Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted Everyone will look at this box... except you. You will never see, touch or even be near it.

I wish I won't regret my next wish.

Granted. You said nothing about the wishes before and after this one.

I wish that I could live and sustain myself on the Moon without anyone discovering me.

Granted. But the Moon is now the only place where you can be without being discovered. It has become impossible for you to have a single moment of privacy while on Earth.

I wish Selfie hadn't been cancelled

Granted. But now it's so bad you wish you it was still cancelled.

I wish for world peace.

Granted, an alien homeworld gets world peace while we Earthlings are still killing each other.

I wish for the human race to have eternal peace with itself.

Granted, alien genocide, everybody dies, et cetera et cetera.

I wish to have all my credit cards paid off.

But you now live on the streets.

I wish for an ice cream cone.

Granted. The flavor is something you're deathly allergic to.

I wish I had Morgan Freeman's voice.

Granted, you have Morgan Freeman's bloody larynx in a bucket of ice.

I wish I didn't live on the streets.

Granted! You now lie dead on the streets.

I wish to always know whenever something I'm told is a lie.

Turns out everyone is lying about everything to you.

I wish for six pecs.

You now own six identical copies of the National Guard Professional Education Center in Arkansas. So, uh, congratulations. Hey, they're probably worth a lot of money.

I wish I wasn't dead.

You come back to life as a Lovecraftian Horror.

I wish for a good harvest.

Granted, but you Came Back Wrong with Body Horror and without your conscience.

Granted, there is a good harvest... of brussel sprouts! Every other crop dies off.

I wish to have a catchy Verbal Tic.

edited 16th Mar '15 4:51:15 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted. It becomes so popular that you get sick of hearing everyone repeat it.

I wish Lowtax was still alive.

He's a zombie and he bites you.

I wish for pain.

Granted: you are now forcefully subjected to years of watching Nickelback, Barney and Friends, Rebecca Black's "Friday", and playing Ghostbusters for the NES.

I wish for people to exaggerate everything.

Granted, but everyone goes mute the next day after so much screaming.

I wish for less cynicism.

Granted, you're a gullible sap who swallows everything anyone tells you, and as a result you survive about four days before you give every cent you have and everything you own to a "Nigerian prince", and then get mugged and murdered by someone you thought was a kindly hitchhiker near the state prison.

I wish I had not Come Back Wrong as a Lovecraftian Body Horror without a conscience.

edited 17th Mar '15 10:32:41 AM by SolipSchism

Granted. Instead you Came Back Wrong as a Souless Shell.

I wish I wasn't so scared of everything.

You come back as a rock. You jump off a cliff because you're not scared of dying.

I wish I my celeb crush was my girlfriend and that we agreed on everything and got along great.

EDIT:

edited 17th Mar '15 10:51:39 AM by Spinosegnosaurus77

You are lynched by hoardes of angry fanboys.

I wish I hadn't failed my exam today.

Granted. You fail tomarrow.

I wish I had some cake.

It's space cake.

I wish for six pecs and a sixpack.

You are lynched by hordes of fangirls.

I wish I was a competent driver.