I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Do you have any idea how tight dwarf armor would be on someone of my stature? Not very comfortable at all.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
Our sire speaks the truth!
Hail Overlord Willy Four Eyes!
Locking you up on radar since '09
Aye, m'lord, but once y' enslave 'em, I'm sure they could make ye' a decent set.
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Seventeenth Order: Heaven or Hell?
Ah, what a wonderful rest...and look at that...my axe now has a wonderful green tint to it. 'Twas good fortune that my Minions are loyal enough to sacrifice themselves for the greater good...I mean evil! Yes, evil. Those of you who are still alive, come with me. We still have work to do. To Heaven's Peak we go!
There has to be a way to sneak into the sewers....I will leave it up to the Blues to open the way. And just for the Hell of it, I command you to open up an escape route for me, to cut down on travel time should we have to come back here later.
[The Overlord sees a bunch of Zombies spilling forth from the sewer entrance once he returns.]
Oh, great. This is all your fault! Why did you have to listen to me and open that sewer up?
[The Blue Minions glare menacingly at him...more so than usual.]
Oh, right.
Gnarl: Hmm...they're dead...the serious kind of dead, where you don't get up and start lurching around. No challenge there, Sire.
You are correct...some would say that being dead is more comfortable than being Undead. I would call those people "buffoons."
And how about that...this sewer is full of grimy water, but there appears to be a spawning point for Browns. Something tells me that I will need to drain the water level in order to make full use of my army. Not being able to summon my best fighters severely limits my options. It seems I will have to plow through these undead on my own until I can find a way to..."even the odds", as it were. Of course, the entryway into the castle proper would have to be guarded by a turnstile...and this one is missing three pieces. Ugh...
Gnarl: So the priests didn't escape the plague, either. Looks like the Silent Order, Sire. They have a temple within Heaven's Peak.
Funny...they still look like your regular old easily-slaughtered zombies to me. Watch your step, boys! They have magic on their side. on the other hand, have the power of Fire on mine!
[The Minions find the three turnstile bars and open the gate to the next area. They are then encountered by a priest whose lips are sewn shut.]
Gnarl: Now you can see why they're called the "Silent" Order. Although having their mouths stitched up doesn't really give them a choice!
[He tries to tell the Overlord something, but his speech is completely unintelligible, and so he has to resort to pantomime. The Minions can't make sense of it, so the priest runs off, with the Overlord following after him., leading him to some survivors.]
Refugee 1: You're going the wrong way! The city's infested...the priests have shut the temple!
Refugee 2: And all Sir William does is throw endless parties with that creepy Red Dawn lot.
Refugee 1: He couldn't give a rat's fart about us. We're making a run for it.
Refugee 2: Better join us if you don't want to end up with bits hanging off!
"Endless parties, eh?" Looks like we have ourselves another "hero" who needs disposing.
edited 4th Nov '10 2:16:44 PM by WillyFourEyes
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Ah, m'lord! Parties be what that waste of a prince calls...er...what they called? Organs!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Eighteenth Order: Sir William of...Lothario?
If only I were to meet Sir William down in these sewers...they are an "appropriate" place for such a vile creature.
Speaking of vile creatures, that large sea serpent up ahead is preventing me from safely opening this gate. My fireballs do not have enough range to hit the beast, and my Blue Minions have not the manpower to put a dent in it. Oh, well..."acceptable losses", I suppose. There are large sacks of gold across the path, as well, but I will let someone else be greedy for once. Not like I have much to spend this on yet.
At least I get to control my Browns and Greens again so that I can use them to fend off the plagued ones instead of doing it all by myself.
Gnarl: Congratulations, Sire! You have found a new Domination spell!
I wondered what that sickly-looking glowing artifact was doing there.
Gnarl: The Confusion spell adds a little randomness into battle. He won't necessarily stop enemies attacking you, but they may start attacking each other, or running for the hills.
Ha ha ha! Infiltration successful!
