How to visit our countries.

So, I was speaking with one of our fine tropers and we came to the conclusion that a thread about how to travel in our respective countries would be much appreciated by the adventurous type. That's YOU!

So, the method is simple. Each troper posts a series of rules about visiting his country foreigners to said country would find useful. Please try to avoid obvious things, like "Don't forget to eat" and "use the bathroom instead of going on a tree"

Rules for visiting the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

• If you're American, claim you're Canadian. You won't get beaten up.
• Don't try to speak in Cockney slang. Seriously. The common slang is gangsta talk. But I don't recommend you try that.
• Don't visit Manchester.
• Don't try to speak to anyone on public transport. You will die.
• Don't comment on how sissy our police officers are for not carrying weapons. They have fucking heavy batons, though, if you want that.
• You may accidentally be stopped-and-searched for no reason. This is normal. Anti-terrorism laws do that to you.
• Do try to visit places that aren't London. London sucks. It also smells.
• Do try to understand that we are not a socialist empire.
• The Queen does not rule anything. No monarch has 'ruled' since the 1500s.
• WE HAVE NO CUISINE.
• People will freak out if you touch them, or approach them loudly. Handle Britons with care.
• WE DON'T 'USE A QUEEN'.
• Spend as much money as you can. We would like to have some form of economy again.

So, I will start.

Rules for traveling in Mexico!

1. DO NOT DRINK THE WATER! Unless you are staying in a fancy hotel, tap water is not meant to be drunk. It will, in fact, be very bad for you.

2. Keep a fake wallet, hide your real one. People stealing your stuff is painfully common.

3. DON'T DRIVE. Get someone to drive for you, unless you hate yourself and your traveling companions enough to murder them all.

4. ... You drank the water, didn't you? Sucks to be you, but you are gonna have to go look for an actual doctor. Either dish out a lot of cash or take someone who knows spanish with you. Speaking of which

5. Don't take spanish lessons from natives. We will try to prank you. Its incredibly funny.

6. Kidnapping sucks! Try to avoid it. Its easy, just dont automatically follow people to their cars, and try to travel in groups.

7. Afraid of drug violence? Try not to go away from touristy cities. They tend to be pretty safe, compared to the rest of the country. You can relax here.

8. Have a backup plan in case you get mugged.

9. NOTE. This rule will apply in any spanish speaking country. Using El Spanish "-o" will get you brutally beaten up.

edited 31st Aug '12 3:05:05 PM by ElRigo

As I said, the first one would be just don't watch the fucking TV, really, is pathetic.

My father always said "There's three topics you must avoid always if possible during a conversation, Politics, Religion and Football, and you can add Sex", unfortunately, as wise as this advice is, these are the spaniards favourite topics. If possible, you better run.

When getting into a restaurant, don't talk, don't move fast, act calm and casually check the prices in Spanish. You better learn spanish or get an spanish friends, if the manager notes you are foreigner and you are alone, you will pay it, literally, a lot. (The difference between prices can be about 5€)

Please, don't go to the beach Stop Being Stereotypical. Try the medieval cities of the inlands, the sheer nature of the north or the exotic heritage of the south.

Please, don't buy a sombrero, they will sell you but they will think you're a total jerk.

Running the San Fermines it's not a great idea, people who do it go every year and is failry experienced. If you do, be sure you have comfy footwear and clothing. No joke, every year lot of foreigners get injured by bulls and peoplemass.

