Favourite Quotes from your games

In a Fallout Tabletop game, when two characters are locking out computer terminals because of repeated failed attempts at hacking, and they call the actual computer expert for help.

"Okay, I'll be along in a minute. Don't touch anything, and try not to swallow your own tongues before I get there."

Meanwhile, a helpful Mr. Handy takes the initiative and grabs their tongues to makes sure they stay safe.

I've got a few quotes from my Pathfinder game. The background is that the party got caught by an otyugh that somehow got vampiric powers (but without becoming undead). My Alchemist sees but one hope...

"You can't use stink bombs to nausea on it! It eats poop! It's going to be immune!"

The GM: "Um... it's a poison effect, right? Well, there's absolutely nothing in here saying that they're immune to poison effects. What's the save DC again?"

Following a blown save later: "You nauseated the poop monster. That's like setting the fire elemental on fire!"

In a Star Wars game,

Bounty Hunter: *jabs blaster under chin of illegal animal tranquilizer dealer* Listen up, you work for ME now! I want 20 vials of this stuff next time I see you, or else YOU DIE!

Mechanic's Player: I love how we're totally not evil.

edited 16th Jun '14 11:26:56 AM by AnSTH

"Take that, you flapping bastards!" -From a game of Titan, while fighting a legion of rangers

'So it's the bag of enhanced interrogation?'-upon use of a bag of devouring to interrogate a kobold

"Do you mean to tell me that the Tentacle Beast was carrying a wallet?"

@31 Questioning blind use of the treasure tables, I see.

Unrelated, amused that I finally have the 32nd post in a thread.

• My Geist The Sin Eaters game:
  • "I nod, then calmly blow his balls off."
  • "Congratulations, you managed to derail three weeks worth of planning within ten minutes of joining the game."
• A Tower Of God-based Legend game:
  • "SNEAKING IS FOR THE WEAK!" (runs into brick wall) "Oh dear, is competence for the weak as well?"
  • How to talk a Blood Knight into waiting and training before taking on a powerful opponent: "Sure, you could go fight him now. Go out in a blaze of glory. It'd be hilariously fast, but you'd get your fight, and I wouldn't stop you. Or... you could wait. Train. Advance through the tower with us and get stronger. Then strike when you're at the height of your power. Give him a run for his money, and give the people a battle to talk about for years after the fight. So, what's it going to be?"

from last week's Avatar the last Airbender homebrew

"we have a small child. We are the best mercenary group ever"

and

"If I haven't failed as a mother, then I've failed as a terrorist"

edited 25th Jun '14 9:46:51 AM by Ellowen

You forgot the attribution to this one:

-Every GM ever

(after I rolled a nat 20 on an attack roll and somehow sliced open reality to send the creature we were fighting to another plane)

"Critting so hard we break physics"

Magic takes physics and makes it stand outside in the rain.

Stop using me as cover - I'm not dead yet!

Discussing character builds in Star Wars Saga Edition led to my discovery that it's possible and practical to build a Cracian Thumper-mounted lancer who can do obscene amounts of damage at the charge. After I outlined what would be needed...

Player 1: Dear god, [Sabre] is going into history nerd mode. And is going to try and make a Winged Hussar, IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE!" [capitalization in original]

Player 2: That's his secret. He's ALWAYS in history nerd mode.

@37 Man, magic is so much more polite in your games. In mine, it dresses physics like a street walker, takes her to a lousy hotel for a quickie, and leaves her with the room bill.

Had a delightful exchange regarding my elven bard, who got a bit of a... reputation after he flirted with a female dwarf shopkeeper (in a campaign world where all dwarves have beards).

A: Creepy bards are obviously more dangerous than violent bandits.

B: The sad thing is, in a way you could be right.

C (the GM): I Think we all know which creepy bard is being discussed here. (note: not actually true, but it was funny)

Me: (suave voice): Ladies. Gentlemen. Smismars.

Context: for a side story to our main Star Wars campaign, the GM rolled up his own character (since someone else took up the storyteller role for this 'gaiden' sidechapter), during the course of which his character—a very disaffected clone deserter—ended up on Nar Shaddaa, got bothered by a coupled of gangsters, and answered them the clonetruppen way: with a burst-firing heavy blaster rifle.

