History Funny / Duckman

'''Duckman''': *the lights flicker again* [[UpToEleven Oh right, his accomplice]].

--->'''Cornfed:''' On the bright side, they hit you harder in ''[[Film/ALittlePrincess Little Princess]]''.

* fter Bernice discovers she's been artificially inseminated with Duckman's sperm, Cornfed arrives at the door.

** "Everyone in Coopville's related... [[IncestIsRelative sometimes in two or three ways."]]

** Fluffy and Uranus give Duckman a test on how to respect women in this new PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad society. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

** The implication that Duckman has stolen all the family's belongings from their neighbors, including ''the dog''.

'''Terry''': ...[[TakeOurWordForIt Well, it wasn't pretty]], and all because they didn't have the Interlopen Fuhrer 1500 home security system. ''(turns off the slides, leaving the room pitch black)'' But, hey, I'm not here to scare you. I'm just warning you what can happen when you value $5,999.95 ''(turns the lights back on)'' more than you do the safety of your own children. ''(pinches Ajax's cheek)''

---> '''Judge''': Court is in session! And allow me to introduce some close personal friends - American Cops, American Dicks, American Stenographers, American Court Janitors and our very own slap-happy singleton! *courtroom cheers*

---> '''Bernice''': Duckman, arent you forgetting something?\\

---> '''Duckman''': Letters! Thousands of 'em addressed to a man who would ''never'' commit fraud: Santa!\\

** Duckman realizes his community service is at Malthis High School, which is only half a block from his house.

** Duckman insists on treating his community service like the movie ''DangerousMinds''. In his defense, the school IS a dilapidated slum. Unfortunatly, the class HE'S teaching are all college-bound honor students.

** You have to defeat the owner in an insult contest. Problem is, you have to do it in his language, which Duckman doesn't know and has to make guesses based on random phrases he's learned throughout the game.

'''Fluffy:''' No! When she gives you written permission certified by a Regine approved known republic! Let's move on to the word association part of the test.\\

[[/folder]]

-->'''TV Therapist:''' -is like sex without the costumes.\\

* "The Gripes of Wrath":

* "TV or Not to Be" begins with Duckman flipping channels.
-->'''Coffee Commercial:''' We think it's time you tried Hill O' Beans decaf, because coffee without the caffeine-
-->'''TV Therapist:''' -is like sex without the costumes.
-->'''Cereal Commercial:''' And remember, Happy Tyme pure sucrose breakfast cereal gives you that-
-->'''TV Doctor:''' -large tumor-like growth on the wall of your stomach.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets-
-->'''Announcer:''' Tonight's episode; TheKlan.
-->'''Detergent Salesman:''' Have you ever seen anything so white?
* In "Psyche":
** It's hilarious whenever Cornfed acts out-of-character and drops his usual deadpan demeanor, which he does when offered a case in which he and Duckman have to date two [[GagBoobs ridiculously large breasted women]].

* In "Gland of Opportunity":
** The rollercoaster ride has a halfway point for riders to get out and throw up in bathrooms.

* In "Ride the High School":
** Ajax getting "stuck" on a stopped escalator.

* "Not So Easy Riders":
** This line:

* The Mockumentary episode "American Dicks" is one long Crowning Moment.
** Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesn't notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesn't notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.
** [[ConfessionCam The interview]] the American Dicks cameraman has with Cornfed.
---> '''Cornfed''': Before I met Duckman, I was at a crossroads, soul-searching, looking for my place in this endless puzzle we call life. You ever wake up in a Cambodian gaming parlor and realize you're living in a dark, dank abyss of emptiness and loneliness, then wander the mountains of Asia for two years until you became the chef in a Tibetan monastery?\\
'''Camera Man''': I just asked what kind of detective Duckman is.\\
'''Cornfed''': Oh... I have some clothes in the dryer.
** Ajax: "My dad swatted my face with a broom once. Of course, I was eating from the dustpan at the time."
** When Honiss is approached by a woman with a sick kid:
---> '''Woman''': He's your biggest fan. If you could just sign his oxygen tank, "Keep on fighting, little slugger. This one's going extra innings.", it would make his day.\\
'''Honiss''': That's five bucks a word for the inscription and ten for the signature.\\
'''Woman''': Oh. ''(leaves)''
** The scene in the court room:
---> '''Judge''': Court is in session! And allow me to introduce some close personal friends - American Cops, American Dicks, American Stenographers, American Court Janitors and our very own slap-happy singleton! *courtroom cheers*
** The cameraman accidentally walking into the office next to Duckman's, which turns out to house an erotic massage parlor.
** Duckman not noticing that his car has been stripped clean of parts while they were gone, including ''the exterior''. The only part he notices is askew is that his car air-freshener is gone, until he finds it on the floor.
** The cameraman tripping over Ajax who is bending down to pick up what he thinks is a chocolate bar from the ground, and accidentally smashes into Duckman with the camera.
---> '''Ajax''': ...ew, this isn't a chocolate bar...
* "It's the Thing of the Principal":
** When Duckman visits Ajax's school, some soldiers are nearby:

* "Cellar Beware":
** Bernice resorting to capturing the rest of the family in a net just so she can get them to cooperate with her for holding the block association party.