Maybe later I think of more.

edited 31st Aug '12 3:01:36 PM by MrsRatched

General advice

• Bring money. Things are expensive up here, so make sure you've got the funding in order.
• Package tours (cruise ships, tourist buses and other guided tours) are a really great way to get to see a lot of the beautiful parts of Norway. The guides are professional and speak languages well.
  • So for the love of all that is sacred, do not come here for a private roadtrip unless you're really prepared, is a really good and patient driver and map-reader or got a local guide. The roads are terrible, the travel complicated and you may find yourself stuck waiting for a ferry or a mountainpass.
• Speaking of mountains, please come and walk in them. We've got a really nice nature, and experiencing it is recommended.
  • But please, oh please be careful! Don't wander off when it's getting late, always listen to the weather forecast and local advice and don't rely on your phone as a single aid for navigating.
    • This counts double in the winter.
• Also, the above warning goes triple for water, especially for those not well-acquainted with boats.
  • Take great care when going out in a boat alone or with not-boat proficient friends. We've had many tragic occurrences with inexperienced foreigners going out on the water without proper equipment and the rescue teams not getting out there in time.
  • If you want to go fishing, there are a lot of options for organized stays with fishing-trips included. Very popular among Germans. Please try it out.
• Yes, Norway is a small country. No, that does not mean everything is within close distance. You can not visit Bergen one day, Oslo the next day and then go see the Midnight Sun. There's a lot of geography in-between and most of it is mountains.
• If you don't see a police officer, relax. It's all okay, you're not in the wrong part of town.
• Norwegians usually speak passable to good English, so don't worry about your Norwegian.
• Also, Norwegians may come off as grumpy or grim. Don't worry, that's how we usually look, don't be afraid to ask for directions.
• Oh, and listen very carefully to your guides if going to Svalbard. It's dangerous up there.
• Please don't just go to Oslo. It is not a very nice place, so once you've seen the big attractions (the Holmenkollen, Bygdøy with the viking ships, the Vigeland park, the Royal Palace and the Storting)...get out of there.
  • Also, mind your wallet in the crowded locations. There be pickpockets.

Don't go to Barcelona, it's a boring, overrated city. I really don't like it, at all. Barcelona was made famous by its olympic games and Gaudi architecture may be worth of see but there's don't really much to see moreover, the only interesting place is the Ramblas and the Marina, out of it, is a big, industrial city and metropolitan area with certainly alarming problems and might not be safe for a foreigner. A really, really horrible city, with mean, snob, selfcentered people in their overrated city.

This is a totally impartial opinion

edited 31st Aug '12 3:54:26 PM by MrsRatched

If you're anywhere other than New York or Chicago, do not rely on public transit. It practically doesn't exist.

Don't talk to anybody that isn't in a service position, and then only about business. If they want to chat, they'll initiate. (They won't.)

If you leave the downtown area of the city you're visiting, be prepared to do a lot of driving before you get to the next place worth stopping.

If you do visit NYC, try to visit the other boroughs for their attractions instead of just Manhattan.

If you're lost here, you're better off not asking directions in most cases since people don't know where the hell they're going.

If you don't know how to drive, go with someone who does because otherwise your mobility is limited outside the cities.

Avoid Camden, NJ.

If someone comes up to you and asks how old you are, book it.

If you ever visit Dorchester here's a few things to keep in mind.

• Things can be pretty illogical at times, the skate park where, rumour has it, drug users hang around is a brisk walk from the police station. The bowls club is also on the other side of town from the only outdoors bowling green I know of.
• Drivers will not like you for riding a bike around town.
• Queen's avenue is where most of the old people or middle-class are, no doubts.
• If it's raining, there's not much use hiding, there's virtually no cover around that isn't indoors, and trees are bloody useless, so just embrace being soaked by the British Summer.
• Don't go to Dorset for Weymouth, it's a nice beach but there's more to Dorset. Like Hills! And the largest Hill-fort in Britain. We also have Monkeys and tanks! (note, the two do not intermingle, there are no tanks riding monkeys)
• The most likely place to get injured by a car whilst riding a bike in Dorchester is right near the Hospital.
• We're not all farmers.
• This author has never seen the Fire station for Dorchester.

Oh, oh! When visiting the City and Metropolitan Borough of Birmingham;

• Don't go further east than the city centre unless you want to get knifed
• Don't leave the city centre full stop, unless you want to die
• If you do leave the city centre, asking for directions is advised
• Things are fucking cheap. Buy as much as you can
• Public buses are either extremely efficient or extremely inefficient. Just hope
• Don't visit North Birmingham. Ever. Its basically a slum.