Knight: Intruder!
Peasant 1: Sir William doesn't care about this city anymore. If you feel like some zombie bashing, the Poor Quarter's to the east!
Oh, bugger. There are peasants nearby There is no sport in using my new spell on unarmed opponents. Gone on, you fools! Raise your Torches and Pitchforks against me!
Peasant 2: You been to the Understreets yet?
Where do you think I came from?
Peasant 2: Did you see the forge? Is it really there? Bah, it's, uh, just school-boy puff. There ain't no magical forge!
Peasant 1: We really need your help, Lord!
Peasant 3: I think those priests must be behind it! They say that Sir William's knights have special armor crafted in a magical forge below the city...I don't know about that, but they sure are tough brutes!
Peasant 2: They call him a Paladin! Ha!
[The knights attack a few peasants while in their pursuit of the Overlord.]
Wait a moment...you are not town guards at all! DIE!
Rose: Not one for conversation, was he?
Peasant 3: Have you seen the Citadel? It's guarded by flying demons!
Peasant 4: Sir William has forgotten the code of the Paladins!
[The Overlord pushes his way past the rogue knights and opens the gate.]
Peasant: Thank you, Lord! Since Sir William returned from his last crusade, the city has spiraled into chaos. There are zombies everywhere! Some say demons, too...and we even had to cancel the royal wedding.
Thank me for what? All I did was open the front gate.
Rose: Some young harlot, I imagine, with full breasts and an empty head.'
Peasant: Could you look into it, Lord? I should stay here and do what I can for these folks. Some are as frightened to go as they are to stay!
[Rose sees a poster of Sir William and his bride-to-be]
Rose: Well, that's just typical of her! ...I mean, of her type, Sire! A silly little wench, too daft to know what she's getting herself into!
He really is a dope, this Sir William. Evil Rule #156: Capture the wench first, then commit deeds of evil.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
Sire, something tells me he's really let himself go... don't let him fool you!
Locking you up on radar since '09
Nah, that's Melvin, Flankah! Willy's prob'ly showin' off his ol' namesake!
Though be carful, M'lord! If he is, th' crazy harlots that write made-up stories 'bout yew might go too far!
edited 6th Nov '10 3:41:51 PM by Daionusthe23rd
Dreams of Revenge
Of course! Hopefully I won't be brutally murdered by our Lord...
Please.
Locking you up on radar since '09
Ah, don' worry! M'lord will forgive yeh for it! Granted, you'll have to wash th' minion toilets for a year or two, but ye won't be dead!
Dreams of Revenge
Great! ...I guess.
Locking you up on radar since '09
Rumours about a forge below the city, back from whence you came, m'lord? What an utterly nonsensical location...then again, you know what they say about the last place you'd think to look for things...
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Nineteenth Order: Worshipping in Silence
Are you finished kissing my feet, Jester? I have work to do.
According the the ears of the people, there is another forge being used by those chumps in the Red Dawn. If one such as myself were able to ..."repossess" it, this world would be a lot better off.
This stone archway looks suspicious...better check it out immediately.
[Some of the zombies are assembled in front of a larger zombie with flowing red eyes. The lead zombie, spotting the Overlord, summons a few more and prepares to attack.]
Gnarl: Looks like the one in the has been munching on a few military brains. He's controlling the others!
Trying to engage in a battle of numbers against me, the Overlord? We shall see about that!
[The lead zombie tosses a few fireballs at the Overlord.]
So you do have some modicum of intelligence. Allow my axe and magical barrier to correct the grievous error you made in attacking me!
Gnarl: I'm sure you don't want to be crushed by a rock giant, Sire, so I suggest you find our missing smelter.
Keep your rags on, Gnarl. The Smelter is right in front of me.
Gnarl: As I suspected, Lord. There's the Durium smelter!
Sure, right after I rold you I found it.
Gnarl: You must return it to the Tower at once!