* "Joking the Chicken": Duckman learns that he has high blood pressure. The blood vein-filled expression that he makes when he finds out is funny enough, but then he goes ballistic:

* In "Papa Oom M.O.W. M.O.W.":
** After Duckman complains about getting a $200 parking ticket for parking in a handicapped space.

* "Married Alive":
** Duckman says that he and Cornfed are a team, like "Astaire and Rogers, Lewis and Clark, Norman Bates." [[labelnote:Note]](referencing how in ''Film/{{Psycho}}'', Norman Bates played the dual role of himself and his deceased mother.)[[/labelnote]]

* From "Days of Whining and Neurosis":
** after Dr. Milo shows a commercial for his rehab center:

---> '''Duckman''': Join the club!
---> '''Stark''': I did, it's called the Senate!

* "Inherit the Judgement: The Dope's Trial":
** Duckman says there's a town called "Gleen Bay" built beneath Green Bay by Chinese railroad workers.

* "America the Beautiful":
** Duckman and Cornfed search for a model named America, and her former boyfriends who represent different decades of history. When entering a place called Appleville, a black and white town representative of the 1950's, all of the color leaks out of Duckman and Cornfed.

* In "The Germ Turns":
** Duckman starts over-compensating for his lackluster parenting, and one big highlight is when he joins Ajax at football practice:

* "In The Nam Of the Father":
** Duckman shows up to work wearing a coat made from a baby seal pelt, ''with a baby seal head still attached to the shoulder''. Fluffy and Uranus scream in horror. [[CrossesTheLineTwice Then Duckman reveals he's also wearing underwear made from spotted owls]].

* "Clip Job":
** The montage of Duckman saying "What the hell are YOU staring at?!"

* "Forbidden Fruit":
** In addition to being awesome, Fluffy and Uranus' [[ClusterFBomb epic cuss-out of Duckman]] is just so jarring and [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness unexpected]] that it's hilarious.

* "Grandma-ma's Flatulent Adventure": Cornfed's parody of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" at Grandma-ma's "funeral":

* "The Color of Naught": When King Chicken is asked why he did his evil plan, he starts to talk but is interrupted by a news bulletin:

* "A Room With a Bellevue":
** Duckman's [[OverlyLongGag long rant to the two psychiatrists]], perhaps his most epic rant in the entire series:

* "Apocalypse Not":
** When a huge burst of water is headed for the townspeople in the sewer:

---> '''Bernice''': Why would an employment agency send a butler to a survival drill in a sewer?
---> '''Butler''': It's a very bad employment agency, madam. Canape?

* "The Mallardian Candidate":
** The conversation between Bernice and the twins that Duckman and Cornfed overhears with their spy equipment about why they have to use a laundromat.

* "Pig Amok":
** The beginning, with Duckman attempting to comfort Miss Liebner at her husband's funeral:

* "The Once and Future Duck":
** The various [[FutureMeScaresMe future versions]] of Duckman are hilarious simply because [[NoodleIncident you wonder what on earth led to his]] becoming a psychiatrist (or psychopath), a SassyBlackWoman version of himself, or getting an I-Beam lodged through his skull.

* "Aged Heat":
** Duckman attacking the blind man at the beginning of the episode because he assumed he was faking it to get Duckman to let his guard down.

* "They Craved Duckman's Brain!":
** Duckman is being held hostage by Roland Thompson, and at one point Roland goes to the bathroom during his [[MotiveRant rant]]. Duckman just sits there looking bored, and when Roland exits the bathroom:

* "The Road to Dendron":
** Duckman is annoying Ben Stein the bus driver by singing "99 Bottles of Scotch".
---> '''Ben Stein''': Mr. Duckman, if you can't act with a modicum of decorum on your son's field trip, I'll rip out your heart and feed it to my dingo.\\

* "The Longest Weekend":
** When Tad Venom tries to torture Duckman and company, he presses the button but it does other things instead, like opening and closing the garage door.

* "The Amazing Colossal Duckman":
** Duckman grows to immense sizes as he gets angrier and angrier. Knowing this would get him out of the house, Bernice deliberately sets him off by things like stabbing his foot with a pitchfork and tying his fingers together. Thus, when Duckman says his goodbyes to his family and sets off for his self-imposed exile, [[TheDogBitesBack he flicks Bernice off the roof]].

