How are some people so shameless?

Seriously. I've seen some people tell others about their weirdest fetishes and hobbies like it's not big deal.

I wish I had this ability to not give a fuck.

Pfff, that'd never happen on TV Tropes.

I've seen that on the internet a lot, here included, but I don't really see it in real life...

On here, at least, it seems the perception is you can vent about just about anything without social repercussions unless it ends up on the webshow that shall not be named...

I'm desensitized. And have accepted that everyone is pretty weird.

Anyway, how is your sex life?

On the Internet (and on here) you are behind a screen. You are anonymous. You can be as shameless as you damn well please, because no-one knows you.

It's not only on the internet. I've seen You Tube videos of this guy harassing girls on the street about his fetish. The videos don't actually show him doing it but in the comments he tells people that he does.

To be honest, I think that their problems run just a wee bit deeper than "shamelessness".

O.o What's so fuckin' great about shame? Discretion is one thing, and so is consideration for the comfort of others, but actually feeling bad about how you are? That's so unproductive.

Some people are bad and should feel bad.

Yeah, I'd feel ashamed if I had to describe my sex life in detail here or something like that. XDD

Shame is pretty important. It prevents us from being the laughing stock of everyone! Yaaaaay.

edited 8th Aug '12 3:07:20 AM by kay4today

Anonymous and anonymous; the people here that you interact with will know about it. I would be just as embarrassed about talking about such matters here, where I interact with people on a daily basis, as I would be in meatspace.

I've got some weird shit in my closet, but abuse is where I draw the line. I'm all for shocking friends with disgusting comments or pictures, but going up to a random stranger and telling them what you like having done to you is too fucking much.

I hate to double-standard here, but especially when guys do it to women.

I sure hope the male equivalent of straw Feminists won't go nuts on you. xDD

But I do hope you realize there isn't exactly a difference between a guy or a woman doing that sort of thing..

edited 8th Aug '12 4:22:08 AM by kay4today

I know there isn't. Women doing it to try and provoke men into getting angry, just so they make the guy look bad, pisses me off the absolute most.

As some already said, it's anonymity. But I think it's also some degree of self-importance, since these people think that anybody actually cares about their fetishes.

I wouldn't do that, though, and not just because I don't have any.

So, guys telling women what they like having done to them disgusts you even more because it's just the way you feel?

That's actually the only acceptable form of Double Standard to me. Some guys, for example, just can't hit a woman. Not exactly because hitting women is worse than hitting men but just because it's the way they feel. It's not like they can do anything against the way they feel about it.

Well, it depends on how disgusting the act in itself is (eg: ketchup and bacon bits enema). Though a guy straight-up asking for sex is pretty nasty.

But when they actively aim to creep out random people, men and women, minding their own business, that's just awful.

In my experience people actively aim to be controversial, like, they want to construct a persona for themselves that is unbound by conventional rules or morality so that they can make people uncomfortable or laugh at them for being prudes. It's their way of sticking it to The Man, so to speak. Not in a malicious sort of way, but it makes them visible and visibility = popularity on the internet. I remain unconvinced that some of these people even have these fetishes in real life. I meant no disrespect, in case I offended anybody by suggesting that they were liars; I didn't have anyone specifically in mind.

In my younger days, it's what I would have done.

edited 8th Aug '12 5:22:52 AM by HouraiRabbit

Maybe being controversial is there fetish.

To be kind of serious about the original question, and not limiting it to fetishes, 'Shame' results from feeling that someone whose opinion matters to you disapproves of what you have just said or done, and therefore, by extension, disapproves of you. The more deeply that person's opinion matters to you, the more strongly they can cause you to feel shame.

Now, the key part of that definition of "shame" is "Someone whose opinion matters to you disapproves." Let me repeat that: Someone whose opinion matters to you disapproves.

The key to shamelessness in front of someone is to find a way to make what they think of you not matter to you.

It may be that you know you'll never see/talk to/contact them again, and therefore you won't know or care what they think of you (That's what underlays the effectiveness of the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" ad campaign — there's no need to be ashamed of what you did on vacation, because you'll never know about whatever disapproval your actions may have been met with.)

The other effective way is to separate "disapproval of what you did/said" from "disapproval of you". That's difficult.

Generally, though, I find that the person whose opinion matters to me who can always see what I'm doing is me

Yes, but you'd be surprised how few people you will meet that are actually like that, especially at the secondary education level. When I was younger, I was picked on for my eccentricities and I always had people who would try to cheer me up by saying that I should be like them and not care about what other people think, when in reality they did care, it's just that their foibles were not nearly as controversial. I could stand around all day talking about how I only answer to myself but I still get a little teary-eyed when my parents talk about how disappointed they are that I didn't become a hotshot Lawyer Doctor-type Super Asian. In short, I think people like you are a rare breed and that everyone has some other in their lives whose opinion they value, even if it's just a friend. Even I, a loner, had a non-zero circle of friends.

Oh.. no, I don't mean that I don't care what other people think. I do, probably too much

What I meant is, I'm not going to stop caring about my own opinion of myself. So effectively I can't be 'shameless', because there's always going to be somebody around for me to be ashamed that they saw me like that. I.e, me, or maybe God.

Actually, I'd probably classify 'being disappointed with youself' as being ashamed, and 'being upset that other people think badly of you' as something more like embarrassment or humiliation.

edited 13th Aug '12 3:58:05 AM by LoniJay

x5 Really, the internet is largely just a lot of people hiding behind aliases trying to out-snowflake each other, having forgotten that 'unique' does not automatically mean 'special' or 'important'.

It reminds me of primary school, but with more cats and a lot more pervs.

edited 13th Aug '12 6:48:55 AM by InverurieJones