History Funny / Empowered

*** And Ninjette, hearing this confession, is barely containing her horror: "Oh, that sounds absolutely horrrrrible... how do you deal?"

* Along with CrowningMomentOfAwesome for Major Havok in Vol. 3. After Empowered listened to Major Havok, dWARf and Protean comparing (rudely) the super heroines' and supervillainesses' booty, Empowered got her revenge by supplying the entire base with Doujinshi about them. ''[[YaoiGuys Gay Doujinshi]]''. They were of course outraged and embarrassed. At first. It was when Havok realized it was done by female artists for women that...

* The Caged Demonwolf singing ''"Baby Got Back."'' Also doubles as a [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome CMOA]] for such an impressively long rhyme-scheme:

* Even after all the CharacterDevelopment she's had by Volume 10, Emp's self-esteem is still so crappy that when she goes into an ImagineSpot of telling her past self from 18 months ago about all the great things that are going to happen to her, she immediately starts imagining said past self restraining her, gagging her and delivering a ReasonYouSuckSpeech about how even with the recent improvements in her life she's fallen dismally short of the aspirations she had when she was starting out and that she's gained weight besides. [[note]]Past!Emp does eventually admit that the prospect of getting a hunky boyfriend and just generally feeling more positive about life ''is'' something to look forward to, but still, it's sadly hilarious how Emp ''cannot'' keep from beating herself up.[[/note]]

* Emp gets captured by particularly dumb criminals who put her in ConcreteShoes and are about to throw her into the sea, but to buy time, she claims she's really a man and so is Sistah Spooky, Captain Rivet is a menopausal woman (inside a suit that counteracts heat flashes) and Major Havoc is a cocker spaniel. When the Superhomies rescue her, she has to spell it out for the criminals that she is, in fact, a woman... but doesn't correct them on the rest of the team. It then cuts to Emp lurking in the back while they read tabloid newspapers on themselves.

-->'''Major Havok''': I mean clearly, me, dWARf and Glorpp here... we're a bunch of '''seriously''' compelling and intriguing ass HUNKS OF MANHOOD for these ladies aren' we?... [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Hey if you don't have plenty of]] '''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint HOT FEMALE ARTISTS]]''' [[CompletelyMissingThePoint fantasizing you]] '''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint INTO GAY SCENARIOS]]'''[[CompletelyMissingThePoint ... I say you ain't shit son]].

-->'''Emp:''' ''(close-up on her gorgeous face and plump lips) *sniff*'' I mean, j-just what ''is'' it about my m-''mouth'' that absolutely ''compels'' bad guys to [[InnocentInnuendo stick things in it...?]] ''*hkk*''
-->'''Thugboy:''' <''[[BeatPanel beat]]''> <''[[BeatPanel beat]]''> <''[[OverlyLongGag beat]]''> [[BlatantLies Jeez, uh... I dunno, baby.]]

-->'''Thugboy:''' Now ''[[DoubleEntendre blow]],'' okay?
-->'''Emp:''' *sniff* '''*PHHBBT*'''

* The villain known as "Rum, Sodomy and the Lash". It started out as a team (or, in Emp's words, "a trio of underinformed anglophile doofuses")... Then Rum was slapped with court-mandated rehab after his ''fifth'' DUI charge, [[MistakenForGay Sodomy grew tired of explaining he represented strictly heterosexual sodomy]] and quit, and Lash decided to take on his former companions' names.
** When he explains the above, RSM slips character... And gets pissed when he realizes. Then he notices that, during the battle, he ended up in a fabric store, and throws the fight due [[ItMakesSenseInContext childhood trauma]]. [[CombatPragmatist Emp vows to investigate on how many male supervillains have the same fear]].

*** And Ninjette, hearing this confession, is [[SarcasmMode barely containing her horror]]: "Oh, that sounds absolutely horrrrrible... how do you deal?"

** Another funny thing, fellow Superhomie Heavy Artillery (a muscular man with a gatling gun for a head) offhandedly reveals that he's gay when talking about how doujinshi is mostly made by women for women as it doesnt do a thing for him. Empowered immediatly starts fantasizing about him ''bishounen''-style.

--> For, when a winsome wench does perambulate forth before you besporting not merely a midriff of exceedingly miniscule dimensions, but also flaunting an entity Callipygian of overwhelmingly orbiculate character before your very face, then soon bekindled unto your loins is a raging inferno of direst arousal!

--->'''Mechamamba:''' F**k you, fascist stooge! [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad Her gender is irrelevant to her level of super-privilege in the oppressive kyriarchal power structure,]] [[SophisticatedAsHell dips**t!]]

** Empowered is captured by a pair of Super Villains. Merely dropping the fact that one of them [[EvenEvilHasStandards voted Republican]] destroys their partnership and leads to an all-out firefight.

* When {{Troll}}s edit Capitan Rivet's {{Wikipedia}} page.

-->"I hardly ever had orgasms... rarely by myself, and never with a partner! But n-now? I... I climax at the drop of a hat!"

** The poor supervillains' spooked reactions when Emp [[spoiler: uses all the information her past captors spilled in her presence to kick their asses]]. Especially the FlatWhat from the Brawn-E Boyz and a ''sentient missile'' when Emp [[spoiler:orders the latter to self-destruct]], plus the sheer coincidence that [[spoiler:Cephalopunk's superstitious teammates leave their new lair after Emp convinces them it's haunted... And thus narrowly avoid ''Deathmonger'']].

* Emp's battle with a would-be supervillain who "uses the power of time for evil... sorta". (''[[CallingYourAttacks "Sharp-taloned cuckoo strike!"]]'')

Thought I'd try chloroforming a guy for once, but it just felt really gay. Sorry.\\

* Supervillain Chloroformaster (or "''[[InsistentTerminology The Notorious]]'' Chloroformaster"). [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Specialized in chloroforming superheroes and heroines]]. As a fetish (that's why they call him "Chloroformasturbator"). Who, in the end, is captured by ''[[{{Irony}} Emp]]''. Then there's the time he targeted ''Major Havoc''...

** Sistah Spooky cosplayer: Meeting AlGore, who is President.

** The poor supervillains' spooked reactions when Emp [[spoiler: uses all the information her past captors spilled in her presence to kick their asses]]. Especially the FlatWhat from the Brawn-E Boyz and a ''sentient missile'' when Emp [[spoiler:orders the latter to self-destruct]].

** The poor supervillains' spooked reactions when Emp [[spoiler: uses all the information her past captors spilled in her presence to kick their asses]]. Especially the FlatWhat from the Burn-E Boyz and a ''sentient missile'' when Emp [[spoiler:orders the latter to self-destruct]].

** The superheroes' executive council buys restraintware from ''Advanced Restraint Research''. Apparently, superhero customers represent 60% of their total sales...

* The guys of [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Advanced Restraint Research]]. At first they and their pirate costume torment Emp to shoot some advertising videos... Then she points out she's notoriously easy to capture and that sex doesn't sell with supervillains (aside the fact 13% of them are ''women'', it runs against the Unwritten Rules), and convince them to try with the Superhomeys. HilarityEnsues, both due [[EpicFail their many failures]]... And the one success: ''Sistah Spooky''.

* Supervillain Chloroformaster (or "''[[InsistentTerminology The Notorious]]'' Chloroformaster"). [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Specialized in chloroforming superheroes and heroines]]. As a fetish (that's why they call him "Chloroformasturbator"). Who, in the end, is captured by ''[[Irony Emp]]''. Then there's the time he targeted ''Major Havoc''...