Of course! But first, there are more zombies to slay.
[The smelter is being guarded by another pair of leader zombies. The Overlord tries to distract them while sending his minions up the ramps to take them out.]
Good work! Now, let us get our smelter back to the Tower...there is forging to be done!
Gnarl: The Durium smelter, Sire! This can produce a much sturdier metal, which can hold more Minion sacrifices. Visit your Forge to find out what new recipes are available to you.
Come, Giblet! Fetch me some durium equipment post-haste!
[Giblet commissions the forging of a durium axe and suit of armor.]
Ah, yes...I can feel it! I can feel the power! Wait...something is missing...of course! Without a new helmet, this ensemble is incomplete! It will have to wait...I must first find William and mount his head upon my throne.
[The Overlord returns to the castle town on Heaven's Peak to retrieve an artifact just sitting out in the open at the town square.]
Gnarl: Ah, now the Flamethrower spell is the Fireball's older brother. Just aim it at anything flammable and you'll have more charcoal than you could ever wish for.
[The peasants begin fighting back against the zombies emerging from the Poor Quarter. The Overlord goes off to investigate a loud feminine cackling sound on the other side.]
Such an obnoxious laugh...of course it would have to come from a succubus.
Gnarl: Doesn't exactly say 'Welcome', does it? Sir William is certainly not anxious for visitors. And I wouldn't advise tangling with these ladies just yet.
Are you suggesting that those succubi are in league with William? Or perhaps the other way around? Around...yes, that is what I must do.
[A group of villagers is trapped on the other side of a blockade leading to the Silent Order temple.]
Villagers: Let us in, let us in! We are your lost sheep!
Minions: Sheepies...sheepies, where sheepies?
[A group of white-robed Silent Order priests look down upon them.]
Villager 1: Give us sanctuary, give us food...we beg you!
Villager 2: You pious silent fiends, we're dying out here!
Villager 3: Barrier's won't save you...not in the end. They'll break through! They've got to come out sooner of later. And we'll be waiting!
Rose: Now that's just silly! They're starving potential worshippers! Do something!
Convert them to my cause instead? A capital idea! Minions! Tear that barricade down!
Villager 1: He's done it! He's broken it down!
Villager 2: Looks like there is some humanity left. Let's go!
[The worshippers try to walk in, and are immediately killed by a group of Black Knights.]
You saw that, Rose...Gnarl...that was not my fault.
[Another farmer is killed while the Minions are out harvesting life force from sheep.]
Again, not my fault. Minions, apologize to the corpse this instant! We need as many humans alive as possible!
[The Overlord goes back to the scene of the Silent Order battle. Twoe of the priests walk up to him and try to say something...]
Gnarl: My mumble is a bit rusty, but I believe he's saying, 'We surrender! Please don't kill us!' That, or he's asking the way to the nearest banana merchant. I'm inclined to go with the former.
[The priests speak to one another for a moment, and then get down on their knees before the Overlord. The priests and the Black Knights immediately cease their attack.]
Gnarl: They appear to have accepted you as their new god, Sire.
Excellent!
edited 20th Nov '10 7:49:18 AM by WillyFourEyes
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
Capital show, milord! At this rate you'll have the entire realm under your iron fist within no time!
Locking you up on radar since '09
I'll start writing your legacy for future generations to worship, M'lord!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Twentieth Order: Succubus Queen Dethroned
Those Silent Order priests will not be of much use to me in their current state, so I rely on you, Gnarl and Rose, to interpret for me what they are saying. I will find a way into this castle and around those masty succubi. Is William so lazy that he would leave a large hole in the castle walls unchecked? Small wonder he is so despised by the populace. If he were smart, he would keep that hole properly patched to prevent enemies from getting in...and out.
[The Minions scurry past a group of angry skeletons to steal a Mana Cylinder from them. They then proceed to the Poor Quarter.]
Peasant 1: That was amazing, stranger!
