Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami

This is hilarious. Poor Slowzombie...

You're looking for this person.

It’s Yagami time everyone. Now aren’t I lucky? Actually, I’m enjoying this, sure, there’s several reasons this fic is only marginally better than being punched in the soul, but it could be worse. I mean, the other badfic I knew about other than My Immortal was a certain fic where there’s snakes on a sora, and there’s no way in nine, eleven or thirteen hells that I’m touching the unsporked version of that. Plus, I couldn’t do a completely blind run since I had read the sporkification. But anyway, the author in this chapter title admits that this is far from over, what with “not last chapter now.” This chapter title gives me a whole new kind of unease right now. There’s just a wrongness over the notion that that string of words is meant to be a sentence, or close to one. Well, the author apparently got good reviews, if the authors note is to be believed, so he’s ready for another go. Well, let’s join him, shall we?

This chapter starts with a bang. Litteraly, with a bang, as The nuclear bom went off like a bom and blew up the street and some houses and a car too . Ehm, ok fic, this “bom” must have been a really, really small “bom,” I take it? Well, I guess I’ll have to give the fic a chance to explain itself, although I really shouldn’t expect much at this point. Dark wakes up and of course wonders what the bang is. One assumes the bomb exploded pretty far from him since he’s not a charred corpse at this point. “I was probably just a dog or a bom or something. Cum back to bed” said Misa Sayu,, Light, light’s mom and that girl from the bus who were having a sevensome in the basement bed to hide frim Soichiro.

...

...

Sevensome? A sevensome including the whole damn Yagami family save Soichiro? Ok, the author is clearly fucking with us? I mean, does he try to cross the line twice, after apparently creating a situation where anyone says that a nuclear bomb could be “a dog or a bom or something,” or is the whole narrative slowly losing it’s mind? The latter seems likely, because what follows immediately after is: But Dark jumped out the window and fell like 20 feet and landed on a barbeque which was on but he was hard so he didn’t catch fire and he ate a burger as he looked at the big hole that the bom had made in the road. Dark jumped out of the window… in the basement. Dark Jumped out of the basement window, and fell around 20 feet? Dark jumped out of the basement window and fell 20(ish) feet down on a fired-up barbecue? And he didn’t get burnt because he was so hard? I’m serious, this is the April fools update or something, right? The author just must be taking the piss, no? Well, the publish date disagrees, so let me just resume my ranting. The big hole the bomb had made in the road? If it really was a nuclear bomb, there would be… no… road, and neither would Mr. Yagamis car be scratched, it would be utterly demolished, or melted, or just… disintegrated.

So, what does Dark do? He puts on a spacesuit and goes to investigate the buss-sized crater this bomb apparently made. Where did he get a spacesuit? Why go into the fresh crater? Why the crater isn’t bigger? Actually, I’d rather not know, lest I Go Mad from the Revelation. Well, in the bottom of the crater stands Yotsuba, a tall slimy man covered in green with a magic death note. Yotsuba wants Dark to revive him with the Life Note because he died from the bomb. Dark, apparently having lost his super power, the Common Sense, does so, and Yotsuba, as a thanks, attacks him. What follows ... well: “DARK! NO” shouted light’s mom. She gotted from Dark wat she never got from Soichiro nad his creepy mustache and sexed loads of times a day now. If he died then shed have to go back to sexing other people. “DON’T DIE! I GET FROM YOU WHAT I NEVER GOT FROM SOICHIRO AND HIS CREEPY MUSTACHE!!!” This line is, for those of you who are keeping count, the second time in this chapter alone the fic has me at a loss for words. I mean, yeah, he didn’t grow up with her, but need I remind you that Dark is Sachiko’s son? I know I’ve asked this before, but seriously, has the author completely lost his mind, or has Dark’s Black Hole Stu-pull finally overpowered the fic entirely? I just can’t tell, and I pray this is some kind of poorly executed bizzarro episode. Yotsuba tries to fire a gun at Dark, but misses and hits Light instead. Yeah, apparently Light went outside, either that, or… no, you know what, no level of Disaster Dominoes can justify it otherwise. After that, everything goes dark. I’m assuming everything goes dark for Yotsuba, even though that doesn’t make any sense either.

