The greatest quotes (on or offline) you've seen all day

Self-explanatory, but I'll explain anyway: Post awesome or funny stuff you've heard or seen people say that you want to share with the world.

I was just searching how to do raspy vocals in a song, since I was writing a very Gaslight Anthem-esque song (the short answer I found was "Don't try it if you can't"), and I came across a thread where someone said this:

edited 24th Oct '12 3:52:21 PM by 0dd1

Mine is now my sig.

From a thread in Western Animation, the moral and social implications of a Bugs Bunny cartoon:

"I GOT THE POISON IN MY BLOOD!"

edited 26th Oct '12 7:18:21 AM by SeanMurrayI

"for thou Humanity rose against has returned for their redemption" epic intro to the Manipulative Bastard in Part 2 my story.

edited 26th Oct '12 7:30:20 AM by Ukokira

"For you humanity rose against has returned for their redemption?"

What? That makes no sense.

edited 26th Oct '12 8:16:01 PM by Completion

Greatest hits of the week:

Panhandler requesting to use a Dunkin Donuts Bathroom: I need to pour Ann Romney some tea!

(at the costume shop I currently work at - presumably the topic is wigs and halloween costumes one could use them for)
Girl: If I went with purple I would have gone with Katy Perry, if I went black-
Guy: ...You would never go back?

edited 27th Oct '12 7:37:16 PM by MikeK

"“YOU AREN’T MY REAL DAD,” Jason bellowed, and flipped the table. “YOU OWN PARK PLACE, BUT YOU DON’T OWN ME!”"

Batman fic.

The patch notes for Sims 3

Particularly the last one.

edited 28th Oct '12 4:17:44 PM by hnd03

That is hilarious.

Someone's signature on the minecraft fora:

"I am the Godzilla of relationships. Once I've been there, there's nothing left but smoldering rubble and hysterical Japanese people."

Do they kill three-headed dragons then?*

edited 29th Oct '12 1:30:25 PM by ThatHuman

-"Four seasons and a porno!", by Danny Pudi from Community. I've posted a link with the gif in the Live Action TV-Community thread. He's sporting a handlebar mustache and a plumber uniform :P

edited 29th Oct '12 2:07:39 PM by Basterd

One of quotes by United States Marine Corps:

"Forgiveness is between them and God. It's our job to arrange the meeting."

Something I found on Aaron Diaz's twitter:

From this review of Robo Vampire, though the whole review is pretty amusing.

There are way too many words here that should never, ever go together, by either morality or logic. Yet, here we are.

...I need to see this movie.

"The idea that creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time."

-Stephen King, "On Writing"

Also...

Creative people probably do run a greater risk of alcoholism and addiction than those in some other jobs, but so what? We all look pretty much the same when we're puking in a gutter.

This is from a man who wrote several novels he doesn't remember writing, and did many others while he was cramming cotton swabs up his nose to stop the coke-induced bleeding and slugging mouthwash. I'd say he knows what the fuck he's talking about here.

edited 29th Dec '12 10:55:41 PM by drunkscriblerian

THIS IS SPARTA!It's from 300(if you didn't already know.)

@The Sims 3:

God, I really need to play that game again one day, but that's one way to handle a problem.

I've never heard that before even once in my life.

I add this post with the knowledge that doing so may open up a whole flood of Dwarf Fortress related sillyness, but I saw this on the bay12 forums and just had to post it.

Never apologize, never explain. - Hunter S. Thompson

On someone's OKCupid profile:

EDIT: Even better one!

edited 26th Jan '13 9:17:05 PM by 0dd1

Not sure whether I should give context here.