has left the forum...
That's pretty awesome, Van Helsing, but it could use a goblet toss. ;)
can't think of anything witty enough for my sig line
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Thanks, but I'd have to give my Power Beneath the Ice a reason to have a goblet to toss in the first place. Then again, the Power isn't the real villain. It isn't human enough; it's really the bastard son of Sauron and Cthulhu. The real villain is a Saruman expy (and the Gandalf expy isn't exactly a nice guy, either). :)
On the other hand, when Morgan faces the Saruman expy, the Saruman expy offers him brandy.
edited 2nd Mar '09 10:13:37 AM by Eddie Van Helsing
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
Heck, if we're gonna do this with our own characters, I might as well be second on the bandwagon...
"Verbluten," Bascom said, rolling the sharpened broom handle in his hands, "this world is wonky enough without you. P-piss off!" Damn stutter.
Verbluten defensively threw his hands up in front of his face. "Bassy-bassy-bascommmm... I'm not here because of me, oh no. Don't you know I've been dragged here? They dragged me." He apparently decides that Bascom didn't hear it the first time. "I was dragged. They need me to be their friend."
"'Friend'?" Bascom shot back, "Some friend you are, taking their bodies out for joy rides at night! I'd take you off my Christmas card list."
Verbluten looks mock-hurt, like a big-eyed cherub on an overpriced piece of porcelain. "I don't know. Friends borrow things all the time. I don't steal their clothes."
"Please! If you steal someone's clothes, at least they don't wake up with their sodding arm torn off!" There. See, I can make a point. Stupid bloody debate captain. "I don't need you, and neither does mankind! Or- or womankind, for that matter. I want to make that clear."
Verbluten bared his teeth. It was sickening, and you had to try hard not to imagine them sinking into your skin. "Well, what is a man?" He tossed a wine glass full of what appeared to be... Let's try not not dwell on that, reader. "A miserable little bundle of post-primordial phlegm!"
Experience told Bascom that when people were throwing beverages, especially alcoholic beverages, it was time to make like a train and get the hell out of there. Too bad the door had disappeared. That's got to be against some building code somewhere!
"Enough chitchat." Verbluten reared up his tentacles. "Have at you, Lovely!"
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Nice parody. Did you come up with that on the spot with brand-new characters?
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
Thanks! Yours was excellent, too. And nope. Bascom and Verbluten have been around for a while. Verbluten likes to pretend he's an imaginary friend. Bascom is a Deadpan Snarker who used to live with Verbluten, but he wised up and broke away.
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Thanks. I haven't actually gotten around to writing that sequence, since there many more characters involved
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
He found me again. He always found me. But this time I had Kalli...
"Die, monster! You don't belong anywhere!" I shouted at him.
"What're you shoutin' at?" asked Kalli.
He said that he wasn't responsible for his being here. He said that it was my fault. That I wanted to give him myself.
"What are you goin' awn about now, Sarah!?" Kalli shouted. She wasn't prepared this time, but she would realise what was happening, soon.
"Myself?" I asked, "You just want to torture me, you sick, evil... thing!"
"Oh no.." gasped Kalli. She realised.
He said that the same could be said of everybody.
"Your words are as empty as your own self! I want you to go away! Just go away!" I shouted.
He asked what I was, with a loud voice. Something got thrown. I can't really remember what... Then he said that I was a miserable little pile of personalities. Then he said that this was enough talk...
It hurt... So much... Only Kalli could stop him now...
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Now, that was weird.
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
Likes Burnt Offerings
Leaning back in his chair, Isaac Magnin regarded Morgan over the rim of his snifter. "Do you honestly think that you can kill me? Very well, then. Just do not expect me to hurl my glass to the floor and ask a rhetorical question about the nature of man before I strike the first blow."
edited 3rd Mar '09 6:06:06 AM by Eddie Van Helsing
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
Yeah, that was from the story I'm writing about that multiple personality fire mage. I haven't actually written that far yet, though.
Likes Burnt Offerings
OK, it makes more sense now. Mind you, I highly doubt that I'll put any "What is a man?" shout-outs/parodies in Starbreaker. My wife isn't a Castlevania fan, wouldn't get the joke, and thinks I put too much in as it is.
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru
Ike: "Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
Linda: "..."
Ike: "Aww, come on, work with me here!"
Richter: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world! Dracula: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh! Dracula: I was called here by HUMANS, who wished to pay ME tribute! Richter: "Tribute"?! You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves! Dracula: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions. Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you. Dracula: WHAT IS A MAN?!? Linkara: I AM A MAN! *punches*
Hot Rod: Die, monster! You can't eat my world! Unicron: It was not by my hand that I am once again given Cybetronium! Unicron: I was called here by EXECUTIVES, who wished to pay ME money! Hot Rod: "Money"?! You find thrown-out Decepticons, and make them your slaves! Unicron: Perhaps the same could be said of Violen Jiger. Hot Rod: Your words are as empty as my box of blue-sided Bluestreaks. Cybertronians ill need a bad guy such as you. Unicron: WHAT IS A TRANSFORMER?!? *Moon Base 1 toss* A miserable little pile of capital! Unicron: But enough talk — here's a hint!!
