History Funny / ADanceWithDragons

* Election time in Volantis. A real classy candidate has sent out a hundred pretty slave girls to ......stir up public support.

* Tyrion's contingency plan if he encounters Lady Korra:

-->'''Jorah''': I saw a man drown in gold once. It was not a pretty sight.

* In a darkly funny moment, Victarion tries to get the crew to get used to Moqorro by having him where the Greyjoy colors instead of Rhlor's red. It doesn't work as instead the black makes him even scarier.

* Rather dark humour, but just after Jon executes [[spoiler:Janos Slynt]], Olaf asks if he can have [[spoiler:Slynt's]] boots.

* On the Acknowledgements page, George R. R. Martin begins with "The last one was a bitch. This one was three bitches and a bastard."

* Jon contemplates beheading [[spoiler:Cregan]] to present his head as a wedding gift to Alys. In the last book Jaime thinking that Tyrion would not think this romantic at all, and now we see [[OddFriendship Tyrion's friend]] Jon considering the same thing.

* When interrogated by Plague Face about her commitment with the Faceless Men and chided about her lack of humility, Arya replies that she "can be [[HypocriticalHumor humbler than anyone]]", which gives him a chuckle.=

* When interrogated by Plague Face about her commitment with the Faceless Men and chided about her lack of humility, Arya replies that she "can be [[HypocriticalHumor humbler than anyone]]", which gives him a chuckle.
* Selmy gets a gem when dueling a pit fighter.
--> '''Khrazz:''' Only cowards dress in iron.
--> '''Selmy:''' This coward is about to kill you, ser.

* Hizdahr telling the pit spectators "''Meereen!'' Let Queen Daenerys hear your love!" sound more like a concert MC than the consort of a queen.

-->'''Tyrion:''' The sow I ride is actually my sister. We have the same nose, could you tell. A wizard cast a spell on her, but if you give her a big wet kiss, she will turn into a beautiful woman. The pity is, once you get to know her,, you'll want to kiss her again to turn her back.

* When Ser Corliss Penny wonders aloud whether an entire army has ever frozen to death in a winter storm, it only serves to make the Northmen present burst out in laughter.
-->'''Big Bucket Wull''': "Up in the hills we say that autumn kisses you, but winter fucks you hard. This is only autumn's kiss."
* [[spoiler:Dany]] apparently getting dysentery. Disgusting, but funnier than it sounds.
--> Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew, and her thirst sent her crawling to the stream to suck up more water.

* It's a small moment, but while fleeing Deepwood Motte, Asha finds herself fighting one of Stannis' Northern clansmen who repeatedly calls her a {{c|ountryMatters}}unt in the heat of battle. After she's defeated and captured, the clansman comes and apologizes to her for calling her a cunt, but ''not'', as Asha notes, for trying to kill her with an axe.

* Victarion Greyjoy's interesting priorities:
-->Euron's gifts were poisoned, the captain had reminded himself the day the dusky woman came aboard. I want none of his leavings. He had decided then that he would slit her throat and toss her into the sea, a blood sacrifice to the Drowned God. Somehow, though, he had never gotten around to it.
* [[http://sergerolddayne.tumblr.com/post/46110546135/adventures-on-the-iron-victory-by Victarion's misadventures as he sails east.]]
* Danys wonders why [[Quentyn Martell]] is introduced to her as Frog, thinking he can jump further than the others. [[note]]It turns out to be a reference to a fairy tale very similar to the Frog Prince.[[/note]]

* When Jon Snow is marrying Alys Karstark to Magnar of Thenn, she comments that snow during a wedding means it will be a cold marriage-
-->'''Jon Snow:''' ''(glances at Queen Selyse and muses)'' There must have been a blizzard the day she and Stannis wed.

* Victarion Greyjoy's interesting priorities:
-->Euron's gifts were poisoned, the captain had reminded himself the day the dusky woman came aboard. I want none of his leavings. He had decided then that he would slit her throat and toss her into the sea, a blood sacrifice to the Drowned God. Somehow, though, he had never gotten around to it.
* [[http://sergerolddayne.tumblr.com/post/46110546135/adventures-on-the-iron-victory-by Victarion's misadventures as he sails east.]]
* Alys throwing bread at Jon

* Because Brown Ben Plumm told Dany that "Man wants to be the king o' the rabbits, he best wear a pair o' floppy ears", she refers to the Ghiscari attire ''tokar'' as "floppy ears". Subsequently, Ser Selmy referred to a Yunkish lord in a ''tokar'' as a rabbit because of his teeth.

