Because I don't value my sanity highly enough, let's liveblog Sonichu

You're a brave soul, Komodin. God bless you.

-whimpers-

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic

Ow, my soul...

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!

-starts to cry-

It huuuurts...

"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - Narbonic

You are truly a brave man, Komodin, I feel like removing my eyes just reading about it.

...wow. This liveblog is as close as I'm going to get to any of this stuff.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku

We need a Hall Of Fame for Tropers who dare to liveblog So Bad Its Horrible works.

You mean like this thread?

edited 5th Feb '10 9:32:33 PM by Marky_Markk

If Jesus reads this, I want my pants back...

Well this site showed me the proverbial abyss that is Sonichu and I haven't done any Liveblogs yet, so I'll take a crack at Sub-Episode 2. Finally, please bear with me, despite loving MST 3 K I'm still rather inexperienced at riffing. I'll try my best though.

We open up to a picture of a heart shattering. I'm sure that's the common response to this comic, besides the gouging out of eyes of course. Anyway ,we see Christian sitting down in pensive and deep thought. The comic then tells us that his heart is only running at less 20% efficiency. I wonder if he'll try and sabotage Christmas, it sure would be more exciting than this. Chris tells us that he's been on an epic journey, a journey akin to Odysseus's decade long quest to return to Ithaca, the Fellowship's journey to destroy the One Ring, or Bill and Ted's trip through time. This journey is of course his quest to find a woman that actually finds his fugly and intolerable self actually attractive. Yes, it is as impossible as it sounds. He has been on this quest of great importance for exactly a year and eight months. After gorging himself on chicken entrails, he decides to try and lure in another innocent victim.

Faster you can say,Psychopathic Man Child a woman does appear. She introduces herself as Hanna and says she is willing to take up Chris's desperate offer for a date which causes him to have a panic attack. CAN IT BE THAT CHRIS'S QUEST IS FINALLY OVER?! Chris sure thinks so, and he jumps in jubilation in front of a rainbow background, which is clearly not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. His heart then fills to 100%, so I guess no Christmas specials for him then. (Thank God)

Cue scene transition as Chris is still elated over actually having a woman give him the time of day, when out of nowhere Rosechu appears. Well...we know Chris has a clear understanding of reality after all, right? Anyway, he tells Rosechu to spread the word and she obliges because she has no choice. After another scene transition, Chris and Hanna are on their date at Starbucks. Chris asks Hanna about her interests, she replies that she plays guitar and loves Fight Club. Chris, being the complete antithesis of Tyler Durden that he is (Though both are completely delusional.) gushes about his totally original creation (DO NOT STEAL) Sonichu. He even shows her his scrapbook. THEY ARE TRULY MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. Chris somehow does a romantic double-take (How the..I don't even.) and the two part ways. Chris then stops his loitering to get advice from a dating sim on his DS. Because we all know dating sims are realistic depictions of human interactions.

Meanwhile Rosechu is still declaring Chris's triumph when she overhears Hanna and her friends. To her utter horror, Rosechu comes to the realization that HANNA TROLLED CHRIS!11!11!!1!!!1 (It's kind of sad and funny at the same time that random people just trolled him long before he even stepped foot into the hive of scum and villainy that is the Internet.) Rosechu rushes to break the bad news to Chris, who is currently playing previously mentioned dating sim. Rosechu drops the train on 'im, telling him that Hanna and her Starbuckians (That sounds like some sort of lame band from the '80s.) were just trolling him. Chris is incredulous and demands to learn the truth from the source. Hanna tells it to him straight and Chris is destroyed to learn that Hanna didn't choo-choo-choose him. (If you paused the comic just right you could see the exact moment his heart breaks.) Chris' heart returns to 15% as well as his chances of having Boris Karloff sing a song that compares him to a seasick crocodile. He also channels Darth Vader as we're back to square one once more. The comic ends with Chris about to send a heartfelt e-mail to Hanna. He then realizes that he doesn't have her e-mail address.

THE END!

edited 5th Feb '10 9:54:22 PM by Scisless

It hurts! It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!It hurts!

I'm a bit torn on the whole love-quest thing. It's sort of sweet and funny and disturbing at the same time. Kind of low on the sweet, though.

Liveblog | Deadblog

Great post. My heart level is now at 89.456565 percent.

Kill all math nerds

That brought my heart level to 30%.

I'm going to go steal Christmas now.

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!

Eh, might as well get started on Sub-Episode 3.

This one's called "Witch Confront". Only it looks like he spelled it as "Witch Comfort". Foe Yay, anyone?

