Your group's jokes.

Hello everyone. I just thought this would be a good place to meet fellow tropers (and hopefully edit some glaring grammar mistakes.) As for jokes...

My group plays 5e dnd, and to be quite frank, monks are actually kinda sorta OP in that edition. At first level, they can punch something as a bonus action if they attacked with a "monk weapon" first. That, and their fists do 1d4 damage alone, growing over time. I play a monk in our adventure (Baeris Dumein, she is called). Now to cut to the juicy bit- some party members were interrogating a cultist while the others helped out around the keep. One by one, the other party members ran out of things to do and helped the interrogators. By slapping the guy. (DM counted it as an unarmed strike) So eventually, I walked in and then the party wizard spouted this gem-

Baeris: *slaps the guy* Cultist: *dies* Baeris: Whoops!

There's also another thing- we were searching a cave, and we overheard some kobolds talk about a dragon hatchery. Naturally, we had to investigate. We later found it, with three dragon eggs in there. I already had some dragon stuff going on in my backstory, and our paladin was a dragonborn, so we declined one. That left four party members who wanted an egg. However, one of them (the cleric) wasn't there at the time (don't ask) so the party decided he wouldn't get one. He was of course pissed by this, and declared he'd tame the next dragon he met. The problem was, the next dragon we were supposed to meet is the final boss who just happens to be...

Tiamat. (or so the DM's son says anyway)

Another little one about Tiamat- "Tiamat. Because sometimes, the rainbow tastes you."

Oh look, a ghost!

One of the players in our group used to be really bad at making characters, story-wise. He could min-max with the best of them, but he's never been good at making an actual character. The majority of his older characters were the hyper stereotypical 'Big guy who's not very smart and hit's things really hard,' and we eventually had to impose the rule on him that if he ever makes a big stupid character, the instant he refers to a party-member as "Boss" rocks will instantly fall from the heavens and kill him.

The worst case of this was his samurai.

This samurai was named Ben.

Ben the Samurai.

On-top of a stupid backstory (He was from real-world america, and then moved to japan, then lost his memory and came to the campaign setting) and duel-wielding double-bladed katanas, it was unanimously agreed upon that Ben was the worst character he had ever made, and ever since then whenever one of us besides him D Ms, we all play a game where we slip in references to Ben wherever it would make sense.

Dead for the foreseeable future. Towergirls will return when I do.

One constant joke that we have when it comes to our D&D games is "you see moist rocks". It originates when I was DM-ing a game of 5e D&D where our rogue was trying to peer around a corner in a dungeon to see if there was anything waiting for them. However somehow I misheard "I search around the wall" as "I search the wall", as if he were looking for a secret door or something. So I started describing the wall— "You see moist rocks..." was all I got to before he looked at me as if I were completely insane and explained what he really meant. It was embarrassing but really funny.

Now whenever someone fails a Perception check or some other kind of searching roll our group says "You see moist rocks...."

I can still hail the Horde even though the company has shamed us. Strength and Honor even if Blizzard has neither.

one time my pathfinder group were down in this temple. we found this one room that was filled with a couple (3, I believe, but it was months ago) dire weasels. knowing our squishy level 1 selves were gonna get murdered in there, we absconded the weasel room to move onto greater (and by that I mean lesser) things. and then we hit level 2, and because our egos were at a level a good 10 times higher we burst in and aggressed the dire weasels with the mindset "we can take 'em!". and we DID technically "take 'em"...but that was because one of our characters, a teenage rogue, was clamped into one of the weasel's jaws, which kept the weasel occupied and unable to take attacks of opportunity against us...that one fight created two of our most prevalent Jokes, the quotes "We can take 'em!" and "Not the Dire _______!" (a phrase directed to the weasels that our poor rogue would exclaim whenever brought up)

The party has a "friendly" derro NPC companion in their escape. He is kind of an asshole, but that's because he doesn't actually understand how to interact with people without being a colossal jackass.

Case in point is his favourite ice breaker joke. "What do you call dark elf who cannot swim?" [beat] "Drow-ning!" (Best said with a horrendous Russian accent.) Not a great joke when a party member is a violent stabby drow.

Joke has even gotten brought into a campaign one of the players is running, with the implication that the same derro has been telling this joke to efreets in the Plane of Fire. Lord only knows how that occurred.

edited 2nd Oct '16 5:02:25 AM by EviIPaladin

"Evii is right though" -Saturn "I didn't know you were a bitch Evii." -Lior Val

Years ago, one of our players created Geram, the unscrupulous "leader" of a team of specialists (read: a balanced party of horrifyingly min-maxed characters). And while the character is still alive, he's already built something greater than himself.

A legacy.

Geram was merely the first. He became a character archetype. In several other games, the same player or another have played "a Geram". And in our next Star Wars d6 game, it'll be my turn. At character creation, the concept could be summed up with a single word: I'll be playing the party Geram.

Then, due to the original Geram working as (among other things) an investigator, there's what "a Geram culprit" means...

