of mine left it here.\\
'''Danny:''' ''[fingering a bullet hole]'' Is your friend okay?

-->'''Claire:''' How about the Ear? Or the Arm?
* [[spoiler:Davos]] deciding to give pizza a try despite his ingrained contempt for non-K'un Lun food.
-->[[spoiler:'''Davos:''']] ...it's not...it's not horrrible.\\
'''Claire:''' ''That''[='=]s your reaction to Joe's? The best slice in New York?\\

'''Ward:''' What?\\

'''Ward:''' Why?\\

-->'''Colleen:''' Which is why I have to kill [[spoiler:Harold]] for you.\\
'''Claire:''' ''[startles, then stares at Colleen disbelievingly]'' What -- ''Jesus!'' Is there a version of this where we ''don't'' kill someone?!?!

-->'''Colleen:''' Guns. Shit.

-->'''Claire:''' Danny, I hope like hell that you know what you're doing.

* Ward and Danny go to a loft apartment where they've been summoned for some sort of meeting. As they're wondering just who they might be meeting, they are greeted by Joy, who is so blatantly dressed like a woman on a revenge quest that both guys are very stunned.
-->'''Joy Meachum:''' Hello Danny! Hello Ward!\\

'''Danny Rand:''' Yip? Oh, you mean the owner? [[BlatantLies He uh, he went outside to feed his meter.]] I can tell him you came by when he gets back.\\

* Ward tracks down Joy to an auction she's holding. At one point, Davos comes over to tell Joy that Mika's ready for them. So Joy introduces Davos to Ward, and pretty much demands Ward say hi back. Ward says, "Hello, Davos," like he's trying to say "[[Series/{{Seinfeld}} Helllloooo, Newman]]".

** With Ward and Davos meeting in the previous episode, the actors' height difference became very obvious.[[note]]Sacha Dhawan is 5'7", while Tom Pelphrey is 6'2"[[/note]] This one leans into it with a possibly improvised bit where Ward holds out his hand at waist level to make sure he and Danny are talking about the same Davos.

--->'''Ward Meachum:''' "I think the technical term is patricide. Although I'm not sure it applies to the repeatedly undead. Necrocide is more like it."\\

-->'''Danny:''' You already know who you are. Why don't you find out who you could be?\\
'''Ward:''' Uhh, it's irresponsible. You can't just up and leave. You can't run away from yourself.\\
'''Danny:''' Maybe you'd be running towards yourself.\\
'''Ward:''' What does that even mean?\\
'''Danny:''' ''[with a huge shit-eating grin that shows he knows how annoying he's being]'' What does it mean to ''you''?

'''Ward:''' ''[regards Harold's amputated finger]'' What happened to yours?

* Danny and Colleen banter over dinner. Colleen spins a tale about Bakuto's training including her being forced to eat spiders to develop immunity to their venom.
** BB's gang shows up to try shaking Mr. Yip down for money. Colleen and Danny go into the kitchen and try to get them to leave before the Golden Tigers show up, only for the Tigers' enforcers to arrive, forcing Danny to go out and stall them.

** After the thugs break into the dojo and get beaten up by Colleen, their leader insists, "We're hear to help!"

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Episode 1 - Snow Gives Way]]

-->'''Danny:''' ''[pointing at the building]'' That's my building!
-->'''Vendor:''' You should sell it and buy a pair of shoes.

-->'''Joy:''' There's another thing. It's so strange.
-->'''Ward:''' What?
-->'''Joy:''' He...He stepped out onto the street. Right in front of a car. But then, he just sorta put his hand out and jumped over it, like it was nothing.
-->'''Ward:''' So? Great. He's an insane homeless acrobat, called "Cirque de Psychopath." ''[[[ActuallyPrettyFunny Joy laughs]]]''

-->'''Colleen:''' I haven't spoken Mandarin since I was a kid.

[[folder:Episode 2 - Shadow Hawk Takes Flight]]

[[folder:Episode 3 - Rolling Thunder Cannon Punch]]

-->'''Danny Rand:''' I'm staying at the Chikara.
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' Is that in Brooklyn? The new place with the glass floor?
-->'''Danny Rand:''' No, it's a...it's a dojo. Has plastic mats.

-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' Do you have any money for some new clothes? Because this homeless hipster thing isn't working for you.