Any ways, we see three images. The first is some sort of torn sheet of paper, most likely the "attraction sign". The second is an outline of a heart surrounded by blotches of...red gelatin, I geuss. The third is what can best be described as a porcelin Chris angel after taking a bullet to the chest. We then recieve a lenthy monologue wherein he informs us of how Mary Lee Walsh wronged him by destroying his "advertisements", shattering his heart, breaking his soul, and threatening to make him look bad. Apparantly, everyone puts up attraction signs, because he worries that others will "feel her wrath".

There is now a transition to PVCC, where Mary is scheming about how to shatter other hearts. God, she sounds like a Care Bears villain or something. Anyways, a Sonic recolor Chris-chan Sonichu arrives to inform her that he will defeat her, while striking a pose. Mary says one of the few not-painfull lines and the two engage in a series of moves that is supposed to be a fight scene. Afterwards, Chris-chan supposed Mach Punches her, though it looks more like a bitchslap. Mary kicks him in the groin, Chris-chan kicks back. Finally, Mary actually takes advantage of his Achilles' Heel and stabs him in the chest. Chris is subsequently impaled transformed back into his normal self. At this point, Mary discovers that Chris-chan Sonichu is Christian Weston Chandler. Its not too surprising, Mary. You should've been able to tell by the pure Marty Stu Waves emanating from him. Unfortunately, before mary could hit him with the final blow, she's interrupted by Sonichu. Chris then exclaims "I was down, but now I'm up!", for no real reason. The two then launch a dual Curse-ye-ha-me-ha and Thunder at Mary. The sub-episode concludes with the two celebrating over the fact that they killed an old woman.

EDIT: Didn't realize I'd hit the send button.

edited 6th Feb '10 4:29:09 PM by Daionusthe23rd

Well, I finally have some free time this weekend, and rather than spend it doing something worthwhile, I'm going to be liveblogging episode 4.

This episode is apparently called "Darkness, Speed and Lightning", and to give Chris some credit, the logo is actually pretty good. Of course, when the logo is the best part of the comic, you're in for some trouble.

So, according to the overly long exposition apparently Naitsirhc, the antagonist from the last strip, had somehow obtained a sample of Sonichu's DNA, and now Giovanni and Dr. Eggman are working together to create a Sonichu of their own. Chris doesn't even bother giving us a dialogue box to tell us this, by the way, he just sort of types this up with an obligatory picture of Giovanni shaking hands with Eggman so that it qualifies as a comic page rather than just prose. Chris, your laziness knows no bounds, does it?

The next page has a scientist named Bill hard at work at science. Since we aren't shown his face at any point, I'm going to assume that he's actually Bill Nye, since it amuses me and nothing else about this comic does. Dr. Nye accidentally spills the Cherry Cola he's been drinking onto Sonichu's "DNA strands"  ^*

. He figures it doesn't matter, though, so he sticks the hairs into some kind of cloning machine.

The cloned Sonichu ends up being black and red. I'm assuming that it's due to the cherry cola, but of course the real reason is that Chris, after successfully ripping of Sonic and Amy Rose, wanted to rip off Shadow next. Why would cherry cola affect the actual DNA of a cloned animal? Nobody knows, or cares for that matter.

The as-yet-unnamed black sonichu doesn't really give a shit about Giovnni and Naitsirch's vendetta despite their attempts at brainwashing, but decides to play along. Apparently the whole Mewtwo debacle has taught Giovanni nothing about giving his super-powerful cloned pokemon free will. Naitirch and Giovanni show Eggman the Sonichu, and he says what we've all been thinking, that it reminds him of "another creature I released years ago". Is... is this actual Lampshade Hanging? Well, Better than a Bare Bulb, I guess. Everyone wonders why it's black, but as far as I can tell no one bothers to ask Bill what the hell happened. Also, I've just noticed that Blachu has apparently been born with gloves and shoes on. Why? No one knows.

Naitsirch releases the black sonichu, and decides to call him... wait for it... Black Sonichu. Or Blachu. Why not just cut the bullshit and just call the guy Shadowchu, Chris? Do you really think we're such morons that we don't see the connection unless you point it out? Or do you not even have the barest minimum of creativity to come up with that name? Well, whatever, everyone introduces themselves to Blachu, and Eggman gives Blachu some "Rocket Boosters". Because apparently Chris decided that he wasn't ripping off Shadow enough, I guess.