D: Who in god's name visits Europe and then goes to the beach (in the words of Cousin Avi regarding Britain's beaches, "So who the fuck wants to see 'em")? That's like going to a campground because you want to use their shower; that is just not what Europe is for! You can go to the beach at home!

1. We say sorry the way the Japanese use keigo/polite speech; we don't seriously think everything is our fault, we're just apologizing for our small part in the fuckup. Like, "Sorry you bumped into me; I should have been watching where I was going, so really it's both our faults," is what we mean, but what we'll say is just "Sorry." We aren't the nation of doormats you might take us for; we're just really good at faking sincerity. Don't push us.

2. If you're in Toronto, just get one of the many the day pass options for the TTC along with a map; a cab will get you nowhere in a timely fashion and if you get turned around you can ask for directions - practically everyone speaks English.

3. Toronto's the pinnacle of Scots Presbyterian straightforward city planning, so it's nearly impossible to get properly lost. Just remember; the CN Tower is very nearly on the waterfront, so unless you can see the lake right in front of you, the Tower tells you where South is.

4. Bring cash, if you're American. I don't know about other nationalities and banks but Chase Manhattan's identity theft-detecting technology has a flute up its nose and will assume your card's been stolen and freeze it on the spot even if you bought your plane/train tickets with it. Moon was not amused.

5. Rural Canadians can be very nice if you're white and don't put on airs by dressing like you give a shit. Otherwise they're dicks, but they'll make an effort to be civil to your face if you're polite to them.

I'll think of more later.

6. Oh, Toronto is not pronounced the way it's written. The second t is silent.

edited 31st Aug '12 7:12:25 PM by FurikoMaru

Well, Moon's taxi driver was so unamused he was about to shanghai him all the way to prison.

Furiko, any advice for a guy from hell looking to spend some time in toronto?

Also, general advice. You guys may want to put where you are from.

edited 31st Aug '12 7:35:21 PM by ElRigo

Ooh, you're Mexican! That's exotic in TO, most of our Hispanic dudes are, as Russell Peters says, 'from the soccer countries'; Central and South Americans with a few Spaniards.

Whacha coming up to TO for? Speaking of soccer, we're like third-last in MLS, so don't expect to see quality at a TFC game.

Well, do you know about the Mexican dream?

Unless it's to get out of Mexico, I sure don't.

Exactly! So, comparing between the US and Canada, Canada came out top in "Places I want my kids to grow up in" by far.

Australia... hmm.

Being a large island, our quarantine can be pretty strict, so don't bring fruit and bits of animals here. They will be confiscated and the customs officers will not like you.

You don't need to tip people here. It's just... not a thing we do.

People will tell you about drop bears, hoop snakes, and other things. I think pretty much everybody realises by now that these stories are rubbish, but just in case - these things do not exist. Do not smear vegemite behind your ears.

Our cities and beaches are not full of horrifying creatures that want to kill you - in fact, very little of Australia is. A little common sense should keep you un-bitten, un-stung and un-eaten.

People will swear, like, a lot. It's probably friendly.

Rubbers are erasers and thongs are shoes.

^^ Let's hope we can tidy up before you move. Mind if I toss out what little advice I can give for immigration? Moon's moving up next year so I know a little bit.

Now, they're crackin' down on the marriage loophole lately, so don't marry a Canadian you don't actually love. Also, a university degree is practically mandatory, even though it's highly unlikely you'll be permitted to work in your speciality - unless your speciality is English-Spanish translation, because the province's legal system is having a frankly embarrassing drought of translators. They make pretty decent money, too, I think, as long as you don't have to send more than one kid to university.

In terms of fun, don't plan to drive anywhere for a day or two after an Italy game, ever, just in case they win. Toronto is always a pedestrian's town, but never more so than when thousands of happy Italian-Canadians are clogging the streets and honking their horns and drinking in public and every-now-and-then rioting.