Leading to this exchange.

Me (spectating): Wait, so, you gunned them down with the equivalent of a BAR in an alleyway? Is this Nar Shaddaa or Roanapur?
Him: Yes.

edited 13th Jul '14 5:20:40 PM by SabresEdge

From tonight's campaign.

Me: Looks in fridge to see if there's anything to eat.

GM: It's a supervillain base, so the only thing in there is ham.

From a Star Wars Saga game:

Clone Commander: So you've managed to replicate the Clone Trooper creation process? How'd you get past the "apple problem?"

Evil Scientist: What "apple problem?"

\*Clone Commander detonates explosives we'd been planting throughout the Evil Scientist's lair*

CC: HOW DO YA LIKE THEM APPLES?!

Technically in the discussion for an ongoing game rather than in the game itself, but too good not to share.

The context: one of our players has just drawn artwork of her new character, Flitty. She draws quite well, too.

Huh, my reaction to that was "So, she ignores you in bed?"

World of Darkness, when a person throws a grappling hook on a 15-foot wall and missing despite two successes.

"It's a 20-foot—"

"Fifteen."

"Fifteen foot?! I could fart a grappling hook over a fifteen foot wall!"

Our Pathfinder group is currently working their way through a demon infested dungeon. A few sessions back we walk into a room, and spot some kind of monster, suspended by chains above a bottomless pit. The monster is dead, but some of the broken chains react when we step close to them. Our resident druid decides to try communicating with them.

She steps forward, takes a deep breath, and then loudly yells out "Hello Chains!"

Forgot to add this one from my 3.5/PF blend game.

We're up against an enemy wizard, and my ratkin alchemist doesn't want to waste his bombs because the wizard has put up an improved mirror image spell. For the time being, he's just abusing the Throw Anything feat to get rid of some of the images in the hopes of figuring out which one to throw a bomb at in a moment. Problem is, the wizard is making a break for the door in his study.

On my turn, I see the wizard has nearly made it to the door. I'm right by his desk. I come up with an idea that won't endanger my allies - I'll pick up the desk chair (specifically described by the GM as one of those heavy oak ones) and hurl it to block the door. The GM takes a quick look at my character sheet, and says "Well, I'll give you a chance, if only because you barely have the strength to lift it and because you have Throw Anything. But you have to make two rolls - one to lift the chair and one to throw it. And the second one will have a penalty because there's an obstacle between you and said door. And don't forget, don't add in the bonus to hit with a splash weapon; chairs aren't splash weapons."

I find all of this more than reasonable (particularly since the obstacle between me and the door was the wizard in question - hitting him with a chair would be an acceptable result as well), so I make my strength check. Natural 20. I get compliments from the rest of the group, and the GM asks me to make the attack roll. Another natural 20. I gave a Flat "What" and the GM started laughing. For that matter, so did the rest of the group. The end of the exchange:

GM: Well, with two natural 20s, I think the only appropriate response is that you succeeded so well, it kind of ends up a failure. You lift the chair and hurl it at the door so powerfully that both the door and the chair explode into shrapnel. The bad news is, he can get through that doorway now and there's nothing you can do to stop it. However, he takes 2d6 damage from the shrapnel, and the area he's trying to move through counts as difficult terrain.

Me: So wait, I did turn the chair into a splash weapon?

Rest of group: *laughs*

Coda: The wood shrapnel turned out to be really useful - after a few more images were dispersed, a kobold with a dagger managed to bring him down, which wouldn't have happened without the splash damage from the wood shrapnel.

"We must be the only ship in a fair distance to have three pint-sized female mechanics."

Also, on the question of how to make a laser pointer visible to a Miraluka: "I'm guessing that grinding a Shard corpse into a focusing lense is worth Dark Side points."

A Dark Heresy campaign, played more for amusement than grimdark drama:

"After a brief prayer in binaric cant and some quick mental math, the tech-priest determines that, yes, the psyker will fit in the cannon barrel."

-Slightly Deranged GM