* "Cock Tales For Four":
** King Chicken and Duckman's huge simultaneous belch (followed by the two laughing hysterically) at the end of act two.

* "Sperms of Endearment", after Bernice discovers she's been artificially inseminated with Duckman's sperm, Cornfed arrives at the door.
-->'''Duckman:''' Uh, Corny, this isn't really a good-
-->'''Cornfed:''' My contract stipulates I must appear in every episode for at least ten seconds.
-->'''Duckman:''' Oh, alright. Work okay?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Fine.
-->'''Duckman:''' How's the wife?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Not married.
-->'''Duckman:''' Favorite Beatle?
-->'''Cornfed:''' Ringo. You know, [[StatingTheSimpleSolution if you let me stay I can easily solve whatever crisis you may]]-
-->''(Duckman looks at his watch and slams the door on him)''

* "Dammit, Hollywood":
** The episode starts with Duckman getting chewed out by moviegoers after seeing ''[[Film/FreeWilly Lickety-Split's Oily Adventure]]'' for, among other things, [[ExcrementStatement urinating on the screen]] while screaming "Swim in ''this'', Lickety!"

--->'''Duckman:''' Are you the manager?
--->'''Manager:''' No, I beat him senseless with my bare hands, then dumped his cement-laden body into a nearby lake just so I could wear his nametag.
--->'''Duckman:''' ''(beat)'' You're an odd little man, but you got away with a witty retort.

* "All About Elliott": When [[TheChewToy Fluffy and Uranus]] get ''[[IAmAHumanitarian eaten]]'' by Duckman and are left traumatized by the end of it.

* In "Role With It":
** Cornfed ends up having to drive cross-country with Fluffy and Uranus. He rejoins the rest of the group, looking rather crazed and the duo nowhere in sight.

* From "Ajax and Ajaxer":

* In "Bonfire of the Panties":
** Cornfed and Charles/Mambo communicate telepathically, with Cornfed admitting that he doesn't use his power very often because of a traumatic incident years ago. Flashback to Cornfed meeting Willard Scott and shaking his hand, only to convulse when he reads Scott's apparently disturbing thoughts.
** This out-of-nowhere moment:
---> '''Ben Franklin''': The jig is up! Run, wastebasket, run!
* "Haunted Society Plumbers":
** The ridiculously long name of Duckman and Cornfed's business, which they repeat many times: A-A-A-A-A-A-A- A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- A-A-A-A-A-A-A-1 Plumbing.

* "You've Come a Wrong Way, Baby":
** There's a moment when Duckman and Agnes are on the lam, handcuffed together, and Agnes hurts herself and can't go on. Duckman decides to lift her and carry her, but she misinterprets it at first:

* Tons from "Das Sub":
** Duckman making a complete mockery of his trial, and the judge getting angrier and angrier. First of all, his defense is nothing but him listing the plot for the various ''Film/{{Leprechaun}}'', ''Film/PuppetMaster'' and ''Film/ManiacCop'' movies, and he keeps adressing the jury despite the fact that this is a ''civil trial'' and thus there is no jury.

* In ''Short, Plush and Deadly":
** Cornfed is left completely helpless after being stung by a swarm of insects and bashed over the head with a tree branch (And a tree) by Duckman, and his attempts to get Duckman to help him are all in vein.
-->'''Cornfed:''' Duckman, listen carfully. I've only got a few seconds before my body swells up and I'm unable to speak or move. Luckily, you can fabricate the antidote using that moss over- ''(Duckman covers his mouth)''\\
'''Duckman:''' Save your strength, dear one. Don't spoil my last memory of you by spewing some delirious stream-of-consciousness gobbeldygook. Oh Corny, please, for once have some dignity. You owe me that much. ''(Cornfed's head inflates to several times its size)'' Hey, nice face, Corn...for Mardi Gras!\\
'''Cornfed:''' ''(Muffled gibberish)''\\
'''Duckman:''' What, old pal. What are you trying to say? "Thank you for being my friend"?\\
'''Cornfed:''' ''(Thinking)'' If I wasn't blind, paralyzed and almost dead, I'd be wearing your sphincter as a shoe.
** After the two escape an enraged, mutated Fluffy and Uranus down a waterfall...
--->'''Cornfed:''' ''(Muffled gibberish)''\\
'''Duckman:''' Poor Cornfed. I'd bet you'd have some helpful suggestion, if only there were some way for me to hear what you were thinking.\\
'''Cornfed:''' ''(Thinking)'' Kill Duckman, kill Duckman, kill Duckman.
** Duckman forcing Fluffy and Uranus to carry him and Cornfed around to look for a camp site, and keeps rejecting locations for reasons such as "too hilly", "too flat" and "too perfect".
** Duckman makes such a nusiance of himself at the original campsite that a park ranger forces him to leave because they've gotten complaints from "every living thing within 50 miles".