Sweet merciful Willbur Whateley on a pogo stick, the author doesn’t pull any punches with this chapter. What follows is a discussion between Yotsuba and L about who L’s going to send out next, with L making constant references to Near. Gee, more Near puns, color me on the verge of a Live Blogger’s breakdown. Anyway, L’s “Magic Telephone” rings, and he’s informed that Near is dead. Wait… how and when did he die? I just don’t know. Instead, L decides to send out another agent and… “HIS NAME IS……………………………… HAL LINDER!” Correct me if I’m wrong, but Halle Lidner isn’t a he. Of course, could be this Hal Linder is an OC, but I doubt it. Anyway, “Linder” has a teleport note he found in Russia. Yeah, you don’t need to explain or anything, variations on an artifact of limited godlike power can be found just laying around in Siberia, everyone knows that.

Well, Linder uses this to teleport into the Yagami household, in America, if you’re not tired of it yet, why not refer to my rant in chapter one about the subject, and shoot Dark, except it’s not Dark, it’s Light, something the real Dark points out as he comes running. So… he knew that Hal Linder had a teleportation-enabling note and was teleporting in to shoot him? Did he read ahead in the script? Has his stuness finally broken down the fourth wall? Is this chapter even real? Well, what does Lidner Linder do? Shoot again? No, he says he has failed and then falls through a plothole, one assumes never to be seen again. Anyway, Light gets resurrected with the Life note, again 100% drama-free, again less interesting than the scribbles on the wall of a public toilet, and the sevensome mentioned earlier resumes, yay. Not creepy at all. They’re discovered by Soichiro, but it turns out he’s ok with it because he loves them so much. Again, drama, what’s that? However, the girl from the buss: took like five guns out from under her pillow and pointed them to everyone. So, this girl is what, Kali the Destroyer? Seriously, five knives I could have accepted somehow, but five guns? How in the world do you fire more than two? On second thought, don’t tell me, I believe I’m happier not knowing. Anyway, Dark gets shot and “everything gets all matrixy.” No, I have no idea what the author meant with that.

Well, the story ends with “Dark is dead and the world is safe!” said the girl fro mthe bus teleporting back to L. She was a hero and got on tv and stuff and there was a parade for her. Everyone was happy except for a few sad people and they were all called Yagami except Misa who was not called Yagami but she was called Anime and that’s quite close. Yay, the fanfic is… not over, of course. In the shinigami world, where Dark apparently ended up after death, despite Death Note canon stating that dead souls just disappear, a notion which makes the idea of a Life Note even more ridiculous. In the Shinigami world, Dark kills Blud, who dies eating his last blood banana  ^*

. Despite not being a shinigami, this makes Dark the next shinigami king, and the transformation sequence that follows bears being quoted in its entirety.

He was as a big as a bus and was wearing leather pants which dint hide his super big man thingy which was the size of a bus and twice as wide. His hair was every color of the rainbow but only in dark black like oil or something. His seventy-nine eyes all burned a diffrent shed of red except one which was gold because it contained the tiny good part of his sole. His deathnote changed too. It turned rainbow black like his oily hair and got new words on it. And they said…………….… EVERYTHING NOTE! Let’s be methodical about this, shall we? For one thing, his penis is… larger than he is? Or simply his entire body mass and then some? Gee, the jokes almost writes themselves. Anyway, I fail to see how that’s practical in any way, shape or fashion. Also, his hair is every color of the rainbow, a Sue-sign as good as any, but apparently also all black, which I can only explain as thoroughly stupid. Finally: Everything Note? I just KNOW this can’t be good. I mean… what is an Everything Note meant to do? Everything, apparently, which in my book translates to “Horrible Stu Overpowerdness”

The author analyses the current state of his plot like follows: THIS MUST BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In my own words: No! It! Musn’t! I mean, come on, you just made your character virtually omnipotent, and I’ll be honestly surprised if you can make any scenario where any of his enemies put up anything that can be compared to a fair fight. Of course, thus far no one else has because the main character is so awesome, but that’s not an excuse, that’s a part of the fucking problem. Also, for that matter, couldn’t Dark be revived with the Life note? I mean, playing re-animator with an atom bomb victim was no problem, so a bullet or twenty-seven can’t be all that much worse, right? Oh, and also, what in the world was the deal with that bomb? Will we ever be explained anything about why there was a nuclear explosion in the neighbourhood, or is that part of the story reserved for the inhabitants of the author’s mind? Honestly, I just can’t agree with myself if this is a serious (poor) effort or just trolling, and I think My Immortal is not a Troll Fic. At any rate, the sudden drop in coherency worries me, and a part of me hopes that this will get better by the next chapter, although I’m content if it doesn't get much worse.

