We've switched servers and will be updating the old code over the next couple months, meaning that several things might break. Please report issues here
Hello, I'm Mr Mallard. I'm an on-again off-again troper, and any other description would fail to be relevant after a certain amount of months.
- Author Tract: I hate misinformation of all kinds, accidental or deliberate. This is why I hate 50 Shades Of Gray - they FUCK UP BDSM. If someone fucks up BDSM in real life, someone is going to get scarred physically and mentally. Even poorly written smut is bearable if it's at least accurate to its depiction of fucking - 50 Shades spreads an incorrect idea of BDSM, and in the hands of an idiot, a woman (or man) looking for a Christian Gray will get that and more. If something is written as if the author knows everything about it, but in reality they know fuck all about it, it pisses me off to an insane degree.
- Apologizes a Lot: Sometimes for a good reason, but most of the time it's not.
- Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: One of my defining traits - once I start a new project, it's highly unlikely that it'll ever get finished.
- I own an orphaned Queen liveblog.
- I was within a hair's breadth of not completing Komm Susser Tod: Ascended due to lack of enthusiasm, and I think the quality suffered due to me rushing the project out the door.
- I once left a fanfiction hanging for over a year, and posted it in it's incomplete status during a Heroic BSOD.
- I've frequently left other fanfiction hanging due to feelings of inadequacy - a lot of my early writing is barely legible trash, but I've left at least one really good story in limbo.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: I think about some weird shit.
- Fan Wank: One of my favorite pastimes is writing away perceived plot holes etc. - sometimes to a ridiculous degree.
- Hype Aversion: I do NOT like being told what to play, watch or consume in any way.
- Loners Are Freaks: I was a really nasty case when I entered high school. After 6 - 7 years of bullying for a reason I couldn't place, I decided I just wanted to be left alone during high school. So, I decided to stab whoever dared to piss me off with whatever I had on me at the time, which was usually a pen. I even made a shiv out of an empty pen chamber and the shattered top of another pen, but it got taken off me when I pulled it on someone.
- Loony Fan: When I like something enough, it'll be all that I talk about for possibly weeks on end. El Goonish Shive, as a work I leave and come back to a lot, gets this treatment more than other works.
- Memetic Mutation: A few years back, it was an open joke to sing "Happy Birthday" to me as often as possible. Whenever things were sufficiently boring, someone would usually say "What's that [school nickname], it's ya birthday!?", causing the whole class to break out in song. Surprisingly not as fun as it sounds: I still haven't gotten my excitement for birthdays back.
- No Social Skills: Down to a T.
- Not Good with People: A little of both types, except... not really friends to anything. Luckily, I've been given a slightly warped version of the Kimi ni Todoke treatment, so I fit in a little better.
- Squick: I don't mind squick sometimes.
Stuff I've Completed
- The Darkness
- Making lists of things I like
Self-Prevented Suicide Attempts
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT CONDONE SUICIDE. I wrote this section as a place to get this heavy stuff out of my system - somewhere where someone might find out, but where it wouldn't be in anyone's way. I am depressed sometimes, occasionally suicidally so. It's nice to come here, see where I could have ended things, and then remember why I didn't go through with it. If this section triggers you in any way, I'm sorry. I just like having somewhere to put some of my mental load down.
If you feel like I did in these entries, don't do it. Remember someone who loves you or who you love, and live so you can be happy with the people you like. There is always someone who loves you, whether you realize or not - even if you think you're unlovable. Now enjoy the lowest of my low moments.
- Once when I was home alone, I found a bunch of old antidepressant meds from when I was in primary school. I poured myself a glass of creaming soda and opened every capsule in a sheet to pour the contents into the soda, which gave it a thick, persistent fizzing effect - the particles must have been interacting with the surface tension of the soda or something like that. I took it with me to the computer to see if I could drink it. Eventually I just stuck a toothpick into it and pulled it out (the pattern on said toothpick was really pretty), then poured the soda out.
- Another time I was home alone, I took a large, brutal-looking carving knife out of the kitchen drawer, went into the bathroom to look in the mirror and held the knife to my throat. The thought of doing it, the cold feeling on the steel on my throat and the very look of myself with a knife at my throat gave me an erection. That was by far the lowest I feel I have sunken.
Recommended Personal Links
Other Recommended Links
- "There are no indigenous people on the moon." - Madrugada
- "It's a sticky cycle of randomness and porn. Like a Katamari of smut." - Geth Knight
- One day, House was walk into his House. "It is good to have House House!" say House, as he walk into House House.
VANDALISM GOES HERE BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN A CHANGE IN REGULATIONS