* Wyman Manderly's denies having ordered the murder of Little Walder Frey and retorts to his accuser, also a Frey:
--> "Though mayhaps this was a blessing. Had he lived he would have grown up to be a Frey."

* When Kevan first meets Cersei while she is imprisoned and she sees he is still angry at all, she thinks it is over her [[SkewedPriorities throwing wine]] at him rather then everything else.

* Patchface volunteers to lead the ranging to Hardhome, with everyone riding on seahorses and mermaids to announce their coming. [ActuallyPrettyFunny Even Queen Selyse smiled at that.]

* All references to "floppy ears" (Dany's name for the Meereenese attire tokar) in the Meereen chapters.
* In Jon's first chapter, the moon murmuring/calling/insisting "Snow" at Jon dreaming as Ghost. Then he wakes up, and finds out that it's the Old Bear's raven trying to wake him. This is followed by Dolorous Edd walking in, ignoring the raven, asking what Jon wants for breakfast.

* The out of nowhere ShoutOut to ''Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail'' in "A Dance with Dragons," where a member of the Windblown says true Unsullied "don't break and run if you fart in their general direction."

* Gerris Drinkwater: "When [[TheAce Barristan the Bold]] says to run, a wise man laces up his boots."

* When Cersei's being paraded through King's Landing later in A Dance with Dragons, a whore has the most beautiful insult for her (the crowd is content with "Brotherfucker"): [[spoiler: She lifts up her skirt and proudly proclaims that her lady parts aren't as used as the queen's.]]

* On the Acknowledgements page at the end of ''Dance'', George R. R. Martin begins with "The last one was a bitch. This one was three bitches and a bastard."

* It comes at a rather morbid moment, but [[spoiler:Varys apologizing to the dying Kevan for the cold as he says after he murdered Pycelle he soiled himself and it stunk so bad he thought he might choke can be amusing.]]

* When Cersei's being paraded through King's Landing later in A Dance with Dragons, a whore has the most beautiful insult for her (the crowd is content with "Brotherfucker"): [[spoiler: She lifts up her skirt and proudly proclaims that her "cunny" isn't as used as the queen's.]]

-->(to Jon)"Careful of the rats, my lord. They make an awful squeal if you step on them. My mother used to make a similar sound when I was a boy. She must have had some rat in her, now that I think of it. Brown hair, beady little eyes, liked cheese. Might be she had a tail too, I never looked to see."

* "The three men were erect. The sight of their arousal was arousing."
* Bran as he and his friends follow Coldhands into the wild: ''Are we there yet?''

!!A Dance with Dragons

* Also from ''A Dance with Dragons'', Wyman Manderly's denies having ordered the murder of Little Walder Frey and retorts to his accuser, also a Frey:

* Rather dark humour, but just after Jon executes [[spoiler:Janos Slynt]], Olaf asks if he can have [[spoiler:Slynt's]] boots.

* It's a small moment, but while fleeing Deepwood Motte, Asha finds herself fighting one of Stannis' knights who repeatedly calls her a {{c|ountryMatters}}unt in the heat of battle. After she's defeated and captured, the knight comes and apologizes to her for calling her a cunt, but ''not'', as Asha notes, for trying to kill her with an axe.

* A poignant-yet-hilarious moment in reference to an OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: When Jon and Tormund discuss the death of Mag the Mighty, leader of the giants, Jon corrects Tormund by telling him no, it didn't take a lot of men to kill him, just one brave man named Donal Noye. Tormund asks if Noye was some gallant knight and Jon admits he was actually a blacksmith and only had one arm. Tormund nearly shits himself laughing in mirth and admiration.
* Despite the serious tone and infuriating unfairness of the scene, the conversation between Janos Slynt and Jon Snow when the former questions the latter's loyalty turns funny when Slynt asks if Snow thinks his "head is stuffed with cabbage".
-->'''Jon''': I have no idea what your skull is stuffed with. [[InsistentTerminology My lord]].

--> '''Selmy:''' This coward is about to kill you, ser.

* When interrogated by Plague Face about her commitment with the Faceless Men and chided about her lack of humility, Arya replies that she "can be [[HypocriticalHumor humbler than anyone]]", which gives him a chuckle.

-->'''Jon Snow:''' ''(glances at Queen Selyse and muses)'' There must have been a blizzard the day she and Stannis wed.