So... yeah, I think it's ok to feel a little sorry for me now, just remember I do this out of my own free (and apparantly stupid) will.

edited 17th Nov '09 1:16:26 PM by slowzombie

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What are you saying!? Don't drag more orgies into this!

Yeah, this is the point at which the fic is catapulted to stratospheric levels of ridiculousness. I do feel sorry for you, and can only hope that you're getting at least a bit of a chuckle out of the stupidity of it all.

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger

I think the author made a bet with Tara that he could write more over the top fanfic.

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!

Seriously, I lol'd.

This fic doesn't come off that trollish to me. It seems the author was so overly-earnest... I don't care, it's hilarious! Keep it up, Slowzombie!

You're looking for this person.

This doesn't seem to be quite as much of a Perfect Cliché Storm as My Immortal  ^*

. The typos aren't quite as surreal, and there are more signs that the writer just wasn't thinking when he was writing certain descriptions.

So to me, it looks a lot more like the sort of thing that could've conceivably been made by accident.

I guess it's possible that someone actually thought "hey, this is great writing." It's getting ridiculously bad, though, kinda My Immortal with the annoying fascination for emo bands and clothes replaced with a fascination for poor lesbian erotica and ridiculously huge wangs. Sooo... it's Death Note as imagined by a young teenage male. Oh well, at least I still have chicken the riffs.

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I keep reading this liveblog in quiet areas, which doesn't work too well, considering I have to muffle my laughter every few seconds.

But I do understand the "everything went all matrix-y" thing that happened when Dark got shot. He's referencing the Matrix, but he's saying it was a Slow-Motion Fall. I think. That would make the most sense.

...Crap, I'm understanding the author's language! Help me!

edited 18th Nov '09 1:49:10 PM by KrisMahai

“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

I think it's hilarious, regardless of how trollish or not it is.

You're looking for this person.

Heeeeeeere’s Yagami. Oh yes, let’s see what kind of insanity the fic has in store for us today. This chapter is called “Some slashing in this chap.” I’m guessing the author means either light-hearted gory horror movies with masked killers turning cheerleaders into hamburger meat, or the other kind of slash. Why do I feel that there’ll be preciously little of the former and too much of the latter? Well, the author notes read THANKS FOR READING! THIS CAHPTER HAS SOME SLASHING IN IT AND ALSO SOMEON DRINKS SOME WINE DO DON’T READ IF YOU H8 ALCHOL! ALSO THANKS TO EVERY 1 FOR LOVING MY STORY AND ALSO FOR THE REVIEWS EXCEPT FOR THE HATTERS WHO FOUGHT THERE WERE TROLLS IN THIS FIC! THERE ARE NO TROLLS THO I MAY DO A GOLBIN ONE DAY. MORE REVIEWS PLEASE.

Further comment shouldn’t be neccesary, but honestly, I can see why people think this guy is a troll, who can blame me, after the last chapter? Oh, and “don’t read if you h8 alcohol” … I can’t imagine how that disclaimer is necessary, but ok, I’ll roll with it. I don’t have anything against alcohol, at least not close to as much as I have against poorly written fanfics. Well, while I’m still sane, let’s roll.