-->'''Joy Meachum:''' Since the time of our last offer, we have had a change of heart. Due to your client's continuing harassment and threats to me and my brother, we have decided to lower our offer to $20 million, and added a restraining order. ''[slides a dossier across the table to Jeri]''
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' The restraining order is a nice touch...
-->'''Ward Meachum:''' I thought so.
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' ...but since the time of your last offer, we have had a change of heart as well. We are still insisting on the full rights guaranteed as the sole heir of Rand, which includes a controlling 51% [shareholding stake], board seat and compensation. But we are now adding a corner office, support staff, and a housing allowance in the amount of $1 million per year.
-->'''Ward Meachum:''' ''[laughs in disbelief]'' Your sense of humor has always been your best attribute, but come on. You can't even prove he's who he says he is. At best, he's crazy. At worst, he's a conman. ''[to Danny]'' Take the offer, and be thankful that we don't sue you.
-->'''Joy Meachum:''' ''[quietly]'' Ward...
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' I'm glad you mentioned my sense of humor; I thought it was my ass.

-->"You were like a brother to me! A terrible jackass of a brother, but still!"

[[folder:Episode 4 - Eight Diagram Dragon Palm]]

-->'''Joy:''' ''[to Danny]'' [[HeCleansUpNicely You clean up pretty good.]]
-->'''Ward:''' ''[walking past, without missing a beat]'' ...The tie might be a touch effeminate.[[note]]Danny is wearing a plum colored tie[[/note]]
-->'''Joy:''' I love it.

-->'''Danny:''' ''(reaching for a hug)'' Hey, J-Money!
-->'''Jeri:''' We don't do that.

[[folder:Episode 5 - Under Leaf Pluck Lotus]]

[[folder:Episode 6 - Immortal Emerges from Cave]]

'''Claire:''' ''(waves her arms exasperatedly)'' What the hell does that mean?

[[folder:Episode 7 - Felling with Tree Roots]]

'''Colleen:''' ''(chuckles)''\\

-->'''Harold:''' ''[cheerfully]'' Oh, Ward! It's about time! ''[Ward grabs a wastepaper basket so he can retch, only to freeze up when he sees Harold's severed finger in there, leaving him reduced to dry-heaving]'' You okay, son? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint You look a little green]]. Hey, what happened to your hand?
-->'''Ward:''' ''[regards Harold's amputated finger]'' What happened to yours?
-->'''Harold:''' [[CutHimselfShaving Kitchen accident]].

'''Harold:''' ''(genuinely surprised)'' Oh. ''({{Beat}} while Harold thinks)'' Oh, maybe it was your sister.

-->'''Danny:''' ''Yamade wa'' Buddha, please watch me and guide over my descent. This is probably gonna hurt.

[[folder:Episode 8 - The Blessing of Many Fractures]]

-->'''Zhou:''' Care for a taste?

[[folder:Episode 9 - The Mistress of All Agonies]]

'''Danny:''' ''(weakly)'' Yeah. I'm fine...''(passes out)''

[[folder:Episode 11 - Lead Horse Back to Stable]]

'''Danny:''' ''(fingering a bullet hole)'' Is your friend okay?

[[spoiler:'''Davos:''']] ''(looks at the slice and takes another bite)'' It's chewy.

[[folder:Episode 12 - Bar the Big Boss]]

[[spoiler:'''Bakuto:''']] ''(slowly)'' Your phone.\\

[[folder:Episode 13 - Dragon Plays with Fire]]

-->'''Claire Temple:''' Look who I found.
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' Huh. As an officer of the court, I'm obliged to tell you to turn yourself in.
-->'''Danny Rand:''' You really think that's a good idea?
-->'''Jeri Hogarth:''' No, of course not. You're a billionaire facing federal drug charges, you might as well have the words "flight risk" stamped on your forehead. You surrender, and you will end up in a jail cell for 6 to 12 months minimum before this even goes to trial.
-->'''Claire Temple:''' [[ContinuityNod Trust me, our criminal justice system sucks.]]

-->'''Jeri Hogarth''': Let's make a list of things you are never allowed to say again, starting with that.

--> '''Colleen:''' Which is why I have to kill [[spoiler:Harold]] for you.\\
'''Claire:''' ''(startles, then stares at Colleen disbelievingly)'' What -- ''Jesus!'' Is there a version of this where we ''don't'' kill someone?!?!

[[folder:Episode 1 - "The Fury of Iron Fist"]]

-->'''Joy Meachum:''' Hello Danny! Hello Ward!
-->'''Danny Rand:''' Joy. It's been a while.