Pizza Nova is the best pizza in town and it's open til like one am in GTA.

edited 31st Aug '12 8:47:55 PM by FurikoMaru

Refer to UsefulNotes.Singapore for the broad overview. For the other stuff: let's see...

• Cash: I think the larger stores in the city accept most internationally-accepted credit cards, but bring cash, especially for food. I'm not that good with money matters. (Why are we all advising people to bring cash? Do tourists not bring cash on holidays?)
• Drugs: Illegal. And for the love of all things holy, don't bring in any heroin unless you want to spend the rest of your trip... shall we say, "hanging out".
• Lingua franca: Most of the local population below the age of 50 (arbitrary number) speaks some degree of Singlish. Some may even speak English. Okay, so most of us can speak regular English, but when we lapse into the local pidgin it takes a lot of getting used to.
• Public Transport: Recent malfunctions of the local subway notwithstanding, generally good, but crowded at peak hours. We have maps nearly everywhere. And I still manage to get lost. Don't ask.
• Crime: Low. Still no excuse to make yourself an easy target.
• Nature: Very little.
• Politics: Even less. (The tides are changing, but it's hard to say. Don't concern myself with it very much.)
• Food: We love our food. I can't make any specific recommendations, except that trying everything once is practically impossible and will make you put on a lot of weight in the attempt. A good part of it is going to be spicy to some extent. Hygiene varies from place to place, but you shouldn't come down with food poisoning unless you make some very poor choices. Also, our tap water is safe to drink. As for durians... well, they're an acquired taste. Your Mileage May Vary.
• General behaviour: This is a little tricky. The man on the street will generally mind his own business - a failing on our parts - unless you specifically go up to someone and ask for help. On the other hand, immigrants and tourists are a very common sight around Singapore, so you probably won't attract strange looks unless you do something specific to incur our wrath - usually by being loud, ostentatious and rude (and foul-smelling). If your particular nationality has a reputation for being loud, ostentatious and rude (and foul-smelling), though, prepare to get stereotyped.
• Sociocultural progressiveness: Could be improved. The average Singaporean is quite conservative in terms of attitudes towards homosexuality, race and religion, but any public manifestations are mainly limited to "Do what you want, as long as I can ignore it." (Even if homosexuality is still technically illegal, nobody's going to call the cops because you're gay.)

edited 31st Aug '12 9:27:59 PM by Pyrite

I'd very much like to live in a pedestrian's town. Gettin' places is cheaper, and it's healthier. I lost 50 pounds at school, walking everywhere the buses couldn't go. (And having a shoestring budget for food didn't hurt either.)

Visiting South Wales. By a Welsh-Scottish hybrid.

1. There are no good hotels.
2. Make sheep jokes at own peril.
3. Generally, no one will give a shit about mountains.
4. Do not visit Port Talbot. You will die of lung diseases. I've got a serious genetic mutation allowing me to live here. You don't.
5. Do not be in Wind Street, Swansea after 6 PM on Saturdays unless you like random searches and getting utterly pissed.
6. If you're pissed in Cardiff, no one will notice.
7. Pissed means drunk, not angry here.
8. You must only lament the fact that we have superior accents once you're back in your own country.
9. Do not speak Welsh. Everyone will think you're either a twat or that you live here.
10. Do not ask everyone why you can go to England for free, but must pay to get back in Wales. There's a reason, and that's to keep poor people out.
11. Answer the question "Swans or Bluebirds" wisely, or you will die.
12. No seriously, stay the fuck away from Port Talbot.
13. If you ask a Welsh person for directions, you're better off sending up a rescue flare.
14. If you cannot see a town anywhere, you are already dead.
15. They're called chips here, not fries. Ask for fries only at Mc Donalds.
16. Our national anthem kicks arse and you know it ;)

edited 31st Aug '12 10:31:01 PM by Steventheman

When in Wales, is it okay to make sheep jokes about the Scots?

Depends on who you're telling it to.

What do Swans and Bluebirds mean? Are they sports teams? 'Cause if we're just talking animals, Bluebirds all the way; Swans are dickweeds that chase small children and hiss at them.