Peasant 2: Thank you, thank you. We're very impressed!
Peasant 1: Especially the way you killed them all!
Peasant 2: ...and tired yourself out.
Peasant 1: Now we'll have our funn....yarrrrggggg...!
"Yarrrrgggg...!" You call that a cry of victory? And look...your flesh is rotting.
[The "peasants" turned out to be zombies all along.]
Hmph...a group of peasants I would have no problem slaughtering. I should have known there was something amiss when I saw this statue of Sir William in the vicinity. You know what this kingdom could use? Grappling hooks. And monster trucks.
Peasant outside of the Halfway to Heaven Inn: 'Ere comes another one...another ones by the look of it.
Peasant 2: Now don't you start no trouble in there, lad! We'll be watching!
[The Overlord and his minions enter the bar. Everything is lively...not a zombie in sight.]
Barmaid: Welcome, Sire. It may be hell on earth out there, but at our inn, the drinks are still cold. Our beer will take you Halfway to Heaven, and I'm sure you will find something in here to show you the rest of the way.
Drunk: Come on, wench! We're dying of thirst here!
A Tower Portal? In a bar? How convenient. Gnarl, I order you to have this portal shut immediately. There will be no drunks roaming around my Tower! You hear me?
Drunk: You wanna fight? Do ya? Well, do ya?
Urge to raze bar...rising...
Bar Patron: They say that he summoned her...to satisfy his, well, you know!
Summoned who?
Bar Maid 2: You wouldn't think that a Paladin would come here, but William's a regular!
Pardon me. Mind if I break down these barrels? I need to...uh, investigate for...uh...bilge rats. Yes, that's it. Bilge rats.
[A drunk man bursts through the wooden doors and collapses in front of everyone. A woman in red is seen running through the doors and into the basement, prompting the Overlord to give chase.]
It appears there really ARE rats down here. I was merely joking about that part. We should look around some more.
[The Overlord and his Minions locate a room draped all around in red carpeting. There are red-cloaked cultists everywhere, similar to the one he saw earlier.]
This must be the inner sanctum of the Red Dawn. Sir William must not be very far behind.
Red Dawn Acolyte: Welcome to the order of the Red Dawn. Do enjoy your stay.
Take me to your leader. Now!
Red Dawn Acolyte 2: Spoilsport!
I think you have something that belongs to me. Until I find it, this will make suitable collateral. I will return shortly.
[The Overlord pilfers a Minion Control node from the Red Dawn group, and then returns to the scene of his crime with more (and better armed) Minions.]
Red Dawn Acolyte 1: You're not coming in here with your little goblins. We don't cater for those.
Rose: Who'd want to get mixed up in this?
Apparently, someone who likes to do unseemly things to farm animals... All right, Minions, back into the hole you go. Your time will come soon enough.
Red Dawn Acolyte 1: No goblins! For the last time, this isn't that kind of establishment!
You people can be so stubborn...
[The Overlord summons his Minions again, and orders them to open the barred gate and then kill everyone in the room.]
Problem solved.
[They go to another room, where one of the Red Dawn cultists comes in screaming.]
Scared Red Dawn Acolyte: Help! She's gone mad, she's...
Woman's Voice: My...lady...
Red Dawn Acolyte 3: No one is to disturb Her Majesty when she's with Sir William!
Gnarl: Sir William the Paladin has fallen from grace with a Succubus Queen, eh?
Rose: So she wasn't enough...she won't be happy about that!
Do you...know this person, Rose?
Gnarl: Fidelity is not a strong point in Succubae. I suspect we've found the source of the plague.
Red Dawn Acolyte 3: Please remember that the party at the Citadel is strictly by invitation only!
Sir William himself invited me. He said we were bros, you see. Allow me to submit my proof...
Red Dawn Acolyte 3: Stop! Our Queen does not wish to see you! She must have peace to prepare for the party!
