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Tropers: Mr Mallard
Hello, I'm Mr Mallard. I'm a grumpy "retired" Troper who hangs around in the Review section sometimes. If I know you from the forums, then there's a good chance I won't see you much again.

     Associated Tropes 
  • Author Tract: I hate, hate, HATE misinformation of all kinds, accidental or deliberate. This is why I hate 50 Shades Of Gray - they FUCK UP BDSM. If someone fucks up BDSM in real life, someone is going to get scarred physically and mentally. Even poorly written smut is bearable if it's at least accurate to its depiction of fucking - 50 Shades spreads an incorrect idea of BDSM, and in the hands of an idiot, a woman (or man) looking for a Christian Gray will get that and more. If something is written as if the author knows everything about it, but in reality they know fuck all about it - well, it sends my blood pressure skyrocketing.
  • Apologizes a Lot: Sometimes for a good reason, sometimes not.
  • Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: YES. SO, SO MUCH.
    • I currently own a severely neglected Queen liveblog
    • I was within a hair's breadth of not completing Komm Susser Tod: Ascended due to lack of enthusiam
    • I once left a fanfiction hanging for over a year, and posted it in it's incomplete status during a Heroic BSOD
    • I've frequently left other fanfiction hanging, thankfully some of them were awful so I don't feel too bad
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: I think about some weird shit.
  • Fan Wank: I love writing Fan Wank.
  • Hype Aversion: I do NOT like being told what to play, watch or consume in any way.
  • Loners Are Freaks: I was a really nasty case when I entered high school. After 6 - 7 years of non-stop persecution for no reason, I decided I just wanted to be left alone. So, I decided to stab whoever dared to piss me off with whatever I had on me at the time, which was usually a pen. I even made a shiv out of an empty pen chamber and the shattered top of another pen, but it got taken off me when I pulled it on some dickhead.
  • Loony Fan: I LOVE KIMI NI TODOKE. I WRITHE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF EMOTION WHENEVER I READ THE MANGA AND THE ANIME ALWAYS CHEERS ME UP. THE FEELS GIVE ME STOMACH PAINS.
  • Memetic Mutation: A few years back, it wouldn't be out of place to hear "Happy Birthday" echoing down the school corridors; whenever things were sufficiently boring, someone would usually say "What's that [school nickname], it's ya birthday!?", causing the whole class to break out in song. Surprisingly not as fun as it sounds: I still haven't gotten my excitement for birthdays back.
  • No Social Skills: Down to a T.
  • Not Good with People: A little of both types, except... not really friends to anything. Luckily, I've been given a slightly warped version of the Kimi ni Todoke treatment, so I fit in a little better.
  • Squick: I love it.

     Stuff I've Completed 

     Likes 

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     Self-Prevented Suicide Attempts 
  • Once when I was home alone, I found a bunch of old antidepressant meds from when I was in primary school. I poured myself a glass of creaming soda and opened every capsule in a sheet to pour the contents into the soda, which gave it a thick, persistent fizzing effect - the particles must have been interacting with the surface tension of the soda or something like that. I took it with me to the computer to see if I could drink it. Eventually I just stuck a toothpick into it and pulled it out (the pattern on said toothpick was really pretty), then poured the soda out.
  • Another time I was home alone, I took a large, brutal-looking carving knife out of the kitchen drawer, went into the bathroom to look in the mirror and held the knife to my throat. The thought of doing it, the cold feeling on the steel on my throat and the very look of myself with a knife at my throat gave me an erection. That was by far the lowest I feel I have sunken.

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     Recommended Personal Links 

     Other Recommended Links 

     Retired sigs 
  • "There are no indigenous people on the moon." - Madrugada
  • "It's a sticky cycle of randomness and porn. Like a Katamari of smut." - Geth Knight

VANDALISM GOES HERE BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN A CHANGE IN REGULATIONS


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