Giovanni tells Blachu what's what, and Blachu wonders why he's black and not yellow, as well as if that means that Sonichu's his father. Giovanni tells him that it's more like he's Sonichu's brother, and that the reason he's black is because of the cherry cola. Eggman, whose head has apparently migrated to his right shoulder  ^*

comes in and tells Giovanni that he's found data on Sonichu by looking online. While I'd like to think he went to the CWC wiki, he says he went to Oak's homepage because Kel, in her infinite wisdom, told Oak everything.

Eggman also has info about Rosechu, telling Giovanni that she's Sonichu's girlfriend. Shouldn't he already know about her by asking Naitsirch? Giovanni tells Eggman that they have a new plan: Blachu will kidnap Rosechu and lead Sonichu into a trap. Wasn't that already Naitsirch's plan? And we all know how well that worked out. So Giovanni tells Eggman to build a machine to drain Sonichu's power, and I realise that I have just read through 7 fucking pages of evil plotting. Apparently Chris' motto is "Tell, don't show".

Blachu goes through some pointless testing, and Dr. Nye gives us both Sonichu and Blachu's stats. Amusingly, their stats appear to be only on a scale of 1-3, which should be good for... nothing, really. Apparently, Blachu has lower defense, but greater strength. Giovanni and Eggman only seem to notice the "greater strength" part, however, and say that he's ready. Good work putting that IQ of 300 to use, Doctor. It's really good to know that the pokemon crime lord is apparently incapable of basic counting, too. The final page is of the loudspeaker telling Blachu that it's time for his mission, with Blachu musing to himself that it's time to meet his brother. Also, I think the last picture of Blachu is traced, considering that a) I've seen an image of Sonic in much the same pose. and b) it doesn't totally suck. Chris, you keep finding new ways to fail, don't you?

No, wait, that's just the last page of the comic. The actual last page is that same ad as before. You know, the ad for the fake GBA game that will never, ever happen, even ignoring the fact that the GBA is outdated. You know, Chris, it's one thing to draw fake ads as a joke, it's another thing to use the same ad over and over again.

So that's issue 4. Absolutely no action, just a ripoff of Mewtwo's origin story retold with a Shadow ripoff. Probably the best part is the fact that Chris clearly cannot draw Dr. Robotnik. He reminds me more of the Robotnik in Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (aka the one you know for saying "Pingas" in Youtube Poop) than the one from the games. The fact that Chris' artwork is genuinely horrible only adds to the hilarity.

Are you not entertained?

Racism. Notice how his "creators" are all white men, and he's basically their (specifically, Naitsirhc's) subordinate/slave?

Experience has taught me to investigate anything that glows.

Blachu? Is that anything like a Blacula?

Nope. A lot more racist, actually.

Experience has taught me to investigate anything that glows.

Okay, wow... I know that "black Sonichu" conjures up entirely the wrong images, but I had never looked at it that way.

edited 6th Feb '10 2:13:46 PM by SapphireFlame

Are you not entertained?

At least the nickname Blachu will be replaced by Blake, probably because Chris realized that "Blachu" is a really stupid name.

Incidentaly, when did Blake pull a Heel–Face Turn? He just seemed to become a good guy with a secret relationship with Bubbles out of nowhere.

Kill all math nerds

Somewhere between Issues 6 and 8, for some reason. Chris doesn't do Show, Don't Tell, you see.

Experience has taught me to investigate anything that glows.

^^ When Chris realized that since he's ripping off Shadow, he should make him do a Heel–Face Turn to be true to the character.

By the way, I noticed that my fingers keep wanting to type "Christ" instead of "Chris". This disturbs me.

Are you not entertained?

So did anyone else hear the rumor that Chris is planning on pairing Magi-Chan up with Silvana to dispel the rumors that he's gay?

Kill all math nerds

WMG senses tingling.

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!

I heard it. Kind of ironic, really. Then again, by that point, Chris will most likey have Silvana equipped solely with her "god given parts".

On that note, I once tried writing a Sonichu trollfic would have involved the cast of Sonic trying to defeat Chris. Late in the story, it would have been revealed that Magi-chan was a double agent, assisting the homosexuals being persecuted by Chris.

Excuse me but Sonichu And Magi-Chan Are the TRUE AND ORIGINAL CREATIONS of Me, Christian Weston "Ricardo" Chandler and as such they are ALL STRAIGHT unless Otherwise Noted. Maybe if you stopped all these Misconceptions and Mislabelings I would not feel so Stressful and be able to complete more pages of Sonichu!

Imitating Chris is still way to easy for me. I feel so unclean.

edited 6th Feb '10 5:02:38 PM by Myrmidon

Kill all math nerds