My apologies...it would be improper to disturb Her Majesty at a time like this. Perhaps we should tone the noise level down a scratch!
[About a minute and a lot of screaming later, the group of Red Dawn cultists supervising the Succubus Queen is lying in a pool of their own blood.]
That gate will not save you or your queen.
[The Overlord breaks into the Queen's room. He Berserks his Minion horde and orders them to kill her and take back the statue she was guarding.]
Rose: Sire, that girl William the Paladin was going to marry. Well...she was my sister, Velvet. We don't speak. Speaking usually means she's got herself into some kind of trouble again.
Sounds like the perfect woman for someone like Sir William, then.
Rose: Judging by this place, Velvet's in it up to her silly little neck.
edited 21st Nov '10 4:02:00 PM by WillyFourEyes
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
That Velvet sounds like quite a wench, m'lord! Wouldn't trust her round my gold. Well, if I had any gold.
Dreams of Revenge
Milord, Rose would not mention this information to you if she did not expect you to do something about it.
Keep an eye on her; she's a crafty one.
Locking you up on radar since '09
Succubus queen, eh? I wonder what kind of messed-up monarchy they have in the depths of the underworld...but now's not the time for such imaginings, my lord. Now is the time for Sir William to pay for allowing the defilement of your Minion's favourite food source!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Twenty-First Order: Pleasure Spiked With Pain
It seems our work at this inn is complete. With the Succubus Queen dead, we should be able to get a bit closer to Sir William.
Peasant 1: Soon we can start bringing the refugees back to the city! I'm going to search for my family. They may have made it to the camp.
Peasant 2: There are no more new cases. Thank the gods!
Gods? Blasphemy! I am your only god. Practice your bowing before me. When I return, I expect every single one of you to be on your knees.
[The Overlord makes his way to Angelis Keep, his progress no longer impeded by powerful succubi or Black Knights. There are, however, plenty of Red Dawn cultists in tow, with their leader, Sir William the Black, sitting in front of them atop his throne and clutching a magical staff.]
William: You? You? Didn't we leave you for dead in that godforsaken Tower?
Why, yes. The Tower is very comfortable now, thank you very much.
William: You certainly should not be turning up at my party uninvited and flouting the dress code!
Nobody had any problems with my dress code before.
[William and the Red Dawn group make a run for it, into the next room.]
After them! No one insults my magnificent suit of armor and gets away with it!
William: They die to give me pleasure!
Then once this is all over, you will be the second happiest man in this room.
William: Do not kill all my party guests! Why do you stop to kill cattle?
Because you just said they meant nothing to you.
William: At least you are good for a little entertainment. I do hope you can stay the distance, peon!
[William challenges the Overlord to a duel, with the surviving Red Dawn members acting as enforcers.]
A no-weapons-barred duel? Consider it "on".
William: There can be beauty in pain, you know...even in death! I have done things you could never dream of, little man!
William: The Wizard is watching...he is always watching.
Wizard? Who is this "Wizard" you speak of?
[After a bit of fighting, Sir William bravely runs away.]
William: Ha! I can't believe I spent so long defending the right and the just! I thought fun happened to other people!
You actually like boredom? You are a strange man, William.
William: I can't tell you how good it feels to throw off the shackles of morality and antiquated dogma!
You and I both. But enough talk! If you claim to be a man, come out and fight like one!
[Sir William does not immediately come out. Instead, two succubi appear and attack, but are rather swiftly defeated.]
Relying on your demon sluts to do your dirty work? You are a weak fool, and you will always be a weak fool.
William: Hmm...you have a little skill, peasant! But do not overestimate it...I have more!
Then show me "more", you moron!
Woman's Voice: I'm in here! And tell that greedy Dwarf King that he can't have his wedding presents back! If I'm not going to have a wedding, I at least want presents!
Rose: *bored sigh* That's Velvet...
Do you want me to leave her there? Because I totally can, you know.
[The Overlord walks past the door where Velvet is trapped and moves on to Sir William's innermost chamber.]
