History FanFic / MarissaPicard

* ThePope: The Holy See shows up in his own starship and blasts some Romulans.

Except that Ratliff took a shine to his "Kid's Crew", and brought them back to headline his other fanfic. His favorite was the captain of the crew, Marissa Flores. He renamed her (probably not intentionally) 'Marrissa', cured her canonical timid diffidence ''really'' quick, had Captain Picard adopt her after her real parents met the fate of all redshirts, and sent her rising swiftly through the ranks until she became a fully commissioned starship captain while still a preteen. Shortly before which she had been discovered to be the long-lost princess and heir of a small planet (apparently a long-lost colony of the United Kingdom).

* EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses

** His first story, "Enterprized" (yes, he even misspelled the name of the ship), actually declares in the header that "Spell checker is down," as if a spell checker were an independent piece of hardware and Ratliff's was on the fritz.

* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: Averted in "Time Speeder," in which TheWesley courts Chelsea Clinton. She then becomes the first captain of NASA's first manned interstellar mission, falls through a wormhole and arrives in the 24th century, where she and Wes marry. After she purchases a suitable wardrobe, of course. She shows up later as a Starfleet captain, new daughter in arms, joking that 'Wes' doesn't like her spending so much time on the bridge now that she's a mom. Not making ''any'' of this up, folks.

** A great number of Ratliff parodies, HateFic and otherwise, can be found [[http://home.netcom.com/~mblackwl/trib.html here]].

[[WallBanger You'd best put that forehead protector on now, folks, if you want to finish the entry alive.]]

* ChildfreeIsNotAllowed: At least half of the saga is devoted to domestic SoapOpera, in which Ratliff, with all the dedicated enthusiasm of a [[TheFifties 50's]] women's magazine writer, sets about pairing up his characters and starts them popping out kids ''just'' as soon as they finish puberty themselves.

* WallBanger

** Also, the BigLippedAlligatorMoment mentioned above, as Ratliff's universe does not normally cross over with SailorMoon.

* OldShame: Ratliff has since admitted he regrets writing "Time Speeder". Unfortunately, he chose to try to revise it rather than totally erasing it from existence, which doesn't help at all.

* OldShame: Ratliff has since admitted he regrets writing "Time Speeder".

Well, in late 1993, one Stephen Ratliff wrote a StarTrekTheNextGeneration Fix Fic to rescue the alternate-timeline Tasha Yar and redeem her half-Romulan daughter Sela. As a B-plot, he took several of the [[IncrediblyLamePun minor]] preteen characters who appeared in single episodes of the series (including Worf's son Alexander) and gave them the keys to the saucer while the grown-ups were away. See, they've been playing at being Starfleet officers in the holodeck, and it turns out they [[CompletelyMissingThePoint all had fantastic survival times in the ''Kobayashi Maru'' simulation]] -- better even than Data's -- so no less than Spock himself gives the plan the A-OK.

Well, one Stephen Ratliff wrote a StarTrekTheNextGeneration Fix Fic to rescue the alternate-timeline Tasha Yar and redeem her half-Romulan daughter Sela. As a B-plot, he took several of the [[IncrediblyLamePun minor]] preteen characters who appeared in single episodes of the series (including Worf's son Alexander) and gave them the keys to the saucer while the grown-ups were away. See, they've been playing at being Starfleet officers in the holodeck, and it turns out they [[CompletelyMissingThePoint all had fantastic survival times in the ''Kobayashi Maru'' simulation]] -- better even than Data's -- so no less than Spock himself gives the plan the A-OK.

''And'' she was placed in charge of Starfleet by the time she was twenty-one. ''And'' won the Kentucky Derby. ''And'' was instrumental in finally bringing Picard and Doctor Crusher together. ''And''... well, Marrissa doesn't like overly long titles.

* CaptainObvious: In chapter four of "Enterprized", it's stated repeatedly that two members of the landing party with the same last name as Marrissa (spelled wrong, but hey) have been killed and Picard even tells Riker he'll be the one to tell Marrissa. Apparently, Ratliff thought the subtext wasn't obvious enough, so he ends the chapter with an author's note helpfully explaining that "Lt. and Ensign Floras" were Marrissa's parents. And no, it's not explained which was her father and which was her mother.

* MarySue: Who the hell do you think?

*{{Squick}}: Exemplified by newly-engaged Marrissa, aged sixteen, bantering with Daddy Picard about being in a hurry to lose her virginity. After which she develops a predilection for skinny-dipping. Ratliff eventually dropped all pretense in an unabashed pornfic in which young Marrissa meets her male counterpart from another dimension.

*{{Squick}}: Exemplified by newly-engaged Marrissa, aged sixteen, bantering with Daddy Picard about being in a hurry to lose her virginity.

* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: Averted in "Time Speeder," in which TheWesley courts Chelsea Clinton. She then becomes the first captain of NASA's first manned interstellar mission, falls through a wormhole and arrives in the 24th century, where she and Wes marry. After she purchases a suitable wardrobe, of course. Not making ''any'' of this up, folks.

** What follows is the monster then being attacked by two of the 24th Century's version of the [[SailorMoon Sailor Scouts]] (this particular Sailor Mars is a half-Klingon girl), and vanquished. Jay and Martin actually [[LampshadeHanging lampshade]] the absurd situation after the two Sailor Scouts leave, and of course the whole thing is never mentioned again. Indeed, even in the context of a Ratliff story, this scene was 'way over the top in terms of ridiculousness'.