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."

Due to a party where apparently only one character (and arguably, only one player) had any common sense, our group has Lazuli, the Goddess of Sense. One worships her by observing a party member doing something really stupid, then doing a Face Palm.

Reminder: Offscreen Villainy does not count towards Complete Monster.

one of our party members is infamous for constantly causing Henderson's in every game we play, by accident, the GM will put us in a corner and he will make things up as he goes along.... and it works and fucks everything up and is why the various GM's have learnt not to set any plans in stone if he's in a game

advancing the front into TV Tropes

My group has created the "Things That Tranq Says Before Something Cool And/Or Disastrous Happens" List.

The phrases they listed are as follows:

• "A lot of things happen very quickly."
• "I'm gonna take a moment to describe this..."
• "You hear a deafening boom."
• "(NPC Name Here) looks behind you and says (Expletives.)"
• *About a minute of supressed giggling.*
• "You can try." (If he says that sarcastically, it goes bad. If it's said normally, it's cool.)
• "You hear the sound of (X) hitting (Y) VERY hard."
• "I'm going to allow that because it's stupid and I love it."
• Anytime Tranq uses the word "Suplex".
• Anytime Tranq asks you to make a CON or WIS saving throw out of nowhere.
• Anytime Tranq tells you to make a skill check without context as to what you're checking for.
• "This is gonna be a bit of a song and dance, but..."
• "Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay then..."
• "I wasn't expecting this to be a factor, but here we go."
• "Gimme just a sec, gotta actually set a (X) stat for this guy because I wasn't expecting (X) to become a factor."
• Anytime anything that fights by punching shows up.
• Anytime anything that Tranquilis describes as looking "Ridiculously strong" shows up.
• Anytime Tranq gives us a vehicle.

Dead for the foreseeable future. Towergirls will return when I do.

This is me GMing Black Crusade.

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."

The last time I ended up saying that phrase, an angel got hit by a train, went through the front window, and was then suplexed.

It was great.

Dead for the foreseeable future. Towergirls will return when I do.

#NotAllKobolds

edited 30th Mar '17 1:51:35 AM by Ulysses21

Avatar from here.

one of our party members has obtained a special item named after him to allow him to re-roll really shit rolls.... because he rolls so fucking badly all the time that is has become detrimental to the party's health "okay, roll a d100 to save the party and win the game!"

• rolls a natural 100

"you killed everyone! good job!"

edited 30th Mar '17 2:07:24 AM by FieldMarshalFry

advancing the front into TV Tropes

Roll to save versus instant death... when no such spell was cast. Last time, they rolled a 1 and the building fell on them. Huh.

A player once, in the midst of a meeting with Bellatrix, Vampire Queen and Blade of Mars, stopped what they were doing and said "I'm a fish" as if he had just had a massive revelation.

He was playing as a Triton at the time, so he wasn't exactly wrong, but it has been a tradition in the group now to suggest "I'm a fish" as a good option for social encounters.

My DM likes to jokingly say "Take 1 mental damage" whenever we do something stupid.

Well, we assume it's joking. If he was serious, we'd be dead before level 3.

Time to pick up psychic damage resistance, and then complain when it doesn't apply.

Replying "SHAAAUUUUN!" whenever the name is spoken.

Deploying the Swiss Army Das, the resident Jack of All Trades.

Intimidating people by cheeping menacingly at them.

Sure the show's stupid but it's bright, fun, and you see grown men get punched in the face multiple times an episode. What's not to like?

One of the players in a game I occasionally sit in on somehow managed to get half the party and several npcs to worship Lighting Mcqueen as a god.

In the sequel campaign, the dm revealed that this was due to the pc's extremely low intellegence score, as he had mistaken Lightning's catch phrase "kachow" as the name of his father's deity- "Kachoo, god of many blessings"

In my group one of the players has a d8 with fractions on it, so we use it to roll for "fucks given".

If you roll a 1, you give a fuck about what's going on.

edited 13th Jan '18 9:15:46 AM by Karxrida

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody remembers it, who else will you have ice cream with?

Out of curiosity (I like weird dice), what are the faces?

I think they're all just different fractions of 8 (e.g. 1/8, 1/4, 5/8).

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody remembers it, who else will you have ice cream with?

That was one of the possibilities I saw. The other would be inverses of integers (1/2, 1/3, etc.)

• Making every major NPC a pop culture reference

• Giving every enemy a stupid nickname

• Never letting the GM forget that he put a hole in the top of an elevator and honestly expected we wouldn't try to climb through it.

• Spoons as gifts of peace.

Sure the show's stupid but it's bright, fun, and you see grown men get punched in the face multiple times an episode. What's not to like?

Every time the Paladin uses his Lay on Hands ability, someone sings the MST 3 K reversal of Madonna's "I Touch Myself" lyrics:

"When I Touch You, I Think About Myself — Waitaminit...!"

This Space Intentionally Left Blank.