The fic starts where it left off with the now uber-powerful (and ridiculously endowed, lest we forget) Dark Yagami, king of the Shinigami. His first act as the Kingigami? “BOW BEFORE YOUR NEW KING PUNNY MORTALS! Dark said in a very kingish way. Yeah, mortals, Shinigami are mortal. Or, I realize as I write it that technically, shinigami can die if they are spectacularly lazy, but mortals? Punny mortals even? Not Puny, but punny. Right. Let’s just go for that. Oh, and also, his followers, you know, the lazy nihilists that doesn’t really respect anyone, including their king? Their reaction: All the other sinigami bowed there heads off because they loved him so much in a nonsexy way except the women. I really don’t know what to say about this, except… no, really, I have no idea what to say about this. Whenever the author has to point out how everyone loves the main character, the writing’s on the wall, Here Be Stu. Dark tells the shinigami that his name isn’t Dark anymore, but “DU’ARQ” how’s that supposed to be pronounced? I dunno, the earlier I write this one off as yet another Marty Stu trait manifesting, the better, methinks. So, this name is apparently so awesome that the shinigami throw a party, where there’s served twelve turkeys and a pig and a soup made from blood bananas and this was served with blood wine and not alcholic blood wine for the kiddies and also there was mineral water to. And sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and... Also, kiddies? Shinigami kiddies? There’s no Shinigami kiddies, shinigami are incapable of getting kiddies, not an issue, does not compute. Anyway, good they’ve got the blood bananas  ^*

back, even though it was stated earlier that only the king could eat them without dying. I guess I’m asking of a bit much. This fic having any kind of internally consistent logic? Pfeh, why would it?

So, the next day, the stud formerly known as Dark Yagami climed out of his royal bed with the four hundred women he had sexed with naked last night. Four hundred? Well, I guess it’s not stupider than the rest of the fic, except the author seems to be getting desperate to show us exactly HOW awesome (and heterosexual) Dark, oh, excuse me, D’uarq, or is it Du’ark, or Du’arq, all three have been used thus far, is. Also, finding four hundred women who aren’t flat out murdered by a night with Dark could be considered an achievement in itself, or wait, not achievement, it’d be a miracle, that’s what.

Well, to get back to the tattered remains of a story. Dark descends upon New York, where he used to live, rant, chapter one, go, now he apparently is a million feet tall, luckily, his penis size goes undescribed. Anyway, he declares that he means no harm, and then he… blows up a building to make sure people noticed. Contradictory messages much? It seems to work though, as the people stopped and turned and lookd at him and everyone wa amased by how hansom he was specally the women. Grargh, why won’t this endless milling about how awesome this piece of shoggoth-droppings just stop? Anyway, Dark tells the world that he’s there to take revenge on L, why he just doesn’t write his name, or whatever you do when you don’t know the name, in the red death note, or everything note as it is, and get it over with? I just don’t know.

So, back at the hotel, the hotel L used early in the manga, I guess, Watari is alive and kicking. The explanation for this is that he was not dead because he had CPR. Ok, CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable is one thing, but unless you forgot, Watari was shot. Gunshot wounds are not healed by CPR, CPR is not Life3. Cthulhu in the depths, it feels redundant to say at this point, but this is stupid beyond measure. So, Watari recognizes giant shinigami Dark, and through a confusing maneuver ends up in L’s room. Here, Watri reveals that he is ridiculously British, as in “person who’s never been to Britain trying to write a Brit”-British. However, L is pretty busy, because he is "sexing," as it were, and he the person he was “sexing was……………….. Light!” Ok, in any other Death Note fic, I’d say I was surprised it hadn’t come up sooner, but I must admit, I did not see this coming. To make this whole thing nice and creepy, Watari apparently watches for a couple of minutes before interrupting.

So, the two finish up and get dressed before taking a helicopter to confront the giant Dark-thingy. Yay. Oh, and I’m not quoting Watari’s accent for my own sanity’s sake, but trust me, it is the worst British accent, or attempt on one, I have ever heard, err, read. Anyways, Dark pulls his Everything Note, and Watari apparently recognizes it. Just how Watari knows? I’d rather not think of it, with a little luck it’s never mentioned again. So, what does Dark do with this everything note? Write “L dies” and get over with this madness? No, he writes that L’s helicopter explodes. Before this happens, though, L, Light and Watari parachutes into safety. Would writing “L explodes” be all that different? Apparently. Well, how does this chapter end? Like so: “I have a plane……….” Mumbled L with thoughts…. Uhm, yeah, sure. That’s an ending, right? Oh wait, is it supposed to be “plan,” per any chance? That almost makes sense, almost being the operative word.

Tune in next time guys, this is just getting better and better... except it sucks, hard.

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Well, at least the fic managed to pull off a genuine plot twist of sorts.

This liveblog is hilarious, thank you for putting yourself through this for us.

