History Funny / AustinPowers

** '''MOLE! BLOODY MOLE!''' We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacaMOH-LE!

* Austin [[FunnyBackgroundEvent chasing Mini-Me around a penthouse flailing a Japanese bokken]] while Number Three is on the phone with Basil [[TemptingFate expressing confidence]] that the two of them will get along just fine.

'''Fat Bastard''': Maybe. It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!

--> '''Fat Bastard:''' FIRST THINGS FIRST -- WHERE'S YA SHITTER? I GOT A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT!... I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey!\\

'''Fat Bastard:''' Oh, Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it...

-->'''Dr. Evil:''' You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with ''[[FrickinLaserBeams frickin' laser beams]] attached to their heads!'' Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can not be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here. Alright, what ''do'' we have?

* The scene in which Dr. Evil finally gets his sharks with FrickinLaserBeams attached to their heads is comedic gold. [[WellDoneSonGuy Scott]] is finally recognised as a worthy son of Dr. Evil (at the expense of Mini-Me), and they share a bonding moment, followed by this:

'''Both''': *uninteligible, English-sounding gibberish, possibly mentioning a gatling gun* [[EvenTheSubtitlerIsStumped (??????)]] *some more gibberish*...tea kettle! [[EvenTheSubtitlerIsStumped (????...Tea kettle!)]] and then she, she she shat on a turtle! (Shat on a turtle!)

-->'''Austin''': What's wrong with your neck?
-->'''Nigel''': I took a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours.
-->'''Both''': Ah, thank you!
-->'''Austin''': Listen, Dad, if you ''are'' going to talk about naughty things in front of these American girls, then at least speak ''English'' English.
-->'''Nigel''': All right, my son. I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China. (I was about to make love to this pretty girl.)
-->'''Austin''': Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? (Is this true?) Because if you are feeling quigly why not just have a J. Arthur? (If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?)
-->'''Nigel''': What, billy no mates? (What, alone?)
-->'''Austin''': Too right, youth. (Indeed.)
-->'''Nigel''': Don't you remember the Crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint? (Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?)
-->'''Austin''': Oh, the one who was all sixes and sevens. (The insane one?)
-->'''Nigel''': Yes, yes yes she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer that lived up the apples and pears! (She was the wife of the dancer that lived upstairs.)
-->'''Austin''': And she was the barrister that became a bobby in a lorry, (She was a lawyer who became a policeman in a truck...)
-->'''Both''': ??????? (??????) ?????...tea kettle. (????...tea kettle) and then she, she she shat on a turtle!

* When Austin tries to play a CD in a record player, causing a horrible scratching sound. The funniest part is him grinning beforehand, anticipating some groovy music, onto to get startled and fall over.

** "I am [[''Series/HappyDays'' Richie Cunningham]], and this [turning to Vanessa] is my wife [[Creator/OprahWinfrey Oprah]]."

* Mini-Me puts a dead possum in Scott's bed.

* The moment when Dr. Evil sits down in his chair, [[https://giphy.com/gifs/movie-austin-powers-international-man-of-mystery-xUPGcn41dPN540tWUM which slowly rolls away from the table.]] Random Task has to wheel him back.

--> '''Dr. Evil''': Gentlemen: I have a plan. ''(Random Task takes Mr. Bigglesworth, but he grabs Dr. Evil's arm too, so he's wheeled away from the table. After wheeling back...)'' It's called blackmail. As you know, the royal family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the royal family pays usan exorbitant amount of money... or we make it seem that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage, and therefore... would have to divorce.\\

** Then some security guards get knocked out and one is at an angle where it looks like the statue is pissing in his mouth!

* "That makes me angry! And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset! And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset ... [[YouHaveFailedMe people]] [[CarefulWithThatAxe DIE]]! ''(burns his henchmen)'' Why must I constantly be [[SurroundedByIdiots surrounded by frickin' idiots]]?"

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Who happens to have the worst survivor skills on earth. As he literary just stands there giving a BigNo despite it taking the Steamroller a full minute to actually reach him.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Who happens to have the worst survivor skills on earth. As he literary just stands there giving a BigNo the steamroller was very very slow, to the point he could of simply walked away.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Who happens to have the worst survivor insticts on earth. As he literary just stands there giving a BigNo despite being no actual danger for most of the scene ''(the steamroller was very very slow)''. Only at the last moment.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Who happens to have the worst survivor skills on earth. As he literary just stands there giving a BigNo despite being no actual danger for most of the scene. Only at the last moment.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Except said hencemen was still several yards away from it when he gives out his BigNo, which he continues to give as Austin ''slowly'' comes closer and closer to him. Thus leading to one of the most avoidable death scenes ever, as he had plenty of time to simply walk out of the way. Or even shoot Austin as he had nothing protecting him and Vanessa from bullets.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- Except said hencemen was still several yards away from it when he gives out his BigNo, which he continues to give as Austin ''slowly'' comes closer and closer to him. Thus leading to one of the most avoidable death scenes ever.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- which is to say, they ''slowly'' roll toward him for about 45 seconds, while telling him to get out of the way. Instead the henchman literary just stands there waiting for it. Never bothering to fire his gun or even ''try'' getting out of the way. All with a BigNo.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- which is to say, they ''slowly'' roll toward him for about 45 seconds, while telling him to get out of the wa. Instead the henchman just stands there yelling a BigNo.
** He literary just stands there waiting for it. Never bothering to fire his gun or even ''try'' getting out of the way.

* The steamroller scene, in which Austin and Vanessa run down a henchman -- which is to say, they ''slowly'' roll toward him for about 45 seconds, while telling him to get out of the way. Instead the henchman just stands there yelling a BigNo.

* NOOOOOOOOO!!!

* The Steamroller scene
--> NOOOOOOOOO!!!

* NOOOOOOOOO!!!

* The Steamroller scene.
-->: NOOOOOOOOO!!! [BigNo]