William: The Wizard taught me how to seek my freedom. I won't let you take it, you uncouth lout...never!
William: A bloody and violent death! Now that's the way to start a party!
If it is death you wish to know, Sir William, then death you shall find!
William: I may have fallen, muck dweller, but what a ride!
Oh, but the ride is not over yet, my friend. You still have a long way to go. Down, that is!
[The Overlord joins his minions in brawling with Sir William and his own minions. As the Overlord delivers the fatal axe strike, William crawls in the middle of a circle of his followers, exploding in a puff of dark smoke. Sir William the Black is now Sir William the Dead.]
You can come out now, Velvet. Your liberator has arrived.
Velvet: Well hello...dark stranger. The rumors do not do you justice. You brought me a gift...some little pixies! You really shouldn't have!
Hey! Hands off my minions, woman!
Velvet: Next time, make it something shiny and expensive! Now...let me thank you properly.
Rose (hurriedly): She's obviously fine...she can find her own way out!
Gnarl: Ooh...she's quite the tasty treat, Sire.
[Rose whacks Gnarl on the head.]
Rose: Gnarl! Go to your corner! I'm going down there to sort this out!
Gnarl: Sire! The Tower can only accomodate one mistress, unfortunately.
[Rose comes down from her tower to meet with the Overlord and Velvet.]
Velvet: Come to play the concerned big sister? Come to spoil my fun, have you? And just as my rescuer and I were about to become better *giggle* acquainted.
Rose: Sir William summoned an over-sexed demon, started a city-wide plague, and now he's dead.
Velvet: I can see why you might be emotional...but stay out of my business! Him? Oh, he was overcompensating. Believe me. I was about to walk out on him when he locked me up in here. And now you've come along..my black knight...mmmmm...
Rose: You should know, Sire, that while you were out, I found a way to strengthen your Brown and Blue Minions.
Velvet: Common bribery, Rose? I thought that was beneath you!
Rose: Can't you see through her, Sire?
Velvet: You're not going to let a poor girl just lie here, are you?
Of course not. A poorly-dressed girl, most certainly. Come, Rose. We are leaving.
Velvet: You'll be sorry. She'll nag you to death!
Rose: I appreciate your loyalty, Sire! Pay no attention to her. She's all talk.
Good. I have had my fill of demons and succubi for one day.
[The Overlord returns to the Tower with Rose for a long-overdue rest.]
Gnarl: Mistress Rose has already upgraded your Browns, Sire. You can upgrade your Blues in your private quarters, mmm!
[Rose beckons for the Browns and Blues to come to her.]
Rose: Come on, my lovelies! Pay attention or Auntie Rose will have to hurt you!
edited 26th Nov '10 1:36:46 PM by WillyFourEyes
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
I believe you made the right choice, my lord. Someone of your stature should not lower himself to such a degree that he'll indulge in... base desires. We all saw where that led with William: death!
Locking you up on radar since '09
Excellently done, oh grand and noble Overlord! The gods of evil must be smiling upon you! ...Or smiling from below, whichever sounds more appropriate.
The only question is, what mission shall our great liege undertake next? Go after the thieving wench from the Forest of Elves, or take on the brutes of the Dwarven race? If you want my humble advice, I vaguely recall an encounter you had with Wraiths when you retrieved your first smelter, and I don't think you ever finished off that little...let's call it a 'sidequest', for lack of a better word. Now, it certainly wouldn't be beneficial if some wretch spread this to the masses, would it?
Thank you, m'lord! I knew you would choose the usefull mistess over the sex-loving one! I can already enter Heaven's Peak without someone turning into a zombie or getting white goo on my face!
I'm A Dirty Cowboy
This is great fun to read. Look forwards to the next one.
'Tis a good day indeed, friend. Th' sky's cloudy, th' pumpkins aren't talkin' and best of all, th' minions ain't killing any o' us!