-->'''Danny Rand:''' Hey! What can I do for you?
-->'''Tiger Enforcer:''' We got a call. Where's Mr. Yip?
-->'''Danny Rand:''' Yip? Oh, you mean the owner? [[BlatantLies He uh, he went outside to feed his meter.]] I can tell him you came by when he gets back.
-->''[The Tigers don't seem too impressed by Danny's lies. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, BB's gang snaps and begins fighting Colleen; the sounds of crashing are heard in the dining area]''
-->'''Tiger Enforcer:''' What was that?
-->'''Danny Rand:''' Okay, it was my girlfriend. She-she went back in there to complain to the chef. Her pork baug, it was too chewy.
-->'''Tiger Enforcer:''' You better move.
-->'''Danny Rand:''' I'm telling you, you don't want to go in there. [[BloodKnight She has a terrible temper.]]

[[folder:Episode 2 - "The City's Not For Burning"]]

[[folder:Episode 3 - "The Deadly Secret"]]

[[folder:Episode 5 - "Heart of the Dragon"]]

[[folder:Episode 7 -- Morning of the Mindstorm]]

[[folder:Episode 9 - "War Without End"]]

-->'''Ward Meachum:''' "I think the technical term is patricide. Although I'm not sure it applies to the repeatedly undead. Necrocide is more like it."\\
'''Mary Walker:''' (impressed) And your sister let me call you a pussy!

[[folder:Episode 10 - "A Duel of Iron"]]

-->'''Danny:''' You already know who you are. Why don't you find out who you could be?
-->'''Ward:''' Uhh, it's irresponsible. You can't just up and leave. You can't run away from yourself.
-->'''Danny:''' Maybe you'd be running towards yourself.
-->'''Ward:''' What does that even mean?
-->'''Danny:''' (with a huge shit-eating grin that shows he knows how annoying he's being) What does it mean to ''you''?

* After interviewing Ward, Jennifer Many is heard on the phone with Mitchell Ellison, telling him "Listen, don't give the front page to Karen. I've got a helluva story for tomorrow." The next day, Ward is in his office reading the ''Bulletin'', and we see that Jennifer's article is buried in the back pages. Just the idea of a fiery Karen Page fighting to keep her stories on the front page like her life depends on it is quite a sight to behold.

* When [[spoiler:Chen Wu]] is bleeding out, Misty tells him that she'll get help: This is immediately followed by Karen firing three shots into his chest, then blankly stating "He wasn't gonna make it."

* Colleen and Misty decide to seek out Ward to help them find Danny. When shaking hands with Misty, Ward compliments her robotic arm and says it's like "a Maserati for fingers".

* Harold's dazed exodus through New York after [[spoiler:he comes back from the dead.]]

* Rhyno's gang come home to find Chen Wu waiting for them -- Davo's grim, black-clad driver with an [[EyepatchofPower eyepatch]] (from when Sherry took out his eye) who proceeds to beat the hell out of the entire gang single-handed. Finally Rhyno pulls a gun, and Davos punches out a doorframe as he makes his entrance.

** And on a meta level, this means Turk actually beat Claire Temple to the punch in appearing in ''every'' MCU Netflix show.

* Ward and Danny's discussion over how to invite Joy and Davos to Danny and Colleen's place for a parlay.
* With Ward and Davos meeting in the previous episode, the actors' height difference became very obvious.[[note]]Sacha Dhawan is 5'7", while Tom Pelphrey is 6'2"[[/note]] This one leans into it with a possibly improvised bit where Ward holds out his hand at waist level to make sure they're talking about the same Davos.

* In the support group, Ward gets to do his signature [[FlippingTheBird double middle fingers]].

'''Walker:''' (impressed) And your sister let me call you a pussy!

-->'''Ward Meachum:''' "I think the technical term is patricide. Although I'm not sure it applies to the repeatedly undead. Necrocide is more like it."//

-->'''Ward Meachum:''' "I think the technical term is patricide. Although I'm not sure it applies to the repeatedly undead. Necrocide is more like it."

** Just the way Joy warns Mika Prada that Davos is very anti-social, doesn't party, doesn't eat meat, and hates small talk. It's borderline BlackComedy seeing Davos put on display like that.

* In the support group, Ward gets another chance to do his signature [[FlippingTheBird double middle fingers]].

-->'''Ward Meachum:''' I'm an asshole boss, I promise.