History Fanfic / TriumphOfTheRetart

The story went over about as well as Guerin's ''other'' stories and like the others received a MSTing from the same crew that riffed his other efforts. Though this story was written between the other two Lawndale Militia stories, the MSTing was released as the last one, leading to some confusion as to the correct chonology. Later Guerin fanfics completely ignored the chain of events, creating further confusion in Guerin's fanfic universe.

* ABloodyMess: One of the football players that assaults David rigs a bag of ketchup in order to fake a serious injury. Apparently, nobody in Lawndale can tell the difference between blood and ketchup, and they don't discover the ruse until they actually start to prep the guy for surgery.

* ABloodyMess: One of the football players that assaults David rigs a bag of ketchup in order to fake a serious injury. Apparently nobody in Lawndale can tell the difference between blood and ketchup and they don't discover the ruse until they actually start to prep the guy for surgery.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats its special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor [=David MacAllister=], a boy with curly brown hair who [[BlatantLies does not in any way resemble]] [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the [=JJJs=], Jeffy, Jamie and Joey. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her, and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Government President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats its special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor [=David MacAllister=], a boy with curly brown hair who [[BlatantLies does not in any way resemble]] [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the [=JJJs=], Jeffy, Jamie and Joey. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her, and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Council President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy.

Naturally, this promptly escalates into Sandi arranging for football thugs to beat the hell out of people, hiring Todd Ianuzzi to be a hit man against David (oh, and did we mention Todd raped Daria as a kid?), Trent enlisting the aid of Music/RageAgainstTheMachine to rally to David's cause, Quinn Morgendorffer constantly getting her shirt torn open by her foes, a minister singing show tunes, Daria and David engaging in graphic AuthorAppeal sex, and the whole story culminating in David's death by a completely random suicide bomber. Then, finally, we geet a complete reversion to [[StatusQuoIsGod status quo]], and the events of the story are largely forgotten.

* SuicideAttack: A completely random, unnamed student manages to take David out like this with no warning.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats it's special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor [=David MacAllister=], a boy with curly brown hair that does not in any way resemble [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the JJJ, Jimmy, Jamie, and Jeffy. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Council President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy. Naturally, this promptly escalates into Sandi arranging for football thugs to beat the hell out of people, hiring Todd Ianuzzi to be a hit man against David (oh, and did we mention Todd raped Daria as a kid?), Trent enlisting the aid of Music/RageAgainstTheMachine to rally to David's cause, Quinn Morgendorffer constantly getting her shirt torn open by her foes, a minister who sings show tunes, Daria and David engaging in graphic AuthorAppeal sex, and the whole story culminating in David's death by a completely random suicide bomber. Then finally a complete reversion to [[StatusQuoIsGod status quo]] and the events of the story largely forgotten.

* IdiotBall: For some reason nobody ever calls anyone in this story. They just run over to the other person's house, costing precious time that could have been saved by the use of a device invented in the ''1800s''.

* StatusQuoIsGod: The story pretty much smacks the reset button at the end, but this is particularly grating in the case of Quinn. Quinn has, in the course of the story, suffered two sexual assaults, been removed from the fashion club for not only having Daria as a sister (''something Sandi verified'') but also for ratting out the Fashion Club's attempted murders, taken a bullet for David, and marched with the Special Ed students during David's funeral procession and told Sandi directly that she despises being with bigots like her. ''One scene later'' and Quinn is back in the Fashion Club after convincing them ''Daria'' played a joke and she's back to being the same air-headed kid as always. Oh, and Sandi by this point has not only hired a hitman to murder a fellow student, tried to kill said student in front of hundreds of witnesses when that failed, tried to shoot a police officer during her arrest, and may even have even arranged for the suicide bombing that killed David (thus two more murders). She is immediately back in school with no repercussions.

''Triumph of the Retart'' is a ''WesternAnimation/{{Daria}}'' fanfic by Peter Guerin, with small crossovers to ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead'' and ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill.'' It is also the last story in Guerin's Lawndale Militia timeline, which he later abandoned for a series of script-format "Daria [=OVA=]s" in another continuity. ''Triumph Of The Retart'', unlike the other two stories in this series, features no (intentional) supernatural elements and constant anime references, and largely tones down the MegaCrossover to just shows already created by Creator/MikeJudge in roughly the same canon. This does not stop it from being ''completely insane''.