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger

Didn't the author say there was no yaoi in this fic?

Oh wait consistency + this fic = does not compute.

Sorry, I can't hear you from my FLYING METAL BOX!

What a considerate warning. This is hilarious! :D

You're looking for this person.

Strictly speaking, the author said there'd be no slash, a rule he broke as early as... chapter four, I think? He seems to be confusing slash with homosexual sex, however, as we will discover properly later.

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Mooooom! Slowzombie is doubleposting again!

Yagamitime, wooo! This chapter is called “SAYU GETS A PLANE.” If this was meant to read “plan” or if the young Ms. Yagami actually attains one of these wonders of aerodynamic engineering, I do not know, but I suspect I’ll find out, wonderful. On the bright side, if it’s actually plane, I can do the “I’ve had it with these motherfucking anime characters on this motherfucking plane” … although the only motherfu… no, you know what, I’m not doing that joke. The sentence it refers to is dead, or even better unwritten, it never existed. In the authors notes, the author tells us how immensely popular his fic is, something tells me no-one has informed him of the wonderful world of Bile Fascination. You know, the very thing that motivates me to do this liveblog. But I digress. Armed with the soothing tones of jazz, it’s me against Chapter 9, I’m starting to consider if Mortal Kombat would be a better soundtrack.

So, the fic continues where it left off, with super-sized Shinigami Dark in New York. That monser was Dark Yagami who was calld Da’urq but is not (AN: IT WAS TOO HARD TO Sp ELL LOL!) So he is called Da’urq, but he isn’t? On the bright side, I’m glad the author decided to skip the name, although spelling it shouldn’t be his first worry, given that he in the first paragraph alone has enough spelling errors to kill your average English teacher. So, we jump to L, Light and… Atari? Ok, I’ll admit, as far as spelling mistakes goes, this could be a lot worse but still. The three are still falling, and it’s here the author gives us his rather unnerving look on cause and effect. “How did I get in this mess lover?” asked L and they shot passed a skycraper because they were gay and did slash. Ok, the author displays some level of cosmic homophobia which wouldn’t scare me half as much hadn’t it been for that I’m willing to bet my beard to Cthulhu himself that the only reason L is gay is to make him more of a villain. I guess you could say the whole Sissy Villain / Depraved sexual orientation thing is kind of a Berserk Button of mine, but I won’t rant about it too much. I will, however, point out that I see just as much chance of the L/Light thing to turn out to a meaningful, realistically written romance as Fish Bicycle repairman-hell freezing over. Oh, and the author seems to be misinformed about what exactly slash is, but that’s actually one of his lesser transgressions thus far, and frankly that scares me just a little.

Oh, and L’s question? That apparently wasn’t rhetorical, either that, or Light’s intelligence has been slowly draining over the fic, because he now recaps the entire plot, while falling at high speed, the parachutes apparently not doing them any good. What’s the deal with that? Sure, the plot has been poorly explained, but we’re nine chapters in. You do not need to remind us what the hell we read, although a little refresher as to why certainly would be nice. So, Watari chews the two out, still so obnoxiously British it kinda makes my eyes hurt, and I just noticed the guy has No Indoor Voice, why does he yell at them? To stop having a flashback, of course. The sentiment is appreciated, the medium it is conveyed in is not. Well, they land, safely, I assume, and runs to L’s plane. Turns out that yes, indeed he had a plane, a harrier, a pink girly harrier. Merciful Nyarlathotep, this fic is really running the Sissy Villain train to the ground, especially since it is immediately pointed out that Dark’s harrier jet, yes, Dark, a penniless orphan has a harrier jet, don’t ask how, Everything Note or he stole it from someone or something, is, and I quote: black and had skull and crossbones and a turbo and a spoiler 2. You know what, I think the author stopped hiding the blatant wish fulfillment just a little while ago, but enough about that. The L-crew takes off and lands on… Dark’s penis. Great, finally we get to see the ACTUAL main character of the fanfiction, Dark’s gigantic wang. So, either Dark is now really, really big, The way you think of god as big, or he’s just big and having an erection. I’d really, really, really, REALLY not dwell on that mental image any longer than I have to, so I’m moving on.

