Okay. So. Escape Game Minoto. Where do I begin with this? Well, I can say that it's a series of over one hundred thirty small Flash games, which play like standard "escape the room" games except the 'escape' part hasn't really happened since game 10 or so. I can also say that these games are insane. Absolutely insane. Example: One time I made a blue elephant try to eat an apple, only to find that there was a cat with a hula hoop dancing inside the apple. I then took the hula hoop, and gave it to an angry man with a beard. This angry man turned out to be God, who lost his powers somehow. I proceeded to put God in my pants and take him to fight Satan. God made Satan drop his pitchfork, which I picked up and gave to a panda so he could eat some noodles. Why did I do all this? So I could help a boy give a note to his crush.
These games come out every Saturday, and just finished a five-game arc about a werewolf (and also a baby who drives a car and gets into gunfights with G-men). This new game, Monkey and Secret Army
sounds like a good place to start L Ping
. I have not yet played the game, so these are my reactions from my first time playing this. (This is my first LP, by the way, so constructive criticism is welcome.
Alright! Let's Play Monkey and Secret Army!
Intro Blurb Time: "The crab is raging in the park. The crab is making the girl monkey a hostage. Let's stop the reckless driving of the crab."
-slow clap- Poetry that only the finest Babelfish translation can provide. I hope Minoto never hires an actual person to translate. Okay, let's start.
Screen 1: A nice playground setting. There's a pink rabbit next to a swingset, a bird that wants to play golf, a slide, a monkey, a crab (and yes, it's giant, you know the joke), a satellite dish that seems to be attached to the crab, and a girl monkey trapped in the crab's claw. There's also a key randomly lying on the ground with a big red arrow pointing at it, so that people who've never played a video game before can understand that clicking on it will make you pick it up. Let's do so, and then check out the other screens.
Key get! "It is Key."
Screen 2: We appear to be in a slightly more industrial part of the city now. There's a bear standing there with a goofy look on its face, a block of ice (maybe?) a dog in a doghouse, ...something, and a locked chest. We'll come back to the chest in a bit. Okay, I can click on the bear, and he climbs up that one thing. Apparently he'll be using it as a diving platform if I can find something for him to dive into.
Screen 3: Uh... what? What is this? There is a middle aged man balancing on something, with a rocket pack? A tiny dragon about to attack Towlie from South Park? A cloud that's very disturbed by what it's seeing? There's also a block equally depressed by what it's seeing, and clicking on it causes it to move up and down on a pulley system. Hmm... Ah! The dragon shoots out a tiny fireball that bounces up! If I lower the block... Success! The fireball bounced off the block, and Towlie caught it before it could whack him in the genitalia he doesn't have! Unfortunately, I can't pick the fireball up. You'd probably be wondering why I tried to pick up a fireball
, but these games, they warp your mind like that. Let's click on Uncle (which is what everyone calls him)... and it is a jetpack he's wearing. But the cloud apparently is anti-jetpack, and blows Uncle back to the platform he was balancing on. We'll have to do something about that.
Screen 4: Okay, apparently the Sun is feeling sick today, as it's lying in bed with one of those coughing masks on. There's a boarded-up window, a puddle of... oil? under the Sun's bed and a tube going from the oil to right over the Sun's face, a vase, and a sink that looks like it has something in it. Turning on the faucet raises up... some pliers! Excuse me, nippers.
Nippers get! "It is sharp."
Now to use the key on the chest I saw earlier. Inside...
Bucket get! "There is nothing in the inside, too."
Let's fill up the bucket in the sink. "Water is in the bucket" indeed. Now, where to put that water...
Aha! I can pour the water on the fireball to cool it down!
ball get! "Small size ball"
I just realized that the bird trying to golf is not actually using a golf club. Either way, it can still hit the ball... two inches backwards. The 'club' went farther.
Claw get! "It is useful for pulling out the nail."
Let's take the game's advice and pull out the nails in the board stopping us from opening that window. Oh. We still can't open the window, but we can...
Board get! "It is a strong elastic board." Apparently it was made from a rubber tree. I'm sorry, I'll never do that again.
Well, if it's bendy, it could work as a proper diving board. So let's give it to the bea..... okay that was new. Art Shift
to the max! Anyway, the bear's slow-mo diving RAEG was sufficient to shatter the block beneath him.
Ice get! "Chilly ice".
Let's see if the ice will help the sun. Oh, that wasn't a vase, it was one of those ice bags that you tie to something and put on your head. And it worked! The sun is now perfectly healthy after one second of ice to the forehead. (Also, that stuff under the bed isn't oil, but the base of a stand. Silly cultural differences.) And so, with great reluctance...
Mask get! "It is a mask manufactured from the material that can expand and contract." Presumably it's also covered in star germs. Ick.
I'll put the mask on the unhappy cloud. Maybe he'll stop blowing Uncle around. ...or maybe I won't put the mask on the cloud. Maybe I'll put it on the ground, and let a random bird fly onscreen and put it on the cloud for me. Whatever works, I guess. Now it's time for Uncle to fly like he's never flown before! He lands safely on the ground, and leaves his jetpack for me.
Jet Collar get! "Collar equipped with jet engine" Okay, while strapping jet engines to your body isn't the smartest of ideas, strapping them to your neck
seems especially stupid.
Anyway... maybe the fact that it's a collar means it's for the dog? It is! The dog puts on the collar.... around its torso, not its neck. Okay then. It flies offscreen and apparently whacks into something... but I can't find it. Maybe it's off to find the secret army I was promised. Anyway, the dog's chain is still there...
Chain get! "Chain that dog was using"
Oh hey I just noticed that there's only one chain on the swing, even though the seat of the swing is staying up perfectly. Oh, putting the chain on caused it to move up slightly. Well, the rabbit can finally swing! Wow. It does two loops instantly, whacking the crab claw with the monkey in it as it goes. I don't think it actually did anything though...
But wait! The satellite! I can use the nippers to cut the cable! Or not. The crab noticed me and blocked my attempt. Okay, I have a plan. I'm going to click on the rabbit again, and while it's swinging, hope that the crab is distracted enough for me to get to the cable.
Got it! Game won! The cable is cut, and the monkey rushes in to save his ladyfriend! Who jumps on his head and lands safely while her rescuer hits the ground face first.
Ending Blurb: "The code of the antenna connected with the crab was cut. The crab regained consciousness, and parted with monkey's girl. The crab was being operated by someone.
The park and the girl monkey were safely liberated thus.
However, who was manipulating the crab?"
Wait, is that it? Where's my secret army? What the hell? I was expecting a million monkeys and a dog with a jetpack to beat the crap out of this crab, but no. Apparently the Secret Army will show up next game. Hopefully.