''Triumph of the Retart'' is a ''WesternAnimation/{{Daria}}'' fanfic by Peter Guerin, with small crossovers to ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead'' and ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill.'' It is also the last story in Guerin's Lawndale Militia timeline, which he later abandoned for a series of script-format "Daria [=OVA=]s" in another continuity. ''Triumph Of The Retart'', unlike the other two stories in this series, features no (intentional) supernatural elements and constant anime references, and largely tones down the MegaCrossover to just shows already created by Mike Judge in roughly the same canon. This does not stop it from being ''completely insane''.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats it's special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor [=David MacAllister=], a boy with curly brown hair that does not in any way resemble [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the JJJ, Jimmy, Jamie, and Jeffy. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Council President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy. Naturally, this promptly escalates into Sandi arranging for football thugs to beat the hell out of people, hiring Todd Ianuzzi to be a hit man against David (oh, and did we mention Todd raped Daria as a kid?), Trent enlisting the aid of Rage Against the Machine to rally to David's cause, Quinn Morgendorffer constantly getting her shirt torn open by her foes, a minister who sings show tunes, Daria and David engaging in graphic AuthorAppeal sex, and the whole story culminating in David's death by a completely random suicide bomber. Then finally a complete reversion to [[StatusQuoIsGod status quo]] and the events of the story largely forgotten.

* ThatRemindsMeOfASong: Characters like Rage Against the Machine and the singing preacher are used to shamelessly copy and paste songs into the story and pad out of the fic. These are ''never'' relevant to the story - at one point, the preacher belts out [[ManOfLaMancha "The Impossible Dream"]] simply because his Broadway background is mentioned.

* ThatRemindsMeOfASong: Characters like Rage Against the Machine and the singing preacher are used to shamelessly copy and paste songs into the story and pad out of the fic. These are ''never'' relevant to the story - at one point, the preacher simply belts out "The Impossible Dream" simply because his Broadway background is mentioned.

* ABloodyMess: One of the football players that assaults David rigs a bag of ketchup in order to fake a serious injury. Apparently nobody in Lawndale can tell the difference between blood and ketchup and they don't discover the ruse until they actually start to prep the guy for surgery.
* AffablyEvil: Todd is the ''nicest'' hitman/rapist ever.

* TyopOnTheCover: And throughout the story. "Retart"? ''Seriously''?

* GroinAttack: Yet again, Daria's weapon of choice.

* TheirFirstTime: Daria and David. Daria explicitly offers herself up to him because she believes no woman will ever take enough pity on him to have sex on him. Note this is presented as a ''good thing.''

* StatusQuoIsGod: The story pretty much smacks the reset button at the end, but this is particularly grating in the case of Quinn. Quinn has, in the course of the story, suffered two sexual assaults, been removed from the fashion club for not only having Daria as a sister (''something Sandi verified'') but also for ratting out the Fashion Club's attempted murders, taken a bullet for David, and marched with the Special Ed students during David's funeral procession and told Sandi directly that she despises being with bigots like her. ''One scene later'' and Quinn is back in the Fashion Club after convincing them ''Daria'' played a joke and she's back to being the same air-headed kid as always. Oh, and Sandi by this point has not only hired a hitman to murder a fellow student, tried to kill said student in front of hundreds of witnesses when that failed, and even tried to murder a police officer during her arrest. She is immediately back in school with no repercussions.

''Triumph of the Retart'' is a ''WesternAnimation/{{Daria}}'' fanfic by Peter Guerin, with small crossovers to ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead'' and ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill.'' It is also the last story in Guerin's Lawndale Militia timeline, which he later abandoned for a series of script-format "Daria OVAs" in another continuity. ''Triumph Of The Retart'', unlike the other two stories in this series, features no (intentional) supernatural elements and constant anime references, and largely tones down the MegaCrossover to just shows already created by Mike Judge in roughly the same canon. This does not stop it from being ''completely insane''.