So, some dialogue follows that just retells what we already know. Dark has the Everything note, it can do anything, Watari knows this… aaand it would seem Dark has written that he’ll take over the world in five minutes, and he wrote this four minutes and  fifty-three seconds ago. So, with seven seconds left to save the world, what does L & Light do? Have seven seconds of sex, of course. Yeah, this guy writes boy-on-boy romance like I make clay sculptures or dance breakdance, which is to say either “not at all good” or “laughably disastrously bad.” So, seven seconds pass, and poof, Dark is the king of the world. Why he still haven’t done a speedy kill on L is beyond me, but hey, who am I to tell this guy how to write his stories, right? Dark exclaims that he is “Soooooo awesome.” If the author is trying to make me hate Dark for the childish power-tripping mental midget he is, then I must say he does a smashing good job at it, I’ve never hated any fictional character with quite the same intensity, and yes, that includes Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, and it’s not in the “you are a good villain, I sympathize with you, but sincerely wish you lose in the end-way” either, it’s in the “Why can’t I unwrite you, you worthless waste of digital space-way.”

Oh, but how do people react to this? Well … Everyone agreed and huged him except for one person who was flying towards him in a black jump jet with spoilers and a turbo and it was his jump jet and it had been stolen by someone we will learn in about a pantograph or so! Again, I’m working towards speechlessness here. It’s not that this sentence is much dumber than the others, it’s just that it… never… stops, no matter what Dark does, there’s a cohort or loyal fans, or wait, not even that decent, just a general “everyone” who thinks he’s so fanfuckingtastic that he could throw baby seals in miniature seal iron maidens (Iron Seals?) and still be applauded as a messiah. Also, of course, the author treats the readers like idiots, feeling the need to explain things that in any other piece of writing produced by anyone who has learned not to drool on themselves would go without saying.

So, Dark then arranges for his enemies to… just read it And Light become the president and L became the emper of Japan because he japanish and Watari was the queen of England and also Scotland. Ok… L is Japanese now, yeah, I won’t even rant about how monumentally stupid this is, except that the thought of Watari in drag as the Queen does something to quell my rage. Well, enough of that mess, it turns out that the harrier jet mentioned earlier attacks Dark, and because his pen is nuclear and some unfortunate phrasing, using the Everything Note doesn’t work well enough to protect him. Sorry fic, I can see the intentions are good, what with trying to impose limits to the clusterfuck of overpowerdness that is Dark Yagami and his Everything Note, but it’s too little too late. So, who flew in this plane? But of course Sayu, and her attacking Dark turns her into the Queen of shinigami, although Dark evidently is still alive. Internal logic? We don’t need no stinking internal logic. Dark says he thought she loved him, since… when? And Sayu replies that it’s more sisterly love, because she’s a lesbian… apparently. Oh, and the description of her transformation? Like always, it’s a sight to behold. Then she got giant and Dark went normal sized. She was as big as a tower and had a big chest which was so big it covered the sun. So, do all shinigami royalty get ridiculously unsexy exaggerated body measurements, or is it just these two? And another thing, it's sad the fic doesn't drag the conversations longer, because if it did, we might get something like this "My boobs will blot out the sun" "Then I shall Stu in the shade." Or rather, it would if this was... you know, actually funny.

The closing line of the chapter: STAY TURNED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER WHICH WILL BE FIGHT OF THE KING AND QUEEN OF THE SHINIGAMI! IT WILL MORE AWESOME YET! AND MORE SEXINGS WIHCH THIS CHAPTER FORGOT! But wait, I thought Dark was depowered? How does shinigami fight anyway, try to trick eachother to save a humans life because they’re in love with him/her? It’s the only conceivable way I can imagine something like that happen, but, well, let’s see, shall we?

So, yeah, this is turning out to be... something, I guess? Well, enough of that sillyness, I'm off to watch Paranormal Activity

edited 21st Nov '09 5:45:20 PM by slowzombie

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Wait, L's supposed to be a villain?

Why is Dark making his enemies leaders of major countries?

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger

I also didn't realize L was a villain until now. Man, this story is confusing. xD

“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

Dark Yagami has a story?

SHIKI is dead.

It's got more plot than My Immortal, at least. It doesn't make sense, but it's there.

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger

^Which makes me think it's not so much a Troll Fic, just very very bad.

You're looking for this person.

