HOLY CRAP, I STARTED THE APOCALYPSE!

First person does something, the second person describes how that cased the apocalypse. Then second person does something...

TV Tropes caused the apocalypse by causing everyone to sit in front of their computers all day everyday reading tropes, causing people to die from starvation in masses.

I bought a bag of chips.

The chips are contaminated with a sample of a deadly bacterium, which goes on create a pandemic that causes the end of civilisation as we know it. Except in Madagascar.

I get on a plane.

Increased weight on the side of the plane you're sitting on causes the plane to drift too close to the ash cloud over Eyjafjallajökull. Flying blind, the plane crashes directly into the volcano's crater, and the resulting explosion accelerates seismic activity throughout Iceland. The ash clouds that result blot out the sun.

I'm trimming my fingernails.

Your trimmers unexpectedly rip a hole in space-time, where trillions of Eldritch Abominations pour forth, devouring you and everything on Earth. Both Heaven and Hell team up to destroy these otherdimensional beasts, and are soundly obliterated.

I am opening up rifts to Hell on Mars for the sheer hell of it.

edited 20th May '10 3:44:20 PM by Eatdembeanz

Easy enough, the demons grab your ship and head to Earth. Meanwhile, a certain Cyberdemon kills you on level 1.

I sneeze.

Your sneeze breaks an opening in the Space-Time Continum causing a Black Hole to open up and eat everything as the world fold in on itself, and promptly asplodes.

I went on to Tvtropes.

You, along with the other Tropers, all lose their lives. This massive amount of lost lives causes hell to overflow, and the dead devour the Earth

I am fully incapable of doing any harm.

That's because you're paralyzed. During your paralysis, all sorts of lovely parasites use your body as a host. They are then allowed to grow and thrive as they please, until finally your body doesn't exist anymore and the earth is running away from a tapeworm the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro.

I'm reading a comic book.

A paper cut exposes you to a virus that leaves you completely blind... in fact, your pupils and irises vanish entirely. It turns out to be highly communicable, and critical infrastructure breaks down on a global scale (except in Madagascar) as the world's population cannot adapt quickly enough to the loss of their sight.
That's what you get for reading Rob Liefeld's crap.

I move to Madagascar.

edited 20th May '10 4:50:28 PM by Exaggeration17A

^^The comic book was laced with anthrax, completing a terrorist group's plan to take over the world.

I got off on stabbing my genitalia with a fork.

edited 20th May '10 4:50:47 PM by ILoveDogs

^x2

God decides to punish you for being genre savvy and the super virus is developed in Madagascar. You are killed; the rest of the population catches it and evacuates Madagascar for the world...

^

...Whereupon you contract the disease and cause it to mutate further through your self-mutilation. Days later the world is void of all people.

I jump into a cup of water.

edited 20th May '10 4:55:54 PM by Katsuun

You violate some law of science that results in a earth shattering kaboom.

I am hungry.

edited 20th May '10 5:03:44 PM by TuefelHundenIV

EAT THE RICH! There's only one thing that they're good for!
EAT THE RICH! Take one bite now, come back for more!
EAT THE RICH! I gotta get this off my chest!
EAT THE RICH! Take one bite now, spit out - Oh shiznit, there goes the economy. And a lot of those rich assholes' families are lookin' at you. With pitchforks.

I am riding my bicycle.

You're riding on the Highway to Hell. The Legions of Hell follow you back home to begin their invasion.

I'm coming up with non-sequiturs and Insane Troll Logic.

Your concentration of illogical statements eventually out do even the Time Cube resulting in an area void of logic that eventually cause the universe to collapse.

I walk to class.

Which has a secret panel that can only be activated by someone with your DNA which triggers an old experiment that could and now will end the world

I gave a lolcat a cheezburger

The cats realize the power they have to manipulate humans. After spamming the internet with just the right combination of cuteness and bad grammar, they innocently ask for control of the world, which is freely given. Now that the felines no longer need us, they put us on conveyor belts and drop us into the sea.

I'm just going to gargle some Listerene, here....

That was actually a chemical that gives you superpowers... too bad you have power incontinence

I played my old xbox

IT WAS CURSED! And it caused everyone to into Instrumentality.

Your playing Earth Bound.

Which controls actual events so stuff that happens in earthbound happens in the real world. Turning off or losing the game destroys the world entirely

I just ate a grape

The grape is a metaphysical link to the entire earth's ecosystem. You just drowned it in stomach acid.

I breathed.

Abd out of it your mouth came a portal to hell and everything died.

I'm On the Last boss of Earth Bound, Giygas.

You hit a glitch so bad that it affects all of reality, rendering the universe corrupted.

I kissed a boy...and I liked it. :/

edited 20th May '10 6:35:09 PM by Keybreak

Everyone in the world turned gay, so no one could reproduce fast enough and we die out.

I pilot The Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

^^The boy is a shape-shifting incubus/succubus, who then seduces everyone in the world, stealing their souls and destroying the planet just to rub it in. All because you touched off its lust.

You step on a crack in a sidewalk in Delaware.

edited 20th May '10 6:40:33 PM by AnonymousUser