''Triumph of the Retart'' is a ''WesternAnimation/Daria'' fanfic by Peter Guerin, with small crossovers to ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead'' and ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill.'' It is also the last story in Guerin's Lawndale Militia timeline, which he later abandoned for a series of script-format "Daria OVAs" in another continuity. ''Triumph Of The Retart'', unlike the other two stories in this series, features no (intentional) supernatural elements and constant anime references, and largely tones down the MegaCrossover to just shows already created by Mike Judge in roughly the same canon. This does not stop it from being ''completely insane''.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats it's special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor [[~=David MacAllister~=]], a boy with curly brown hair that does not in any way resemble [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the JJJ, Jimmy, Jamie, and Jeffy. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Council President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy. Naturally, this promptly escalates into Sandi arranging for football thugs to beat the hell out of people, hiring Todd Ianuzzi to be a hit man against David (oh, and did we mention Todd raped Daria as a kid?), Trent enlisting the aid of Rage Against the Machine to rally to David's cause, Quinn Morgendorffer constantly getting her shirt torn open by her foes, a minister who sings show tunes, Daria and David engaging in graphic AuthorAppeal sex, and the whole story culminating in David's death by a completely random suicide bomber. Then finally a complete reversion to [[StatusQuoIsGod status quo]] and the events of the story largely forgotten.

* AuthorAvatar: [[~=David MacAllister~=]] is a dead-ringer for Peter. Not shockingly, David gets to romance and claim the virginity of Daria. Throughout the story it's often unclear when David is speaking as a character and when David is speaking as Peter's representation of himself.

The story concerns itself with Daria Morgendorffer's new school year at Lawndale High, where she conveniently learns on her walk to school that Lawndale High severely mistreats it's special ed students to the point of segregating them into a rundown wing of the school and leaving them open to rampant, unmonitored bullying. Enter Jane Lane's new neighbor David MacAllister, a boy with curly brown hair that does not in any way resemble [[http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Peter_Guerin the author himself]]. David, mere seconds from entering the school, is mercilessly assaulted by the JJJ, Jimmy, Jamie, and Jeffy. Daria rescues him, which immediately leads to David French Kissing her and love blossoms from this darling sexual assault. After being punished by Ms. Li in the aftermath of the fight and upset with the state of special ed students in the school, David decides to run for Student Council President. Sandi Griffin, er, Del Monaco, immediately declares her candidacy entirely to prevent the betterment of special ed students and the entire school is swept up in David and Sandi's battle for supremacy. Naturally, this promptly escalates into Sandi arranging for football thugs to beat the hell out of people, hiring Todd Ianuzzi to be a hit man against David (oh, and did we mention Todd raped Daria as a kid?), Trent enlisting the aid of Rage Against the Machine to rally to David's cause, Quinn Morgendorffer constantly getting her shirt torn open by her foes, a minister who sings show tunes, Daria and David engaging in graphic AuthorAppeal sex, and the whole story culminating in David's death by a completely random suicide bomber. Then finally a complete reversion to [[StatusQuoIsGod status quo]] and the events of the story largely forgotten.

* AuthorAvatar: David MacAllister is a dead-ringer for Peter. Not shockingly, David gets to romance and claim the virginity of Daria. Throughout the story it's often unclear when David is speaking as a character and when David is speaking as Peter's representation of himself.

Before ''[[Fanfic/TheMiserySenshiNeoZeroDoubleBlitzkriegDebale The Mashed Potato Squid Bake Dance-Off]]''...

Guerin created an edited version of the story to ensure its inclusion in archives that turned down R-rated content, with the only alteration being the removal of the sex scene. The MSTing included two versions for the same reasons, though only the NSFW version remains online. The Guerin versions can be found [[http://www.reocities.com/televisioncity/network/4938/daretart.txt at this mirror of the original Mark Zero fanfiction page]] (NSFW version) and at [[http://www.outpost-daria.com/fanfic/triumph_of_the_retart.html Outpost Daria]] (edited version). The remaining NSFW version of the MSTing can be found at [[http://home.netcom.com/%7Emblackwl/retart-r.txt The Stephen Ratliff MSTing site.]]