Blam: Maybe, but there are also very funny moments that you feel can't have been put in there on accident. Like when L decides he'll need to use stealth then jumps out the window screaming.

There's also this.◊

I also can't resist putting the actual quote of the section I'm talking about, because it makes me burst out laughing every time I read it.

edited 21st Nov '09 9:09:36 PM by KrisMahai

“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

Allright, guys and gals, I've just finished my exam. Because of that, I've decided to bestow upon thee a little rant about the Dark Yagami saga, mostly because it doesn't fit anywhere else. If ranting isn't your thing, I suggest you ignore this post while nodding in a disarming manner and slowly backing towards the door, as if dealing with your garden variety crazy person.

So, Light And Dark The Adventures Of Dark Yagami... where do I even start? Well, let's start with the story. Me being an aspiring screenplay writer, story is immensely important to me, and it is not without reason reading the adventures of Dark Yagami drives me to such homicidal rages as it does, while still being rather entertaining, in a twisted masochistic way. As some of you have pointed out, one could almost mistake the DY-saga for a plotless mess, but as far as I can see, it follows the adventures of the eponymous character as the author tries to show how his not-at-all-an-author-avatar creation is so infinitely much better than Light at the whole "killing people and being a genius and totally manly to the max"-thing.

I find it interesting how recently Light's loyalties seems to have shifted in the direction of the L-crew, seemingly without any explanation whatsoever, probably to leave more of the "hero" spotlight to Dark, without Dark blaming him the least, of course, the messianic antihero still loves his brother, luckily only brotherly. It seems having a, penis or being a lesbian is the only way to lessen the impact of Dark's raw, unresistable sexyness, but hadn't the author been as homophobic as he seems to be, that probably wouldn't be any help either. Also, Watari seems to have been shoved back into the plot, replacing Soichiro, again without any rhyme or reason. I guess the author got tired of cheap shots at people with "creepy mustaches," as it were, so he replaced him with an obnoxious, unrealistic Brit, which I can't even write off as an exaggeration, seeing as Watari was more "enigmatic and gentleman-like" than "annoyingly British."

Also, Dark is pretty much the biggest Marty Stu I have fucking seen. Ms. Dementia Raven Way probably is worse, but she's a Sue rather than a Stu. Granted, the difference is mostly a chromosome thing, but I need my petty categories, it keeps me sane(r) and happy. Anyway, back to Dark. Everyone likes him, and he always holds the upper hand in any conflict he might find himself in, and he has access to pretty much omnipotent power, first through his shinigami pet friend, and later, when he murders said power dispenser frienc through his own 0wnz0r powers, and of course the everything note.

Christ, I hate the concept of the Everything Note. Merely the thought of "whatever is needed for the plot-notes" annoys me, I mean, there's nothing to even indicate there are different kinds of Death notes in... well Death Note, let alone "anything else notes." I can dig that fanfics include new elements to make an interesting story, but Cthulhu on a Zamboni, this is not to make the story more interesting, this is a way to force your moronic plots, and a thing that can practically do anything you wish at any time you want? You kidding me? It's like a parody on bad plot devices. Granted, there's nothing inherently wrong with power if you actually write it interesting, but needless to say, the author of Dark Yagami doesn't do that.

All in all, the Dark Yagami saga is probably best when it's bad. After the insanity that was chapters 7-9, the annoying blandness of the following chapters didn't quite feel the same. After all, I'm a sporker, and spork is what I do. Don't get me wrong, there's still enough madness to tear apart, but I kinda miss the balls-to-the-walls-spellchecker-what-is-that insanity, in a very "Leave now and never come back"-way, of course.

So yeah, boring update, but I felt some things had to be said, I'll get back on posting the fun insanity that is tearing the fic a couple of new ones shortly.

edited 23rd Nov '09 5:33:42 AM by slowzombie

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At first I was like WTF

then I was LOL WUT

Yes, it's so mind-breaking, I need to speak like an Image Board denizen.

"Wait, it's IV. Of course they are. They'd make IV for Dreamcast." - Enlong, on yet another FFIV remake

I feel like I have to quote this line from Watari because it's just so incredibly awesome:

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger

..."RUDDY"?

XD

Kris does have a point, that line had to have been planned to be so perfect.

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