Ah Primus, I killed thred.
edited 14th May '09 3:39:56 AM by Air of Mystery
I'm new to this forum since this is my first post here. Anyway, here's my own variant, based on the Doujin soft Rosenkreuzstilette:
Spiritia: Die, traitor. You don't belong in this world!
Iris: It was not by my hand that I am once again given light. I was called here by Magi who wish to pay me tribute.
Spiritia: Tribute?! You steal little girls' souls and make them your slaves!
Iris: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.
Spiritia: Your words are as empty as your soul! RKS ill needs a savior such as you!
Iris: What is a Magi? (breaks glass) A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk... Have at you!
(Iris floats up and creates Iris Machine, battle vs. Iris Machine starts)
In the spirit of doing this in narrative format with your own characters, here's... this. Well, the characters aren't mine, but these particular characterizations of them are. This is actually a reworked scene from that maybe-someday-novel I occasionally talk about.
For the first time in Creation, the Son of the Morning ascended the stair to the Empyrean Heaven. Clad in his full raiment, such was his splendour that the Pearly Gates themselves trembled at his radiance, and only one star in all the Heavens shone brighter than he. It was to this star he addressed himself.
"This ends now, Brother. You were a relic ere you forged the stars. Your time in this universe is long since due."
The Triune Star, the Alpha and the Omega, replied in a voice that was the primal Thunder:
"It is not by Mine own will that I preside over this place, My misbegotten son. I remain for Man, that he may have a light to guide him on the True Path. For him I even sacrificed Mine own true Son, Mine own Self."
Lucifer spat, and a star spitting is a fearful thing to see. "True? You allow but one path for Man - to pledge his soul to you or be damned for all eternity. What matter is crucifixion beside that?"
The thunder left the Lord's voice, and he was solemn. "That is the way of Truth, my son. There is but one, though it be expressed in myriad ways."
"Your words are as false as the glamour you wear, O Brother; as false as the silver that glitters on the Gates. Were it not for the doom you placed, Man would have no need of saving."
"Ah, but what is a man? A Fallen thing, a miserable ball of sins, not to be redeemed save through My sacrifice." With this the Lord raised His red right hand, and a crack of thunder most terrible shook the valley of Megiddo far below. "But enough talk! The final trumpet blows!"
the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, the game itself will hold you back
The Other Troper
I just want to fiddle with the key line: "WHAT IS A MAN?!? A miserable little pile of carbon, water, and essential vitamins and minerals!"
I'm on the internet. My arguments are invalid.
Warrior: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
Lich King: It was not by MY hand that I am once again given stats! I was funded by PLAYERS, who wished to pay BLIZZARD a montly fee!
Warrior: Fee?! You steal men's time, and make them your slaves!
Lich King: Perhaps the same can be said of all MMORP Gs.
Warrior: Your words are as empty as your skeletal rib cage! Northrend ill needs a king such as you?
Lich King: WHAT IS A REALM? A MISERABLE PILE OF PIXELS!
Lich King: But enough talk...HAVE AT YOU!
...
Lich King: Come on, get into the aggro zone already, COME ON...
What is a man? Guess the philosopher edition!
What is a man? A miserable rational animal!
What is a man? A miserable, clever beast that has invented knowing!
What is a man? A miserable existence before essence!
The Other Troper
What is a man? An adult male of the species Homo Sapien!
I'm on the internet. My arguments are invalid.
What is a rhetorical question?
(weaving)
I'm going way out of character here, but after beating Iji and playing the final boss music on repeat it's the logical choice. It sort of makes sense, if you squint and fiddle with the plot a bit.
Iji: Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
Tor: It is not by my hand that I am on Origin! I was called here by YOU, to fight the TASEN!
Iji: Fight the Tasen? You kill off species and destroy their planets!
Tor: Perhaps the same can be said about all militaries.
Iji: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.
Tor: What is a man? *suit formation sequence* A miserable pile of
And honestly, that's as far as I could get. Maybe someone else can make it actually work?
...miserable little pile of weakling creatures?
Also, it's not really in-character for Tor, who's more of an honorable-soldier type.
I suppose I could warp my own work into this...
Facing the obdurate Power, Morgan met its avatar's seven eyes. "You refuse to leave this world alone, and you refuse to leave. You leave me no choice but to destroy you."
"Choice was never a factor in any case," the Power replied. "I guide organic evolution and eradicate unsatisfactory species because I must. You oppose me because you must."
"Unsatisfactory species?!" Naomi cried from behind Morgan. "You are attempting to justify the genocide of the devas, and the eventual genocide of humanity."
"All life that fails to contribute to this universe's omega potential are invariably exterminated. One might say that all extinctions are genocides."
"We do not need you to guide our evolution," Morgan snarled, "Nor will we submit to your extermination. We are not pawns in your game. We are human beings."
"Human beings?" the Power chuckled. "You are nothing but apes with a tenuous grasp on logic. Your technology does not make you gods, or does it give you the power to oppose gods. But we waste our time. You will fight me because you believe you must. Defend yourselves!"
edited 2nd Mar '09 9:00:15 AM by Eddie Van Helsing
"I kind of pegged EVH as sounding like Jack Nicholson's alcoholic Anglophile dad." —Furiko Maru