Satan's fluid

In the Bible Satan is an adversary that leads people into making foolish choices then loudly proclaims their transgressions under his influence are proof they are no good. As the years go by I become more and more convinced that the adversary, the slanderer, that most ancient of serpents who is not as the one who tricked Eve or Lucifer is in fact nothing but an elaborate metaphor for alcohol.

What else can make the strong into sobbing wrecks, the eloquent into slurring simpletons, the soft spoken in hysterical shriekers, the articulate into fountains of vulgarity? What else can make the pacifist punch, the faithful fall into infidelity, the tasteful dance to bluegrass? Alcohol brings out the worst in us and if you saw someone acting in such a way and did not know alcohol was the cause of it what would you think of him? What did you Americans say about Mel Gibson?

And just like Satan, alcohol is not all bad and in fact may have once served a beneficial role in human society. It kills disease causing microbes just as the damaging demons are ultimately subservient to Satan, it helps prevent premature pregnancy just as Satan sees to decrease the number of people living as they do not deserve life and it can ease pain just as Satan will inadvertently spare many of his victims when they do not join him in the river of fire.

But we must recognize this devil for what it is, the recreational use of alcohol must be ended or at least reduced to the depressed and the terminally ill or injured. Mine eyes have seen drunks crash, drunks riot, drunks blabber on about what should not have been said, drunks nearly suffocate on their own vomit and I see that it should end. Let us start here, let us take the straight edge pledge for 2013. Let us not fail again like we did in 2010.

Modified Ura-nage, Torture Rack

...I'll drink to that! *chugs*

Not a substitute for a formal medical consultation.

Go home, Cider. You are drunk. -_-

Standing on the edge of the crater...

Heh, Satan's fluid.

To the waking world I say,"Aha!"

So what you're saying is, KEGGER AT LUCIFER'S CRIB!

And let us pray that come it may (As come it will for a' that)

I'll say to this what I say to everything else:

Hail Satan!

Mura: -flips the bird to veterinary science with one hand and Euclidean geometry with the other-

Take a shot every time someone in this thread says "Satan".

Stupid doomed timeline...

Most people think that Satan is a threat.

But the real threat is... STAN. :o

edited 10th Mar '13 8:40:32 AM by VolatileChills

Standing on the edge of the crater...

I honestly thought the title of this thread was going to be referencing ejaculate.

"Lock up your girlfriends, lock up your wives, Grim's on the loose so run for your lives." - Pyrite

Stan?

edited 10th Mar '13 9:17:08 AM by TheMike

In the backyard, buried deep underneath the tree There's a monster, takin' root in the property...

There are many forms of STAN. That could be one of them. >.>

Standing on the edge of the crater...

Scoff you scoffer but the truth will set you free.

Interestingly, I think the way I see Christians using alcohol is funny. They dip bread into a cup, do not even double dip and in theory the alcohol would kill most of the germs. In that way they actually did themselves a disfavor by switching to died grape juice. Of course alcohol when ingested kills your cells just as easily as any bacterium. Straight Edge is the way to go and CM Punk is its prophet!

Modified Ura-nage, Torture Rack

Mmm, cider. Best tasting alcoholic beverage there is.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

Sorry, I was busy mainlining heroin into my eyes.

FIMFiction Account MLPMST Page

Internet?

edited 10th Mar '13 11:43:05 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

So, the internet is driven by alcohol. Can't say that that's surprising.

People aren't as awful as the internet makes them out to be.

*sees thread title* ...ewww.

@Stan: Thought he was preoccupied with Slim.

Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.

All this thread really accomplished is making me want a beer.

edited 10th Mar '13 12:47:14 PM by NeonMoon

Alcohol never makes you anything but what you really are. Which is why one should never trust anyone who doesn't drink: they're hiding something.

Also: I, too, thought this thread was about devil sperm.

edited 10th Mar '13 1:10:05 PM by InverurieJones

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'

I'd really have to disagree there.

And I don't drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol. I can't get past the burning feeling or bitterness, and I really don't care to.

edited 10th Mar '13 1:41:04 PM by 0dd1

Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.

Alcohol = what you are - restraint and social graces. For most folks anyway.

I am?

If anything alcohol just makes you a sitcom version of yourself: a mostly one dimensional exaggeration of one of your previously many dimensions.

Also, I too was one of the people assuming this thread was about Lucifer's jizz. (Note: that would make a bitchin name for a grindcore band)

Through the eyes I have known you.

Well, Hairgrid is a Stanist...

@Tam: It's like the internet!

edited 10th Mar '13 2:09:17 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian